So happy I found this place

Hello all,

i've been searching for a support place for OW/YM relationships, and imagine my relief when i found you all.

I guess I'll start with what brought me here. I am a 26yo female. I have been in a relationship with a man 12y my senior for 4 years. Over the past year, our relationship has fallen apart, and I am in the process of moving out of my home to begin a new life.

I had no plans in dating for a while, I really just wanted to heal a bit, "find" myself, get my career on track, and reconnect with old girlfriends. Dating wasn't an option for me, not for a while.

Then, he walked into my life. We work together. He persued me. At first it was inocent flirtation, me telling him I would never date him, he was too young. But, he was persistent, and it payed off, since developing into something more. It has been a few months, and he has made me happier than anybody ever has in my entire life. When he walks in a room, I light up. When he kisses me, the earth falls out from under me. When we are together, I feel like we are the only 2 in the room. The very mention of him, makes me smile. I think I love him. He is 19.

I understand, from skimming some previous threads, that our age difference is not as substantial as some of the couples here, but the fact remains, I'm having a bit of difficulty with it.

I've tried to tell myself that I dont care about the age, but I do. I even told him that we need to stop seeing each other; he needs to date girls his age, and experience life. I've told him that I dont want him resenting me in years to come when he realizes that he has missed out on his prime years by being with me. He tries to assure me that he doesn't want that, he only wants me, but I just dont know.

Can a 19yo man know what he wants? Can this work? I'm terrified of this.

Speaking of terrified, he wants me to meet his parents. The very thought of that puts my stomach in my throat.

I have never been so happy, yet so confused, ever. I'm hoping that with some support from people who have been where I am, and know what I'm feeling will help me get through this time in my life, no matter how it may turn out.

Thanks for letting me vent!!

Welcome to Ageless!!

You seem very concerned over your age gap and asked if it would work.......

Yes......it can work, if its what the two of you truly desire!

My daddy was 19 yrs old when he met my mother 26 yrs old...........they remained married 42 years.....she passed away in 1999, but my father to this day remains truly in love with her.......she will forever remain the love of his life.......

my daddy never felt he "missed" out on anything being 7 years her youth, because they loved each other truly, experienced everything in life together as a couple....they grew together as one........

If this guy feels right in your heart.......then allow him in......but don't close your heart because of an age difference........

love,
sora

hi

ok i am 25 and my boyf of over a year is now 20, when we met he was 19, we have had our ups and downs and it hasnt been easy because people got involved and i am bothered what other people think but i got over that and lived my life, my dad still hates me being with him and dosent make is easy because i think he is jelous of our relationship we have got as i dont get on with my dad and my dad wants me to meet someone who is rich and jamie isnt rich yet as he has just started his career, anyway besides all of that

jamie is a bit insecure and jelous and curious that i wanna meet an older man and why i am with him as he cannot offer me anything but i have never been with anyone like him who can offer me so much love, care, attention and would do anything for me and would awlays put me first........but i find that sometimes i feel lonely in love because we dont do many things with other people, we only do thiings just the two of us, as he friends dont like to go out for dinners and things, they would rather go to clubs and stuff, its very difficult, not sure if this is a major problem and im dramatizing it??

listen if u like this guy, he treats u nicely, is kind and cares about u, age is nothing but a number and it is possible for relationships to work when the guy is younger cos age is nothing but a number..look at demi moore and ashton kutcher, if they can do it then why cant we..just because there famous....lol

like to spk to u soon

nat x

First off, i agree w/everyone esle. There is no age gap that sufficant to even worry about it. Let's face it, by the time your 55 and he's, what, 48, you're both will be within retirement age of each other. Your both of the same generation, so why worry about it.

Second, he'll get tired of your insecurity about the age more than the relationship itself. Negativity is no one's best friend. Stop making it hard for yourself to enjoy this relationship, others may say something enough as it is, and it doesn't help you any to take on their burdens too. You're both young, I mean, do you feel your missing out on something by not dating guys your own age. He's just a teensy weensy bit younger, not 100 years younger. Find some way to get over this and enjoy what you have.

If this relationship is as grand as you make it out to be, then let it be. Ultimately in the end, its all you can do, just let it be, kind of like the Beatles song.

Paris

Libs....

I don't know what you are worrying about really....

....The chances (in this day and age)....of you both actually staying together for more than about 4 years....at the most....are so incredibly low, that there is really no point at this stage AND at your age, of being concerned about it really....

......By the time you are about my age, there is a very high probability that you will have already been in and out of at least 3 relationships....:)

....So just go with the flow, and enjoy it for what it is....if it lasts, then good, if it doesn't...., there is always another to take his place....and so life goes on ;)

To answer your question succinctly, no....most 19 year olds (of either sex) really know what they want for the long haul. I truly believe that most THINK they know, because they live in the present (a great quality of youth who don't have much wisdom from life's realities yet). It is not a slight in the least; and a 19 year old does have the capacity to love you and make you feel like the earth is standing still...but he is still developing into the man he will one day become. His life is in huge transition through his mid to late 20's (remember yours?).

Have fun, appreciate the time you have, but guard your heart. If you are still together in 5 years, you will have weathered the vym confusion years and could come out on the other end....don't think too far in advance before that. My two cents from personal experience and those of many, many women who've loved ym 18-21.
Karen

As someone who dated a vym (21) I think it's almost always a temporary thing. We have a few long term OW/VYM couples, but that is rare. Still, you don't expect every dating experience you have to be forever do you? No! Of course not. Many of them are learning experiences that guide you through the here and now, and teach you about yourself and life. So, guard your heart, and keep on dating if that is what you want to do!

Welcome to Ageless.

Hugs
Ali

I think the fact that he makes you happier than anyone else you've ever been with speaks for itself. I say, enjoy the heck out of it, and don't try and judge it too much. I don't know how long you've actually "been together" but it doesn't sound like too, too long. This may just be a honeymoon stage, or it may be ther real deal. Only time will tell.

I don't think we should be too cynical about life and automatically ASSUME this is not a viable long term relationship, and I only say that because you guys really aren't that far apart in age in the grand scheme of things. Just enjoy it; if you feel uncomfortable with the seriousness of it at this point, TELL HIM! Let him know it's moving a little too quickly for you, and you'd like to slow it down and ENJOY getting to know him a little more before you meet his parents, or whatever. Figure out what you need and ask for it.

Good luck.

I've been a naysayer for "is he the one permanently for me" threads simply because of what I've experienced and what I've seen here. Too many ladies come online and wish we could tell them what's going to happen. But we can't. I can say that it's likely if they are VYM they will move on eventually. And that is natural in dating!

I don't consider it cynical, I consider it pragmatic. I hope all of our posters do some reality testing before they give their heart away. Make him invest in you before you invest in him. Give it an intelligent eye. Is this guy really out for love, or are you just seeing him through Rose-Colored Glasses?

Hugs

Ali

I think the fact that he makes you happier than anyone else you've ever been with speaks for itself. I say, enjoy the heck out of it, and don't try and judge it too much. I don't know how long you've actually "been together" but it doesn't sound like too, too long. This may just be a honeymoon stage, or it may be ther real deal. Only time will tell.

I don't think we should be too cynical about life and automatically ASSUME this is not a viable long term relationship, and I only say that because you guys really aren't that far apart in age in the grand scheme of things. Just enjoy it; if you feel uncomfortable with the seriousness of it at this point, TELL HIM! Let him know it's moving a little too quickly for you, and you'd like to slow it down and ENJOY getting to know him a little more before you meet his parents, or whatever. Figure out what you need and ask for it.

Good luck.

This is a good post. :)

The fact is that it might work out, it might not. The chances might be less because of his age, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. You're the one in the best position to judge what kind of guy he is, and whether he's mature and stable enough for it to work out. I'm not really much different at all from what I was at 19, I still want the same things and feel like I'm heading exactly where I wanted to be when I was that age.

There's only one way to find out isn't there.

Here's a thought that just occured to me....

by all means, stop the relationship if you feel he isn't up to it, isn't mature enough and doesn't know what he wants....

but at least give him the chance to try and prove it to you first.