My son and my YM

My bf (25) has been here for only 10 days and my 15 yr old son has formed a very strong bond with him. He is even staying at home more, not going out with his friends as much. He always wants to be around my bf and is learning about American football (he used to be a soccer fan). He is teaching Spanish to my bf and he is improving his English... of course a lot are cuss words but then, that is what guys learn first.

My son never had a good relationship with his dad because my ex was cold and abusive, and it makes me happy that he has accepted my bf so well.

My bf on his part seems to enjoy my son's company since my son is very mature and fun to be around. He never rejects him like my ex used to do. It warms my heart to see how good things are.

One of my best friends has told me that I am doing great damage to my son by bringing my bf into our lives because he is very young, because we are living together not married, and because he will leave in 2 1/2 months (he plans to return).

I do not see how I can be doing something wrong. Please comments.

I dealt with this when my parents divorced and mom brought around boyfriends so I can give you the perspective of a kid. My parents divorced when I was 11. Until I was around 13, it would really bother me to see any men at the house, but of course none of these men wanted to see that their gf had a kid so they avoided me. When I was 15 my mother introduced me to a kind and gentle man and his 11 year old son. He went out of his way to get to know me and help me out. I didn't need the help he was offering, but the gesture was greatly appreciated. He married my mother and they are still together today, some 20 years later.

If your son were younger or less mature, I could see where bringing your boyfriend near him would be a problem. As long as you feel that your son can handle it if your bf, God forbid, doesn't come back, then I think he will gain a lot from the companionship of a man. Hope this helped.

You know Sheila, I hear people say that all the time... but I have mixed feelings about it. For example, starting when my son was 3 years old, I dated a guy for 3 years. My son was absolutely crazy about him. We almost married, but I changed my mind. I really felt guilty afterward that this really wonderful man was no longer going to be in my son's life. Especially since my son's father at that time was not contacting him at all. But, in the end, I had to do what was best for me. So, I ended that relationship.

If I had it to do over again, would I have brought him around my son for 3 years? Yes, I would. Because even though eventually my son would never see him again, I have to acknowledge that for 3 years, he was a really positive influence on my son. And, from the angels perspective, that was probably the real reason I had that relationship with him... so that he could be a good male role model for my son when he needed one most.

Since then, I have always made sure that I am sure before I introduce my partner to my children. I don't believe in bringing every guy home to meet them that I am casually dating. I think that's very confusing for the children.

But, in your case, you've been with your bf for a long time and you two seem to be headed toward a permanent future together. I see nothing wrong with bringing him there for the 90 day visit so that everyone, including your son, has time to evaluate this relationship further.

And think of it this way, even if things don't work out between you and your bf (God forbid), at least he will have left a positive influence upon your son just like my ex-bf did for my son. :)

Thank you very much Spencer and Whiterose. I feel so much better. I do think that my bf cares for my son and I hope things turn out fine. If they dont at least my son would have enjoyed a kind of friendship he never received from his dad.