What is going on?!

Hi Guys,
Am new here ,stumbled across your site in google search.
Just wanting to tell you a bit about myself (39) and my YM (19).
He works for me, and we have become very close friends. He is living at my home with myself and my 14 yo daughter,(long story and is only temporary).
My daughter is totally unaware that there is anything going on between us, as is anyone else, except my sister and best friends. (I dont know who he has told).
We are so, so close, have a very strong mental and physical connection, lots of playing around together, but have stopped short of actual intercourse. Everytime this happens he goes into panic mode, and is very quiet for days (altho lately the quietness is receeding and he is being more himself). He is always the initiator not me. We have spoken about it, and he tells me that there can be no future for us...there is too much of an age gap, and I am his boss (I sometimes wonder if the boss thing worries him more than the age thing), and how much it scares him. But then he tells me how sexy I am, that he loves me etc.
I can see the same feelings that I have reflected in his eyes. People who dont know us assume we are a couple.
We share everything with each other, including my daughters life highs and lows, both our life stories etc.
If I was reading this from someone else I would probably assume that the YM was after the daughter and the mother was a sucker...However I dont think this is the case. Is it normal for a YM to be so spooked about our differences?
Thank you guys!

With this set-up spooked could be responsible and caring......

At least you know that if the relationship pans out he did not take it lightly and that is certainly a plus! So many young men go impulsively into the relationship with the older woman and then start to have the second thoughts AFTER she was so emotionally involved and commited that one can actually HEAR her heart break...

Good luck!
Maria

I think it would have been wiser to have never allowed this 'relationship' to start. You are his boss. That creates a situation where one person has more power than the other. You are older so he might already perceive you with more authority anyway. He lives with you so he DEPENDS on you for a place to live.

Even though he might have started it, I think he is way too vulnerable. What if he makes you really mad? How will this affect his employment? This is too much for a 19 year old to handle. No wonder he is panicking when it comes to intercourse.

IF IT WERE ME, I would stop the romance and sex and go back to being boss and employee. He has ALREADY told you that the relationship will never go anywhere. To keep this up will only bring you more pain. I hope you can stop this before it becomes too painful for either of you.

PS He could also file a sexual harassment charge even though HE initiated the make-out sessions. Just fYI.

Open your eyes, honey! Dump the dude. This is going nowhere FAST and you'd be an idiot to let it proceed. Get him the heck out of your house and BE HIS BOSS. Whew!!!

Yup, YellowRose you are right, I would have been wiser not to let it start - I look back now and wonder how it did!
He and I have discussed him moving out, and have both agreed it is better for all, that there are way too many emotions involved and he is in the process of looking for a flat - and it was only a temporary thing to start with.
We work for a medium size company and I am his immediate boss, but would have to get approval for any sackings etc. We have plenty of arguments, both of us being very angry, and I would not let any of this effect our working relationship - he is too good at his job...which makes MINE easier, lol. He has recently been promoted, which puts him at a more even level with me.
For the record I am usually the one that cuts it short before intercourse.
At home he is the boss, he calls all the shots - and yeah the fact that his whole life depends on my whims (for want of a better term) scares the daylights out of me - more so, I think than him.
He is one of the kindest, gentlest (without being a pushover), and most mature pple I have ever met - that is why this has happened. I would never have DREAMED I would feel like this about someone so young.
Thanks for the input all.

The fact is that YOU could be FIRED for allowing this to happen. I hope that doesn't happen but your company would be in their rights to do so. Get out while the gettings good. Good luck!

He sounds like a very nice man, but if you look some posts in this site, you will see that he falls into the category of VYM (very young man). At this stage most VYM have not finished growing up and deciding what they want for their life. It is better if you drop the relationship. It will be easier once he moves out, which should be ASAP.

By the way, it does not matter if the person is m or f, living with an employee is a hassle and problem potential under any circumstances, try to avoid that in the future.

The fact is that YOU could be FIRED for allowing this to happen. I hope that doesn't happen but your company would be in their rights to do so. Get out while the gettings good. Good luck!


Company Owner knows - he guessed, and told me as long as I am happy... Bizzarre situation to say the least - but the Company Owner is not a normal, run of the mill, type person. Am not at all worried about either of our jobs, am more worried about my and mostly HIS emotion well being.

Well, if that company owner ever gets slapped with a sexual harassment charge, he will change his tune. If the YM gets upset with you or starts preforming badly at work, and has to be let go, he could cause a lot of problems for you and your company.

Please note... I hope this doesn't happen. I am just letting you know. I worked in Human Resources for a lot of years. I wish you the best.... :)