Mom issues

Huh nearly wrote 'Mum' issues then i realised im on an american site Lol...
but yeah my ym is 19 and his Mom left when he was a kid and he hasnt seen her since was bought up by his grandparents and some times i wonder if he sees me as a mother figure?
i know ppl say some woman have dad issues so getting the ym perspective on this would be brilliant

Hi,

I am 21, have always seen myself as being more intellectually/physically attracted to older females.

Mum issues, well i just joined so i couldget in to the forum and shed some light since i am just the right age. It may just be another point of veiw, any way i hope it helps...

My mother loved me so very much my whole life,and that it had nothing to do with the fact that i knew i was already attracted to older women, so i dont think it has much to do with that aspect.

My mum passed away a month ago, and it has affected me deeply but my needs that want to be fullfilled in any kind of relationship have become more strong and clear.

I dont think that your ym sees you as a "mother figure" persay but, that there is his need to feel love from that age group is perfectly normal.

Unless you are doing his dishes and cleaning his room you have nothing to worry about ;)

Also, you said that you were going to spell MuM with the U, are you by anychance from australia? I happen to be.

Ok nuff said, hope this does something for you.

yeah sydney...nice to know im not the only kango here lol...have to remember not everyone spells the same ie flavour/flavor lol

yeah sydney...nice to know im not the only kango here lol...have to remember not everyone spells the same ie flavour/flavor lol

Don't worry, I mix up all the time falvour/flavor, realise/realize.... you should hear me speak it's even funnier. I learned English at a British school then people made fun of my pronounciation (I caun't sit on the graace ) when I went to college in the US.
English is not even my mother tongue.

ok, back to the main subject, sorry :p

I don't think he would see you as a mother figure, but considering that he was raised by his grandparents, he's just more comfortable with older people. It couldn't have been easy for to know that his mother just abandon him like that and I'm sure there are many other young adults in the same situation that do date people their own age, so its a toss up.

The only thing about being 19 is that you're still trying to find the person you are and you might be a an experience for him to learn and grow from before he actually settles on the more permanent person who may be older or may not. After all, are you together with your first love. So you have to be patient while he grows, but realize that he may just grow in a different direction than you're banking on or he may just stay in what's comfortable.

Paris

He may have been raised near older people, or not. I don't think we can make any assumptions about what is going on in a 19 year olds mind! The "he's experiementing" saying comes to mind first, and *then* you might look at it as if maybe some other issues are going on. Let me ask the board: Why do we have to pathologize the whole issue of age gap? You do realize, don't you, that every time we look at it as if one or the other partner is undergoing psychological problems, that is what we do. And for many of us on the board, an age gap is not something we actively sought out, it's something that just happened! Sometimes I think there are people out there who would make dating age gap a PD in the next DSM!!!!


Merry Christmas!
Ali

I'm not a Phyciatrist but I can tell from personal experience, my attraction to older women is not from a mother complex. The bottom line is some men are attracted to older women both physically, mentally and emotionally.

1) Physically, it may be crude but I'll say it anyway: if a woman looks good at 40, damn, I just can't stop lookin'. She must be a true beauty to turn my head at 40-50. There is just something that clicks like she has sexual confidence, legs and smiles back at a younger guy.

2) Mentally, I have not met one women at the mental level I was at at 20 except if she was over 35. What should I do, date idiots for the rest of my life because grandma will be happier when I bring them to meet her? In reality, my grandma has only got close my OW then countless YW combined.

3) Emotionally. I don't express emotions very often and this it totally ok with all the OW I have been with. When it come out, my OW feels more loved as she knows I can truly let my guard down for 2 seconds with her. Something I would NEVER do for a younger woman (for fear it may come back on me)!

Mother complex? I have neve had these three connections with my mother, so do the math!

Sin, Think2Much