TxCaramel 10-30-2005, 03:03 PM Ron has been dropping hints lately about marriage. he has never married before but he talks about it alot with me, it scares me sometimes. he knows how i feel about it and im not saying I will never marry but im not in a rush to.
Im not sure where this fear comes from, i did not come from a broken home, my parents have been married for 27 years now. but alot of my relatives have married, divorced,married, divorced you get the picture. it took alot for me to agree to move in with him next yr. that alone was a big step for me to even think about living together.
have any of you guys discussed this with your SO? im having a flashback of a sex and the city episode where carrie breaks out in hives after trying on a wedding dress lol..
there are benefits to getting married but i dont want to marry just because of that, i want it to be special and for the right reasons. just venting here
fos4snt 10-30-2005, 04:49 PM Well, if it's any consolation, Litical and I both discuss it... but neither of us are in a hurry and we're not engaged and its basically just talk. Future talk.
I honestly don't think he's going to rush out and buy a ring and I'm not in any kind of hurry myself. But, we both still talk about it. I think its fairly healthy and nothing to worry too deeply about. He knows you and loves you, I'm sure, and you shouldn't feel badly about saying things like "Hey, I'm in no hurry."
You're to be commended for that... take your time and be sure. We are. But, that doesn't mean we can't talk about our future hopes, dreams, wants and desires. ;)
~phos
TxCaramel 10-30-2005, 05:15 PM Well, if it's any consolation, Litical and I both discuss it... but neither of us are in a hurry and we're not engaged and its basically just talk. Future talk.
i think thats great you guys are able to talk about it, nothing wrong with that. for me i think its just a general fear of marriage. he casually brings it up and im a little hesitant to even discuss it half of the time.
fos4snt 10-31-2005, 01:28 PM for me i think its just a general fear of marriage. he casually brings it up and im a little hesitant to even discuss it half of the time.
Well, the longer you hesitate to discuss it... the longer you can (mentally and emotionally) put it off. ;) If you're not ready, you're not. And I think the steps you ARE taking are very good and very healthy. If he DOES decide to pop the question before you are ready, just make it a LOOOOOONG engagement. Nothing wrong with that. :D
I fear marriage, too, but the longer Litical and I are together, the more easy the thought is to me. I'm still in NO dang hurry. Future... not now.
~phos
In Your Eyes 10-31-2005, 03:47 PM We have talks about the "future"...or say "years from now when we do this this and this" sort of implying we'd be married...
but right now, with all that's on my plate, even if we decided to get married in the future it would have to be a LONG engagement. I know some people think there is no such thing as the wrong age to get married, but for me there is. I am 21 and still in school. I want to have a real job for a few years and know where my career is going b4 I have a wedding and kids. You can be happy for a long time with someone you loved with out being married so quick.
MerAlove23 10-31-2005, 09:40 PM Talk about it... never hurts... take it slow and enjoy... Marriage is a great thing when you both are ready!!! Do you guys live together now?
I wanted marriage when we first fell in love. But, he was married for 35 years and his wife changed right after the wedding and was never the same woman again. So, he is little worried about going down that road again. We are totally committed to each other and once we have been together for a year we will have some kind of ceremony. Just might not be the traditional one that I wanted. But, as long as I have my man, I could care less. :)
vivalagourami 11-01-2005, 04:13 PM It was a little wierd, I had an ex boyfriend who asked me to marry him and I point blank told him no...never. It was that easy. So in my opinion, wanting to wait is okey dokey. No big deal...just wait a bit, let the relationship go on a bit and do it when the time is right. I wouldn't stress about it unless a "No. NEVER!" thought enters your mind.
Lillyfairie 11-01-2005, 04:45 PM I just went through this. My OM and myself have been living together for a little over a year. He just bought us this huge house and the day before the closing, he asked me to marry him; had the ring and all. He's 42 with 2 children and I am 25 with one child. I am not ready to marry anyone but I he let me set a min. 2 year engagement. I get the ring, update him from boyfriend to fiancee and everything is the same untill we decide otherwise.
Bella_D 11-01-2005, 04:46 PM Stu and I got engaged around 18 months ago now. I like it for so many reasons; it has defined the nature and direction of our relationship more clearly and I appreciate such clarity..... It makes practical decisions easier, especially those regarding sharing resources, money, assetts etc. I no longer feel that I should have an `exit plan' and a separatte bank account due to being unsure where the relationship is heading. I feel more comfortable with living with him and having him immersed in my life, friendships and dreams, because I do not have to worry about splitting up our belongings, friends, money and all the ugly mess which goes with spiltting up from your cohabitanting partner.
After we got engaged (it was my first time, YAY!!!), something really settled inside of me...soemthing deep and emotional. It was like section of my brain, full of anxiety and fear, just melted away. I finally experienced something I hadn't felt before....I think maybe what I felt is `safe'......or soemthing else...like I had a `place' in the world where I belonged? Its hard to describe; I just know it feels very,very, good.
Marriage may not be for everyone but for me it has been so wonderful for my growth and accomplishments. I have never, ever, been so focussed, and actually getting somewhere with my dreams and talents. Stu supports me in everything I do, and participates too. its not like two people leading separate lives and dreams, and living in the same place; we actually share goals and accomplish them together, which is sooo ddifferent from just dating soemone and not knowing where its headed.
Anyway, sorry for rambling....
In Your Eyes 11-01-2005, 05:06 PM Stu and I got engaged around 18 months ago now. I like it for so many reasons; it has defined the nature and direction of our relationship more clearly and I appreciate such clarity..... It makes practical decisions easier, especially those regarding sharing resources, money, assetts etc. I no longer feel that I should have an `exit plan' and a separatte bank account due to being unsure where the relationship is heading. I feel more comfortable with living with him and having him immersed in my life, friendships and dreams, because I do not have to worry about splitting up our belongings, friends, money and all the ugly mess which goes with spiltting up from your cohabitanting partner.
After we got engaged (it was my first time, YAY!!!), something really settled inside of me...soemthing deep and emotional. It was like section of my brain, full of anxiety and fear, just melted away. I finally experienced something I hadn't felt before....I think maybe what I felt is `safe'......or soemthing else...like I had a `place' in the world where I belonged? Its hard to describe; I just know it feels very,very, good.
Marriage may not be for everyone but for me it has been so wonderful for my growth and accomplishments. I have never, ever, been so focussed, and actually getting somewhere with my dreams and talents. Stu supports me in everything I do, and participates too. its not like two people leading separate lives and dreams, and living in the same place; we actually share goals and accomplish them together, which is sooo ddifferent from just dating soemone and not knowing where its headed.
Anyway, sorry for rambling....
That's beautiful :)
|
