latino2005 10-14-2005, 02:40 PM Well, I'm new at this forum. I found this website by accident or should I say by trying to get info on age defference love relationships.
I am still puzzle at my situation. I'm a 50 years old man, madly in love with a 30 year old woman (she can be my daughter!). She is also deeply in love with me.
We are both professionals (mortgage industry). As a matter of fact I met this wonderful woman at work (she used to be my employee).
I was married at that time and very, very unhappy. My girlfriend changed my life like no other have done in the last 50 years. And it's just not sex only, it's everything.
We are both hispanics and in our culture is very difficult to accept this age difference in a relationship.
One problem: although she is 30, she looks like she is 20. When we go out lots of people turn their heads on us.
But this is not the only problem. I'm constantly thinking: what is going to happen when I turn 60,70 or perhaps 80? What will she do with her life? Will she still love me with all my wrinkles? Will she find a boyfriend younger than me? and a lot of other questions that I have no answers.
My beautiful girlfriend tells me that she doesn't care about the age difference. That she will take care of me when I get older, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and so many other things tha makes me feel very special.
The current reality is that my ex-wife is trying to get back together. Sometimes I think that I am so madly in love with my girlfriend and yet so scare about what the future will bring. The thoughts of going back to an loveless relationship with my ex, just not to feel my current insecurities is driving me crazy (my ex is 42).
In other words, to all of you out there in similar situations, the questions is:
When you are in an age difference relationship, will the love conquer all of the unknown situations that perhaps may happen in the future?
I always thought and was told that this kind of relationships don't last long. That sooner or later the younger person will exit the relationship. Maybe that's why I feel this way now.
Please I need some input!
SantaBaby 10-14-2005, 02:59 PM Hi
Don't worry so much. Think about today, who knows what will happen tomorrow, 5 years, 10 years from now. I am 32 & my EX OM is 54. I loved him with all my heart regardless of his age. He too is in a very unhappy marriage, but didn't love me enough to leave or lose 1/2 of everything.
If its true love, go for it
Don't let anything stop u!
People search a lifetime for a love like u have .
GOT FOR IT
kittylane 10-14-2005, 04:14 PM i live in south fla and am an honorary hispanic. what i noticed about your post was your anxiety, if you feel this way now, do you think that you can get to a point that you trust your girlfriend enought to take a chance? if your jealousy and paranoid feelings take over, you will both be miserable, if she loves you then you have to make the choice to either take the chance or pass up the opportunity, its either "blankety blank" or get off the fence.
it scary, i have the same age difference but i am the woman in mine, i was tremendously insecure.
love is love, i love my husband, not for his looks but for his heart, i will never find anyone as beautiful as him and he feels the same about me.
only the two people in the relationship know the real deal, the outsiders may be the most miserable people in the world and i would not want theirs lives, so why do i care what they think.
keep posting, many people are in your situation.
LilBabyCakes 10-14-2005, 05:08 PM When I was reading your post, I could almost hear the same things my OM told me, when we first started dating. He was always afraid that I'd leave him for someone my own age or I'd get freaked when he got old and wrinkly. And I told him the exact same things your girlfriend told you. I told him I'd stay with him, and love him and take care of him, no matter what. And I meant every word.
And I'll be honest, as the younger person in the relationship, it is scary to think that you may be alone when you're older, and its scary to think about all the uncertainties that come with an age gap relationship. Thats when you have to figure out if it is really what you want.
My OM was also married, and was very scared to get his divorce because it meant that he would lose so much. His ex-wife also wanted to stay with him. For the past 3 months, he has been going back and forth on whether to stay with me and all the uncertainties, or get back with his wife and have money, possessions, etc., be "comfortible" as he puts it.
I want to believe love conquers all. I want to believe that we can all get over our insecurities. As far as the looks people give you...well, you'll get used to them. My OM is 40 and I am 18, so, I know how you feel when it comes to the looks you get.
I'm not sure if I really gave you any advice, but I always feel its good to know that there is someone in the same position.
Best of luck to you. :p
Wallypop 10-15-2005, 04:58 AM The "love conquers all" theory makes this OM uncomfortable. :) The one very important thing love can do is create an intense desire to conquer things to gether. It still takes effort and it still takes skill.
That's true of any relationship - age difference or not.
Yes, there are unique aspects to relationships that include an age difference... just as there would be with any noticeable difference. To some degree you have to learn to celebrate those differences. You definitely have to agree to manage those differences together.
I would rather spend a year or two with someone who really loves me than 20 with someone who doesn't.
wvdreamer 10-15-2005, 05:49 AM The "love conquers all" theory makes this OM uncomfortable. :) The one very important thing love can do is create an intense desire to conquer things to gether. It still takes effort and it still takes skill.
That's true of any relationship - age difference or not.
Yes, there are unique aspects to relationships that include an age difference... just as there would be with any noticeable difference. To some degree you have to learn to celebrate those differences. You definitely have to agree to manage those differences together.
I would rather spend a year or two with someone who really loves me than 20 with someone who doesn't.
I agree 100% with Wallypop. Even if you were both closer in age, the challenges would not have changed; it will take effort, skill, and commitment to make this relationship work.
My wife and I celebrate the differences in our ages...there is a lot to learn between the two of us, and that is a fun journey in itself.
Hang in there!
SantaBaby 10-15-2005, 08:33 AM I also have to tell you that this is how i felt in the beginning of my age gap relationship also. I broke up with my OM 2x & cried hysterically & i couldn't live without him. We ended up getting back together a couple days later.
These things bothered me for the first 9 months. After our love got deeper & deeper, it aventually didn't even enter my mind. So this will wear off in time.
Enjoy!!
SantaBaby 10-15-2005, 10:51 AM Yes Cher u r correct
In my situation, 'Love Just wasn't enough"
We had a love that was so strong, but it was not enough.
He wasn't willing to fully committ to me!!
Is such a shame, we could have had it all.
SO YES CHER, U R RIGHT LOVE & COMMITTMENT CONQUERS ALL!
MerAlove23 10-15-2005, 11:24 AM Love does not conquer all.
Love PLUS hard work PLUS commitment conquer all.
I think many people here will tell you that love alone is not enough.
Your VERY right.... It takes a LOT of work to keep a relationship going......
don't worry about your age difference focus on your relationship... I am 30 years old myself and My husband is 47 years old... We are both very happy and have a beautiful baby boy who is 15 months old now.... We have our ups and our downs.... but trust me more ups ;) So who is to say what is going to happen in 20 or 30 years????? She could pass away before you or vice versa... life is never predictible... When I was 17 I met this fabulous man who was 19.. Yep about the same age.... we fell madly in love together for 7 years.... planned our lives and our wedding etc... Well He passed away at the age of 25 my life I thought was over.. I was only 23..... so you just never know... Live for today... not for 20 years from now!
hellodolly 10-17-2005, 12:30 AM Scott Peck, author of "The Road Less Traveled" writes in the opening of his book:
Life is difficult.
He goes on to say that once you accept that this is true, the hardships and challenges in life (incurred by us or not) are not so bad. As applied to age gap relationships, once you accept that they can be challenging, you will surprise yourself at just how easily you deal with them.
Love will not magically conquer all--it may seem like it does for a while--but the issues that are nagging you now will not disappear. Deal with them now. If you're the kind of guy who is sensitive to this stuff, well, that's not going to go away. I really think that's a fight you can't win! But what you CAN do is ACCEPT that your relationship is more difficult than your average one, and then move on.
Give yourself TIME. You're not going to be comfortable with all these issues overnight, nor should you be. I believe that time will be your best friend in helping to ease you into this new life exploration.
To some degree you have to learn to celebrate those differences.
As an aside, I agree with this statement 100%. Good Luck!
tryst 10-17-2005, 09:43 AM what is an honorary hispanic?!
latino2005 10-17-2005, 01:13 PM Many thanks to all of you for your input. It really helps to know that there are many other people in the same boat. I"m very related to some of you specially Lilbabycakes, because of the situation; Santababy because, even though your guys have a strong love, he could't commit to you in the same way he loved you;
Cherubino, you are right on the money: Love & Commitment conquers all; Kittylane is also right by saying that we should not care about other people and is also true that many people that critize us are also very unhappy themselves; MerAlove 23 ads hard work + love + commitment (this is also true)
Well friends, (if I may call you friends), I really apreciated your opinions and taking the time to respond to me.
As a matter of fact, I just came back from my lunch with the love of my life. When I asked about is she felt unease about people looking at us, she says: I feel great! I feel proud to have you and show you to all of this people, because I love You!
That statement tought me a lot and I decided to share with your guys.
Part of my insecurity was gone in a flash.
Please keep sending input, I love it!
Note: if some of you need any input from me, please feel free.....
SantaBaby 10-17-2005, 06:27 PM latino
you don't have to thank us. I am so happy that u r getting better with the age gap. I could bet my life that as time goes on & u guys get closer & deeper in love, say like 1 year from now, you will look back & laugh how it used to bother u.
In time, the age gap will not even be a thought anymore. Its just a bit hard to get used to in the beginning esp. if it is your first experience.
You could trust me on this one, i WAS the biggest worrier, about what others thought. & here i did all that worrying for nothing. hah Figures. we didn;t end up together anyway. Yes Latino too bad he could't commit to you in the same way he loved me. It could have been so good. OH, well his loss.
Well i hope your friends here helped u out
good luck, keep that chin up, mr.
leety 10-17-2005, 10:13 PM Latino - I also agree with everything our friends wrote up above, but wanted to add a little of my story, too. I'm a 32yo "younger woman" and have been in this relationship for 3 years. I'm also latina and look very young for my age (most people say 23 at most). My OM is a 51yo caucasian - who continually worries the way you do what I will think of his aging body. I can tell you as I tell him every day, that I only think he is beautiful beautiful inside and out. I often watch him when he is busy doing something and unaware and I am so in love with everything about him. Most people say the sparks will fade after 2 years or so. But obviously, not yet for me!
I worry everyday about losing him too soon...too soon. But then I know that he could lose me any time, too. And that would be so sad for him. If he goes first, I will cry and cry. And I will also live on. Yes, "life is difficult" and I strive always to accept and embrace this fact. And to keep love in my heart. And yes, it's better to have this precious time, as much as we can bear, than to have none at all because we were too afraid to face the pain. I applaud you for choosing life and joy and love over a "loveless marriage" that must have been misery for you both!
One final thing, we get those "looks" from people all of the time and it IS annoying! I even wrote a thread here complaining about it because it makes me feel judged and disliked. But there is nothing to be done. And like someone else said earlier, I am the one happy in my life. So who cares.
Anyway, just thought it might help for you to read from a similar aged younger woman some thoughts about your post.
Good luck!
Leety
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