Not giving him kids...what if we are not enough?

Well there is nothing like just jumping in with both feet, so there I go.

I married my soul mate a year ago. Isaac is 31 and my best friend.I am 36, we have a 5 1/2 year age gap. When we started dating my youngest child was just 2, and he is the only daddy who really raises her. My ex husband is not very involved at all. Hannah calls Isaac "Papa" and my other 4 kids who live with us adore him as well. (I have a 14 year old son who lives with his dad and a 14 year old foster daughter who is in juvenile hall for an assualt charge but we still consider her our child). Yup... I have 6 kids. Isaac has no biological children.

We would love to have one baby together, and so i had a tubal reversal in August 2004. They were only able to repair one tube, and there are some minor male factor issues with Isaac so TTC has been rough. We have three miscarriages so far. Heartbreaking for both of us.

I know that I don't have much time left for TTC. Fertility runs out fast at my age. Isaac says he loves me no matter what, even if I cannot give him a baby. But the guilt I feel is huge. He loves my kids so much, and he so deserves a child of his own.

I am terrified that when I am in my mid forties he will decide that he needs to have babies with someone else if I have not been able to give him a child of his own. I know, I know....I should trust his love for me...but I am afraid that I will be the reason that he will never have a baby if he stays with me.

Sigh. Is it really possible for a guy not to be devastated later if he cannot have kids with me? If we try and in just does not happen? How do I deal with the guilt later if we cannot overcome infertility issues? How can this NOT be a huge issue to him? Do guys think differently about this than women?>

This is the biggest issue for me. I wish I could find some peace with it.

Don't stress out, keep trying.

You may have 9 more years.

If God wants you to have a baby, you will have one.

Otherwise, enjoy your marriage!

If God wants you to have a baby, you will have one. While I believe in God... I don't think that the Creator goes around blessing some and withholding babies from others. It is more just the work of "nature". However, the grace to get through what ever circumstances is always present. Just my humble opinion. :)

Men's hormones to want children are not present, the way we women's hormones are. Many many men go along with having children to please the woman. Of course they love their kids just as much after they are born, but it isn't a burning need for most men, like it is with women.

Please trust that your marriage will not be ruined by lack of children. In fact more marriages are stressed out BECAUSE of children than the other way around. ;)

Yes, what yellowrose said is wonderful advice......babies are major stressor on a marriage. he has children in his life and it sounds like you have gifted him with the experience of fatherhood. Just don't worry, ok? Focus on building a happy life with each other.

PS. You are very pretty...stunning!

Thanks for the insight!

This has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. I am just terrified he will wake up one day when I am in my mid 40's and decide he wants to have a kid with someone else. the TTC process has been really hard on us both and that is not exactly helping.

I am not sure why it is such a worry...his first wife was 10 years older than he is and she was diabetic and could not have kids at all either. He married me when I had my tubes tied. Now, after the reversal, it is an option for him for the first time and I am a bit taken aback by how important it suddenly seems to be to him..