what's up with this?

i have recently, and very quickly become involved and emotionally attached to a younger man. he is 22, i am 41. his last g/f was 42 and he said it ended because she wasn't ready (or willing) to become as serious as he was. i really have strong feelings for this person, very quickly. i've found i've felt more nurtured, cared for and respected by this 22 year old boy than i've ever felt by ANYONE, besides my sister. we met on december 7, so you can see this is moving along at lightening speed. we have also been somewhat intimate, not all the way, but very close. i'm 41 years old, so my feeling is that i don't have to answer to anyone, have a juvenile reputation to protect, or have to worry about the thoughts and judgements from people who have nothing to do with me and my new (lover?). the thing is, that when we've been together i want it, and i know he does, but he won't. he says 'i don't even know you'. i feel like i am pushing him, and this is wierd for me. with every man i've ever been with, it's been 'don't mind if i do' 'wham bam, and thank you ma'am' -they surely would never turn down what is offered. what does this mean, that my 22 yr old wants to wait? have i just miraculously found someone who is simply beyond his years and peers and needs more of a connection? this is completely out of the ordinary for me. i certainly don't mind waiting either, that will make it just that much better and intense, but i'm just baffled by this. any thoughts?

Hi, SFchik ~

Don't know if it has anything to do with being beyond his years...it may not be age-related at all. It might just be who he is...how he is.

Some guys are like this, and some guys are like this with someone that they think that they might like beyond the wham-bamm. Some guys are smart enough to know that we might be the one that bolts or loses interest if the wham-bamm happens too soon. Contrary to popular belief, some of us do this. I have been known to do this.

Also, especially at his age, he may be wondering...if you're interested in jumping into the sack so quickly...do you do this with every guy you date. I'm not saying you do! I'm just saying, this might be going through his mind.

Ahh, lots of possible reasons why he doesn't want to do the nasty so soon. Go with it, enjoy the playing. The 'why?' will be answered in the process, at some point. I can practically guarantee it. :)

some people take sex much more seriously than others. sounds like a good man to me!

my gosh, i hope he doesn't think i bed hop! :eek: he knows i only recently ended a LTR of 13 years, only a few months ago. i hope he doesn't think i've been really, really getting busy in the last few months. his opinion is the only one i care about.

and thanks Katz, i think so too. i've only spent a few times in his company, and it feels really good. he is such a nice man, even his friends love him like crazy, he's got this magic about him. he's one of those people that just draw people like flies. he's amazing.

my gosh, i hope he doesn't think i bed hop! :eek: he knows i only recently ended a LTR of 13 years, only a few months ago. i hope he doesn't think i've been really, really getting busy in the last few months. his opinion is the only one i care about.

:) I wasn't say that he thinks this, sweetie! I just threw out possibilities based on what you wrote.

I'd say just go with it and appreciate his delay. You'll find out why he's delaying sooner or later.

:) I wasn't say that he thinks this, sweetie! I just threw out possibilities based on what you wrote.

I'd say just go with it and appreciate his delay. You'll find out why he's delaying sooner or later.


i know you didn't, it's just one of my paranoid neuroses rearing it's ugly head :p this thought just never occured to me. luckily, he's one of those extremely rare men that wants to know what i'm thinking, LOL, so i can ask him about this.

After I read your first post, my impression was that you don't take sex seriously and that you do bed-hop. So, I was surprised when you posted later that you had been in an LTR. Perhaps the way you present yourself gives the wrong impression. Maybe he is confused by that as I was.

You say you have strong feelings for him, but then discuss only sexual feelings. Maybe he considers you to be a "cougar", which I believe is a term created by men to describe lecherous older women who just want to use and misuse young men (I am sure that a lot of young men don't mind that!). Maybe he considers that inappropriate behavior. Why don't you back off physically and try just talking for a while to build up some rapport? Then, when he is more comfortable with you (and he has clearly stated that he is uncomfortable), you can broach the subject of an intimate relationship or, even better, let him make the first move.

i thank you for your very frank opinion, and it certainly makes me pause for thought. i wouldn't want ANYONE to think i am a bed hopper, i've only been with one man in the last 13 years, and before that, a 5 year faithful relationship.

however, i am 41 years old, have been with the same man for 13 years, born him a child, been abused, abandoned, physically and psychologically assaulted by said man. so after 13 years, i ended it. perhaps i should have said this up front, i know i have in past posts, whatever. so, when i luckily met someone i said was already emotionally attached to, i meant it. i very easily get attached to people, maybe this is a curse, or a blessing, i don't know. i'm still figuring things out. i don't take sex lightly, but neither do i feel that i need to be coy, withholding of my desire for him, when it's evident he feels the same way, i guess you had to be there (ha). it's not as if he isn't there, isn't feeling the same way, isn't asking are "you sure", because he is. i think we are BOTH a little confused.

i feel a very strong connection to this person, more than anyone i've ever felt it with in my life and for the very FIRST time, i wanted to make love with another human being, in the truest sense of the word, not just sex. if i wanted that, my ex would still most certainly oblige. what i didn't realize is how i may have come across and it's something i will certainly consider. thankfully, he is someone who for the first time, asks me what's on my mind. go figure.

i thank you for your very frank opinion, and it certainly makes me pause for thought. i wouldn't want ANYONE to think i am a bed hopper, i've only been with one man in the last 13 years, and before that, a 5 year faithful relationship.

however, i am 41 years old, have been with the same man for 13 years, born him a child, been abused, abandoned, physically and psychologically assaulted by said man. so after 13 years, i ended it. perhaps i should have said this up front, i know i have in past posts, whatever. so, when i luckily met someone i said was already emotionally attached to, i meant it. i very easily get attached to people, maybe this is a curse, or a blessing, i don't know. i'm still figuring things out. i don't take sex lightly, but neither do i feel that i need to be coy, withholding of my desire for him, when it's evident he feels the same way, i guess you had to be there (ha). it's not as if he isn't there, isn't feeling the same way, isn't asking are "you sure", because he is. i think we are BOTH a little confused.

i feel a very strong connection to this person, more than anyone i've ever felt it with in my life and for the very FIRST time, i wanted to make love with another human being, in the truest sense of the word, not just sex. if i wanted that, my ex would still most certainly oblige. what i didn't realize is how i may have come across and it's something i will certainly consider. thankfully, he is someone who for the first time, asks me what's on my mind. go figure.

Sounds like you're on the right track Sanfran...you deserve happiness...as we all do...life is far too short...live it to the fullest!

Thank your lucky horses he's 22. I found myself at 35 years old and widowed four years seriously contemplating a 19 year old college freshman. Drove me here, is what it did. Well that was 6+ years ago, he's 26 now and I'm your age (41) and its just another relationship between adults that's lasted a while. I wasn't sick, crazy, juvenile, disturned or any of the other things I thought I was. I just liked someone and we've had a normal relationship.

He's a man - you're a woman. It's all pretty natural in the end if you just let go of all
the weird thoughts in your head.

well hun i dont think you are a bed hopper or sick or anything,you have had a hard time and maybe all this stuff is making you doubt yourself without me trying to make assumptions you know?
are you wondering if he is sexually attracted to you or something?you said he was dating a older woman,maybe they never consumated it and he is a virgin or inexperienced or feels inadequate,maybe he like you so much that he wants to savour it?
I think maybe you should sus out how he really feels about you and if he is really keen then i think you should just cruise along because if he likes you then there are only good reasons why he doesnt want to go to the final stages of intimacy?hope i helped a little

hello :o) first i want to say u said 22 yr old "boy" he may be young but he is a MAN ... so.... with that said, take a breath and appreciate that this fella is willing(it seems) to wait this is in my opinion a good thing the LUST tends to get in the way .. no matter what age anyone is.... my bf is 22 me 40 we sure did wait b4 any serious intimacy and he was fine with that ... sometimes they're just old souls trapped in a young body sometimes they're young souls trapped in an old body ....... take it slow and sleazy (ooops i meant EASY) hahaha my rule? if i like a guy after 6 dates (that includes card or dominoes at ones home) over a month+ period of time THEN i'll think about letting them have it LOL;).... whatever ...only my 1cent