other people

I'm in a relationship where my OM is 30 years older than i am. We were out last night and he started talking to a women and things seemed to be going fine, but then the woman and i went to the bathroom and she pulled me aside and asked if everything was alright. As if he was taking advantage of me or he was forcing me to do something that I didn't want to do. She even asked if I wanted to go home with her. It was very nice of her, but I was also a little offended and it got me thinking about the way society views relationships where the age gap is great. It makes me question my own actions, but i really have strong feelings for this man.

It is a little strange for me to tell people because of insecurities that arise and the way that other people look at you and even when we go to restaurants, sometimes it seems that we are treated differently.

Does anyone else experience these things?

Your experience is a bit unusual--most strangers mind their own business. It is, however, indicative of how society views these relationships (at least western culture, today--I think eastern cultures, broadly speaking are much more tolerant).

My bf is 27 years older, although he doesn't look his age (at least not to me). I have never had anyone say anything to our face, but once when we were at the airport waiting for a flight he claimed that a fifty-year old woman was "glaring" at us.

Recently, however, we were told we were a very cute couple by a fifty-something woman at a church function. I wanted to kiss her for saying that. It meant so much to me.

What I've learned is that you cannot care what others think of you--this is hard, I know.

I will start a new job in january and i am worried about discussing my personal life because I am afraid that people will judge me negatively for being with an older man.

Family issues aside, you must rely on your own opinion of the relationship.

I tend to think these relationships make you grow up quickly (or any "odd" relationship for that matter--racial differences for instance).

I am much more tolerant of others since being in an age-gap relationship-which is a good thing.

Try to ignore that woman--she was probably JEALOUS!

Try to ignore that woman--she was probably JEALOUS!

Either that or... more likely.... genuinely concerned?

Can I ask how old you are?

~phos

i'm 20, he's going to be 50 next week.

Well, I don't know what you look like, so I'm only taking a WAG (wild a** guess) that maybe you're like I was at 20. I honestly didn't look a day over 15. LOL. Hell, at 33, I'm frequently told I don't look older than 25. And most people don't see much age gap between me and Litical (who is 13 years younger)...

So, I really would assume that a) this woman didn't know how old you really were and b) whether she did or didn't, she might have been genuinely worried that you were being taken advantage of.

IF you look especially young, I suspect (and you should expect) to get more of the same kind of "hey, are you okay???" treatment from older women who... some of whom have BEEN where you are when they were younger and feel they WERE taken advantage of (whether you like it or not, it DOES happen) or are just plain worried that you might be.

But you are 20, you are an adult and compitent to make your own decisions. I would just smile and say, "Thank you for your concern, but I am fine, genuinely love my older man and am of legal age to decide for myself. Thank you." For these concerned older ladies, it will show maturity on your part and they will let go of any notions that you are not with him willingly.

Does that make sense? Our maternal instincts are not just geered towards our children, but anyone who we think might be being taken advantage of. She actually exercised enormous restraint and kindness by only asking you this in private and not letting any of her fears consume or ruin any conversation or potential friendship.

;) Good luck, Ling.
~phos