Correspondence with an OW on a personals site.

This was an exchange between me and a 45 year old woman on Adult Friendfinder.

>Sender: me
To: older woman
>Date: Nov 28, 2005 11:32 PM EST

>Please write to me. I'd like to get to know you.

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> Sender: older woman
> To: me
> Date: Nov 29, 2005 1:58 AM EST
>
Thank you for your interest and being respectful and sending your photo. However with the age difference it would never go anyplace. 20 something guys are too immature for me. Also we are interested in different things. Take another look at my profile and you should see I am not looking to be a sexual object for you and anyone. Best Wishes.

> ---------------------------------------------------
> Sender: me
> To: older woman
> Date: Nov 29, 2005 7:37 AM EST
>
I don't want to sound like I'm preaching to you, but you really should be more
open-minded regarding younger guys. Younger men aren't all alike, and it's really unfair and judgmental of you to label me "immature" without even taking the time to get to know me. Also, I'm not looking for a sex object. You said in your profile that you were on this site to make a few friends. That's why I'm here, too.
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
>Sender: older woman
>To: me
>Date: Nov 29, 2005 8:32 AM EST

It was definately preaching. It always is when you tell someone else "they should whatever". You ad say you seek someone to be sexual with you. I would not and have no desire to be. As for open-minded my most important of friends are younger than me. I've been nothing but curteous to you and you turn around knowing nothing about me and make an a**hole comment like that. I know nothing about you but what you have shown me here and what your ad says. If you are open-minded, great - accept this: I'm not interested and I don't want to hear from you anymore.

>Sender: me
>To: older woman
>Date: Nov 29, 2005 5:21 PM EST

Fine.

Isn't that the site where many people post naked pictures of themselves? LOL And she is acting all offended because she "assumed" you just wanted sex from her? Oh boy.....what a winner. I hope you're not seriously feeling offended by her response. She sounds a little nutty to me. :confused:

>Sender: me
To: older woman
>Date: Nov 28, 2005 11:32 PM EST

>Please write to me. I'd like to get to know you.

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> Sender: older woman
> To: me
> Date: Nov 29, 2005 1:58 AM EST
>
Thank you for your interest and being respectful and sending your photo. However with the age difference it would never go anyplace. 20 something guys are too immature for me. Also we are interested in different things. Take another look at my profile and you should see I am not looking to be a sexual object for you and anyone. Best Wishes.

> ---------------------------------------------------
What I would have replied if I were you:
Thank you very much for your response, I really appreciate it. My foremost interest is making friends, and you sound like a very nice person. Actually I have read your profile and I like blah blah , and that is why I emailed you in the first place. I would like to know what some of your interests are and if they match mine we could give friendship a chance. Some of my interests are blah blah blah.

It does not matter if you guys were in Adult Finder or in a Gardening Club Site, what you want is to show that you took an interest in the person by reading her profile (that is akin to listening) and that you want her to give you a chance by sounding mature, not preaching nor sounding defensive.

Better luck next time.

Isn't that the site where many people post naked pictures of themselves? LOL And she is acting all offended because she "assumed" you just wanted sex from her?
Yeah, this woman had a picture of herself in her underwear. In her profile, she talks about how she likes to play strip poker, bathe with male friends in a hot tub, and how much she likes exhibitionism. All I wrote in my profile is that I'm seeking a friends with benefits type relationship with the possibility of something more, and she thinks all I want is someone to be sexual with. :rolleyes:

Yeah, Mark.....don't get caught up in her nonsense. That site is for people seeking sex in all various forms. If she did not want to be considered a sex object she would have never placed an ad there in the first place. Don't sweat it, sweetheart.

Yes Im surprised she is on that site if shes not looking for a romp... but ummm now i know why u have the such bad views of women Mark...look at the sites your frequenting....hardly sites that will lead to anything.

If your looking for a friend.... cripes why not try the basic friend finder site and not the adult friend finder/sleaze site. :confused:

I think it's dumb that she gets all offended about being seen as a "sex object" when she's posting crap like that on a ridiculous site like that... like, what does she think, people are going to read about her playing poker in the buff and think, "What a well-rounded, interesting, intelligent person!"

However, your second message to her did sound hostile and defensive. You sound like a very angry person.

I think it's dumb that she gets all offended about being seen as a "sex object" when she's posting crap like that on a ridiculous site like that... like, what does she think, people are going to read about her playing poker in the buff and think, "What a well-rounded, interesting, intelligent person!"

However, your second message to her did sound hostile and defensive. You sound like a very angry person.

Mark, I totally agree with PinkCat. Your response was not handled well at all. Since I met a nice wife online, may I offer a suggestion on how to re-write this? Here goes:

I don't want to sound like I'm preaching to you, but younger guys aren't all so terrible. I promise I don't bite -- honest. :) I wish you wouldn't consider me "immature" without getting to know me a little better.

By the way, I'm really looking for friendship more than anything else. You said in your profile that you were on this site to make a few friends, right? That's why I'm here, too.

Do you think maybe we could chat just a little more?

Now, she could still read this and say "Whatever! Next!" but at least you'd part on more cordial terms without her calling you an ***hole.

Mark, I tried to "de-hostile-ize" :D your response, and I suggest you always adopt a non-defensive, non-hostile tone in the future. Hang in there!

Good luck!

Hey Mark!
Ummmm...for me, what woman wouldn't want to get involved with a man in his 20's?? ;) I mean, I personally would not rule out the possibility of finding true love with a man in his 20's. But this lady sounds slightly creepy and weird. Strip poker? How lame. (Sorry! :))

Yeah, this woman had a picture of herself in her underwear. In her profile, she talks about how she likes to play strip poker, bath with male friends in a hot tub, and how much she likes exhibitionism...

:p Well! :D

Here's her profile. And I'm supposed to believe this woman when she says she is not interested in sex? :rolleyes:

45 year old Woman

Looking For: Men, Women or Couples (man and woman) for Exhibitionism/Voyeurism

I like events that allow me to get dressed up and be around those that appreciate a person who knows how to dress. I enjoy the company of intelligent people who can carry on a conversation on a variety of subjects without bragging about themselves or their accomplishments. I enjoy most all social activities and some that are private. I enjoy Strip Poker, Nude Hot Tubing, Skinny Dipping, and a variety of other activities. I am looking for social relationships at this time.

Ideal Person:
First and foremost: If you don't respect me enough to send your photo when contacting me, your message won't even be opened. I seek people to be friends only. People who are D&D Free (If she doesn't intend to have sex, why does she care if the person is disease free???) , NON Smokers, and local to this area. One must like getting together with or without nude activities but willing to get naked should the occasion call for it. Want people who are fun to be around without being pushy or arrogant. Psychological stability is more important than looks or what you have between your legs. Not into the overbearing lone wolf types. Do like fun and friendly. :rolleyes:

Mark, aren't there subject fields to fill in for the age of the "friends" or "partners" you are hoping to meet?

Everybody who is looking for somebody has SOME idea of the qualities they think that they want in a parter.

If this is not listed in their profile then just back off.

If I was to make a profile on a personals site when I was available I would have said, "single woman, mother of three, age 33 interested in meeting anybody for friendship and ages 18-50 for romance."

Mark my dear, you're investing way too much in the way of expectations from people who don't forthright admit their limits.

" One must like getting together with or without nude activities but willing to get naked should the occasion call for it."
OK that is SO weird.

I agree with you Mark. I hope you do better next time too!.

Definately might want to try a different site. I don't think missing out on a date with that particular woman was such a big loss. Keep looking (not there!) and you'll eventually find the one you're looking for. There are some of us older ladies that enjoy being with the younger man. Good luck to you in finding her.