Are You Making Judgments...or Being Judgmental???

I thought it might be kind of interesting to start a thread about judgmental people...feel free to add thoughts...ideas...articles...etc. Sure hits home with me (me being the one who seems to always stand in the place of being judged that is...lol)...what about you? Do you ever feel you're judged unfairly? And why do people judge us? What makes others think they "know" enough about us to judge us...I know we all go through this stuff on a daily basis..what are your thoughts?

Are You Making Judgments… or Being Judgmental? - By Arnold A. Lazarus, Ph.D. and Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.

Judgmental, prejudiced and biased individuals make far-reaching pronouncements based on limited information. We all know such people. Their false and extreme generalizations give them away. “Anyone who uses curse words is obviously stupid and uneducated!” “Rock-and-roll fans don’t know the first thing about music!” “People who don’t regularly attend religious services are heathens!”

Most people realize that being judgmental is an unattractive trait. If you look around, you’ll find that most judgmental people are disliked and avoided. The answer to Mom’s reproach, “Why don’t you call your mother more often?” if truthful would probably be, “Because you’re judgmental and tend to pick on me, so it’s unpleasant to talk to you.” When people stop being judgmental, they often discover a level of personal happiness that had eluded them.

Yet none of us can help forming opinions of other people. So how does judgmental thinking differ from making judgments? Judgmental people state their views and observations in authoritative terms; they decree what is right and wrong, what should and should not be, what is good or bad. Making a simple judgment, however, does not carry these ominous overtones. “Billy has poor table manners” is a judgment. The judgmental person would add something, such as “Therefore, he’s a slob who was raised by cavemen!”

We make judgments constantly. “He’s good-looking.” “She dresses well.” “He seems to lack a good sense of humor.” “She’s overweight.”

In forming opinions or making judgments, there is no moral overtone, no further conclusions are drawn, no inferences are made about the person’s character. We just have the observation or the perception.

As soon as we add “therefore” to the observation, we are likely to be judgmental. “He talks very slowly,” is an observation, “therefore, he must be stupid” is a judgmental conclusion.

If you look out for your own “therefores” you are less likely to sit in judgment over your fellow human beings, which will be all to the good for you and them.

Adapted from THE 60-SECOND SHRINK: 101 STRATEGIES FOR STAYING SANE IN A CRAZY WORLD, by Arnold A. Lazarus, Ph.D. and Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D. Published by Impact Publishers, PO Box 6016, Atascadero, CA 93423-6016, www.impactpublishers.com or phone 1-800-246-7228.

ARNOLD A. LAZARUS, PH.D., is an award winning, internationally acclaimed professor of psychology, therapist, author, lecturer and clinical innovator. His many honors include the American Psychological Association's Distinguished Psychologist Award (Div. of Psychotherapy), and Distinguished Professional Contributions Award (Div. of Clinical Psychology). CLIFFORD N. LAZARUS, PH.D., is a licensed clinical and health psychologist with a practice in psychotherapy and neuropsychological testing. He is Director of Comprehensive Psychological Services in Princeton, NJ.

Great idea for a post, kathy, and very interesting/practical article.

You know that bumper sticker that reads, "Mean People Suck"? I think there needs to be one that says "Judgmental People Suck". The problem with judgmental people is that they can do SO much harm (to reputations, other's self esteem, etc.) by selectively spreading their judgment as gossip or snide comments, but still to the broader public look like saints :mad: .

At least mean people are blatant idiots and can be avoided....judgmental people are more insidious and harmful I think.

My favorite friend in the whole world is the least judgmental person I know. I've learned a lot from her, and she's inspired me in so many ways. She throws the BEST parties that include everyone from ALL walks of life and persuations :the gay couple, the bi racial couple, the age gap couples (ow/ym AND om/yw), the business people, the laborers, the artists and the technicians, old and young, jewish, christian, muslim....vegetarians, meat-eaters, EVERYONE is welcome. And, I believe, consequently EVERYONE FEELS welcome and has a blast with everyone else.

My ex husband and his new wife (and thousands like them) would condem everyone at Susan's party with one dismissive, judgmental sweep of the hand. It's too bad that they are missing out on knowing some of the world's most genuine, dear souls.
Oh, well....their loss. :)

Great idea for a post, kathy, and very interesting/practical article.

You know that bumper sticker that reads, "Mean People Suck"? I think there needs to be one that says "Judgmental People Suck". The problem with judgmental people is that they can do SO much harm (to reputations, other's self esteem, etc.) by selectively spreading their judgment as gossip or snide comments, but still to the broader public look like saints :mad: .

At least mean people are blatant idiots and can be avoided....judgmental people are more insidious and harmful I think.

My favorite friend in the whole world is the least judgmental person I know. I've learned a lot from her, and she's inspired me in so many ways. She throws the BEST parties that include everyone from ALL walks of life and persuations :the gay couple, the bi racial couple, the age gap couples (ow/ym AND om/yw), the business people, the laborers, the artists and the technicians, old and young, jewish, christian, muslim....vegetarians, meat-eaters, EVERYONE is welcome. And, I believe, consequently EVERYONE FEELS welcome and has a blast with everyone else.

My ex husband and his new wife (and thousands like them) would condem everyone at Susan's party with one dismissive, judgmental sweep of the hand. It's too bad that they are missing out on knowing some of the world's most genuine, dear souls.
Oh, well....their loss. :)

You make such great points here K...and the last paragraph sure does sound like a familiar scenario to me..lol...all to familiar...I love people that are "salt of the earth" so to speak...I truly dislike and detest people who constantly stand in judgment of others...it's very hurtful..however, I will say, I've learned a great deal about people over the years...and some of the most wealthy and the wisest...keep their big mouths shut...and..well...you would never even guess that they were wealthy or highly educated, as they are typically very humble...they would never even think to brag or act superior to others...they seem to make the world a better place, just by being in it...I truly believe that judgmental people are deeply unhappy...and insecure deep down..they must justify themselves by condemning others...and that's...well...that's just plain SAD!

Thanks for sharing Special K...I always enjoy your posts. :) Oh..and if I've spelled or worded anything incorrectly here...forgive me guys...I'm operating on very little sleep..at least I have an excuse this time...haha.

Kathy Dear, How can we trick or treat?? :cool: , if we can't judge???

Kathy Dear, How can we trick or treat?? :cool: , if we can't judge???

Ohhhh I'm sure you'll think of a way Aram... :D :p

What is Reality?
By Paul Jerard

Is reality a projection from within the mind, or is it an “altered lens” into the outside world? Let’s look at the altered lens theory first. Obviously, we are not all looking at the world with the same lens or viewpoint. If that were possible, and we had a consistent moral code of ethics, we would have world peace.

Imagine no wars, conflict, divorce, or crime. It does make you think that John Lennon might have been thousands of years ahead of his time, when he wrote the lyrics for his song, “Imagine.” Although, we may not agree with every word, the thought of global harmony captivates the mind.

Is this a reality? At this moment in time, it doesn’t look possible. Peace agreements seem so close, and then, an assassination, or a suicide bomb, changes everything. Why is this world not ready for a Mahatma Gandhi, Anwar Sadat, or Martin Luther King, Jr.?

Do we, as a species, need to grow, and mature a little more, or can we make small changes in this world now? You can make small changes by bringing out the inner calm you have developed through meditation practice. If you are still not sure how to proceed, demonstrating acts of kindness to everyone you meet, will do.

At the very least, following the Golden Rule is good for you, and everyone you come into contact with. Remember, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you". - Luke 6:31. This action will bring your lens into focus.

On the other hand, a projection is a creation from within the mind’s eye. This, in turn, gets impressions by receiving images from outside the body, and judges everything.

This classification, and judgment, creates a biased frame of mind that reacts to a world created by the same mind. The problem is - these judgments solidify into concrete beliefs, resulting in a reality of pre-conceived notions. I refer to this as, The Cycle of Judgment Theory, and hope that you clearly understand the cycle.

The result of the cycle of judgment is dangerous, as there is no room for objective viewpoints. Everything is classified as black or white, and there is no room for a “gray area.” This particular viewpoint, with concrete beliefs, has no room for change and will not negotiate.

So both realities exist - creating more realities with potential opposites. This explains why we see people justify atrocities. Whenever you meditate, and are able to find objective viewpoints that are good for your mental health, always beware of judgmental people who have no ability to reason or open their mind.

Paul Jerard is a co-owner and the director of Yoga teacher training at: Aura Wellness Center, in North Providence, RI. He has been a certified Master Yoga teacher since 1995. He is a master instructor of martial arts, with multiple Black Belts, four martial arts teaching credentials, and was recently inducted into the USA Martial Arts Hall of Fame. He teaches Yoga, martial arts, and fitness to children, adults, and seniors in the greater Providence area.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
August 16, 2005

I have made judgements in the past, think its pretty natural for me since i grew up in an environment where it was "ok" to judge. it is a bad habit, i know people judge me constantly. i had my son at 17 and would always get that "babies having babies" comment, or im not a good mother because im young which is bs, ive seen older women that were unfit parents- works both ways.

I have made judgements in the past, think its pretty natural for me since i grew up in an environment where it was "ok" to judge. it is a bad habit, i know people judge me constantly. i had my son at 17 and would always get that "babies having babies" comment, or im not a good mother because im young which is bs, ive seen older women that were unfit parents- works both ways.

Tx...you're right..a lot of us were brought up in judgmental homes...and in turn we've learned that they do not want to go through life like that...I believe people judge based on a false reality...often they "think" they know what's going on with us...however, they know very little of what's TRULY going on...their perceptions are not based on fact...they are only based on gossip and heresay.

I base my opinion or ideas on cold hard facts...I will usually research something if I don't know enough about it to comment on it...no one on this earth should stand in judgment of others....no one here or anywhere else is any better than another fellow human being, or any worse ..if they think they are then they are sadly mistaken...we are all on the same level...and you're right...people should not judge a person based on their choices in life...if your choices were right for you at the time...and you're doing what you can in life now....on a daily basis...to better yourself, knowledge wise that is, then no one should judge where you've been or what you've been through to get to the point where you are today.

This is my favorite part of the article above...I think it speaks volumes:

The result of the cycle of judgment is dangerous, as there is no room for objective viewpoints. Everything is classified as black or white, and there is no room for a “gray area.” This particular viewpoint, with concrete beliefs, has no room for change and will not negotiate.

:rolleyes: It occured to me after reading all the previous posts, that being overly judgemental, has a lot to do with what level of maturity you are at, where you are on your own, personal, emotional and intellectual evolution. Whether you are too subjective as opposed to being objective.Being mature enough to know the difference between fact and fiction and not lisntening to gossip, hearsay, and rumours, about other people and then passing judgement on them.


Don't judge a book by its cover or you can't judge somebody till you walk a mile in their shoes are all old coin phrases that should not be forgotten. ;)

I'm the type of person that takes a long long time to make judgements about people. I don't bother myself with making judgements about people I don't know, especially ones I've never talked to. That seems like a waste of time and emotional effort for me. There are people in my life that I've known for a couple years, and I'm just now making solid judgements about their character. I have to really observe someone in different situations before I really "judge" them. Very rarely though do people's emotional or intellectual shortcomings keep me from interacting with them. For example, I just can't be around a racist,sexist or other hatemonger. But I have other girl friends who are insecure, and while I judge them as insecure and try to understand the reasons for it, that simple reason doesn't keep me from being their friend. But unlike some people, I can't go out nd talk to a person in a social setting for an evening, and then sit around and talk later about "I think she's insecure."
I don't think making good judgements on people is necessarily a bad thing. A little understanding can help people a lot, especially if people are unwilling to talk about it. I can't imagine though standing around at a party making judgements about people simply on how they look. That, in my opinion, is just a waste of time, and a little nuts....

The only other situation where I make quick and often wrong judegments about people is in situations where my safety is at stake. Like if I'm riding the subway home late at night and its just me and some guy on the platform. I don't know him, and he may be the nicest guy in the world, and his droopy eyes may just be because he's tired like me. But my mind immediately jumps to this guy could be hopped on something, and try to rob me so I quickly survey the situation and make sure I'm in some place that safe. I think that's more survival instinct though than psychology.

:) Ray 59.....
I couldn't agree with you more, and thanks for making that point. The pursuit of emotional/philosophical/spiritual/intellectual evolution truly is one of the most important things in my life. I have found that as I have grown in these ways, I have much less time or patience for judging the activities/life choices of others. We are all on our own completely unique paths of development and our choices are all a part of that process.

Besides, I'm usually waaayyy too busy blundering around making mistakes of my own (for others to judge me on!) to be making judgements about others. And even if I'm tempted to, I believe there is ALWAYS a back story to which I could never possibly be privy informing the intentions and actions of others. Even when those actions have involved some negative consequence for me personally, I try to keep in mind the "back story" that is probably behind the initial intention, try to be compassionate and understanding. None of us truly has the moral (or otherwise) authority to pass a proper and binding judgement on another.