New need advice 25ym 35ow

Well here goes.I meet this girl on a trip to china.Actually I think my freind set me up with her.But from the word go she kept sending me signs and touching me.Then I found out we have to share a room together.The first night was ok we talk for a bit and fell asleep.It wasnt till day 4 when we went up stairs to the bar and got drunk.We stumbled back to the room and she just jumped on me.We kissed for quite some time.Then she wispered in my ear and said your not getting laid tonight i'm on my period.And at that point I said well I dont have any protection anyway.So then next day we leave and fly back.We talked for hours on the plane.Turns out she would like someday to have a nice home and couple of kids.Now I already have been through all that I told her.Ive been married divorced and have one child all by the age of 21.I told her thats not what I'm interested in right now.Just looking for a partner to fool around with once and awhile.She thought that was cool.So we exchange phone numbers and part ways.She calls me 1 day later and wants to meet and have lunch.I agreed and we talked further but i kept getting this strange vib like she wants way more than I want? Problem is I do like her and she is attractive but I'm wonder if I'm gonna get sucked into some toxic plan? Ive already been there done that with the ex.(B a good episode for Jerry springer) What signs should I look for? What kinda of things should I say? I just want SEX. Dont B afraid to call me a dog! I'm just to afraid of commitment right now.

I voted for quit your whinning... You sense that she wants more and you don't. So just don't go there with her unless you don't care if you hurt her.

You sound like you still have some "processing" to do about your marriage before you are ready for a relationship. Nothing wrong with that. :)

yeah, i agree. you've told her where you stand. if she still wants to pursue something, keep reminding her you're not ready for anything but a superficial sexual relationship. tell her she might be wasting her time with you and she may want to forgo it and get on with finding that dream husband.

you can't do anything but be up front about it, and don't let her forget it. but i'll tell you partner, sex has a way of making women like you more. be forewarned.
we're wired that way.

Thank you and I appriciate your comments and concerns.I am done with my marriage or at least I should be..Its been almost 4 years.So next time we are at dinner I will let her know how I feel again.I dont want to hurt her.We do have allot in common.Sex would be bad at this point? Whats a good way to start off the conversation?

Rasded ~

What's the difference between the first and third choices in the poll?

You've told her what you're about and she's told you what she's about. They don't match. If you two choose to go forward, it will probably get messy.

Sleeping with her for a while may lead her to a point where she wants more and she will think that you want more or hope that you will. If you are really sure that you're not even close to considering more, then at some point, someone is going to get hurt - and it's probably going to be her.

Yes, you've been honest with her but try to read her face and/or her voice and her actions, and if you don't think that she can really just date and have sex, then try to let her go. Really, it will relieve both of you of some future drama.

Rasded,
I agree...theres nothing at all wrong with wanting just sex with people when you're not ready for something more.

What you need right now is what the poms call a `slapper'. These are not ladies..they are basically hors who do not ask you for money. You can find plenty of them in nightclubs...you can usually identify them them by excessive alcohol consumption and tartish dress code.

As a rule of thumb, if a lady seems to have self respect, maturity, and self knowledge, she's not a slapper. So don't go for that kind of woman when you're in you're non-committal phase, as you'll probably hurt her.

but I'm wonder if I'm gonna get sucked into some toxic plan? Ive already been there done that with the ex. Just because 4 years have elapsed, doesn't mean you are done with issue. I think I am gleaning a little bit of resentment and fear from that marriage. Until you can look at it and see both sides, it will color your future relationships unfavorably. Just my 2 cents... :)

What you need right now is what the poms call a `slapper'.


*laugh* Excellent term...

Quit your whining and stand up for your words here. You want sex only, so tell her that. If she doesn't agree to your terms, then tell her you don't want to see her any more.

It should be easy enough for you to find a partner for sex only. Lots of professional women are too busy for a demanding relationship and not ready for a family. A sex-only relationship is perfect for them.

Disillusion this woman and stop leading her on. Speak clearly and honestly to her and ask for an answer once and for all.

AMEN Patricia!

You sound like such a catch :rolleyes: Lol... look she is only goin to hear what she wants to hear ok,so you go into it and expect her to get attached ok,there are women who like one night stands but generally we have more emotion then men,dont use your ex as your bs excuse why do men do that?im sure she has been hurt to and is willing to give you her time of day?if you are so desperate just for cas sex go to a nightclub and pick up

I agree with everyone esle. I voted to dump her.

She's not on the same page as you are and the fact that she wants a family and kids should be a huge RED FLAG because it seems you do not want the same thing.

Not to mention the fact that she now is untrustworthy. Because women can be more emotional than men, you will always have to use a condom with her, because believe me, there are still women out there, even ow who still believe if I get pregnant he will marry me. So consider this woman's mental state seriously. its not fair to her for you to lead to believe in fairy tales where there are none.

Paris