New to forum but not to young Lovers

Hello everyone
I've fallen for my YM (22), and fear heartbreak once again, and need advice from successful couples regarding our relationship. But let's first backtrack some. I've been pretty promiscuous all my life (now 39) and mostly been with younger men (and women) almost always a lot younger than I. I've been in love a few times but never had a relationship longer than 2 yrs. So I guess that classifies me as unsuccessuf at relationships. But Mike is better than all my previous, especially in his caring nature and mindful soul. Add that to his fantastic wrestler's bod, and his fantastic brain, and our highly compatible tastes, that makes him so perfect for me.

However in other regards, he's just graduated in criminology, and will live with his mother who is Haitian and very traditional, controling and overbearing, until he is on the police force payroll when he'll rent a place, come February. That's my first pitfall. My second pitfall is my history, he wants a number, and I can't give him that, it would freak him out (freaks everybody out). Also, I am not American, which makes me staying here longterm impossible, unless he marries me, which is highly unlikely as he is so young. Or unless he moves to Montreal with me, where he also has relatives as do I.

We've been together only 4 weeks, we've had fantastic conversations, fantastic sex, we go out to movies, to restaurants, to dance clubs where both he and I always get hit on my the other sex (I look late twenties). I think he likes that other guys try to hit on me but he knows I'm only for him now. I don't think he's worried about that but I'm not a 100% sure about that. I've met his friends as he mine. His mother and I have seen each other twice but he fears presenting us as he fears she might try to block everything (she is supporting him temporarily -between University and the police force- and he feels loyal to that). He's also mentioned to me in conversation on honesty in past relationships hat he does have the uncanny ability to say what the other person wants to hear (not me, I'm brutally honest all the time) and that was unnerving as now I'm not sure I can trust everything he says...

I fear our pitalls are insurmountable but what if he's my one true love, we've already exchanged all the words, he calls me everyday when he's out of town. He's been living in another city for university and parttime work, but in town every weekend. In January he'll be moving into his mother's place until he's enrolled in the force and has new income.

I asked him how long he'd consider waiting for me if I leave town for work: weeks, months... He answered he'd wait for me as long as we were in touch... He's really crazy about me. I'm just not sure about our pitfalls. They are huge.

All advice welcome.

I have two simple pieces of advice for you:

#1: you never owe anyone a number, and anyone who asks is being rude. that's your business. i've never had a lover ask me for a number, and if they did, i wouldn't tell them. it's irrelevant to a relationship.

#2: you haven't give your relationship the 90 day test. many relationships are hot in the beginning, but after 3 months, the truth starts to rear it's head. if you make it past 90 days, come back and talk!

i'm sure others will be far more insightful than myself.

i agree with kat7, this is a NEW relationship, and today is a new day, to be who you really want to be, no one can change the past, all we have is today, so enjoy it and stop worrying, if you start putting timelines on his love and faithfulness to you, you are setting yourself up for failure, take it for what it is and get away from the numbers game, from your own admittance you had no happiness from it. why bring up old wounds? enjoy this man and just try to be good to eachother.

What role has your bisexuality played in your relationships? I hear that you have both men and women as love mates. Does that complicate things? You have so much going on right now, and I wonder if you are hearing your biological clock tick as much as anything else with this young man? Was he the young man you never married?

Ali

Thanks gals, here's a quick response to your input, they are all very helpful to me, I appreciate it. This is my first ever time exposing my feelings to strangers on the internet, interesting...

Kat, the 90 day test sounds very reasonable, in theory, except my time is counted (not to say others isn't, but I may have to leave the USA anyday for work) but I always struggle between spending time with my friends and finding time for relationships, which makes it seem like the time with my lover is taken from my friends. I guess I second guess myself in order to reduce the chances of loosing precious friends time on a guy that may not work out. But that's always been my problem, which is why I've had so many one-nights, they don't require any of my time. Does that sound like a male thing or what?

Kitty, you are totally right, I spend way too much time trying to see into the future, but this is explained in the previous paragraph, I figure, if it's not going to be longterm, I don't want to even compromise friends time. I'm NOT interested in being a "lover" or having an "affair". I guess I've always been stuck in "all or nothing" mode.

Angelina: the bi side is certainly not negligeable, I sometimes find it easier to find honesty and caring in women, but physically, guys really do it for me. I don't have a childproducing ticker, but I indeed may be experiencing "don't want to grow old alone" ticker, although, as a kid, I always saw myself growing old alone as the old witch down the lane who scared little children. I'm not exactly sure when that self image changed, couple of years ago I guess.

Also, I mentioned to him that I'd found this Ageless website and looked into it, and he answered our age difference doesn't even enter his mind! I guess that's one of the things I really like about him, that uncanny ability to take it as it comes.