Never stop courting...

Something I touched on in that thread where the guy was noticing his OW was looking old and came up again in the thread about flirting:

I've noticed something. When men and women court, they tend to put their best face forward. And men do all those romantic little things women love. And women are much more sexual and adventurous in bed. Everyone wants to impress and they know all of the little tricks that work.

Suddenly, they are together and the women complain that the guy doesn't do all of those things anymore - just as In Your Eyes was mentioning - listening to her, compliments, making her feel wanted and beautiful.

But the women are just as guilty of this. Gone are the sexy clothes. Gone are the sexy nighties. No more thrills in the backseat of the car. No more BJs. No more little strip tease or whatever else she did to get his attention.

Like I said in the other thread - men tend to court with romance and women tend to court with sex.

Once you start to take each other for granted and stop courting, the other person feels less desired, less attractive, less interesting and where the heck did that fun, sexy and romantic person go that I started off with???

In Your Eyes said that her friends that flirt don't feel important to their man anymore. But what are THEY doing to make him still feel sexy and desireable? It goes both ways.

And, like Polly used to always say - never stop "dating." Well, I go one step further and say, "Never stop courting!!"

Any comments? Anyone want to give tips on what they do to keep the spice and keep courting?

Hi, Kristin...

Since I'm an unemployed spouse, I make sure my wife never comes home without a meal waiting for her.

It's not always the greatest dinner :o , but I basically believe that whoever comes home after working all day should have some kind of basic hospitality awaiting them.

Food is the most important thing to me; I consider it an important part of courting, believe it or not.




P.S. This is a separate issue, but I think women who are looking for a man, but are incompetent in the kitchen are setting themselves up for difficulty.

Once you start to take each other for granted and stop courting, the other person feels less desired, less attractive, less interesting and where the heck did that fun, sexy and romantic person go that I started off with???



Excellent thread Kristin. I completely agree with everything you said. My OM and I have both had marriages that were basically dead long before they were over. We talk all the time about how we don't ever want to stop "courting" each other. Everyday should be an effort to keep your relationship alive and thriving. To have that it takes both people not losing the focus of the other's happiness.

Oh and I agree with Harrison too. I will be the one going out to work and my OM plans to have dinner for me when I come home. As well as a lovely bubblebath and cuddle time. Then he is assured to have a happy, receptive Pita. ;)

If you had to choose would you find it more important for a woman to be a good cook, or a passionate person, that loves sex more than cooking food?

Opps, maybe I am offended, thinking that I am not a good cook. Who cares anyway, I can not be everything, or good at everything. I just burned my tea bags in the pan on the stove, and I had the alarm set. I was just making tea.

Harrison, errr... Do you think I can minize my relationship problems of not being a good cook with my outher good points?!!

from: cold kitchen hot bed.

Ha Ha


Donna

I admit I'm guilty of the sex thing sometimes.

I certainly don't wear the nighties as much, but I'm feeling a little too fat to feel sexy in them, so I'm working on the weight. But I was crazy adventurous and kinky and willing to go for just about anything in the early days.

Anyhow, sometimes I wonder why Jeremy may not initiate sex as much for a while, but then I stop myself and ask - what am I doing to make him want me????

At that point, the poor boy gets his bones jumped and I lavish all of the attention on him - being frisky or sexy or kinky - whatever.

So, when I start to feel like I'm not getting enough attention, I look to myself and see if I'm giving as well. If not, I pick up the courting again and a breath of fresh air just seems to swoop through our relationship again! :D

That's just an example sexually, but it can apply in other aspects, too.

I know when we were dating I always did my best to Look terriffic for him and I think he still deserves that.
I love it!! Exactly what I was thinking. You don't take him for granted and I bet it comes back to you more than double! Can you think of little things he still does for you?

If you had to choose would you find it more important for a woman to be a good cook, or a passionate person, that loves sex more than cooking food?

In a make-believe world, if you forced me to choose between the two, I would choose the sexy, passionate person, and I would just learn to cook.

After all, I can feed myself, but I can't make love to myself!! :D

Opps, maybe I am offended, thinking that I am not a good cook. Who cares anyway, I can not be everything, or good at everything. I just burned my tea bags in the pan on the stove, and I had the alarm set. I was just making tea.

Harrison, errr... Do you think I can minize my relationship problems of not being a good cook with my outher good points?!!

It's possible with the right kind of man, but it would not work with my personality.

Cooking is just like sewing, carpentry, massage or metalwork. It represents skill, which is attractive.

Besides, anybody can find a few dishes they can cook well. Even me. ;)

Harrison,

I was a bit intimidated about my not being a good cook, but your reply back does show that you are flexible to a degree. Maybe you are just sick of cooking, I suggest that you cook up extra food freeze it for the next week.

Make sure you make a date inadvance so she can prepare herself mentally and also confirm that she is ready for a date with you. You might tell her you have a gift and put a ribbon around yourself.

And surprise your wife when she comes home to a dinner in the bathtub without food, just the two of you. Or just warm up leftovers when you get hungry.

Why don't you do a striptease for your wife instead of cooking....


Slowly unddress her and tell her you will do anything she wants, but she has to give you step by step instructions as she likes...


but just do what she wants...................
Forget the cooking..................

Can you handle it Harrison??? MMMMMMMMMMMMMM???

smile smile smile....

Donna

....Slowly unddress her and tell her you will do anything she wants, but she has to give you step by step instructions as she likes...


but just do what she wants...................
Forget the cooking..................

Can you handle it Harrison??? MMMMMMMMMMMMMM???

Donna

Gosh, Donna....

*tremble* I dunno!


;) :D

We still court--I think it's why our marriage has been good for all of it's 11 years thus far. For example, on Friday, after we went to some home improvement show, on the way home the sun was setting and it was beautiful outside. Instead of going home, my husband suggested we walk on the beach and then have dinner at a steak house we haven't tried before. The entire evening was very romantic--kind of felt like a date.

Frequently he'll come home for lunch so we can have a playful lovemaking session in the middle of the afternoon.

I always make sure I've got his favorite foods in the house so he knows I'm paying attention to his needs.

There's other stuff too, this are just the things that come to mind at the moment.

since my time with adam is so limited, we court seriously, our lives have always been like this, i talk to him at least twice a day and at least an hour a day to keep it fresh and present, he has been in every major decision over the past 3 and a half years.

but he has always made comments on how beautiful i am, i kinda feel like i want to live up to it.

honestly, only the best will do for him also, while he may try to get away with cheaper brands or clothes, this is a strict no-no for me, he deserves the best.

i buy his favorite cigars, food, drinks and movies, i flirt with him filty, yep filty.

but he is in the army and every moment counts, i look forward to a year of just us, romping around like two kids.

he has such a good business head, it will be fun to see it come into action.

I guess I'm not very romantic myself....maybe I'm too much like a guy? I don't quite get all the romance stuff (beyond dating, I mean)...seems a little artificial and forced to me although I'll always appreciate an effort being made for me, in any way.

Hmm...I guess I'm a bit like Harrison in that I show my love by cooking , as well as doing the chores I know Stu hates, and making sure I spend time with him when he needs my company.

We laugh a LOT together and flirt & kiss all the time, but I don't dress up for him. In fact I feel so very grateful that I don't have to, and don't have to worry about being fake around him.