How did you decide to have kids?

Bringing a child into this world is such a big decision! I have many reasons why I'd love to have a child or two someday, but at the same time there are all these what if's.

How did you all ever make this tough decision? Any of you that can admit you regret it and why?

Thanks in advance.

Mary Ann

It was never a tough decision for me. Had my life turned out differently, I'd have had more than the two I have. For me, having children was just a natural part of life. Something I always wanted and so when I married, it was just something that we planned for and did. So, there was really no thinking about it. And I have never regretted it not for one second. Not even last Friday, when I was cleaning up vomit all over my bathroom at 3:30 a.m. when my daughter was sick. :) Having children brought more meaning to my life. My children are my world. I cannot imagine my life without them in it now. I thought I knew what love was until I had children. And that's when I really learned the meaning of love.

Same as Whiterose, it came naturally and I didn't think about it twice. It was a need, an urge it even became an obsession because I couldn't conceive until I received a treatment. So from age 25 till 30 I obsessed and finally had a kid at 31.

Now I do regret because I wonder every day if this world is worth living in. I feel guilty for having brought him here.But now that he's here, I try my best to give him a positive outlook about life but it's not easy.

I'm afraid that he will suffer, he's too sensitive, the kind who wants to help everyone, who worries about the beggar on the sidewalk, who can never harm an insect etc.... I never even have to yell at him let alone spank him. Even if I raise my voice, he shrinks, gets hurt and feels bad.

I feel truly selfish for having brought him to this world.

could not wait to be a mother. But like Loucine, I had a hard time conceiving and had treatments but with no baby to show for them for a long time. :( I finally became a mother at 30. I would say it was like a driving force for me to have children. I wanted to be a mother with everything in me. I enjoyed carrying my child for 9 months and I have enjoyed every second of having both of my children. I always thought I would have a houseful of little ones. But as it would turn out, we didn't. I have been super blessed to have the two little girls that we have. One a biological child and the other a complete surprise to us when she was 6 months old. Children require ALL of your attention. :) We choose to give it to them too. Our idea is that you only have them at home for a very short time as compared to a full lifespan. So we made the decision before they came that we would give it our all to see that they have the best chance at having a great life even after they move out on their own. We feel that they deserve every chance at the best education possible for them. And also the most stability that we can offer. Their happiness is MOST important to us so they can have as much of an unboggled little mind as possible in this crazy world we live in. So for now much of our time is spent with them doing different activities they are involved in. I have never ever regreted my children. Granted it is VERY hard sometimes. Parenting can be a draining experience. But I must say that the rewards by far outweigh all of the tough times.

I couldnt wait to be a mother....

So it was a natural decisiion for me. I just wish my marriage hadnt failed after my daughter (3rd child) was born.....I would have liked to have had more. Even now at 46, if I got pregnant again, Id find myself truly blessed in life.

I really enjoyed reading all of your posts. They were all very touching.

Thanks,
Mary Ann

I didn't find it to be a hard decision either... It was the right time and it felt right and it was natural....

I could never regret the one thing that has brought the most joy to my life.....

Umm, to be totally honest?

By getting pregnant! :p

Is there anyone out there who never dreamed of having children and one day changed their mind?

Sometimes I don't feel normal b/c I can't fathom having a baby. I really don't know if I could deal with the whole baby thing. When I see babies, I never get excited. Today in a store I ran into a woman who was 38 with no kids and I didn't know if she was my idol or if I pitied her. I mean I guess if you have no children, life can be sort of boring as you get older, but at the same time it just seems to hard. Sometimes I think maybe I should adopt one day b/c I like older children better, I don't feel like I'm a baby person. So many other girls can't wait to have babies. So I don't know if it's just b/c right now I am too young at 22 to even think of it or if it's really ingrained in me to feel this way.

SA84, your post reminded me of a friend I had in college. At that time, and she was the age you are now, she had no interest in children. She made it perfectly clear that she never wanted any and couldn't even stand being around them. She was the first person I ever met in my life who told me they felt that way. And I believed her. And, I am sure that at that point in her life she was 100% certain. That was 1978.

Then, I caught up with her a couple of years ago and found out that she had married and now has a daughter. Because she had always been so vehement about not having any children, I asked her what changed her mind and she stated, "I fell in love with the right person."

There are many people in this world who never want children. And then there are some who, based upon how they feel in a moment in time, say they never want children, but then their circumstances change and so then does their opinion. My friend was in that latter group.

It's probably mostly due to your age and the fact that you have other interests right now. You are 22 and are just getting established in the world and in your career. You have other things you are focusing on right now and surely that has a lot to do with how you feel.

And even if you never change your mind, the main thing is that you are happy with how you feel and what you want regarding children, no matter what.

whiterose is right, your opinion may or may not change, and thats alright because having a baby is an incredibly personal choice. Whichever choice you make is right for you.

You might also really consider adoption in the future. If you really do like older children and someday have the desire to share your house with a child, adoption might be perfect. You would get to skip all the mess of having a child, while a child would gain a loving home. Most adoptive families want enfants, making older kids much more unlikely to get adopted. You could make a difference for one of the thousands of kids in this situation.