Does any one think having a better job than your partner affects your relationship?

I have a question for you all. Do you think having a better paying job than your partner affects your relationship. My situtaion is this, I am a college student attempting to obtain my RN, my boyfriend currently works at a supermarket but hopes to go back to school to become a chef. He won't make anywhere near as much as i will even if he becomes a chef. It really doesn't bother me too much but then again, shouldn't a man be the major contributer to a family? I hadn't really thought of it much untill my mother brought it up. She kept saying maybe he can go to school for something else that pays more. This kinda hurt my feelings and i wish she wouldn't have said that because it kinda seems like she wants to see me with someone more sucessful :( Any advice? thoughts

Well, I think it comes down to how YOU feel about it. To me, making money is not all that important. But being ambitious, and doing something valuable with your life is. So, I would be fine if my partner didn't make as much, but I wouldn't be fine with my partner having no drive or goals etc. But, again that is just me. We have our own values though and that's what is most important.

If it truly doesn't bother you, then don't worry about it. But, you need to respect your partner, so if his career choice translates into you not respecting him, then you've got a problem.

This is a difficult topic, because there is such a stigma placed on males when women make more money than them. My boyfriend made much much more than I did, and I was fine. But, I know, if I had made more money than he did, he would definitely resent it and me.

Actually, there was an episode of Sex and the City on last night, where Miranda was trying to get Steve to go to a lawyer party with her, but he didn't have a suit. So, she offered to buy him one, that was $2000...and he ended up breaking up with her because he thought she should be with someone that "was more on her level."

Now, I realize this is just a show, but I feel this is totally how it is...IMO. ;)

Isn't it just...a manly instinct, to be the bread winner of the household? Don't men feel less like men if they don't make more money?? :confused:

p.s. I like "Sex in the City" but it is a HORRIBLE show to use for relationship advice!

I agree...but I just happened to watch that episode last night, and its the first thing that came to mind.
SATC makes me wonder if I'll be one of the 30 something ladies...still looking for "Mr Right!"

I certainly don't think it should. My OM is retired from his main career and does freelance writing now. I plan on doing some college course and for the first time in my life getting a real career. He is very excited about it for me. :)

i dont think it should matter. i am a business major, will finish my BA next yr,
Ron is a business consultant that makes a hell of alot more than me. once i finish my degree i will probably take up a management position or start my own business, but even with that said i think he will STILL make more than i do lol, either way hes happy with what he does and i know i will be happy with what ever i decide..

thanks for the advice, i really don't think my om earning less than me will impact our relationship that much. Another thing I was wondering about was this: for those who are married or living together with someone who is making much less than them "how do you manage your money?" do both of you put your pays into the bank and equally take money out when you need it or do you keep your own money ..

I don't think it does.I earn a lot more money than my YM but we don't care.He has a job(which is more important to me than the money he earns)and he loves his job.That's enough for me.

Doesn't matter to us... because the money all goes to the same place..... :) He makes more than me but it never was an issue for us.....

I think some people can be old fashioned about this and their viewpoint might be that the MAN should be making more money than the woman.

At the same time, men like to feel "needed" and they can be insecure if their woman is showing too much independence from them--financially or otherwise.

All that aside, as long as you guys are open about it and OK with it -- then nobody else's opinion really matters here at all. Isn't it more important that he does what he loves to do? ;)

Isn't it more important that he does what he loves to do? ;)


That is exactly right! A person's happiness and contentment with their life is so much more important in the long run.

I think this attitude that men should make more than women is one of the attitudes that has kept women down for so many years. That old boy's club, "Well, he has a family to support and should make more money." is BS! Guess what? I have a family to support too and if I can do the job as well as he can then I should make the same amount of money.

People are people. Shouldn't matter what's between their legs. They are good at what they're good at and should be paid accordingly. The 'a man should make more than his female partner' has got to be one of the most sexist comments I've ever heard.

Not bashing anyone in particular here, but come on girls!

I agree with you 100%. But, some of our parents were raised in an era where this was true. It might not be easy for them to change this way of thinking. It's times like these when we have to take this old fashioned advice with a grain of salt!

Lynn, the more important thing is working at something you love to do. If your partner loves their job, then your relationship will be all the better for it. :) Don't worry about who makes the most money.

All you guys are absolutly right. I shouldn't worry about whether my parents think it is acceptable or not. My OM loves cooking and I'm going to be happy for him and supportive when he does become a chef. I realize money isn't everything and that it should not affect your happiness. I am proud that he is ambitious enough to go back to school after all these years (he graduated in 1989) My parents do have that old fashioned mentality about the situation but i'm not going to let that bother me. They should be happy that he is a very hard working man who would do anything for their daughter. Thanks for all the feedback it really helped ;)

Actually, being a Chef is a very prestigious career, depending where he works at. And he can make a lot of money.

I had a partner for 5 years who was a Good chef. He made a stack of money (around $1500 cash in hand a week), but the problem for us was that he worked nights and weekends and I worked daytime, so we didn't see much of each other. He was really nice and I loved him to bits, but eventually he winded up working in a trendy restaurant and took a lot of drugs.......then he dumped me for a 15 year old girl who shared his interest in drugs.

I would not date a chef again, because of the working hours. The money they make is great!

Doesn't matter to us... because the money all goes to the same place..... :) He makes more than me but it never was an issue for us.....


That's how I look at it when I think about marriage...

Where I live, once you have a kid and stuff, I would say if you want to be comfortable and not struggle you need to make $100,000 a year combined minimum. That's what I want out of life...I don't need to be Donald Trump, but I want to have nice things and I never want my kids to suffer.

So if one of us made more than the other, it would not matter to me as for it is all for the good of our family. The only thing that would piss me off as far a money goes, is if I were married and we needed the money and he was lazy and jobless. But if one of us made $40,000 or something and the other one made signigatnly more like $80,000 or something I don't think the other person should be upset. I think they should be happy to have the money for the family.