Help Me!!

Hello everyone,
I am new to this place! :D

I am an 18 (nearly 19) year old female, who is in a relationship with a 35 year old man.It is long distance too.Between us everything is great, we are both very faithful, we love eachother alot and we get along really well.We have been together for over a year.

The thing that is really getting me down is my parents.They dont like him. My mum met him once and she really liked him but as soon as my dad found out he went mad about the age difference, he hated him from day one and he has never even met him. He has even convinced my mum to hate him too and now they pick on every little thing about him and continuously try and brainwash me to hate him too. It is really affecting me, they have even forbidden me to see him.I know I am 18 but I feel bad going against them.

I dont want to break it off with him because I really want to be with him, they are the only ones forcing me to choose who I want.He has no problem with them despite the way they are reacting.

What should I do?
I am sick of it

Thanks alot :)

In these days, love is very hard to find... I mean...'real love'. If you feel that this man is right for you, go for it. You will convince your parents through the time that you made a right decision. It may be very hard to do so IN THIS VERY MOMENT, because you are probably still in high school and financialy independent, but for me and for most of the people, love is a shield, a hope, the power that comes always as a victory, if it's a right love. I'm sure that your partner thinks the same and that he will be there for you through all bad times and of course, good times.
enjoy and never give up fighting for love!
Love is sometimes the hardest, but the most valuable battle in the world!
:)

Parents....got to love em.

Couple of questions.... Do you still live at home? Are you currently in school? How big of a distance are we talking about?

My sister is 18 and I can't imagine her moving across the country to live with an older man. (of course...im biased cuz she's my sister...lol) But...thats exactly what I did. So it can be done.

*sigh* I don't know what to tell you. I will tell you this. Your parents will always love you...they might not like you very much or like what you're doing....but they will always love you.

Nadine.

Thanks for your replies!

Yeah i am financially dependant at the moment as i am in college and i am still living at home. I am sick of being treated like a kid. Usually I would obey but this time its different, i am in love and they want me to stop seeing him :( They were against him from day one, just because of his age :mad: its not fair. I could wait until i finish college and they we can be together, or i could rebel and go and see him anyway.

Are you talking about going to visit him? or going to live with him?

Either way...its not going to be easy. If you go and visit, you're going to have to tell your parentals where you're going.

I was financially independant and living away from home...and I still had a hard time explaning where I was going to go for a week. I ended up lying to them....which was a mistake on my part. I should have never done that...it ended up hurting them even more when they found out.

So anyways...if you do decide to go visit...make sure you don't lie. Even if they get mad and threaten to not let you go...remember that you're 18 and that they're just worried about you and doing their parental job. *smile*

Nadine.

Hi Bella,

I am 18 as well, and I just ended my relationship with a 40 year old man I was seeing for quite some time. My parents NEVER supported us, and I didn't talk to my mom for 5 months because we moved in together and she hated it.

I thought I would be okay with out my family, but now that we broke up and I went to my parents for support, I am SO glad to have my mom back. I hated not speaking to my parents, and I hated that my OM and I could not have a life together that included our families. It was terrible! And it was only going to get worse in the future, especially during holidays.

All I'm saying is...don't sabotage your relationship with your parents, because, your relationship may not work out, and you could end up without family, like I was...and it sucked!! Don't make the mistake I did....dont' forget about your family!

I only want to visit him and they never want me to see him again...ever!!

You are right about keeping good relationships with your family, that is what i want to do.I love my family so much but I also love him. I want them both.

I was thinking that when i move away to university he could come and live with me...however i would have to wait 2 years to do this and we would only be able to see eachother a few times which sucks. :confused:

Hi Belle,

I think we can all relate to your situation, it seems the same the world over. My folks hated my OM from day 1 so I rebelled. Boy was that a BIG MISTAKE. We just split after 6 years of hell but I lost my family on the way and my Mom and Dad split up as well.

I was 17 when we met and he was 36 and perfect, except he wasnt. My friends told me to cool it but I didnt listen to them to. I saw perfection, they saw infatuation. Im so sorry now that I didnt heed there advise. I shoud have trusted my folks, I think she got sixth sense.

By the way. how did you meet him and how far is long dstance?

I eloped at 19.

My parents disowned me for 9 mos.

My hubby and I had met when I was 14.. online... with a 19 year old age gap.

The first year of being out here was a newlywed whirlwind... I've since grown up... sacrificed some things I regret....

and I wish I wasn't here.

There wasn't a love grander than what I had with Mike... but it just fell apart.

You need to inspect the reasons that the two of you are together... psychologically.. from your point of view.. and from his... make sure that it is a pure, pure love.

Be truthful with yourself....

I look back and I see the psychological reasons as to why I fell in love... and I see the reasons he fell in love.. and I don't think it was pure...

Now I"m stuck in a life I'd have never dreamed I'd be in...

It may get better.. it may not..

but you really have to take some growing up and decide if all this is what you want...

if it's what you want.. move out. You are capable of making it without your parents... counselors at your school will help and see to it... .so if it's what you want to do.. it is possible.. just be prepared for the remifications.

My wife and I have been down that road too. Both of our families were in shock at first, but it took some time for everyone to accept our relationship. Hang in there, and be sure you have friends here!

hey bella,
I`ve just been re-reading the posts here and , well, I dont think we`ve been sounding very supportive.
I`m sure everyone wants the best for you.

Hope it all works out for you both. Love is the greatest thing.If you are sure go for it.

Hey Bella,

You alone are responsible for your life and actions. Sit down with your parents and have an adult chat. Tell them all the reaons why this man makes you happy. Tell them to give you five reasons other than the age-gap that they don't like your man. If they cannot (not significant ones anyway), than tell them you will continue your relationship with or without their blessing since you are an adult in a healthy, loving relationship.

I suggest you try to take out some loans (federal and/or private) and get a dorm on compus or get a roomie and get an apartment off campus. This will teach you responsibility, independance, and make you appreciate things a whole bunch more. Pay the loans back yourself....later.

I moved out at 18 into a dorm at a college 1,000 miles away. It made all the difference. My mom has controlled me in many ways throughout my teens especially. I had to get out of there...so I did just that. I took out loans for EVERYTHING. Computer, education, meal plan, tuition, summer classes, and books. I'v been doing this for four years. I can't afford a car, but I'm saving up. My parents are wonderful though (now that we are apart). They send me special carepackages, pay for my phone bill, health insurance, car insurance.

You will be doing GOOD for YOU by moving out. Your relationship with your parents may improve tremendously. Mine did! I love them like crazy now.

They didn't approve of my relationship at first. But they know I'm happy and he's not leaving my life..though they tried to convince me.

Get therapy to highten your confidence!! :)

~Mary Ann

Hey, I have the same situation my boyfriend is 37 and I am 21. When we first met I was 18. My parents hate him so much that they both threatened him. They told him that he was to old for me and that he was just going to wear me down. At first we were great that is untill my parents found out about him. We have been together going on three years in May!!!! :) :) . Even though my parents hate him and don't want to be together, we still love each other. The thing is if you two really care about each other and want to be together then just follow your heart and if the relationship is meant to be then it will all work out for the best. Hope this helps you out.