Scared

Hi
I am new here and would like to introduce myself. I have just recently met someone who approached me when I was out and about which surprized me very much. After guessing at first that I was in my thirties (very sweet of him lol) I told him no I am older than that . The age difference is vast. He is 24 and I am 49. Like some of the people that have been posting here , I have been trying to just take it day by day because I know that there are alot of challenges with that much of age difference. The thing is that I think that I am really starting to have feelings and really scared of that
. I just recently got out of a three year relationship with someone who was 4 years older and he left me for someone else in July. I was never really open to someone much younger than me but this person is at this point just wonderful to be with. I know I am still healing from that. I guess I am letting you know I am here and reading. I am sure I will need support in the future ;) Also I can support others. Sincerely Camelotlady

Whatever you do, don't look at this relationship as a challenge because of the age difference. All relationships are a challenge. Like you, I was taken back when my ym hit on me and he thought I was in my 30's (bless his heart). But I decided that after I divorced my second husband that I will enjoy myself regardless of the outcome with whoever I am with. So far, it's been a great decision on my part.

Remeber, the guys chase us. I never would've flirted with a ym since I was under the pretense that most of them were players (sorry guys). But, I am pleasantly surprised that I was wrong.

Enjoy yourself for all that it's worth. Allow yourself this pleasure, I think everyone does it!
Deb

Ah, well most of us start out scared and with any luck, we get over it if the older or younger partner is attuned to us.

We are what age we are and it's all good, IMHO.


P.S. Trish, 52 is fabulous, just like 53, 54 and so on..... Look at us woman!!! :)

I've been told by men and women both younger and older than myself that I don't look my age. It's when they say I don't look a day over 30 that I know they're full of crap. I'm proud of every day of my 43 years and will never lie about it.

Hi, I wouldnt worry about the age difference. I would spend time with him and see where it goes. You could be in for the time of your life! :)

Camelotlady ~

Welcome to Ageless Love.

Just continue to take it day by day, like you would any new relationship. And keep coming back. You'll find a lot of information, input and experiences here at AL. And lots of good people. :)


And I have to comment on the 'age guessing' game. I usually get guessed at closer to 30 than 40. I even still get carded sometimes, and not just by men. ;) I am under NO delusion that this means that the clerk really believes that I'm under 21 but they're supposed to card if you look under some certain age that I am certain that I am well past.

But, anywaaay....when a guy's guess gets too close to 30...or drops below that, I laugh a little because then I KNOW he's just trying to flatter me. And really, that's not ALL bad, now is it? Depending on their delivery, they may or may not get points for it. *laugh*

Like lots of us gals these days, I take good care of my skin, work out and try to stay fit, etc. But you know what? I believe that a lot of it is Attitude. I am a fairly high energy person, and a positive energy person. This makes me look happier and give off 'happy vibes', I believe. I am also still interested in trying new things - I'm taking my first snowboarding lesson this coming weekend! Whoo-hoo! Yes, I'm nervous, but I think that when we quit trying new things and quit growing and changing, we may as well give it all up.

We gots LOTS of positive energy girls on this site...obviously! :cool:

Camelotlady, I would tread cautiously if I were you. You are correct that the bigger the age gap, the bigger the challenges. Another thing: Young men can change their minds (as can anyone) and without very good reason.

A lot of younger men want to be with an older woman, especially sexually, for the experience. Not all, but a lot. Go into this with eyes wide open.

By all means, have a friendship, and enjoy yourself. This might be a great experience for you. Just be careful, and don't give more than he does or give until it ends up hurting you. When you notice that you're giving more than he is, or that the relationship is more of a burden than a joy, then it's time to look at redefining it or letting it go.

Good luck!

I've been in a gap that is about as big as yours, and I can say that vym come with a set of problems because often they are interested, but their interest sometimes is temporary. And even though we have long term couples here with a large age gap, they seem to be the exception not the rule. But that being said: when you start out you don't know what your circumstance will be. If you did know it wouldn't be any fun, now would it? Like any romance! And I have to say, it's not really the age anyway, it's the person....

Hugs
Ali

I am 49 dating a 26 year old...he pursued me hard, wouldn't give up...and in total honesty says that when we first met he thought I was about 35. That is close to what people usually guess for me; but then again, I have had laser on my face so most of my wrinkles, and all of my age spots were VAPORIZED away :D. (and I love it!)

Best to you...I agree with Polly that caution at the very beginning is a good thing; but if/when your ym's intentions are clear and established in a long term relationship (several months or years from now), sit back and relax...he's old enough to know what he wants and by that time "obsessing" about the age dif. can just be laborious or damaging.
Enjoy !
Karen

Wecome to Ageless!

I'd echo what others have said. I also would recommend the book "Older Women, Younger Men" to you if you haven't read it. I think it does a pretty good job, especially talking about men in their early, mid and late 20's, and what to expect along the way with each.

I had a gap of 27 years (which brought me here over four years ago) when I met someone 23 and I was 50 (and for the record, he thought I was 40....i'm 55 now and people think I'm about 45, so yeah, people actually CAN look a lot younger than they are!) This paragraph contains way too many numbers...moving on...

Young men in their early-mid twenties DO vascillate a lot. They don't really know what they want, and I agree that they are looking for a body of experience that they currently don't posess, and think that an older woman can offer them that without really considering the older woman's feelings/wants/needs future. So I would just caution you to keep your eyes open. I ended up deeply involved over a long period of time, and I'm just coming out of it. I don't feel I've wasted my time necessarily, but I have experienced more than my share of pain over it...and that I don't recommend to anyone.

You have to know yourself well. I'm a person who doesn't change my loyalties too often, so if that's you, be cautious. If you are a person who is open and just likes to experience a lot of life and doesn't get too caught up...in other words, if you have a more casual attitude about relationships, then that's probably a healthier place to be when dating a man in his early twenties.

Let us know how it's going.

Special K - Tell me about this laser thing.... I have tanned quite a bit over the years and would like to know what this procedure involves. Does it hurt? Is it very expensive? Would just like to know.....

... but then again, I have had laser on my face so most of my wrinkles, and all of my age spots were VAPORIZED away :D. (and I love it!)


There are SO many non-surgical skin care treatments available these days. (Edit: Laser being considered non-surgical, as opposed to a face lift.)

I recently had a consultation with a local doctor (an M.D., specializing in Cosmetic Dermatology) about two procedures - Microlaser Peel and Photo Rejuvenation. You can punch both terms into Yahoo and find information on them.

Consultations are (usually) free, girls! (If they're not, go somewhere else.)

You know, not ALL women look their age, I know it from experience because my best friends mom is 48 and she looks like 33 or 35! And I mean it! She gets hit by guys of all ages... And she doesn't use any botox nor has had any plastic surgery! She just happens to be blessed... But also, I think her attitude has a lot to do with her not looking old, she is a very active and happy person and she takes care of herself, so... What I'm trying to say is that not all women HAVE to look old, so, IT IS possible to seem younger without doing extreme stuff...
I agree...my mom is 59 years old, and I swear, she doesn't look a day over 45. She has just been taking care of her skin since she was 18, and God, I hope I got her genes. She looks fabulous!!!!

they are looking for a body of experience that they currently don't posess, and think that an older woman can offer them that without really considering the older woman's feelings/wants/needs future. So I would just caution you to keep your eyes open.

I would really like to say to the OP that I am 25 and my gf is 18 years older than me. Not every ym feels like that. Some of us just want to be settled and ow seem to suit our mentality more because of that. I like the fact that I can actually look at planning things with my gf for the future because I feel like we're on the same wavelength. I never went looking for an ow, it just happened. Although I must say that I had found myself being attracted to ow for a few years, but I just passed it off as something that wasn't likely to happen. We have been together for a year, 4 months and 8 days, and have known each other and had feelings for each other for about 4 and a half months added on to that. I haven't changed (in fact I haven't really changed much at all since I was 16 or 17 in terms of what I want out of life), I feel happier and more in love with her every day, and in 5-10 years I'll enjoy coming back here to prove to other people that it DOES WORK.

My gf struggled a little bit with the idea of our age gap, and still does very occasionally, so you're not the only person who has or will have any doubts. I also thought my gf was in her late 30's at the most when we met, and she wouldn't tell me her age for the first few months, even though I assured her it wouldn't bother me. It didn't, as you can see!

I really don't buy the idea that if you're more casual about your relationships then an ow/ym one is more likely to work. That doesn't make sense when the ym is looking for something like I was.... if my gf had been like that, I wouldn't have bothered. Good job for me she is very into loyalty and long-termness like me.

You just need to work out if you two are on the same wavelength in terms of where you want the relationship to develop. that's if that's even what you both want.

Rob, fair enough! My hat's off to you as a guy who knows what he wants. I would say you're a bit unusual in that regard, at least in my experience with guys your age. I'd also say it's possible that you're more mature being in a different country/culture than I am in the United States.

You sound like a great guy. Your OW is one lucky girl!

Jeremy is one of those rare creatures like Rob - and testimony of the OW of Ryan & Adam & Phil etc will tell you that their are YM in their early 20's who know what they want.

I know Jeremy is one in a million, but I also think that being in a similar place and wanting the same things in life & love can make a HUGE difference.

But I occasionally do have nagging doubts sometimes - usually brought about by stories here of women who say their man was the same way - until.....

It makes Jeremy crazy when I read those stories. But I also can't see it happening to us and think that there MUST have been signs in those failed relationships....

Well, as you can see, there will always be special issues with YM.

So - like the other ladies said - know that it is possible, but be aware.

Welcome!

Hi
Thanks for everyone responding to me and letting me know there are others out there I can talk to and also get feedback from. I havent heard from my ym since Thursday and since this is new I am of course worried about it but am just trying to keep busy as I am usually pretty busy anyway. The one thing I will say is that for now I have tried to talk myself out of this relationship but it seems I am willing to see it through no matter when it ends. I will check in and let you know how it goes. I feel that by us sharing with each other we can learn and grow Intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. Blessings- Camelotlady