Settling

Good morning to all. First off I wanted to say that things in my life are going very well. It has been a month and a half now since I got my own home. You have no idea how rewarding and empowering it is to be a young woman and own your own home(for me anyways). It feels like a huge accomplishment. We just had a large snow storm come through town(Denver suburb) and unfortunately I lost alot of branches from my trees(we got about 13"). Luckily they will survive, which is a huge relief for me since the asthetic value of these 5 trees on my property mean so much to me. (yes I am a tree hugger/landscape designer). But I digress here....

Off subject I would love to know what you all do for a living. Another thread I know......or perhaps one is already out there...

My lover and I are doing very well but there are some issues that we still need to work on and discuss and I suppose we are both avoiding some of the subjects due to the newness of the relationship (6 months) and getting still getting to know each other.

Here are the issues that are plaging me and any advice that all of you may have would be appreciated.

My lover who is 59(I am 33) has a daugther that is a year older than myself. She and her husband have triplets that are about the same age as my son. My love and his daughter have never had a very good/close relationship but it has been better over the past couple of years and he has grown to know his grandkids. Recently, within the last 8 months, because of the breakup of his marriage(not to her biological mother mind you) they have had a falling out. This is due mainly due to past issues with the divorce of him and her biological mother. There are many unresolved issues there and now she is blaming/hurtful/mindful towards this recent breakup. I have encouraged him to talk to her at all costs as I am a true believer in how important family is. I have been through a divorce and I sat both my parents down when I was younger and asked for answers and got them. So I have come to peace with it. But I am worried about him. I try to mention is casually to encourage him to try to talk and explain issues with his daugher.

Secondly my son. He is a wonderful little boy and has met my love many times. They don't have a "bond" persay yet. But I know he has reservations due to respecting my ex and his relationship with my son. I know that this will take time. But I have to be sure that he(my love) is willing to really take on a fatherly role, as he missed much of this with his own kids(relational to the paragraph above)

Hopes and dreams. I have lots of them but none are specific. What do I want? My son to grow up happy and healthy and to be loved all the rest of my days. Really that is it. There are things I want but the two above are things I need for my future. I am a simple girl with simple needs because I am very independent and secure and I love myself, which I feel is very important. He often talks about a past portion of his life where he was residing in a more remote part of the country. He retained a ranch and had a small business with horses. I know that he yearns and dreams about this past. I would love nothing more than to experience this but it is simply not attainable for me. I have a 2 year old son who for now is split 50/50 time so my ex and I have agreed to stay close by. My son is the most important man in my life and always will be and as it should be. My love tells me that even though he has these wishes and dreams that he values the importance of a woman by his side who will love him all his days for that is what he believes will bring him happiness and all else will fall into place. I love him for that but I wonder and worry that perhaps someday he will regret the decisions he has made in settling for love as opposed to his dreams(and the possibility of finding that love elsewhere?) I know in my heart that any woman would love to have a man like him. I also know that these dreams could still materialize in the future with my son for we cannot foretell the future.

We have not told many people about our relationship. A few of my friends know. My mother and father do not. Although what I refer to as the "wrench" is that we are business partners(which his how we met a few years ago) so neither of our co-workers know about our relationship either. I am not sure how it will be perceived. I know that eventually, knowing myself, it will all come to a head because I will tire of the "secrets" and avoidence of "coming out". It is already becoming tiresome at times.

So as I can see this has become a novel *rolling eyes*. Sorry. Any advice or relational experiences are welcome.

Thanks.

:) Have none of you great minds have any foresight for Moi? :)

lol

i think, Nibbles, that it just sounds like you've got everything under control and no one really has anything to add.
count yourself lucky. your priorities are straight, your man is supportive, you have a bright future. lil scary but it appears as tho you've got a firm handle on things?

reminds me of the old saying: Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth. :D

Greeneyedgirl-
(by the way I am too)

Thanks for the pat on the back. Life was never supposed to be easy and I know that God would never give me too much that I cannot handle. Thank you for responding.

Hey Nibbles...I read your post, but like others I suppose, I just couldn't think of anything useful to reply with :o . Like GEG said, it looks like you've got it together and are working through things. I'm sure the two of you will work through the obstacles together. It's only been 6 months so take your time and enjoy the ride! :)