is he having doubts?

:confused: my OM and i had an interesting talk on the phone... it bothered me a little. i dont really know what he meant and we haven't talked about it since. well here it is, he said something to me that got me thinking. he asked me if this is what i really wanted. i understand what he meant considering our age difference i'm 18 he's 43. he also made a comment that when i'm his age he'll be retiring. i told him that i didn't care. i love him and that's all that should matter. i'm just starting to wonder if he's having doubts. i'm afraid that he thinks that i'm just going to be into our relationship for a bit and then want to move on. i dont want that and i have told him that. i just worry. i love him and i know he loves me. but its scary sometimes because i dont want to lose him. sigh...i dunno... advice please?

Encourage him to visit this site and post his feelings/concerns. I think seeing others here who can relate might help. He probably does have doubts.

I'm 41 and would worry myself sick trying to get involved with someone your age. Not to say you don't have something real and lasting, but your perspective will change so much over the next 5yrs sweetie. It's enevitable. He might be afraid of getting left out in the cold as you progress into your twenties and realize you might not have "played the field" enough.

Communication is key to a successful relationship (no matter what age). Reassure him, but don't make it your total focus to keep him happy either. You have to put a certain amount of energy into the process of realizing your full potential too. Ask him to come visit the site and be open with you about his fears. He will find strength from others who have "been there, done that" here.

Take care.

Gypsyheart had some great advice for you silence23.

But something you wrote sort of stood out for me....

i told him that i didn't care. i love him and that's all that should matter.

It does take more than love for a relationship to work in the long run, unfortunately. I think, moreso than having doubts, perhaps your BF is concerned that you are not looking seriously at the long term picture. This is a real concern that you should think long and hard about, if you are serious about committing to this man.

I'm in a YW/OM relationship too, with 18 yrs difference...and this isn't really an issue for us now. It was, and I had some major trepidation in getting involved with someone that will more than likely go before I do, someone that I will likely end up looking after in his old age, while I am still much more active. I still do worry much more than I should about his health, and about losing him early....

So maybe a good heart to heart talk where you each talk about these issues and how you each feel about them might offer him reassurance that you are aware of the issues that come along with an age gap relationship and that you are comfortable with them.

Also, I think your BF is considering the fact that you may be SURE about the way you feel now, but a lot of growth and change does occur in your late teens and early 20s, so he's probably worried about getting hurt.

Yup... as an OM myself, I have to agree with what's been posted already. "I love him and that's all that should matter" can come across as a lazy answer and imply that there hasn't been much thought put into the relationship and the future.

Loving something (or some one) doesn't entitle you to have it (or him or her) and, perhaps unfortunately, if you are going to live in the real world it's not the only thing that matters.

In other words, don't worry that he asked the question. Worry that you haven't answered it - it's a pretty good question. Why not suggest that he help you with answering... because you want to be sure it's what he wants too?

Through out your relationship you will find that your OM will probably ask you quite often why you want to be apart of this ag relation. He will constantly be concerned with if this is what you want.

I have found that OM are a little bit of a strange breed (no offense OM's, I have one and love him dearly and are happy that he is quite different from someone of my own age group). I have found in my relation that OM is very converned that I will leave him for someone closer to my age, or that if he "can't keep up" (as he calls it) that I will find someone new.

This is not the case at all and I have shared my feelings about him, to him quite a number of times but I know that the questions of my loyalty will continue. (It's been three years)

hey guys i really thank you for all the advice. he and i actually had i talk shortly after i first posted my concerns. actually he and i are perfectly fine. we talked about a lot of things, the future especially and he and i are willing to do everything possible to stay together. thanks everybody! :)

I was glad to come across this thread because i am the OM (43) in a new relationship with a wonderful YW (18). Yes...i worry that as she grows and becomes more "worldly" that she will leave me for someone more her own age, but she always puts my fears to rest when we talk about it. She has always been attracted to OM, but until me never had the "sparks flying", so i feel truly blessed. I want her to be truly happy...whether i am a part of it or not. Do i have concerns? yes, but i also know that i love this woman and could not imagine not giving all i have into our relationship...even if it doesn't last. It would still be worth every moment. She is more sure of us than i am most of the time....and reminds me whenever she can through her praise and kind words...lol. :bgrin2: