Dumped

Hey all,

As you can probably tell by the title of my thread, I did not have the greatest weekend.

Quick recap, so you'll understand my confusion later in this post. Ealier this week, my YW (19) planned out the weekend for us. Took me out to dinner on Saturday. Had a great time. Very affectionate with each other, lots of PDA, kept pullin my chair closer to hers. Picked me up Sunday morning to take me to an amusement park. Great time there as well. Same deal....lots of affection, hand holding, kissing,,all that good stuff. And she paid for everything.

So we get back to my place and she just wants to drop me off and go. Bummed me out because I would have liked to spend some more time together and told her so. I guess I hit a button somewhere because she calls me on her way home and tells me that this just isn't working for her and doesnt think we should see each other anymore.

I had no idea what to say. She said she just doesn't feel the connection and doesn't see it going anywhere. Said that she needs her freedom and needs to be able to do what she wants, when she wants. Completely threw me off since the way she's been with me the last couple of weeks and the things she has said would lead me to belive the exact opposite.

Of course I'm playing the blame game with myself. Keep trying to find something I did or said to bring this on. Keep thinking she's just scared or confused and ending things is the only way fo her to deal with it.

FYI...weve only been seeing each toher for almost two months. No sex, no "i love yous". She is 19, I'm 35.

We're supposed to talk about it some more today and I have no idea what I woould even say when I do talk to her.

Just came here to pour my guts out because I already know what my friends and family will say when they find out about this.

Yeesh! I'd be confused too! :confused:

Hopefully, when you do talk, you can get some sort of idea from her of what exactly was going on in her head this weekend. Trying to figure it out on your own, I think, will just drive you crazy!

Sorry things are not working out - maybe she just needs some time though....

Hey Cabin,

Thanks for responding. And i"m hoping you're right and she just needs some time.

Definitely need to talk to her and figure out what she's thinking. Because I have no idea now. Already gone crazy trying to figure it out on my own.

Really hoping some of the younger women on here that may have gone through the same kinda thing might have some advice for me. I realy would like to pursue a relationship with her (yes, even after she dumped me :) ). But I'm smart enough to know that there are a lot of issues here that I've never dealt with before.

For now I'm going to enjoy my day off and go play a round of golf. Sittin here in fromt of the computer all day won't do me any good!

Well, if it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend of 1 year and 5 months dumped me last night for his ex. He was the love of my life, and I had never felt anything for anyone like I did for him. So... I know how you feel.

:( :( :(

welp, i'll tell you what it sounds like to ME.

she did a "good deed" as the intro to severing the ties. to make herself feel better.

the 'great weekend' before the dump......classic.

i've done it, i've had it done to me. it's a means of making the dumpee feel like less of a coward. "here i've done this nice thing before severing ties, i gave him THAT."

you, of course, have confusion and questions out the wazoo. unfortunately, you're probably NEVER going to get most or all of the answers. it's MY belief, she's been thinking about this a while now.

but with her age, she just doesn't have the life-experience to deal with a break-up in the usual/appropriate/expected manner. break-ups SUCK and are NEVER easy. but think back......she more than likely doesn't have that much experience with breaking up. much less with an older man whom she may feel somewhat intimidated by.......by your life-experience alone.

you can try to talk to her, she will more than likely be what is called 'wishy washy'....hot then cold.

she told you that she didn't see it working.
" she calls me on her way home and tells me that this just isn't working for her and doesnt think we should see each other anymore."

listen to her. when and if she feels differently, she'll let you know that also. but if you insist on answers, you're only going to drive her away, further than she is, which seems pretty dang far. asking once, yeah i can go with that. but if she sticks to what she told you, i'd not ask again.

my best to you

Tracy

I'm 19... FDH is 39.

I'm still stumped... The only thing that popped into my head at all is probably something I shouldn't say, but... I will. Teenaged girls are flakey. Typically, they are very wishy-washy and do not really know what they are after in life. They want to sample a little bit of everything and then maybe, one day, after lots of drama, settle down and be happy with someone.

I am so sorry that this happened. Please update us on what she has to say tonight.

But, I don't think you should blame yourself at all. She probably just truly does not know what she wants at this point in her life. I have never met a 19 year old girl that did (other than myself, but I'm a long story and would be about 35-40 if age were based only on life experience).

Good luck- my heart goes out to you.

Hey Tracy,

Thanks so much. Maybe not things i necessarily want to hear, but all things that I NEED to hear for sure. Most everything you said is dead on.

Just giving her space for now. Which will be intersting since we work together...think I forgot to mention that anywhere. Not quite as bad as most situations in that we don't see a lot of each other at work unless we make time for it. So it will be easy to give her space there as well, just awkward when we do see each other. She told me to call her if I needed to talk about any of this, but trying to just leave that alone for now. Think if I say too much, she'll just move farther away like you said. I'm pretty sure she'll call me tonight to make sure things are kosher before we go to work tomorrow.


LJ,

Thanks so much for your post as well. Totally glad that you said what you did. "Teenage flakiness" was always an issue in the back of my mind. I wonder too if maybe she's just scared that she'll miss out on too much if things got serious with me. One of my friends told me today that she thinks maybe she was fallin for me and it freaked her out so much that the only solution was to end it. Dunno???

Haven't talked to her yet today, but will be sure to post an update when I do.

Thanks again to both of you...so glad I found this place!

delete......

Hey all,

Just a quick update. We played phone tag tonight, but didn't get to talk. She called while I was out to dinner. Best part of the message was how she called me by my first name, which I don't think she's ever done. It was kinda like your mom using your middle name when she calls you...never good.

Anyways, tried callin her back and she didn't answer. So tomorrow at work should be interesting.

Hey all,

Just a quick update. We played phone tag tonight, but didn't get to talk. She called while I was out to dinner. Best part of the message was how she called me by my first name, which I don't think she's ever done. It was kinda like your mom using your middle name when she calls you...never good.

Anyways, tried callin her back and she didn't answer. So tomorrow at work should be interesting.

If she doesn't usually call you by your first name how did she call you before???

I hope things work out.. but I do think you need good answers to why the sudden change of heart within hours... I mean to me its strange to go from the great relationship and in an hour or two to break up... You need to know why

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the good wishes.

Getting on here way too late to give you a full rundown on how my day went. So I'll give you the readers digest version for now.

The morning was a little rocky. First time we saw each other since the phone call. I woke up pretty frustrated and angry...so really tried to not talk to her at all in the morning. Got the nerve to call her later that afternoon and we did have a good talk. Got a lot off my chest and got her to open up a little bit. There's definitely something there....just don't know if she can get past her confusion, fear and whatever else is goin on. Not sure what might happen with "us", but at least we're talking about it.

Mer...to answer your questions...it didn't take us long to get to the pet names for each other......babe, sweetheart....and she usually called me by my last name...made her laugh.

As for getting answers....read Tracy's post, cuz I have to agree with her. I do want answers and would love to know exactly why and where this came from. But I'm afraid to push too hard and just end up pushing her away. After talking to her today, I'm not too sure she knows exactly why. She's really confused. I'm just trying to be cool...hope she can sort this out..and we can give it another try.

Hey guys,

Well.....it looks like we may be tryin to work things out. We've done a LOT of talking the past three days. We both realize that we're miserable without each other. She's definitley not ready for a serious committed relationship right now. But we've both admitted that we have some pretty intense feelings for each other that can't be ignored. She introduced the idea of trying to start seein each other again tonight.....wants me to think about it and talk some more the next couple of days. Just takin it slow for now.

well if she wants her freedom give her the freedom
i know how difficult it is for you
but sooner r later you will come out of it
live life kingsize
all these things will happen
dont let these things dampen your spirits
thanks

Hey all,

As you can probably tell by the title of my thread, I did not have the greatest weekend.

Quick recap, so you'll understand my confusion later in this post. Ealier this week, my YW (19) planned out the weekend for us. Took me out to dinner on Saturday. Had a great time. Very affectionate with each other, lots of PDA, kept pullin my chair closer to hers. Picked me up Sunday morning to take me to an amusement park. Great time there as well. Same deal....lots of affection, hand holding, kissing,,all that good stuff. And she paid for everything.

So we get back to my place and she just wants to drop me off and go. Bummed me out because I would have liked to spend some more time together and told her so. I guess I hit a button somewhere because she calls me on her way home and tells me that this just isn't working for her and doesnt think we should see each other anymore.

I had no idea what to say. She said she just doesn't feel the connection and doesn't see it going anywhere. Said that she needs her freedom and needs to be able to do what she wants, when she wants. Completely threw me off since the way she's been with me the last couple of weeks and the things she has said would lead me to belive the exact opposite.

Of course I'm playing the blame game with myself. Keep trying to find something I did or said to bring this on. Keep thinking she's just scared or confused and ending things is the only way fo her to deal with it.

FYI...weve only been seeing each toher for almost two months. No sex, no "i love yous". She is 19, I'm 35.

We're supposed to talk about it some more today and I have no idea what I woould even say when I do talk to her.

Just came here to pour my guts out because I already know what my friends and family will say when they find out about this.
Don't worry about what your friends and family will say. Relationships fail for reasons we cannot always explain. It sounds to me like she had second thoughts; I would simply respect her wishes and wish her well as she pursues other interests.

Don't blame yourself for the relationship ending. It sounded to me like you both had a good thing going...as long as you had not cheated on her or been abusive, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I was in another AGR before my wife and I met... the YW was 18 years younger, and it looked like we were getting along great. We were both in the military as well. I even prepared a nice welcome home package when she returned from her deployment; she repaid my kindness by running off with another man while she was on leave. In fact, it turned out later on she had been sexually involved with a number of men, and that was even more disturbing.

I was heartbroken and embarrassed...but now I am blessed with someone a lot better! :D

Cheer up and keep the faith. You will find someone new. I did.

Hey all,

Thanks to all who offered their advice, shoulder, etc the last few weeks.

Sorry to not keep y'all posted on my situation, just too much goin on lately.

We are definitely back on. It didn't take us long to figure out we were miserable without each other. We still have some issues to work through. But our communication is actually a LOT better now than it was before.

She is still tentative about being in an actual "relationship". She doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now....but she can't stand the idea of me being with someone else. I'm giving her the space she wants and not putting any pressure on her. Funny part is, every time I take a step back...she'll take two towards me. The last couple of days she's actually called herself my girlfriend.

So...still takin it slow. But things are going well. I'm absolutley crazy about her...and she knows it....and has started tellin me she feels the same way.

So...we'll see....

Great news!!

Just keep taking it slow.... and keep an open mind.... communication is the key... but you still can't forget what happened either..... Keep it in the back of your mind for awhile and make sure you guys really discuss the issues before you guys go full force into it.... I don't like to wipe things under rugs because eventually they do come out!!

Good Luck!! I hope the very best for you both!!

[QUOTE=MerAlove23]Great news!!

Just keep taking it slow.... and keep an open mind.... communication is the key... but you still can't forget what happened either..... Keep it in the back of your mind for awhile and make sure you guys really discuss the issues before you guys go full force into it.... I don't like to wipe things under rugs because eventually they do come out!!

Hey Mer,

Definitely will not forget what went down a few weeks ago. We've already talked about that a couple of times and what was goin through her mind. She's asked me a few times how I felt about that then and how I feel about it now.

The breakup will sit in the back of my mind for a while and I'm fully aware that she could burn me again. But we have a chemistry that both of us acknowledge and this is a chance I am so willing to take. You don't find love if you don't take chances.