Broke up with him....

.... 4 months together and I called it quits.

I thought it would be because of the age-gap, but it was because of him having manic depression. Anyway, he's stable, but I got a few glimpses these past few weeks of what things would be like when/if he's starts a manic or depressive cycle, and it scared the crap out of me.

General emotional stability (present and future) is what I need in a relationship. I didn't realize this.

I'm sad, I really wish he wasn't bipolar, but I can't take it on. A 30 year age difference is enough of an issue, let alone this.

I've really enjoyed posting here though and checking it out regularly. There's some awesome wise women here.

Awww :(

I'm glad you made the right choice for you. Being with someone who is chronically depressed can be rough! I've been in your boat. It's very important to seek therapy and consider medication for this, which I'm guessing your guy sadly didn't do.

I wish you nothing but the best. Do pamper yourself some during this rough time, you deserve it!! :)

Thanks submart

He is on medication and has been quite committed to managing his illness, however for these past two weeks, he started to show signs of depression/and or mania. And I started to really think what it would be like to be in a relationship with a bipolar person. Even if he's managing his illness, there's always that potential of super highs and lows and given his recent history (stayed in bed almost all last winter, had a suicide attempt 18 months ago, etc.) I just can't take that risk and put myself in that position. I had to think long and hard about it.

I guess it's just a deal breaker for me, and thankfully he's well enough (now) to understand.

Age-gap and mental health issues in a relationship is just too much to take on.

i have depression/social anxiety disorder and my OM has been there for me for 4 years now, he has seen the highs and lows -two suicide attempts. guess im pretty fortunate to have someone that would stick by me no matter what.. i hope that you will still be there for him, as a friend atleast.. it can be tough i know.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety myself in the past, and could support a partner with those things.

However, Bipolar Disorder is a whole other ball game. It is a serious mental illness with no cure.

Anyway, I wrestled with the point your are making, and I just can't do it. It's a deal breaker for me. It sucks, I hope he finds someone else who can do it.

I'm glad you've found someone who's with you no matter what.

We'll be friends, he just sent me an email hoping we would be and apologizing for his indifference and saying I deserve better.

Eventually though, not right away.

I admire your honesty.

You did the right thing. Dealing with illness isn't for everyone and I don't think it means a person is bad if he/she can't do it--it just is what it is.

I like what thatgirl said. I think that knowing your boundaries and what you want to take on is a very big sign of maturity.

My neighbor has bipolar. She can't work. Her husband has to support them and pay for all her drugs and deal with her episodes. It is quite a burden on him. She is a very nice, caring person who is able to keep a neat house and cook most of the time, but I sometimes wonder how long her husband will be able to stand the stress. He is overweight and eats an unhealthy diet. They have been together for about 27 years so far.

My neighbor has bipolar. She can't work. Her husband has to support them and pay for all her drugs and deal with her episodes. It is quite a burden on him. She is a very nice, caring person who is able to keep a neat house and cook most of the time, but I sometimes wonder how long her husband will be able to stand the stress. He is overweight and eats an unhealthy diet. They have been together for about 27 years so far.

if hes been able to handle it for 27yrs i would be surprised if he up and left now.

I didn't mean that I think he might leave. I am worried that he might have a heart attack due to his unhealthy condition and stressful life. And to make things worse, last spring their only son committed suicide in his bedroom.

Caramela :)...

Bipolar is a very serious disorder and it may come a time when the partner can no longer handle it. I have a client that she is bipolar and after 34 yrs of marriage her husband decided to divorced her. But let me tell you, that bipolar or not, a long marriage in not guarantee that two people will stay together forever.

As an attorney, that has been practicing for over 18 yrs and probably more than a 1000 divorces under my belt, I did a divorce after only 2 weeks of marriage, as well as my record, the couple I divorced after being married the longest, was 53 yrs, and of course I have done divorces with every number of yrs married. I see lots of 14 yrs married, 21, 24, 32, 34, 43 yrs together and they still get divorced. Of course the longer they have been married the less likely is to get divorced, but its no guarantee.

Marriage is hard work no matter how long a person has been married to the other, and if you top if of with the spouse being bipolar, its a BIG struggle. Marriage is not just about loving someone but being able to live with that person on daily basis, it is not true that love conquers it all.

But let me tell you, that bipolar or not, a long marriage in not guarantee that two people will stay together forever.

Im aware of that. never said it wasnt possible but i would be surprised- since it is less likely. i do have family members with bipolar and i know it can be a struggle for them, especially for their significant others.


Marriage is hard work no matter how long a person has been married to the other, and if you top if of with the spouse being bipolar, its a BIG struggle. Marriage is not just about loving someone but being able to live with that person on daily basis, it is not true that love conquers it all.

i agree that it would take more than love to make it work, but i also think one should be aware of what they are getting their self into in the 1st place, with any mental disorder there will be struggles, i think for some ppl they would like to think that love will be enough but it really isnt.

Caramela ;)

Many times the mental illness, specially Bipolar, does not surface until much later in life, when a couple has been married for years. Usually a triggering event. I wonder if Patricia's neighbor had her bipolarism surface when her son committed suicide.

Like I say there are as many reasons to get divorce as there are to get married, and I wonder even more what love has to do with it.

But life keeps going......... and so do I ;)

Actually, she has had it almost her whole life, but her condition has worsened as the years have passed. So, her husband has been aware of it and dealing with it from almost the beginning of the relationship. It has been a tough road, but he does really care about her. One of her sisters has it, too, but is better off because she is more consistent with her meds. My neighbor goes off hers sometimes for various reasons.

Iliana...

I hate to say this....but if this is the same OM that you met at the munch....

Then you're probably better off....and safer without him.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to break it off though. ((((hug)))))

jesique.

Thanks guys.

Jesique, he was the guy I met at the munch, however it wasn't so much a concern about BDSM combined manic behaviour, but just the ability to sustain a healthy relationship and keep my mental health with someone with this illness.

I'm sad, but there's some good in this. I only started going to kink events with him, so now I can go by myself and play with whomever I like!

Not right away, but in a few weeks. I need to grieve this for a bit.

Thanks for the hug though, I know there's a kinky, emotionally stable, and interesting guy out there for me. And given my history he'll probably be older than me (though I think 30 years was a bit much. ). I need to be single again for a bit though

Oh well :rolleyes: :)