LilBabyCakes 10-10-2005, 06:09 PM So, last night, my boyfriend's ex wife showed up at our door absolutely out of nowhere. When we opened it, she looked right at me, bawling her eyes out, saying "I love my husband!"
They have only been divorced a short time, and we have been seeing eachother for a year. So, after a lot of discussion, my boyfriend decided to leave me to be with his ex wife.
I am absolutely heartbroken. I have never been in love with anyone like I am with this man. But, obviously she is in love with him, too. I know its the right thing to do--they should be together because they have a past....and I know eventually I will get over him. But right now, I can't even breathe. I can't imagine my life without him... but my life without him is starting right now. (He is currently getting his stuff out of our apartment while I'm at work...)
Can anyone help me see the positive side to this? Everytime I start to think positively, I freak out, because I realize I'm not going to have him in my life. What do I do?? How do you move on when you are still SO in love??
Help!
:confused: :(
SantaBaby 10-10-2005, 06:23 PM OH my i am soooooooo sorry to hear this.
Unfortunately my OM is still married & we have been together for 3 years.
The relationship came to an end this passed weekend, due to the fact that i went out with my friends friday & saturday.
He told me he was leaving end of June 2004 & here i am stilll waiting.
It got to a point where i've had it. He hasn't called me all weekend.
Ya know what they say, things happen for a reason!!
Keep that chin up! It will get better.
Trust me.
redwingwest 10-10-2005, 06:58 PM Hey girl,
Was about to reply to your post in my thread and saw this.
So sorry for you. Such a tough situation.
Sorry for you too SantaBaby.
As for movin on. It ain't easy, but it can be done. I was in a serious relationship with a girl much closer to my age for almost 5 years. Came home one day and she told me she was moving out of state. Absolutley wrecked me....never thought I would ever get over that. But I did.
This girl that just dumped me yesterday.....It totally sucks, but I can already draw some positive things from it. She was the final piece in me completely getting over my ex. She pulled a lot of qualities out of me again that I forgot I had. She made me happy.....hopefully she's not done :) . She helped me realize that I still got it. Hell, I'm 35 and I was dating a drop dead gorgeous 19 year old....and her friends thought I was cute too!!
Just get up, dust yourself off. Take each day as it comes. There will be good days and there will be BAD days. Lean on your friends. Lean on everybody here.
Most important.....TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! Don't sit at home and have a pity party. Get out, hang out with friends or family..whatever.
Hang in there. You WILL be OK!!! :D
fos4snt 10-10-2005, 07:39 PM :eek:
Well. I'm speechless. All I can say really is.... ((((((((HUG)))))))))
~phos
MerAlove23 10-10-2005, 08:58 PM Wow I'm so sorry!!!! That is terrible...... I Know this is a painful time... a broken heart hurts.. but just know it heals ok... Time will heal... everyday will get easier..... Better you found out now rather than later ya know....
I hope you feel better... your to good for him anyway!!
aishiteru 10-10-2005, 09:11 PM oh.. I feel so sad to hear that............
PM me if you need someone to talk to ok...
Ariel22 10-10-2005, 09:16 PM Hugs!!!!!! :)
SantaBaby 10-11-2005, 10:50 AM Lil -
how u doing?
any explanation from him?
u r better off it happens now & not 2 -3 years from now
everything happens for a reason, i believe that
LilBabyCakes 10-11-2005, 02:47 PM Hi all -
Thank you for such kind responses...they really help.
As for how I'm doing -- well, if any of you read my posts from long ago, I had quite a fallout with my mom (because of my OM, she hadn't talked to me since May!!). But when I went over to my parents house last night, bawling my eyes out, my mom just hugged me, asked what happened and its like normal again. So there's a positive aspect.
I feel like I make progress in my mind, like, I think about all the good about breaking up and I think theres a possibility that I'll get over it.
But then he calls me...and he's crying and upset and doesn't know what the heck he's doin!! So, whenever I make some progress, I talk to him and I just lose all sanity and get off track again. I know everyone will say, "ignore him, you don't need him," but I am in such a sensitive state, that if he says jump, I'll do it. Ya know? I swear, if he asks me to be with him again, I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to risk losing my mom again, but....It's so hard to say no when I still love him. I guess I just need to get some strength to just....let him go. :o
*As far as an explanation goes--he feels that breaking up is what's best for me in the long run. Even though I don't see that right now, I know he is right. He wants to do this for our families, because most of them don't support us.
CabinFever 10-11-2005, 02:54 PM Sigh...I have no advice for ya...just a ((((HUG)))). It sounds complicated and like you are both making tough decisions. I feel for you and I know you'll get through this. ;)
iliana 10-11-2005, 07:55 PM Take care of yourself.
I've been in a similar position before, heartbroken, but knowing it was for the best. At the time, I would have gone back to him in an instant if it had been possible, then I'd get better for a few days, then as you said, get derailed when I had contact with him
Anyway, what worked for me was to have no contact with him. Easier said than done, but hearing from him, seeing him, etc. just stops that wound from healing and triggers the feelings of love you have for him. Be strong. It's a cliche, but time does heal all wounds and avoiding contact with him, the places you've been together or any other triggers, makes this process happen quicker. With time, you will see this as a down phase and something you learnt from, instead of that ongoing dull, miserable feeling of heartbreak. You might not know the lesson yet, but it will become apparent eventually. This experience will make you stronger.
Keep busy, again take care of yourself. Make yourself go out with friends or do things even when you really don't want to.
If you both know in your hearts that this break up is for the best and he's a descent person, he will respect this request. It's probably better for him as well.
And a big ((((hug))))) for you. Remember things will get better. The initial part is the worst IMO
tryst 10-17-2005, 10:40 AM sorry to hear that
i am always in favor of married people working it out, so i can't say he's a jerk, because honestly i do think he did the right thing.
but its a shame you have to endure this.
LilBabyCakes 10-18-2005, 04:12 PM Hi y'all, I just figured I'd give ya an update on how I'm doin....
Well, I'm still in the process of moving my stuff back into my parents house, out of our apartment, which I'm finding is very difficult...but I think I'm doing better.
I finally realized that I HAVE to let him go. I still talk to him frequently, but I think I have finally reached a point where I know what I have to do. It's just...actually doing it. And, Cherubino, that was a great idea, to put all of "our" stuff away and say goodbye...I just need to get up the courage to do that, as well.
I'm keeping busy, though. -- I painted the bedroom I'm staying in at my parents house...I am going to a Def Leppard concert on Nov. 1st, (unfortunately, one of "our" favorite bands) and I'm seeing The Phantom of the Opera in November, as well...which I am SO freakin' excited about! It feels great to put myself as my number 1 priority!!
I am also starting to eat better...go to the gym...and school is becoming a large priority again.
I think the hardest part, is doing everyday, normal things that he was a huge part of. My job is answering phones for an office, and he used to call me all the time. Now...when he doesn't....I just get bummed. It's also hard to hear songs that make me think of him...but...everyday I'm getting a little better, I think. :)
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