Need advice

Is he just looking for a hook-up? Ok, I fell into the trap. He tells me about his daily life (kids, work, friends), when we are together (it may be a mistake, I know) he tells me he misses me. Here's my problem: he never calls, and he doesn't return my phone calls. I feel like he ignores me during the week but on the weekend he's the most affectionate guy. But he wasn't like this b/f we broke up. I feel like he's more cold to me. Part of me wants to sit him down and say tell him how I'm feeling. But part of me is too chicken. As much as I hate to admit it I want him to say "you mean a lot to me, I care about you and where this is going, let's work on this." I don't want to be a "weekend girlfriend." AAAHHHH!

Forgive me if this sounds ignorant.

Christina

I think you need to just sit down and talk to him. Let him know how you're feeling and what his actions say to you. Maybe he doesn't realize what it looks like....cuz it really does look like he's looking for an easy hookup.

Nadine.

Based only on the information here, I wouldn't be too quick to say he's looking for a "hook up."

The key is he wasn't like this before you broke up.

When looking at a "new" problem, it usually pays to look at what changed... in this case the changes include a breakup... again, I don't know the entire story, but he could be protecting himself against another hurt and he may not even realize he's doing it.

Things are not always what they seem.

I called him Friday afternoon and we had a nice conversation. Then he says "I'll call you back when I take my lunch (he was at work). I thought to myself "yeah, right. Sure enough, no call. So, I go out with my sister and a few friends. We went to dinner and I told them the whole story (not including his age) and felt better to vent. They said I should just ask him what's up.

Well, I get home at 1 am, and guess who calls me at 1:30 am?!? You guessed it. So, I talked to him a little bit about how I was feeling and we made plans to see eachother Saturday night to talk. Well, I call him up at 6 Saturday evening and guess what he says?? That he's going out with some of his friends!!! I was VERY ticked off, and let him know it. He gave me this sob story how his friend is going through a divorce and he needs a shoulder to cry on. He said he would give me a call when he got back.

I was so mad at him, but I was not going to just sit around waiting for a phone call. I called up some of my friends and we went out and had a nice time. Well, I get home at 2 am and I thought if he's not calling me by now, he's probally not going to call me. So, I go to bed.

MY PHONE GOES OFF AT 4 AM!!!!! Him and his drinking buddies stayed at the bar until closing time. He told me he thought about calling me and seeing if I wanted to meet them there, but he thought I probally didn't want to come!!

I told him I needed to talk to him in person, and again, we made plans to see eachother Sunday. I get over there and he's telling me how he missed me, blah, blah, blah. I just went off on him. I told him "you don't miss me or you wouldn't treat me like crap." Then he had the nerve to say "but I called you Friday night and Saturday night, see, I'm getting better at this."

He told me he was meeting his son for dinner and wanted me to come. I don't know why I said yes. When we were sitting at the table waiting for his son I reached out for his hand and he BACKED AWAY! For the first time EVER I got this feeling like he was ashamed to be seen with me. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to have an argument in a public place. As soon as his son got there thoguh, he was fine. Including me in the conversation, holding my hand. Which made me think either he's playing with me or he really has no clue and there is a reason he's been divorced twice. And of course me being a 21 year old female, I started to think, am I being realistic when it comes to him? Am I over reacting? Am I the one who's changed?

So, now I have some things to think about. And talk to him about. I never thought in a million years I would ever fret over a guy.

Sorry this was a bit long. And thanks for all your support guys and gals!

Christina

And they say girls are confusing!! :confused:

I dunno what to think. Except, that he is not treating you very well, but you already know that..... ((((hugs)))))

I've thought about it all day, and here's what I've come to. :rolleyes:

1). I'm 21. Why am I spending so much energy worrying over this??

2). If it doesn't work out with him, there are other guys out there, so why is it so hard to let him go?

3). Why am I trying to "force" him to be or feel something he's not?

4). He's just a guy.

5). If all he wants is a "week-end girlfriend" why can't I just accept that and realize it's not me and move on?

Man, I hate being an immature, irational, 21 year old.

Christina

And they say girls are confusing!! :confused:

I dunno what to think. Except, that he is not treating you very well, but you already know that..... ((((hugs)))))

Yeah, it's like he only wants a relationship when it's convienent for HIM.

Christina

Christina, it sounds like you are on the right track. You know what's best for you, and you're seeing his behaviour for what it is.

Give it time - I know it's hard right now, but your emotions will calm down over time, and you will slowly move on and get over it. One day I'm sure you'll look back and shake your head at why you were so crazy over this guy. Hang in there. It gets easier.

Awww, thanks Cherubino. :o