Please help my heart/prayers please

I am not sure why I am writing this other than for some support. I am not even sure where to start.

I know that many of you have given me some great advice over the past few months and I really appreciate it.

Anyways, I called my OM last night as per usual and he said he had written me an email. I know that as of late he has been struggling within himself with a yet another failed marriage, his children and their reactions, and also his acceptance and growth through God. So what does this mean? It means that he must heal his past before he can move on with his future. I commend his decisions even if they sting as all get out.

I have noticed over the past few weeks a change in his behavior and I called him on it.

It essence he explained that he was going to continue conversations with his ex to find out what went wrong and how not to have it happen again. If this means that they get back together then I and him were never meant to be. This is hard to say and many a tear has fallen since the night before. He didn't say goodbye but was also not willing to give me false hope, which I appreciate.

Luckily for me I am a very rational and loving person, so even though the last 6 months of building something beautiful may all be coming to a hault, it was still beautiful. I respect him enough to let go and let GOD.

I am a strong, beautiful, successful young woman with much to look forward to in my life and I have my health and my wonderful beautiful son.

:( I'm sorry Nibbles... you're in a very tough spot and my heart goes out to you. ((((((HUGS)))))))

I hope you get some resolution or closure (whichever it may be) soon, so you can move forward. Stagnation sucks!

Keep your chin up... you're right, you have a LOT of good things going for you no matter what happens.
~phos

i rarely ever pray but i will for you. so sorry, must be a difficult time for you-

Nibbles, that sounds heartbreaking :( It's too bad this is happening but I am glad that he's at least honest with you about how he feels. I hope you can feel better somehow *hugs*

Nibbles, you should actually be happy he's doing this. I went through a divorce after a brief first marriage, and the biggest value of the marriage counseling wasn't in getting back together with my ex (which was really impossible), but in learning about what went wrong with that relationship, and why we simply weren't right for each other (and would in fact have been very psychologically destructive to each other if we had stayed together). It was then a year before I really started dating again, largely because I wanted to take the time for understanding myself better before I entered into another relationship. I'm now in my second marriage, and we will be celebrating our 30th Anniversary in less than two months. There's no way that would have ever happened had I not taken the time to learn more about myself and what kind of a relationship I REALLY wanted and needed, rather than the kind that I had thought I wanted when my ex and I got married.

He may well do some introspection, and decide that you and he are right together. He may also either get back with his ex, or decide that although he can't live with her, you and he also aren't right for each other. But if it's either of the last two, believe me when I tell you that as painful as it is to find that out when you deeply care about somebody before you're married, it's far more painful to find it out after you're married. Him taking some time to find out what went wrong with his prior marriage is probably the best thing that could happen for either of you, tough as that is to accept right now.

I wanted to say a heartfelt thank you for all the prayer and wonderful comments that all have provided. This maybe the hardest pain I have ever felt. Short of my divorce and I realize as some have said that this is a process we all must go through after a relationship ends. Denial is a terrible terrible troll.

Thank you all.

After a couple of days without contact, even though he said I could call him, I finally called him this morning to see how he was doing. He is not well. I was relieved to hear his voice which is all I really needed.

I know I love him dearly and can see a wonderful future, but I also know I don't want to love a half of a man.

I hope the counseling that he and his ex will be beneficial for them.

It may be painful, as it has been, but I know life goes on. Life is too short for anger and way too short to stop living. If this man that I love chooses to leave me behind I will simply pick up my heart, throw it into my saddle bag and take a long ride into my future. ...hmmm I think I will take myself up on that now and go for a ride!

Colorado=65 degrees=damn good weather for crusin!!

You betcha!!!!

Of course I am praying for some skiing weather too:)

I am sure you are all dying to get an update right? Well here goes anyways LOL!

Lets just say that things on the surface are better but still don't quite know where they will be leading. I know what some of you maybe thinking..that I shouldn't wait around? But to be honest what else can I do? It isnt like I have a line of men waiting to date me. And I'll have you know that I don't sit around on my arsh just waiting for his calls. I have accepted the fact that I hope things work out but if they do not that there is a reason for it.

I have been spending some time with my OM over the past week and we have been talking alot. We both realize we need each other and cannot force ourselves to be apart. It is much too painful for either of us.

He is still attending bi-weekly appointments with a therapist. Which is helpful for him. Him and his ex have their first counseling session on Monday. They have put a time limit on the discussions.

I don't pretend to be nieve and under the premise that this is going to be an easy course. But frankly I have never loved like this before and am not willing to give up easily. I know that he loves me and tells me so. This time I am ignoring my pride so I can give of myself. This is what Christians do. So how is this all going to look? I don't know. I think I will have a better idea next week after he meets with the ex. I hope he is able to resolve some issues for himself and she for her. We have spoken briefly about it since he has contact with her. She has also done some introspection and he is seeing somethings that he didn't know about her. I am being supportive as I can. As of the last week he has reached a breakthrough within himself that is allowing him to recognize that life can be happy again without guilt and regret. I am happy to see him finally growing within himself. He constantly asks me how someone who is almost half his age(me) could know so much about life and its experiences. My answer is always the same....I have been through alot in my life and have no regrets and am confident within myself. I trust myself. Love myself. Forgive myself for my mistakes.

While I do not know what my next post will be here I can only pray that it brings great joy as opposed to sorrow. The support from the great people on this site though has been a sounding block for my growth.

Talk to you all soon and keep us in your thoughts.

PS I contacted Big Sisters club yesterday and am in the process of being a mentor. I am looking forward to it!

I hope everyone had a very wonderful Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful this year.

Giving you all an update here. My OM and I are on the road to figuring out if we have a future. Much to my surprise he realized that his love for me simply could not be ignored or forgotten. Mentally I had come to the realization that I was a strong enough person to let him go if that was what he chose to do. Why? Some of you may ask me how could you do this just stand idoly by? Well to be honest, it was partially because I enjoy being part of his life and the other part is because I cared enough about him to help him through this phase in his life. Hurting is all part of life but only I am responsible for my own happiness. I alone can allow it or rebuke it. I do, and did, commend my OM for exploring himself to find what it was he was looking for. It proves that he cares about me as well as to not hurt me in the future and be true to me and himself.

With that said, my OM did go to counseling with his ex(last week). It did not go well. Mostly turned into a tit for tat match. A few days afterwards she called him and said she couldn't do counseling and wanted him away from her(basically not see or hear from him). So although I am sure this hurt him, because there were other spiteful words spoken, he feels he gave it the attention it needed. This was not unexpected he told me.

We didn't see each other during that time. I let him be as best I could, to give him time.

So what does this mean for me and him? Well we'll see. We are taking things very slowly. No expectations. But I see in him a change that is occuring and a healthy one. I cannot contain my happiness that he wants to love me.

All the things going through my head are much too much to mention, but the smile says it all. I would have been okay had this not turned out the way it didand honestly I convinced myself it wouldn't. I am overjoyed to say I dont have to accept that reality.

Thanks everyone for the great advice and encouragement and for the honesty. You are all an inspiration. God bless.

Nibbles, my heart goes out to you girl and I really feel like you've taken the high road in this situation. I also admire your OM for trying to work through these issues with his ex-wife. It takes a big man to attempt that and not bury his head in the sand like most of us do.

I also feel like this entire situation will be the best for the two of you whether it ends with the two of you together or apart. So many people jump right back into relationships after a divorce without healing and without getting to the bottom of what really happened and how they can change theirself. I'm glad that you two are trying to do that. Hugs to you and much prayers for strength and wisdom.

So sorry you are having all these ups and downs. It must be hard. I hope things get worked out for you soon. :(

Nibbles. I'm sorry your having to go thru this... but you are a very VERY strong woman!!! I commend you for the way you have handled this and I think that either way this turns out you will definatly have made the right decision!! You desrve the best and I'm positive you will have that whether it's with him or someone else!!

Good Luck an continue to post it's nice to have you here... and Keep us updated!

I really admire your resilience Nibbles. I don't know that I could respond as well as you have in this situation.

I think you and your OM are very fortunate to have each other. He's seems like a very caring and sensitive person who is willing to take a long, hard look at his past mistakes so that he doesn't repeat them. That takes a courage that is hard not to admire. You are certainly a woman who is wise beyond her years, and that combination of courage and wisdom is hard to beat.

Stay strong and encouraged, and I will definitely pray for you two as you work out your future together. Trust God in it all; He does all things well.

I
So what does this mean for me and him? Well we'll see. We are taking things very slowly. No expectations. But I see in him a change that is occuring and a healthy one. I cannot contain my happiness that he wants to love me.
.

You do seem to have a huge capacity to love, Nibbles. I too admire how you've handled this... but I would offer this thought, even though I somehow feel it's not necessary..

Do not deny yourself the same joy of wanting love that he is demonstrating. I can see, I think, why it's been necessary and, even, the right thing. And a certain amount of "self-sacrifice" is deemed honorable... but while the meek may inherit the earth, it can take some courage to truly appreciate and enjoy it. Those who can and do enjoy it may not leave much for the meek. At some point (and it looks like it might be approaching) allow yourself to want and seek his love. That is equally honorable.

In other words, don't stand idly by forever. You - and he - deserve more.

Thanks to you all for very encouraging thoughts. I have always had the propensity to love everyone and give more of myself than what I would require to be given. I know that is part of my personality that I am working on now to correct after my divorce. I refuse to allow myself to be lost again. It is a fault in my character. I think this is partially why I bought my motorcycle, to advance in the freedom for myself and to allow that part of myself to mature. The hardest part for me is trusting and allowing myself to trust someone with my WHOLE heart. To be honest I have never done this and it is a defensive mechanism.

I have realized that Love is so much more than myself. God is truly my strength in everything I do. And that alone for me is enough to bring this short life, and the eternal that is coming, something to look forward to everyday. Love changes everyday of every year and if relationships are you last you must be willing to change with it.

In the eyes of my son I see everything and each day that the sunrises I am simply glad to be alive.

Sdoah-Yes I admired my OM from the start at his ability and truthfulness to me. This PROVES he respects me. Thanks for the support.

Kindanice-Ups and downs are part of life. The retrospect is how you deal with the ups and downs. I have a feeling that there are many more down the road, but with strength from God I can sail on through! ;)

Meralove-Well you are too generous because I really dont feel that strong or atleast to deserve that compliment. But thank you. Oh and you are stuck with me now. I aint leavin without a fight! :D

Divine-You would be amazed at what real love can help you endure. But my strength through all of this has been God and not myself. There have been many times in the past few months where I tell myself I am waiting for the ball to "drop" because I have been given such good fortune. I feel so lucky and this season makes it all the more a time to give thanks. There are so many suffering people in this world how could my problems possibly amount to anything, I mean really?? thank you for your prayers.. we can all use them everyday in our journeys.

Wallypop-Wise words from a wise fella. You can see that too huh? Well yes this something(as you can tell by my post at the beginning) that I must remedy. I am going sky diving next year and am going to call it my second "coming" har har. thanks and your words mean so much and remind the importance of self which in relationships is most difficult to maintain.

God Bless you all in this most blessed of seasons. Prayers for happiness to all.

Jeez that got "novelish" sorry.

-Nibbles