Being the best girlfriend/friend/daughter and student (?)

Sometimes it is hard to do all at the same time.

My boyfriend's job scheduale got changed and now it is very hard for us to spend time together. I go to college and live there an hour north of where he lives. He also doesn't have a normal job...he works in the middle of the night back and forth from NJ to PA.

B/c his scheduale got changed...last friday i couldnt see him. i had previous plans to attend a birthday party and he understood. So origionally my girls and i were supposed to see a movie 2 gether that we all wanted to see on this friday. we had changed it to saturday, which was fine bc my OM wasnt gone be around. Now b/c his job is changed, he is gonna be around saturday. i feel like if i neglect him two times in a row, our relationship will suffer.

HELP!!

I think he should understand that you have previous plans. I also think that your relationship will hold up.

That is the hardest thing i've found though...trying to balance the boyfriend and friends and school and activities and all of it. *sigh*

*hug*

Can you hang out with him maybe part of Sat? Or invite him to come along?

Nadine.

I think he should understand that you have previous plans. I also think that your relationship will hold up.

That is the hardest thing i've found though...trying to balance the boyfriend and friends and school and activities and all of it. *sigh*

*hug*

Can you hang out with him maybe part of Sat? Or invite him to come along?

Nadine.


No it's not an option for him to drive up here, when he gets home from work saturday, he is going on zero hours of sleep bc of his job. I have to drive there, it would be a hazzard for him to keep driving.

My friends say they understand if I have to go see him saturday...i am with my friends all week long and I am going partying with them thursday nite.

Everyone agrees i did the right thing by going to the birthday party, but as for the movie the boyfriend as well as the friends seem to think "it is just a movie" and it can be changed. I am glad people seem to be supportive i don't want to hurt anyone. It has been over two weeks since I have spent a full 24 hrs with my boyfriend. So it is not like I am being selfish bc of the distance i barely see him right now. We see each other once a week lately if lucky. I am glad people are being supportive of me. Once I get used to his new work scheduale, i will never double book again. With his older work scheduale i was doing awesome.

No it's not an option for him to drive up here, when he gets home from work saturday, he is going on zero hours of sleep bc of his job. .

what does he do??

i dont think your relationship will crumble over 2 prior commitments with friends. if you guys have managed to make it this far with distance/work schedules and other day to day plans. i think you should be able to get through this as well.

what does he do??

i dont think your relationship will crumble over 2 prior commitments with friends. if you guys have managed to make it this far with distance/work schedules and other day to day plans. i think you should be able to get through this as well.


He's a train engineer in the middle of the night. He go back and forth from NJ to PA and has to sleep in a hotel sometimes. But they day he gets back he is running on no sleep since the night before.

I mean it will all work out, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to spend at least one or two days a week with your S/O. I am not one of those girls with him 7 days a week. Right now we are lucky to get once a week. I think it is important to see each other at least once a week. I think I balance my self well...Mon-Wed it is usually just school work and TV shows. Then thurday nites I usually go clubbing....friday if clubbing or out to eat...and then when i can saturday and sunday with him, i think it's all balanced. now it is just a matter of rearranging things.

Sounds like you already have the answer all figured out so give yourself more credit!


I agree with Cherub.. i don't think he'll get mad ... You did have other committments he should understand that :)

aw thanks

i guess sometimes it is good to think out loud

...
Everyone agrees i did the right thing by going to the birthday party, but as for the movie the boyfriend as well as the friends seem to think "it is just a movie" and it can be changed...

Guys need and want to feel important. You may have resolved it to your satisfaction but not his. Frankly, from my perspective it sounds like being with him is not that important to you... and maybe he agrees. I certainly don't assume to know what works for you both. But the statement I quoted suggests you've worked it out to your satisfaction but not to his.

There are many ways to make a guy feel important. I don't think this is one of them.

What I find most interesting about this that I would think that you would WANT to spend the time with him... It sounds to me like it's inconvenient for you so you're not going to... in spite of the fact that your girlfriends want you to... But what it sounds like to me doesn't matter. What does it sound like to him?

I initially read your original post the same way that Wallypop did. It almost sounded at first like you are torn about whether to be with him versus your friends. But, re-reading it, I notice in your title that you also threw in "daughter and student", so, I am assuming that what is really the issue here is that you may feel stretched and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by having to make a choice. But, when you're in a relationship, and especially an LDR where you are limited to the amount of time that you have together, then it seems that the best thing for your relationship is to make him the priority this weekend. He already missed being with you the other time. And, I agree with your friends, you can always go to a move with them anytime.

Yes, whiterose, I often feel stressed. I seriously have way too many good people in my life. Sometimes I feel TOO blessed. So many people always wanna be with me. I feel too much compassion for people's feelings sometimes.

Wally, idk why you would say he is not my priority you almost made me cry b/c that is the furthest thing from true, I AM chosing him this weekend. I did see him last weekend on Sunday, I did not see him friday b/c I had said yes to a BIRTHDAY people only get one birthday a year and with a lot of young deaths in NJ this past year, I did not think it was right to abandon someone's birthday. But like I said, it's just a movie...so I will be with my boyfriend both saturday and sunday.

I think certain people underestimate how hard it is to be in a Semi-Long distance relationship: close enough you are in the same state or region, but far enough that travel can be very rough. You feel like you want to be make it all the time since it is only and hour but then so many other things factor in...if he is home and i work til 4 and he has to go to bed at 10 and go to work at 3 am....there is usually no point in me going over b/c there is so much traffic on the TP at that time i probably wouldn't get there til 7.

That is why I do cherish the fact when he has full days off. He is different from any other guy I ever dated. He is the love of my life. God brought him to me now and I am thankful, but this has seriously been the roughest semester of my life and I am doing my best to do everything for everyone. The last thing I want is for him to feel bad. We talk about our trip everyday it is our guiding light and in 6 weeks I will be on break and then i can see him a lot.

I also once I know this work scheduale which I did b4 this change happened would only make plans around his scheduale. And I ALWAYS drive to him, he's never been to my school. That is a big sacrifice of time and gas money for me but I do it b/c I love him and I dont want him to crash from sleep deprivation.

I`m sure he understands your prior commitment, as you`d understand his.
He`s got a long drive to you. send him to bed when he gets there and THEN...... keep him up all night when you get back!!!!


Have Fun.

... Wally, idk why you would say he is not my priority you almost made me cry b/c that is the furthest thing from true, I AM chosing him this weekend...

That wasn't clear to me in the original posts... it sounded to me like you were going to the movie with your friends and wished everyone would understand that. (Read the part I quoted again.)

But I would also emphasize what I said originally - what I might think doesn't mean squat - the only thing that matters is what he thinks and feels. In a sense, I would say "Don't waste energy on me... put it into him and your relationship."

I think Whiterose said what I was trying to... a bit kinder and gentler perhaps. :) LDRs sometimes require setting aside other people and commitments and putting your energy where it counts. Your statement that you have too much compassion for people's feelings is an important insight. Other people choose their feelings and I'd encourage you not to accept responsibility for them.

I'd add that Loripop and I are doing quite well in our LDR for a number of reasons, one being that we make decisions together using the "what's best for us" measure. We don't ignore others, certainly, but the balance is that we put each other and ourselves far above everyone and everything else in our lives.

That wasn't clear to me in the original posts... it sounded to me like you were going to the movie with your friends and wished everyone would understand that. (Read the part I quoted again.)

But I would also emphasize what I said originally - what I might think doesn't mean squat - the only thing that matters is what he thinks and feels. In a sense, I would say "Don't waste energy on me... put it into him and your relationship."

I think Whiterose said what I was trying to... a bit kinder and gentler perhaps. :) LDRs sometimes require setting aside other people and commitments and putting your energy where it counts. Your statement that you have too much compassion for people's feelings is an important insight. Other people choose their feelings and I'd encourage you not to accept responsibility for them.

I'd add that Loripop and I are doing quite well in our LDR for a number of reasons, one being that we make decisions together using the "what's best for us" measure. We don't ignore others, certainly, but the balance is that we put each other and ourselves far above everyone and everything else in our lives.

We definately had a talk and he is happy I am seeing him this weekend, BUT he said he is honestly not mad when other things come up because he said just like I accept the fact that he is older than me and I choose to date someone not my age and I choose to accept his body and someone with his job, that he understands he chose to date someone who is still in college and that he understands when your in college, friends and peers are more demanding b/c of clubs and other certain things. He knows it is gonna be different once I graduate and so do I, we are going to be living closer and maybe even together. Once I get into the "real world" probably most of my time will go to of course my career and him and our future, but he said he understands college is once and there are certain things he doesn't want me missing up here. It's the end of the road, I need to keep up my GPA, I need to graduate and I need to experience and he is supportive 100% I think I found a good guy :)

I think I found a good guy :)

I agree. He sounds like a great guy - he's a keeper! ;)