An age gap of 36 years

Hi everyone,

I'm a new member in this forum, and I'm very glad finding such a place as this existing. Thanks to the creators :)

From my heading, you can see that the age gap is slightly bigger than what I have read is most frequent here (10-20-25 and so on). Also, we have not met yet -it's been only chatting and talking on the phone.

A few weeks ago I was on irc one Sunday night, and this guy said hi to me, and we started talking. As the chat progressed, I learned he was 58 (I'm 22), but somehow I already liked him so much, that I didn't want to stop talking.

Since then, we've been in touch for several weeks, and he really wants me to come and meet him. He lives in the US, and I live in Norway, so the distance is also a problem.

What do you who read this think? Is this futile for me, or do you think there can be any hope of making a good relationship with a man 36 years my senior? He is so wonderful, and I feel myself falling more and more in love with him. I've always wanted someone like him, and when I finally have found him, he is 58. I don't know what to do about this :confused:

I hope someone here has experienced something similar, or otherwise feel they can give reasonable advice. I have no one in my life I can talk to about this, and I feel so lost.

hi athena and welcome.

i moved your post to the relationship support section of our om/yw part of the boards in order to hopefully get you more feedback.

MY thoughts.....i see a red flag in him wanting you to travel all this way after only knowing each other a few weeks. would have to be more like a few MONTHS were it me.

that's just moving way too fast, girl.

i would also wonder why YOU are to travel and not HIM?

any age gap CAN work, but you need more than just a few weeks to know if you even want it to.

i'm sure the other members have WAY better advice than me, sometimes i just like to see myself talk :D

lol good luck to you!!!

Tracy

Hello and Welcome!

I agree with greeneyegirl, your relationship is new, so don't rush into meeting him too fast. Give it atleast a few months. In the mean time, keep on chatting and send each other pics if you wish. Also, have you ever been to the states? It may be best if he came to you...on known territory.

Relationships can and do work with significant age gaps. There are folks on this forum up to atleast a 39 year age gap. There are quite a few in the late twenties and early thirty range. Your in good company.

Keep us posted with everything, and I look forward to seeing you on the forum. :)

To tell you the truth, I'm more worried about the long distance than the age gap. If you really like him the age isn't going to matter all that much. Unless you or him have a problem with it. I don't mean to be a downer, but you have to think realistically.

I agree with what everyone has said so far. Give it time.

Hope it all works out.

Oh, and WELCOME!!!! :D

Christina

Hi and Welcome Athena.

I agree with the others, give it time. You dont have to rush anything and I also agree that it is wisest if he were to come to you.

I am in a relationship with an o/m 30 yrs difference so the age gap is definately not a problem. Just take your time. I wish you both well.

I know it seems sudden, and perhaps too quick, for him to invite me to go and see him after 'knowing' each other for such a short time. However, it is not like he asked me to come see him tomorrow, it can be for Christmas sometime the soonest (when I have my semester break).

To why me going there and him not going here, it's because I live in a dorm, which doesn't allow that much privacy which a house can. It would be much nicer being together and getting to know each other more without having to consider the neighbours living on the other side of my wall, and who I share my bathroom with. I think it would feel weird for a man his age having to live in my dorm room for a week or so :p

He does not push me in any way to come and see him, he just says he wants to meet me, and he treats me with such beautiful respect and kindness, he touches me each time. Sometimes I'm crying myself to sleep, not knowing what to do about this. He could be the love of my life, but he is so much older than me, and it complicates things. My family would absolutely hate this, as I was involved with a man 30 years older than me when I was 18/19, and they hope something similar never happens again.

So yes, it might seem too fast to think about all these things, but I know when I really like someone, and I really like this man. Thanks for your replies, and the welcomes. I really like the tone of this forum, with people respecting each other and trying to understand and help :)

sometimes we find love in strange places... not always places that are logical and fit...

I wouldn't throw caution to the wind, but I also would not immediately throw cold water on a potential relationship that includes great love.

Your age difference is very close to Loripop's and mine.

I would suggest you set the meeting topic aside for the moment and focus on getting to know each other as best you can through chat. By set it aside I mean simply table the discussion without a decision at this time. Otherwise you could end up putting all the emphasis on the meeting and not so much on who each other is and what each other wants.

There's danger in defining a relationship too quickly, I think. Sometimes it takes some exploration and some curiousity. In other words, I wouldn't be too quick to start worrying about the complications. See if the love is there.

If it is you'll help each other deal with the complications. I think that too often we get "messed up" when love shows up and it doesn't quite match our expectations. Maybe this isn't about age or distance or who goes where or who meets who. Maybe the question for you to answer is "Would you rather share his love or search for someone "less complicated?"

Sometimes knowing the right question is more important than knowing the right answer.

Hi everyone,

I'm a new member in this forum, and I'm very glad finding such a place as this existing. Thanks to the creators :)

From my heading, you can see that the age gap is slightly bigger than what I have read is most frequent here (10-20-25 and so on). Also, we have not met yet -it's been only chatting and talking on the phone.

A few weeks ago I was on irc one Sunday night, and this guy said hi to me, and we started talking. As the chat progressed, I learned he was 58 (I'm 22), but somehow I already liked him so much, that I didn't want to stop talking.

Since then, we've been in touch for several weeks, and he really wants me to come and meet him. He lives in the US, and I live in Norway, so the distance is also a problem.

What do you who read this think? Is this futile for me, or do you think there can be any hope of making a good relationship with a man 36 years my senior? He is so wonderful, and I feel myself falling more and more in love with him. I've always wanted someone like him, and when I finally have found him, he is 58. I don't know what to do about this :confused:

I hope someone here has experienced something similar, or otherwise feel they can give reasonable advice. I have no one in my life I can talk to about this, and I feel so lost.
Welcome to Ageless Love! My wife and I met online through an internet singles site over two years ago. We lived a good distance from each other too...even though we are both from the US (I was living in Virginia and she was living in Kansas). Our relationship began in a similar manner...we started off chatting and talking on the phone...then came the day we made the big step and arranged for our first meeting. Let me tell you, that was an experience neither of us will forget. There is a big difference between chatting with someone online and meeting each other face-to-face. We both felt a little awkward at first, but in time we got to know and love each other; we got married in November 2003.

You may want to share this with your boyfriend...I paid for the plane tickets so my wife could come out and meet me. My income was a little more solid, and therefore I had no problem accommodating her needs.

If he has any questions on dealing with the relationship, have him contact me. I am glad to be of service. :)

My prayers are with you both...just take things one day at a time, and you will do okay!

Hi,
thanks for your comment. Interesting that you've met your wife through the Internet, makes me more hopeful, thank you :)
I'm still in touch with this older man, and he is really growing on me, I'm definitely in love. That's why we've decided I will go to visit him this Christmas. The ticket is already purchased, so this is for real! Many people will most likely think it's insane, or reckless, but I have given it a lot of thought and I'm sure I cannot live my whole life without ever having met him. My greatest concern now is whether he will like me as much in real life, face to face, as he does now. My love for him is just growing, and to have him reject me would be devastating. We get along so wonderfully now, and if it will be the same way when we meet, I know I will want to marry him, move in with him and start a family. Maybe love is blinding me, but isn't that better than turning my back on it just because he is much older than me? He might just be The One for me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, till December the 26th. :)

Athena83,
I met my wife through a penpal club and she lived in the Philippines. I traveled over there to meet her in '92 and the chemistry was perfect. We've now been married 13 years and are very happy together, with two great boys! So this demonstrates that these relationships can and do work.

I don't know what the immigration laws are for Norway. I do know that it's next to impossible for someone from the Philippines to come to the U.S. unless they have a working visa or tourist visa (which is hard to get & there is a LONG wait!). Even for fiance's it can take months, and it took my wife a year to get through immigration AFTER we were married! So it may be more feasible for someone from the U.S. to travel over there to meet you, than for you to come to the U.S. to meet him. Again I'm basing it on my experience with the Philippines and I don't know what the laws are like for Norway.

Good luck to you and I hope it all works out for the best!

As you can see from my first posting in this thread, I was planning to travel to visit the middle aged man I fell in love with on Internet. Well, I actually went through with it! :D I went to see him on the 26th. Of December, and stayed until the 4th. Of January, arriving here the fifth.

It was a MAGNIFICENT SUCCESS! It was so wonderful that I often think I have only been dreaming about it all! He is the man I have been dreaming of, and I cannot believe how lucky I have been. It still feels surreal, in the BEST of ways, that I’ve actually met him by now. The chemistry between us is outstanding, nothing like I’ve ever experienced before.

My flight was somewhat delayed, and I felt anxious he might not check the time tables and think I stood him up, but luckily he did check. So, when I walked down towards the baggage claim area, he spotted me first. When I saw him I recognized him and felt happy, yet also VERY embarrassed! I kept blushing and probably talking too fast, I was so nervous I barely remember anything from the first 15-20 minutes. or so. But, it was ALL good! He was what I had hoped, and also so much more! He is tall and handsome, romantic, sweet, intelligent, kind, loving, passionate, very affectionate.....I could go on and on and on.

This was during Christmas time, and so I got to meet his two children -both of them are nice and good people luckily. Afterwards, he checked us into a hotel for the first night. Needless to say almost, but we had a great time there :p Every day was like a dream, seriously. Although the days passed all too quickly, the time we spent together was like heaven on earth. Most of it was used to kiss, snuggle, cuddle, making love, having cosy romantic meals together, talk about anything we wanted to. We got so close, physically as well as mentally and emotionally these 10 days that it's just amazing! I've never been through something like this before, and it's fantastic.

Wallypop wrote in a posting: Maybe the question for you to answer is "Would you rather share his love or search for someone "less complicated?" Now I have found
the answer, which is that I wish to share his love and not search for someone 'less complicated.' HE is all I have ever wanted. No one has ever made me feel this happy, hopeful and comfortable. I sometimes felt despair for not having found him sooner, but now we both want to focus on the future: We are even talking about and planning moving in together. I know many will think it is rushing things, but why delay so much when you've found The One, The Great Love? Delaying our life together too much would be wasting precious time, which neither of us want to do. It has taken some time, and grief, to get where I am now, and same goes for him. Now it's wonderful to think about how well it all went, and longing for and looking forward to meeting each other again and starting our life together for real! It sort of reminds me of the finale of ‘Sex and the city’ where John tells Carrie: ‘It took me a really long time to get here, but I'm here: Carrie, you're The One.’ Realizing, as these characters, that we will be happy together and miserable apart, we're following the logical next step which will be to commit to each other as soon as we both can.

We've also talked about our big age difference and decided we have to great a love to let age get in the way. Even though I realize there will be tougher times to come, being with him -loving him and being loved by him, will be worth it, and we will never look back regretting we didn't try, but rather enjoy and love each other for how much time we can have. I hope there will be several years of happiness for us, I really do love this man more than I've ever loved anyone.

All I want is to make him happy, getting to know everything about him, feeling our love for each other growing stronger, waking up in his arms every morning to face another sweet day with him, The Love of my life.

I hope as many as possible get to experience this kind of happiness as well! :)

Congratulations Athena! I'm very happy for you both. And a bit jealous! I hope things work out practically for the two of you, it seems like you have it sorted in the emotional department. However I just want to add, and I know you're not going to listen :D - moving to another continent is a big step. I thought I met the man in my life when I was 22, and I thought so for about a year - it was truly wonderful. We met online and he moved in with me after 3 months, I was one hundred percent sure this was the man I was going to marry. But then, after a whole year of getting to know each other, it turned out he was anything but. Just look after yourself, girl. I truly hope you will be happy together forever.

Good luck, enjoy life, enjoy each other!

Hey, you're not the girl I met online from Norway a few months ago are you? ;)

Hm, I don't know if we've talked, can't remember anyway, sorry:)

Loripop and I are both so happy for you!

I'm quite sure you both will face some practical problems, but I'm even more sure that you'll deal with them! If you stay focused on sharing love, you'll be amazed at what you can achieve together!

Funny how love doesn't always pick the most practical and uncomplicated partner.

But love is very practical and really not so complicated.

You go, Girl! :D

It wouldn't matter, TrueHeart. She's MINE.

(Hi, Beautiful. :) )

It wouldn't matter, TrueHeart. She's MINE.

(Hi, Beautiful. :) )

This has got to be... well it BETTER be... LOL Welcome!

This is one of the issues that doesn't get discussed often... how us OM have to beat off the guys with our canes! Hmmm... wonder if that's considered assault with a deadly weapon?

Glad you're here!

I dont know if you will see this Athena, it looks like this thread is 2 years old, but this is the most beautiful story I have EVER heard!! I hope you and your guy are togeather now, forever! I am Blond Love and I just rejoined Ageless Love. I wish I had seen this 2 years ago and if I had, you can be sure I would have advised you. Norway is one of my favorite countries on EARTH! If you see this, I hope you know that what you are doing is thr right thing if it feels right to you! If you want to you may pm me anytime, or just let me know if this worked out. Best wishes.

Athena, if you are still there and & still reading this thread.

I'm surprised you so easily came to the states to meet in person. There are immigration issues with some countries, but maybe Norway is not one of them.

I met my wife in the Philippines, and it is very hard for someone from there to casually come to the states, especially if there is any romantic involvement. We had to wait a year for her visa approval after our wedding!

Thanks for the nice words, Blond Love. Yes, it worked out. We are getting married in late July. :tongue2:

SummerBob: Norway, as other Northern and Western European countries, is part of the so-called Visa Waiver Program. This means that with my Norwegian passport, I can go to the US without a visa, and stay there for up to three months legally. It seems extremely strict that your wife had to wait a YEAR for her visa approval, so I'm sure it seems unfair to you when reading how easy it was for me to go to the US.

Yes it is. There are two choices. Get married in the other country and apply for a K-3 souse visa, which usually takes 8 months but in my case, because they were moving the immigration office from Va. to Vt. at the time, took longer becasue of the move. The other choice is a K-1 fiancé visa which used to take 3 months.

A new law requiring anyone who meets through an introduction service to disclose a full personal background report to the foreigner for their signed consent before first contact can be made has increased these waiting periods. Marriage visas can take up to 2 years now, and a fiancé visa takes up to a year. Two attempts to overturn this law in court have failed, and others may be pending. It's a tough world out there!

Do you know if the processing of marriage visas take up to two years for someone from Northern Europe as well?

I really don't know. The new law went into effect in 2006 to address what politicians claim is a "growing problem" with foreign spouse abuse. People who meet foreigners through "introduction services" now have to be "screened", and the screening must be verified at visa application time, which is why the increased waiting periods.

So I guess the question is: how did you meet? All of the popular services like Yahoo Personals, eHarmony.com, Match.com, etc., are exempt from the law. Nevertheless, the immigration process has changed. It may be quicker coming from Europe than from the Philippines, so you may be in luck. You may want to consider a fiance visa, which could take a year or less.

We started chatting online, not through any introduction service, so we wont have to go through any screening I suppose. My fiancee was told that applying for a visa after getting married will take about six months. Not so sure anymore after reading your posts though.

Congratulations, I wish both of you the best that life has to offer.

Oh great, Athena, you are getting married in late July? Congratulations!! All of the legal retrictions that people have to go through to be togeather when they are in different countries are just more red tape, as we say in Amerca.

Do you know if the processing of marriage visas take up to two years for someone from Northern Europe as well?

I'm originally from Germany. The fiance visa takes about 6 months to a year over there, but I arrived on a student visa. I got married, applied for the Green Card, got my first interview with the IRS, got a temporary Green Card (good for 2 years) and then had to return for the last final interview. After that I received my permanent Green Card and am now eligible to apply for Citizenship:bgrin2:... Good luck to you both, and I agree, this is a verrrrrry beautiful story.

Do you know if the processing of marriage visas take up to two years for someone from Northern Europe as well?

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

Yes, it is possible that a marriage visa could take that long. Question -- are you planning on marrying in Norway? Or in the U.S.? And if you marry in the U.S., are you coming over first under the tourist visa, then marrying and staying here?

If you do marry while in Norway and then apply for the spousal visa to come to the U.S., it does take a long time. Could be a year. Could be up to 2 years. It supposedly takes longer to get a spousal visa than a fiancee visa, by the way.

I think you'll be ok. Did you start chatting through some sort of "online personals" or anything like that? If so, you're ok as long as they don't "specialize" in introducing "foreign women" to "American men", or the like. If they don't charge a fee, or offer "comperable services" for "comperable prices" to both men and women, foreign nationals and U.S. citizens, then they are exempt from the law.

Processing times are different for different countries. It takes longer from countries like the Philippines or other Southeast Asian countries because more people from there marry U.S. citizens. It may be a shorter time from Europe because they have to process fewer applicants.

Today it may be 6 to 12 months for a fiance visa or about a year for a fiance visa from the more popular countries. A little less than that for where you're coming from.

Again, congrats on your marriage. I hope you enjoy a long, prosperous and happy life together! :)

whiterose: We're getting married in the US, since that will be easier with regards to paperwork, and quicker hopefully. I am hoping that around Christmas, or January, the papers can be in order, as that is the time when I finish my MA over here.

SummerBob:No, we did not start chatting through any sort of online personals. We started talking in a political discussion channel online, I wasn't even searching for a mate at the time.:tongue2:

Thank you to everyone for wishing us well :)

CONGRATS ON YOUR UP COMING WEDDING.

I'm from Asia, I met my husband at my church. After he spent a few months with me in y country he returned to America, hired an attorney to work on my fiance visa. 8 months after we first talked with the attorney I appeared for an interview at the Embassy. The visa officer asked me just one question, 'Are you coming back'? I said 'No'. He then said 'Come back at 3 pm collect your visa'. I felt that my visa experince was not bad at all, it only took my one visit to the embassy. If anyone would like to use an immigration attorney we used email me @ mycutepup@hotmail.com and mention that you are from ageless group.

But you don't *need* an atty... many, many of us go it alone and have done so pretty easily. I encourage you to check out VisaJourney.com. Good luck and congrats!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your good wishes to us, folks, it's going to be an AMAZING July!

:yes:

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I like to see other "36ers" making it work! My best to you both!

Athena, i think it might work if you are both ready for it.. but dont move too fast.. and by the way why do you need to visit him first? I think its up to him to meet you first,i dont know,hes the one who has to prove hes kind and honest, you too because its up to both to prove you are made for eachother, but still i think you know what i mean...
Be very carefull, i have had experience with people from the internet, i know its all so nice and you have a wonderfull feeling thinking of the person you have met on the internet, but this relationship is based on some image, the mind will create a image and a feeling for this person you havent seen yet,wich can be real but also fake once you meet eachother in real life. The best thing is meeting up,but i would tell him to come over first and see you
I'm sure you both can work somthing out! Dont mind the age gap, mine is 43
My bf is 65 and im 22 :bgrin2:

Alright, you have already met,wonderfull ! I didnt read trough all the posts,sorry...
I wish you the best for you both!!! and concratz to your upcomming wedding! yaaaaayy!! and phew,im not the only one with a big age gap :D

I'm from Asia, I met my husband at my church. After he spent a few months with me in y country he returned to America, hired an attorney to work on my fiance visa. 8 months after we first talked with the attorney I appeared for an interview at the Embassy. The visa officer asked me just one question, 'Are you coming back'? I said 'No'. He then said 'Come back at 3 pm collect your visa'.

That's so cool! I'm glad you had a good experience and I hope it all works out for you.

A big congrats to you both! I am also new to this site and have yet to start a thread; preferring to wait till i meet the special woman. I will be doing this tomorrow, so i will be posting this weekend most likely. As i read your post about getting the plane ticket , then actually meeting at the airport for the first time i started tearing up and imagining what my own meeting will be like tomorrow. I am so nervous at the moment. I only have to make a 5 hour drive though..so it's not quite as big a deal as your meeting. :) I wish you the best and pray that i am as fortunate as you two.

A big congrats to you both! I am also new to this site and have yet to start a thread; preferring to wait till i meet the special woman. I will be doing this tomorrow, so i will be posting this weekend most likely. As i read your post about getting the plane ticket , then actually meeting at the airport for the first time i started tearing up and imagining what my own meeting will be like tomorrow. I am so nervous at the moment. I only have to make a 5 hour drive though..so it's not quite as big a deal as your meeting. :) I wish you the best and pray that i am as fortunate as you two.

Thanks, and I wish the best for you and your love as well! I remember how indescribably nervous I was before our first meeting, but it's a good kind of nervous though.;)
Looking forward to hearing how it went! Hope you two will make sparks fly.:tongue2:

Thanks, and I wish the best for you and your love as well! I remember how indescribably nervous I was before our first meeting, but it's a good kind of nervous though.;)
Looking forward to hearing how it went! Hope you two will make sparks fly.:tongue2:

We met and for the time we had together ...it was bliss.....but it did not go as planned.....see my post called "first meeting' for the nitty gritty. The "sparks" did fly though....:)

From my heading, you can see that the age gap is slightly bigger than what I have read is most frequent here (10-20-25 and so on). Also, we have not met yet -it's been only chatting and talking on the phone.

A few weeks ago I was on irc one Sunday night, and this guy said hi to me, and we started talking. As the chat progressed, I learned he was 58 (I'm 22), but somehow I already liked him so much, that I didn't want to stop talking.
Sounds like you are off to a good start here. I felt the same way when my wife and I met.

Since then, we've been in touch for several weeks, and he really wants me to come and meet him. He lives in the US, and I live in Norway, so the distance is also a problem.
This is something the two of you need to work on as far as scheduling, passports, etc. Travelling internationally is more complex nowadays thanks to our terrorist enemies. Since the US and Norway are friendly to each other, I do not see any major problems except the cost of air travel and lodging.

What do you who read this think? Is this futile for me, or do you think there can be any hope of making a good relationship with a man 36 years my senior? He is so wonderful, and I feel myself falling more and more in love with him. I've always wanted someone like him, and when I finally have found him, he is 58. I don't know what to do about this :confused: I hope someone here has experienced something similar, or otherwise feel they can give reasonable advice. I have no one in my life I can talk to about this, and I feel so lost.
If your new boyfriend is someone you really feel comfortable being with, his age should not even be a factor. If this relationship grows and becomes stronger, just be glad you have whatever time God has blessed you with together; treat each moment as a precious jewel. There will always be the confusion and questions from family members...all of us on this forum have experienced that in one form or fashion. My wife and I lived in different parts of the USA when we met, so I do understand the distance aspect of the relationship (even though it was all in one country).

Just remember you have a lot of new friends here who are willing to share our experiences and offer advice and encouragement.

If you were both local to each other, Id say proceed as in any other developing freindship, relatinship. However, when anyone or anytwo people talk where distance is picked, yes picked, you both knew that right off the bat, then its more than likely a very safe, especially when chatting, no risk environment. Men usually engage in these type affairs for the basic reasons, going after something they cant have and the old commitment thing. If those were not issues with this man,hed come see you or make big efforts to reduce the risk already in place. Move on, why complicate something that already due to age is high risk to begin with.

Mark

Poor Athena and Viking. See what happens when an old thread gets bumped?

THE POST IS APPROX 2 YEARS OLD. THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER & GETTING MARRIED. <-----READ THIS BEFORE POSTING. :blush:

Congrats and all that hooplah but no more 'stop the relationship now posts' please...my eyes can't take anymore. :p

Padre,
Did you even read her whole post?


If you were both local to each other, Id say proceed as in any other developing freindship, relatinship. However, when anyone or anytwo people talk where distance is picked, yes picked, you both knew that right off the bat, then its more than likely a very safe, especially when chatting, no risk environment. Men usually engage in these type affairs for the basic reasons, going after something they cant have and the old commitment thing. If those were not issues with this man,hed come see you or make big efforts to reduce the risk already in place. Move on, why complicate something that already due to age is high risk to begin with.

Mark

Poor Athena and Viking. See what happens when an old thread gets bumped?

THE POST IS APPROX 2 YEARS OLD. THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER & GETTING MARRIED. <-----READ THIS BEFORE POSTING. :blush:

Congrats and all that hooplah but no more 'stop the relationship now posts' please...my eyes can't take anymore. :p

Sorry...I went to the initial post on this thread. Congrats on the upcoming wedding!:o

Naysayers are so into naysaying that they don't even bother to investigate if something has already succeeded before posting their doom and gloom.

Congratulations Athena and Viking --- may you live long and prosper!