A mother load of guilt

I am not sure why I am writing this maybe to let go of the pain it caused? When my son was born I went through a very hard time at first. Being a first time mom and scared not knowing what to do. My son was not an easy infant. I was in terrible pain from recovery of birth with stitches and other ummm..problems. I didn't realize it until my mom and I were talking that I probably was in post pardum(sp?) depression. This time kept me from enjoying my baby my precious little one that I hold to dear to my heart now. I hold him so close now. He is 2.5yrs old now. I can't help but feel I was cheated out of the joy a mother has of loving her infant in those first few months. I sometime grieve about it. I am thankful that I came out of it. I do however wish that some of the people who I had cared most about in my life had come to my rescue(ie my EX husband and my mom) But luckily I had other friends and family who helped me on my struggle.

For those of you who are new mothers or mothers to be or mothers you know what I mean. This stuff is very real.

Enough already and thanks for listening. I have to let this go.

-Nibbles

Oh Nibbles, I know what you're talking about. I had my son in a city where I didn't know anyone. Before he was born I spent 3 months at the hospital (lost all muscle strength) and then had a horrible childbirth, lost enormous amounts of blood, then the stiches and all the rest. My husband was never there, I was ALONE.

I remember trying to breast-feed the poor little thing. I had no force and almost no milk.


I wish I could have enjoyed all the fun part of pregnancy, the cosiness of having friends and familly around to celebrate the arrival of a new-born baby, none of that happened.

I've been often depressed. Lost my job when he was 4, he had to put up with all of my ups and downs and I felt very guilty also. But children are absolutely amazing.

I still raise him alone, his father is still absent but now he's really absent, we've been seperated for 6 years. Now my son is 9 and we are soooooo close. He grew up to become a VERY sensitive, affectionate and considerate little boy. I think the fact that we survived hardships together made him a stronger person. I wish I could have spared him all the difficulties, but those were the circumstances in which he was born and raised and I couldn't have done otherwise.

He has been very ill since Sunday and hasn't been to school all week. Today he feels a little bit better. Just a minute ago he called me to his bed, gave me a huge hug and said "It's so nice to have you as a mum". :o

You certainly aren't alone Nibbles. Post pardum depression, or sometimes called 'the baby blues' are common. Our bodies aren't only trying to adjust to the sudden impact of giving birth, but we're dealing with a brand new member in our households. I remember I cried a lot. Although I loved my babies dearly even before giving birth, I needed to adjust afterwards. Sometimes the best thing to do is just have a good long cry, get it all out, then sit back and cuddle that baby.

I guess I was pretty lucky in many ways. My mom often came over to help out during the first couple of weeks.

Aline, all I can say is you are a remarkable lady to have gone through all that and be the person you are today. I think your little boy is so fortunate in his mother.

No your definatly NOt alone ...

I remember when I had my son... I also had some issues.. with the stitches and the pain and the sleepless nights... I was cranky and tired all the time... and I CRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING... but then it usually subsides.. No need to worry about it now.. Your son loves you more than anything and he doesn't even remember!!