I need some advice...

Hi, I'm new here. I have a question, or several for anyone that can give me some good advice. I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a 1 now. He is 10 years younger than I am ( I'm 29 ). I'm his first love. My concern, I guess, is will he most likely stay in this relationship (if it's a good one, obviously) or is this most likely a phase (the thrill of being with an older woman)? I've never dated anyone younger but he is extremely mature for his age. He says he is in love and I believe him. I have two huge problems, his parents totally disagree with this relationship (which is causing a lot of stress both on him and I) and he lives in the west coast (we see each other often). He says he is willing to move here to the east when he is done with college (since his parents say they wont pay for school if he comes with me). We have such a good time together and I really do love him. However I'm afraid, that because he is only 19 and I'm his first real love, that one day he will go." so this is what it's like to be in a relationship!! . ok.. this was fun, NEXT!" I would really love to hear any input from anyone in my situation, specially guys point of view ( about 10 year difference with a younger man 19 years of age) both from a younger male or older woman withing this particular age group. Is it possible for such a young man to actually stay in a serious realtionship? I know "stuff" happens but I just want to hear at least one positive story that's similar to mine. I'mSorry this is so long. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

hi, not sure if i will be of any help but im 25 and my boy 20 im 26 in 2 weeks and we have been together about 1yr and a bit, we have our ups and downs and people have talked about us and my dad dosent approve and my brother is 21 so near his age and sort of knew him and hated the sitaution and called me a babysnatcher and all the names under the sun but he got over it and think he is used to it now, sometimes i feel lonely because all my friends are either enganged or live with their boyfs and im still at home and so is he and we dont do many things socially in couples, we spend alot of time when we are together with just us and if we do goout with are with my friends and sometimes i find him coming out with very immature comments even thou he is very mature for his age i hope people arent laughing behind my back and still taking the piss..i rekon if this guy really loves u and u get on and are good together he wont move on, u will stay together.

i find my ym akways tells me how much he loves me,misses me etc etc, do u find that he is always reassuring you of his love for u??????

listen dosent matter what his family think, friends etc, as long as you two are both happy then make the most of it, if its ok for cameron diaz and justin timerlake and millons of other poeple, its ok for u.....


email me back, love to chat

spk soon

nat

I think it's great that you are here asking. What I might say to you first is that you are right, most likely this won't be his one and only love if it's his first. Common sense typically dictates that we not marry our first love, especially when we are young. But I have to ask you: is marriage all you are looking for? Most dating relationships take us from one place to another, and teach us about ourselves and others, and most never end in marriage. Would you be asking these questions if it wasn't for the age gap? My vote, not that I get one of course, is to protect your heart first. I challenge anyone to do that nowadays! There simply are too many out there to expect less than the best situation for yourself.
Another warning here is that his parents are using money to dictate what he does with his life. Do you really want to deal with that? I don't mean to be rude to you, but would you ask that of one of your boyfriends, knowing that it could mean the difference between getting a college degree and not getting one, or in going into deep debt to get student loans? (By the way, he's not going to be able to file as an independent student until he reaches age 24.) I know I would never ever want to do that to a guy I loved!

Welcome to Ageless
Ali

In contrast, there's no guarantee that you don't want to go out of the relationship one day.

The question is what you expect from this relationship: marriage, children? Or just quality time? He will change a lot in the next years, so it's hard next to impossible to do any prognoses.

What are your plans for the next 2-5 years? Would it be possible to start a new relationship with someone else then, or is it too late? If you're this flexible, I would enjoy the "here and now". Otherwise you put a heavy burden on such young shoulders.

I agree w/Lb, you're proably not going to be the first g/f in his life, I mean really, is he the first love of your life, for that matter your first b/f, sex mate, friend. It has nothing to do with his age and everything to do with our dating patterns in an age of self gratification and indiviuality.

But would you miss having this relationship inspite of that. We all looking for love somewhere, aren't we. As the ladies here will tell ya, nothing is written in stone. We love and we lose and we survive and move on. Its life. Yes, we would like our relationships to be until when??? Death??? Unfortunately, the only way this happens is if we pick the best partner with the most commonality and we work our butts off to maintain a quality relationship.

Its pretty simple. As long as we're positive about ourselves and our lives it can happen and be an awesome relationship to boot...but if it doesn't its not the end of the world you know. Its just another phase in our life for which growth must prevail. As for his being in school, heck, let his parents pay for his education. There's nothing worse then being in debt after school and having to deal with a relationship at the same time...causes alot of stress, money. Of cause, because his parents hold the purse strings they will get on his case, the point is to not let them. They will be have that capability for long. Be patient, love strongly, once he graduates, he's all yours and then some.

Paris

I think it's great that you are here asking. What I might say to you first is that you are right, most likely this won't be his one and only love if it's his first. Common sense typically dictates that we not marry our first love, especially when we are young. But I have to ask you: is marriage all you are looking for? Most dating relationships take us from one place to another, and teach us about ourselves and others, and most never end in marriage. Would you be asking these questions if it wasn't for the age gap? My vote, not that I get one of course, is to protect your heart first. I challenge anyone to do that nowadays! There simply are too many out there to expect less than the best situation for yourself.

Welcome to Ageless
Ali

I agree with Leagues....But Lals also, you will be hearing positive storys of similar circumstances, in conjunction with negative ones....

....It is all up to YOU, and YOUR attitude to this situation, and the relationship.....Are you willing to pay his way, in order to continue to be able to be with him, but also take the risk that he may leave you as well....

......Are you willing to pay his way, in order to continue to be able to be with him, and this results in a happy, and secure relationship....

.....You are attempting to look to the future, and see whats going to happen, so that it can save you the trouble of being hurt.....We all get hurt., and will continue to get hurt....all of us.....It is not something we can ever avoid.....But it IS something that we can stop fearing......

.....Dont fear the future that hasn't even happened yet, and go with what feels right....if he feels right (and you have spent a year with him already).....stop worrying about possible negative outcomes, and see where it leads you.....you never know do you ;)

I am in this situation exactly, im the same age as your younger man, but my partner is older. i see what you are worried about, but honestly, if he truly loves you, he wont just go "next". in my personal experience, i truly love this woman with all my heart, and would never leave her unless something drastic happened (ie. cheating). you may be his first true relationship, but as long as you both love each other, he wont leave. and as for his parents, tell him to stand up for himself.

However I'm afraid, that because he is only 19 and I'm his first real love, that one day he will go." so this is what it's like to be in a relationship!! . ok.. this was fun, NEXT!" It is extremely common here at Ageless to hear from women who have this fear. Even if the YM is over 30! Of course younger people are still evolving and the risk could be higher for the relationship not making it.

But if you are in it and want to continue in it, the best thing to do is, take it 'one day at a time' and enjoy being a couple!

I used to be so focused on 'what if he doesn't love me anymore', that I would never consider, 'what if I don't care for him anymore'? That is just as likely to happen as the first scenario!

So quit living in fear. If you are going to live your life the way YOU WANT TO LIVE IT, then do it fully and without fear.

Anyway, that is my 2 cents... welcome to Ageless! ;)

...I hesistated a bit when I found this website... in just a few days, I've come to realize what a great place this is. I want to thank everyone that has taken two minutes of their lives to give me their thoughts and/or advice, it HAS helped me to calm my fears quite a bit...still anymore info, help or advice is STILL very welcome!!!
thanks again! :)

Oh, anything's possible. We were 35 and 19 when we met 6 1/2 years ago and we're still together. We moved in together, he graduated from college, we moved to Chicago together and then back again and now he's halfway through a PHD. It may or may not last forever (He's 26 now), but it lasted a helluva lot longer than most relationships nineteen year olds get into and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Enjoy each other's company and try to keep the future-tripping to a minimum. Forever, if it happens, happens one day at a time.