Divorce

Maybe this is a thread that has already surfaced. This is not a poll but more of something I am curious about.

How many of you are divorced?

At what age did you separate from your marriage?

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way)

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will?

Thanks in advance. I will chime in later.

First.

Married 8 years. (Together 13).

No ill will. Communication was our major problem.

She was 25 and I was 36 when we got married.

How many of you are divorced?
Second... LOL And TWICE. Well, almost twice. Waiting for the final hearing now on #2. ;)

At what age did you separate from your marriage?
First time, 27. Second time, 32

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?
First marriage: We were too young when we wed and did so for the wrong reasons (well, the right ones, sure, but the "right reasons" aren't always right. LOL) and were incompatible people. He eventually cheated.

Second marriage: I was an idiot? LOL He was an alcoholic, passive-aggressive, in a different library entirely when it came to parenting, morals, goals, desires, and eventually he dumped me because I wouldn't accept his alcoholism.

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will?
First marriage: Once we were apart, ill will dissipated QUICK. We were civil for our sons sake immediately ~ but were friends again within a couple months. While I do not regret the divorce, I am thankful HE is my sons father and we are friends.

Second marriage: BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA. There will likely never be civility of ANY kind so long as he continues to drink and delude himself that he has no problem with it. :rolleyes: IF he ever quits, I might consider it. In the meantime, it twists his thinking, fogs his sense of reality, makes him vicious and cruel and petty and worthless and I have NO interest in entertaining kindness towards him.

~phos

Third

At what age did you separate from your marriage? 33

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way) The ex was an abusive and manipulative person. He did cleanup his act somewhat towards the end but it was just too late, too much water under the bridge, and I seriously couldn't trust anything that exited his lips.

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will?
Me? I don't have any problems with him as long as he behaves. Him? Probably never. I'm this evil tramp that tore his family apart and he attempts to poison the kids to that end every chance he can. Fortunately, they're smarter than that.

How many of you are divorced?
*raising hand*

At what age did you separate from your marriage?
1st i was 38, 2nd i was 50

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way)
1st i don't think, looking back, we ever really liked or respected each other...2nd it was a break down of mutual goals/dreams/communication

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will?
for the first, it took me a few years to forgive the passive agressive behavior, to say nothing of the cheating. i don't think he has to this day given up his "hate" towards me *shrug*
2nd, i never had any ill will...i think he has developed it though

with neither man am i friends with, nor do i care to be... when its over, its over

I'm divorced, and not happy about that status, really. Not that I still want to be married to my ex, I just wish I didn't end up divorced.

How many of you are divorced? Me!

At what age did you separate from your marriage? 29

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way) It was my fault. My ex wasn't a bad person. We just maybe weren't super-well suited. He likes to stay in and watch movies and play on the computer, I like to go out and live life to the fullest. But it worked for a really long time when we were in our home city, and I could spend time with friends and my parents. We moved here for his job and we didn't really know anyone, and I couldn't take having him as my only social outlet, so I wandered. We tried counselling, but as the therapist said, I didn't even have any desire to work on things. So in a nutshell -- I left because I was bored. Not proud of that, but there it is.

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will? I still haven't forgiven myself, really. He wasn't perfect and I don't exactly miss him, and I would love it if we could be friends, but he remarried a few months after we divorced! And he is not the type to have a lot of friends anyway.

Married 5 yrs divorced @ 37 no kids together (I 32 she 33)

cause = she was a crazy insane sneak

haven't seen or tt her since

she's been married 2 more times since (it's her job in life) :eek:

and I didn't pay a cent for the divorce


P.S. I see no reason to keep in touch unless you have kids.

How many of you are divorced? Divorced once upon a time, now happily married

At what age did you separate from your marriage?29

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way)married too young for wrong reasons.

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will?never see each other, no children

How many of you are divorced?: I will be in 15 days.

At what age did you separate from your marriage? 23 (he was 33)

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way): he kept getting drunk and hitting me, spending all my money and didn't look for a job, smoked all our dollars away.

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will?: I just left and never looked back. I wish him a happy life.

I'm divorced, but engaged to be married to husband #2. :eek:

At what age did you separate from your marriage? 36 (he was 47).

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way): In a nutshell, I realized he was totally self-centered and everything was always about him and what he wanted. He would never be a full partner with me unless my goals were the same as his, so it was no better than being alone, ultimately.

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will? It really didn't leave ILL-will for us. Since it was always About Him in life, once he finally accepted the reality of being left, I didn't matter anymore. Fine with me, and he lives half a country away. Convenience at its best. :D

u r beautiful

How many of you are divorced? ME ME ME

At what age did you separate from your marriage? 31 (together almost 8 years and married almost 6)

What do you think/know was the cause of your divorce?(This will be a combo of things by the way) he was the epitome of "mean".

How long will it take for one ex-partner to forgive the other if the divorce left ill-will? took me about a year. we're great friends now.

Well I suppose since I presented the question I should answer it too.

My divorce was final a month ago. So that make me 33 when it was official. Together for 10 years. We dated for 5 years and married for 5. He is 35 and I am 34.

Major cause of the separation was lack of communication. In hindsight I see that this started from the beginning. I prided myself in being the perfect wife thinking that this would reciprocate from my ex onto me to what I wanted from him. No matter how many times I told him(yes in plain words too) what I needed and wanted he still didn't get it. I got tired of trying and have never been an ultimatum person. He spent so much time working and worrying about money that he forgot about what was right in front of him. I harbor guilt but I know that this was the best move I have made in years for both me and my son.

Right now my ex is VERY bitter for me leaving. He said to me that I ruined his life. I know it will take time for him to forgive me but I will never stop trying. For the sake of my son we are both civil right now.

Major cause of the separation was lack of communication. In hindsight I see that this started from the beginning. I prided myself in being the perfect wife thinking that this would reciprocate from my ex onto me to what I wanted from him. No matter how many times I told him(yes in plain words too) what I needed and wanted he still didn't get it. I got tired of trying and have never been an ultimatum person. He spent so much time working and worrying about money that he forgot about what was right in front of him.
.

Dear god :eek: That is so me right now. I am not divorced, don't plan to be but I am plain flat out tired. Except that I did flat out tell him when I was pregnant (5 years ago, baby now 4) that if he worked another week-end I would simply leave. I told him that if I left the kids would actually see him more. And that was pretty sad. He has worked the occasional week-end and I can live with that.

Okay, so now I am wondering...... if I would answer the question with a one and currently on my second? I was not legally married to my first sons dad, does that still count? As a "divorce"?

~Jenna

My divorce was final one year ago. I am 35, he is now 47. We were together 7 years and married 6. It was my decision b/c I felt neglected in the marriage (no physical intimacy, conversations only about work or politics, etc.). Whenever I asked him why he is distant, he said "I don't know". Can you say STONEWALLING??? This went on for four years!!! I tried everything I could think of. Even went to counseling. But I finally had to leave. I think we were just wrong for each other.

He said that he was happy with the marriage and didn't want it to end or change. He curled up in the fetal position and went on anti-depressants when I left. I felt terribly guilty but knew it just couldn't be fixed. He was very bitter for many months. But we have remained friends and he is now back to his old pre-marriage self (the guy I thought I married??!! :eek: ) and he seems to have figured everything out and forgiven his pain. I'm not sure if he will ever forgive me, though. And sometimes I still feel bad. But I know I did the best thing for us both and I hope he finds the woman with the key to his heart!

Lucky me, I have found the man I can walk side by side with, calmly, warmly, and happily!

Nibbles, you are not alone!

I have no divorces behind me, I got married for my first (and hopefully last) time this summer. :D

Nope, not divorced. I was widowed at 31 after a 10 year relationship. (That was 10 years ago).

Married the first time at 19, divorced at 33. He is an alcoholic and was abusive from time to time. He has asked my forgiveness and I forgave him but the effects of that abuse are still with me sometimes. We had 2 kids.

Second marriage to my then YM. He was 20 and I was 34. We 1 daughter. We were together for 5 years before we actually divorced. We went back together a few years ago but we are apart at the present. I think the basic problem NOW is that we are BOTH set in our own ways. We are still family to each other...

Third :eek: marriage at48 for 4 years. Husband bailed out when I came down with Rheumatoid Arthritis. No 'death til ye part' for him. I probably still haven't forgiven him nor I do I trust men all that much. :(

Married the first time at 19, divorced at 33. He is an alcoholic and was abusive from time to time. He has asked my forgiveness and I forgave him but the effects of that abuse are still with me sometimes. We had 2 kids.

Second marriage to my then YM. He was 20 and I was 34. We 1 daughter. We were together for 5 years before we actually divorced. We went back together a few years ago but we are apart at the present. I think the basic problem NOW is that we are BOTH set in our own ways. We are still family to each other...

Third :eek: marriage at48 for 4 years. Husband bailed out when I came down with Rheumatoid Arthritis. No 'death til ye part' for him. I probably still haven't forgiven him nor I do I trust men all that much. :(

My wife got ill right in the middle of the divorce. She was in ICU for three weeks. I could not leaver her all by herself. So, she is staying with me and recovering. Strange?

Life is strange at least for me.

I am in the process of divorce after 27 years of marriage. I am 50 and have been separated for 8 months. My reason for divorce is a classic; middle aged people living separate but parallel lives. I was ready for change, he was perfectly content, although he rarely had kind or supportive thing to say to me. This marriage died 20 years ago, but I stayed the course because we were raising a child. Child has finished college and when he left that house, life there was empty. Did counseling and clearly wasn't going to work. My husband remains bitter, although for the first time in his life he is developing hobbies, rather than criticizing mine! I think I did the right thing and after 8 months I am beginning to feel his anger lifting. I feel nothing but tremendous relief!! :)