Finally go do it

Well I have finally decided to get some counseling for an outside view of my life. I have been putting this off for sometime now. I am not a particular fan of shrinks but I feel like I need to "spill my guts" so to speak to someone with no ties to me. I think it will help me grow and learn and identify things I need to work on. Anyone have any good experiences with this?

-Nibbles

When I was 16-18 I had a psychologist who was nothing short of wonderful. AND, bonus, she didn't want to medicate me.

My experience with most "shrinks" (psychiatrists) since is that they take a "medicate first" kind of approach to depression and/or anxiety and philosophically, I think that's terrible. I think a GOOD psychologist or psychiatrist will spend countless hours with you getting to know you, what makes you tick, what YOU think is wrong, etc., FIRST before trying to give you some odd, various medications... (unless, of course, you're suicidal or something... )

... so, if who you're planning to see is someone who comes highly recommended, doesn't try to write you a prescription, and encourages actual THERAPY time (talking it out, helping you by guiding you with leading questions as opposed to just answering you with his/her thoughts) then COOL.

But, if that prescription pad comes out in the first meeting, I'd just get up and walk out. I don't trust those kinds of doctors AT ALL.

I think it's great that if you feel the need that you are reaching out and doing it and I wish you lots of luck in finding a good MATCH with someone who can provide this for you.

~phos

Well I have finally decided to get some counseling for an outside view of my life.
I've had a couple of excellent experiences and one god-awful one. Given that, I can advise you to choose your therapist(s) as carefully as possible. Ask direct questions and expect direct answers. Let them know what you expect. Ask if they have experience in whatever issues you wish to address, and how much. (Note: I also let them know I will not pay to get these initial answers I need to make my decision as to whether I continue seeing them. It should not take more than 15 minutes to get that basic information.)

Make certain he/she understands that you will be fully involved with the entire process. That is, you will not only come in to talk/listen, but also to truly get some answers. Let them know you may very well question their advice, or ask them to provide reasonable evidence or justification for any advice given. Otherwise, it's simply a money game for all too many therapists. You might even discuss a time frame within you expect certain outcomes. However, do not be surprised if they imply that is not possible. Although it may be difficult to know exactly when specific outcomes will obtain, you might let them know that you do not expect to have things drag on seemingly forever and get nowhere.

Consider whether you wish to see a "talk" therapist or a psychiatrist. The only advantage of the latter over the former is the ability to prescribe medications. If you think that's what you need, then see the shrink first. However, they can be expensive so you might let the shrink know that you'll also be using a talk therapist, but you do wish the two of them to communicate, if either feels that might be necessary at some time.

In fact, that is what I do. I see my shrink for all of one hour each year--in 15 minute quarterly visits only to have my prescription refilled. I then see a far less expensive talk therapist for "spilling my guts." I have given each full and complete permission to contact the other. And in my case, both do not mind my set-up and it works beautifully.

Do not be at all hesitant to seek a different therapist/shrink if you feel things are not working with whomever you might be seeing at any given time. I take a very active role in all my health care matters. With shrinks, I've found a number of M.D.s do indeed have a "god complex" and dislike a patient questioning their decisions and/or actions. However, I let them know at the very beginning that I will expect them to value my opinion no less than I value theirs.

That is because I do a great deal of research before visits, especially if medications are involved, and actually tell the doctor what I expect him/her to prescribe. I've found some do not like that, but the shrink I see now does not even question my medication selections. He invariably prescribes what I've decided I need. He has learned that I will be as fully versed with the medical literature and effects of any drugs as he when I enter his office. I decide what meds might be prescribed, not the doctor. And, that is always the case.

In sum, find someone with experience in the area(s) you seek to address. Make certain they understand you will not simply take their word for things. But, you can only do that if you fully educate yourself before entering his/her office. Consider the two-person model I've described--a shrink for any meds that might be needed, but a psychologist, social worker, talk therapist, etc. for all else.

Feel free to PM me.

I have always felt that I need a therapist...but I never wanted my parents to know. Once I have a real job in these next coming months, I am going to look into going. Let me know your experiences.

There are some good cautions and tips here... I'd just add a couple more points.

One, be sure you know (for discover early on) WHY you are going to do this. I say that because my bias is to encourage people to seek a "goal oriented" therapist. You could spend the rest of your life "spilling your guts" and that gets expensive.

Two, (and this closely relates) watch out of "co-dependency" - the best therapist's goal will include ending their relationship with you in a positive way at a time you both agree is appropriate. A true professional will send you packing even if you don't think you are ready but you've stopped making progress.

Three, during your interview, ask them about "behavioral therapy." Most counseling is problem-driven and the most effective therapists recognize that (for example) you don't just drug people (drug therapy) who are depressed, you provide the behavioral therapy that at least enables the "patient" to reduce or eliminate depressive behaviors.

Yes, there is some biology and chemistry involved sometimes but by and large how we feel is a product of how we think and act.

yes, i have had a good experience with this. i had a therapist for a while several years back and it proved to be beneficial at the time. it was very expensive tho. i think it was a necessity to help me thru a difficult time. but i would agree that you should find one who is willing to let you go when you have prgressed to a healthy point. best wishes.

When my boyfriend died at the age of 25 i had to get some help..... It put life into prespective for me and helped me when no one else could... Sometimes people who are too close to your situation may want to help but they simply just can't....

I recommend it... definatly a great thing!

Thank you for the replies. I have made my appt so I will let you know how it goes. I am not depressed or having anxiety of any sort. I just feel like I want to talk to someone about my life and get an outside view of things I could possibly improve upon myself. You how sometimes someone will point something out to you that you never thought about? It is perhaps too presumptuous to think that I will have some glorious revelation in doing this but I am not looking for that either. Heck I may walk out disgusted? I am going to walk in there willing to listen. I will need to explore what my goals are in depth before this appt(thanks Wallypop) because I also think this will be important to them. I plan to have a time frame going into this.

I plan to re-read this thread too before the appt.

Thanks again.

Merlove by the way I heard you mention your loved one passing away in a previous post and wanted to tell you how I admire your courage. Death is never easy. I hope he was a christian. If so, you shall surely see him again and I tell you he is in a much better place than you or I.

Merlove by the way I heard you mention your loved one passing away in a previous post and wanted to tell you how I admire your courage. Death is never easy. I hope he was a christian. If so, you shall surely see him again and I tell you he is in a much better place than you or I.

Thank you.. it really wasn't easy..... It was the hardest things I've ever had to go thru... I almost committed suicide once that is why I decided to FINALLY get some help..... and it did work..... We are both catholic.. I do believe He's still with me in spirit every day and I believe when you die everyone you have a connection with in life will be there to enjoy the rest of our lives... so Yep I know I will see him again someday!!

I saw a therapist and it did help me seeing certain things from a different perspective. I might not have had some epiphany but a few times I went "I didnt see it THAT way" before. Also helped me to come to term with some things that happened in my life that I didnt really face before.
Good initiative Nibbles.
But DONT take any medication. You sure dont need any and getting off them is a nightmare.
I was real sick at some point and had to take some but if I had to do it all over again I dont think I would take medication again.
Of course, its personal experience but I know alot of people who had a hell of a time getting off them.
The side effects are not worth it. Unless of course you truly are depressive and suicidal and even than. I wasnt suicidal, never been in my entire life. On medication I just didnt care whether I would live or die sometimes.
Sure WASNT me!
But the therapy part, that is what helped me the most.
Good luck!

Hmmm, I've been through psychoanalysis for 3 years. I just decided to end it, took an appointment with a psycho-whatever, the one that prescribes medication (we call them differently here).

I have been suicidal since age 14 and I still am. Doesn't mean that I'll do it even though I've been hospitalised twice for suicide attemts. They were more calls for help than real attemps because when a person really wants to die, doesn't fail in the process . My son keeps me alive, so no, I'm not planning on dying soon, but the strong need and wish are always present. Now don't worry and don't PM me right left and centre, I won't talk about it.

I will accept medication and I think that I'll ask for it because I really want to live (contradictory, I know), get a taste of life again and give joy and stability to my son. This is my daily struggle.

I'm sorry Loucine for your struggle. :(
I wasnt trying to minimize medication for those that really needs them.
But there is many cases that medication is not needed but psychiatrists and pharmaceutical companies makes ALOT of money out of it.
But again, sometimes it is a must.

I'm sorry Loucine for your struggle. :(
I wasnt trying to minimize medication for those that really needs them.
But there is many cases that medication is not needed but psychiatrists and pharmaceutical companies makes ALOT of money out of it.
But again, sometimes it is a must.

LOL no Faith, I wasn't refering to your post. You know the years that I lived with a loving and caring companion, all of my struggle with life almost vanished.

I simply cannot count on finding that again soon and I cannot waste my years. I think medication will be just fine for now. If pharmaceutical companies are going to make money out of my treatment, so be it, I don't drink Coca Cola and I don't drive a car. So I'll let at least some company make profit out of my situation :p

I have had some good ones, and some that weren't worth anything. I do say if you don't like them, then do go to someone else. You will find one that you are comfortable with.

Also when you do find one you like, ask what their future plans are.....if you are going to see them for an extended period of time you don't want them leaving after making progress, and having to start over again with someone new. That has happened to me a couple of times. Gets frusterating, and can have abandonment issues tied to it.

Off-Topic

I hope he was a christian [sic]. If so, you shall surely see him again....
With all due respect, that prospect is hardly confined to Christianity. Let's look at a couple of more extreme examples, cultures that could not ever have heard of Christianity to form their initial beliefs:

Australian Aborigines -- Death marked the end of the physical life only, with the spirit then released to rejoin the spirits of ancestors, and of the features of the land itself.

Maoris of New Zealand -- A key hope and expectation was that of reunion with family and friends who had gone before. The deceased would be greeted with wailing and chanted to commemorate their arrival.

But DONT take any medication. You sure dont need any and getting off them is a nightmare.
That statement does not take into account any of the medical research from the past 10-20 years, or even 50+ years. In many cases, the problem is indeed "nothing more" than a chemical imbalance, that all the talk-therapy in the universe cannot address or remedy. I also question the ability to determine from postings in these forums the assessment that any particular individual does not need medication(s).

That statement does not take into account any of the medical research from the past 10-20 years, or even 50+ years. In many cases, the problem is indeed "nothing more" than a chemical imbalance, that all the talk-therapy in the universe cannot address or remedy. I also question the ability to determine from postings in these forums the assessment that any particular individual does not need medication(s).

Look, I gave her an advice. I am talking from personal experience and I believe she is a big girl and can make her own decision.
Geez...where is THAT coming from?!
I aint going that road with you.

First of all trust your gut feeling about the therapist. If you don't think you two click just try another.

Ask them what type of therapies do they use. They should be able to briefly tell you how they proceed.

Ask about their credentials and number of years in practice. I prefer therapists who are at least in their 40's. :)

If your insurance doesn't cover all of it, or if you do not have insurance, ask the THERAPIST if they do reduced rates if you are on a limited budget. Most of them do that for some people.

I have had a few bad experiences but the good ones were worth their weight in gold. Good luck! :)

I am a huge believer in therapy, but I have had good and bad experiences. I have said before, the fit between the therapist and client is critical! I agree with Yellowrose on this....trust your gut! I am going through a divorce and working through some identity issues. I would be lost right now without this completely confidential place to discuss my issues.

I saw a Psychologist once but it did not work for me because I could see through him.

I've gone to therapy/counseling off and on since I was in my mid-20s. Sometimes to focus on family issues, relationship issues, or other personal issues. I've only had one unsatisfactory experience.

Nibbles, if you don't feel right with the first person, find someone else. It's like finding a hairdresser (okay, not really but sort of) - everyone's hair is different. So are our psyches and our personalities.

Going to therapy/counseling has helped me, both short-term and long-term. It gives you tools for gaining insight into your Self and life's situations. And that's an understatement. I don't read a lot of self-help books these days but when I started going to counseling, I read everything I could get my hands on. While over the years I've 'sifted' from my brain/psyche what I don't need, all of this reading expanded my thought processes and my views, in general.

As for medication, I've never taken any myself. Even though both of my parents tend toward depression and life has been interesting, I've always been a do-it-yourselfer. I believe that we have the power to make most of the changes that we need to in our lives in order to be happy. And going to therapy is one of the tools that has helped me gain this belief and this ability.

I used to have a pretty strong bias against taking medication but no longer. In recent times, I've seen it change people's lives for the better - friends and relatives. Some of these people, I believe could not make these changes on their own without medication. Some, I thought could, but not everyone has the 'tools' to do so.

I'm a huge supporter of expanding our horizons. Go for it, Nibbles.

In Your Eyes mentioned that she doesn't want her parents to know. Some people have wrong feelings about therapy. You don't have to be crazy to see a therapist. As it is in Nibbles' case, it's good to get help to put things in order and see in a more lucid way to be able to continue on the right track.

When I mentioned suicide, it's not as scary or as classic as some might think. Many can be self-destructive or suicidal without even knowing it. For years I worked in an extremely dangerous job, in a way I was pushing myself to die accidentally. The day I had my child I started to fear for my own life. Many smoke, drink and take drugs knowing that they are risking their lives, they are self-destructive and suicidal also.

In my case, I spent years opening cans of worms through psychoanalysis, now I do know what has been causing my melancholy. I have decided to go on medication in order to get that foggy screen out of my way. It is a very sane decision, contrary to my suicidal impulses, it is a great wish and a need to live and to live well.

Coming back to Nibbles, it is important to know also that therapy is a not a miracle cure. You will be doing most of the work yourself. Deep thinking and analising in between sessions is very important if not more important than the actual sessions.

I wanted to send out a special thank you to everyone here on this post who gave me such good and honest responses to this issue.

I had my first session yesterday evening and I am very glad I went. I discovered a few things about my emotions that never really "clicked" before. I spent alot of time crying but I hope that it will change as time passes with more sessions. She does think that I am on the road to discovery and balence and just need a little help getting there.

Thanks again all. Wonderful people you are.

I wanted to send out a special thank you to everyone here on this post who gave me such good and honest responses to this issue.

I had my first session yesterday evening and I am very glad I went. I discovered a few things about my emotions that never really "clicked" before. I spent alot of time crying but I hope that it will change as time passes with more sessions. She does think that I am on the road to discovery and balence and just need a little help getting there.

Thanks again all. Wonderful people you are.

Great News (((Hugs))) it sounds like you're moving in the right direction...I predict that next year is going to be your best year ever!
:) ;)

I wanted to send out a special thank you to everyone here on this post who gave me such good and honest responses to this issue.

I had my first session yesterday evening and I am very glad I went. I discovered a few things about my emotions that never really "clicked" before. I spent alot of time crying but I hope that it will change as time passes with more sessions. She does think that I am on the road to discovery and balence and just need a little help getting there.

Thanks again all. Wonderful people you are.

Wonderful! :cool:

that is Fabulous!!!!!

Nibbles... it's so wonderful to be able to discuss your inner feelings and not be judged but someone that can listen and guide you in the right direction.... Good for you!!

Well I had my final counseling session last night(atleast final for now). I have learned so much about myself in such a short time and am making so many progresses within myself and being true to myself. I am now ready to really use those tools. So this fledgling was let go last night :D Thanks for all your support guys.

-Nibbles