Need Some Advice...

I am 24 years old and I started talking to this 33 year old woman a few months ago. She has been single for two months and was in a six-month relationship with another younger guy, he was 26 though. But, needless to say he was a horrible person and I will leave it at that. So, onto my problem...

We have gone out quite a few times, the first time we went out she was very forward and started making out with me. Again, we went out about a week or two ago. We ended up back at her place and slept together...I then went out with her again on Friday and she got a little drunk and started saying some very interesting things to me *what she wanted to do to me etc..*. So, we go back to her place again. Then she starts talking to me about stuff you usually talk about when you want to date someone. I did not sleep with her that night, because she was to drunk *she wanted to though* and I do not like to do that. I went out by myself on Saturday night and she ended up calling me at 3:30am to come over...for a booty call. I have liked her for awhile now...since I first met her. Her sober opinion of me is that I am to "young" to be in a relationship with. She also complains how she wants to meet someone that likes her "for her", we got into an argument a couple days ago. Because, my response to her was that "I like you for you", yet you cannot look past my age and you are being a hypocrite. Her next response was "Ok it is not your age, you lack experience." So, I gave her my response and I got the old "I have heard that story a million times before." I am just confused...because, when she drinks a little bit she says stuff to me that you would talk about when you want to date someone. I mean is there anything to say or do, that can show I am not like every other jackass. Should I just let it continue how it is and see what happens?

Now, all my friends tell me I should be happy as hell, since I am 24 and have a "hot" 33 year old woman to mess with. But, I am not looking for that. I am just trying to figure out what is going with her...so, I figured I would ask some women to see if maybe some of my ideas might be true.

First of all - you sound like a nice and decent bloke. Cool....

Can't give you much advice, but the one thing that stands out in your story is her drinking.

I don't mean to imply she has a problem or anything! Just a lot of truth comes out of peeps after a few snifters.

I would wait and see for a while. It could be she is freaking out about the age difference or something totally unrelated....

Don't sound like a jackass to me. She's lucky to have such a bloke after her!

I'm sure the ladies here can give you decent advice - I just wish you luck...

I agree with Japan except that I would call it a rose and it doesn't smell as sweet. This woman has a drinking problem because if the only time she can tell you the truth is when she's smashed, then how can anyone like her for who she is, if who she is reveals itself around the "bottle". People on the "bottle" just don't look so appealing and if she continues, you may want to consider if you want to deal with this or not.

This woman doesn't know what she wants. You ARE in essence a booty call. In this case break up sex since she just broke up with another, even though it was horried, it obviously has affected her alot more than she's letting on. She needs to regroup, decide who she's going to be and then decide who she's going to be with you. I say take a step back but not before you tell her on a good sobber day what you actually feel, why you feel it and if she can seriously tell you if you're wasting your time or not. there's no reason to waste your time with someone whose not onboard to meet your needs as you want to meet hers. You matter just as much as she does in this relationship. Ask and seek those attributes in others that you deserve to have and don't accept anything less.

you sound like a great guy just considering that you were willing to control your impulses by not sleeping with while she was drunk, after all you don't know if she's on birth control or makes a habit of sleeping around and you want her to be as coherent as possible. I say ask, talk, first find out what YOU want from this relationship and than talk to her and find out what SHE wants and negotiate, find a middle ground. If there is great, if there's doubt...doubting thomases can wear on your nerves after awhile, make a choice then.

Paris

You seem to want some type of a relationship with this woman claiming that you really aren't in it to just "mess" around with her.....but why then do you keep going to her for her "booty" calls?

She seems to enjoy her drink alot and clearly is uninhibited when she is intoxicated.

You need to sit down and talk things out with her. I worry that since sex comes so easy with you and usually when she is intoxicated, does this mean she picks up random guys to have sex with?

I think you need to think about your well being and be extremely careful with her that you do not contract any type of STD and to decide who is responsible for birth control. If she is not on the pill, then clearly it is an indication of irresponsibility of a woman who lets the drink control her sexual life.

She clearly enjoys sex and perhaps is not ready for a relationship with anyone. I think she needs to be alone for awhile and rethink her life circumstances.

Please protect your heart.

Love,
sora

she just gets a little tipsy to give herself the courage to say things to you that she is afraid of saying otherwise. She is probably very interested in you but cannot imagine you actually wanting a relationship with an "older" woman. That's the way I felt about my YM. It is very hard initially for an older woman to get it through her thick skull that the YM is actually interested in her and does not consider the age gap a problem. I was too shy and embarrassed to act like I wanted a serious relationship because I was afraid my YM would bring up the age gap. It's a very scary situation for us older women -- believe me. You need to sit down and have a talk with her (sober) and tell her that the age gap means nothing to you and that you would like a relationship. Just be honest -- I think that works the best -- it did for me! ;) Good luck!

Sorry for the delay I was away for some Military training...well I am still not sure what to do. I have hungout with her once since I got back and we just hungout and watched some tv. I do not really know what to say to her...whenever I say something about myself and maybe her, she drops it or replies with the "wittle baby" crap. I figure I will spend some more time with her and what not to try to get a better idea what to do. I have a feeling she is either testing me or f*cking with my head...I guess I will see what happens.

.....replies with the "wittle baby" crap.

Ooh, that sounds really patronizing, mate. I would never say that to my YM - I respect his pride.

To be honest, yeah keep trying etc but if you are not getting anywhere within a certain time frame, bail.

Obviously I have no idea if this lady is playing with you or not - but the vibes I got from your last post kinda make me want to suck my breath in and say 'hmmmm'. :(

Does she drink every day? Does she get drunk when she drinks? This sounds like alcoholic behavior to me. That is what you need to be watching out for, not what she says, or doesn't say.

I think she is going through too many things to be available as a girlfriend right now.

She does not drink everyday, but when she goes out she drinks till she's inbriated. Then claims the next day she does not remember some "things", but I think it is b*llshit. My honest opinion is she uses the alcohol to justify doing things...it is pretty annoying. That I am actually more mature then her and get told I am the "wittle baby."

I guess I will just have to turn my "feelings" for her off for now.

She does not drink everyday, but when she goes out she drinks till she's inbriated. Then claims the next day she does not remember some "things", but I think it is b*llshit. My honest opinion is she uses the alcohol to justify doing things...it is pretty annoying. That I am actually more mature then her and get told I am the "wittle baby."

I guess I will just have to turn my "feelings" for her off for now.
That sounds like a great idea. She shouldn't be talking down to you like that. Seems like shes got some "issues" too.

Gonna have to agree with Kindanice, mate.... sounds like this lady is going to be high maintenance and a lot of hard work.

Bet there's loads of women who would want you.... would definitely put your feelings on the back burner. :(

I am just confused...because, when she drinks a little bit she says stuff to me that you would talk about when you want to date someone. I mean is there anything to say or do, that can show I am not like every other jackass. Should I just let it continue how it is and see what happens?

Steve, I'm not really sure. I think you've done the smart & mature thing by talking it out with her. I'm sorry that the response you received was not particularly hopeful.....its really hard to tell if she will change her mind or not. Some ladies in this community have reported that they were pursued for some time before their insecurites surrounding the agegap decreased enough to give the relationship a go....I guess you've got to use your instincts to work out if such an approach would be worth it.

Being a lady in my mid thirties, I have to say that many of my female friends in this agegroup are concerned with, if not preoccupied with, settling down with a mate who can give them children and also provide for the family. The need to make good choices is more urgent because there is sense that the bio clock is ticking away.......not to mention that a single, childless woman can feel `left behind' by her peers.

These are perhaps some of the issues you would be dealing with when pursuing a woman in here thirties. Anyway, i hope things work out in your favour either way.....use your instincts.

Hey guys sorry for the delay, been doing some Military stuff. Anyway I have pretty much stopped pursuing anything with this lady. A lot of things happened since the last post and we are not even on speaking terms now. Basically all the posts about being leery were correct. She has issues and likes men that belittle her and can not handle it when someone points it out to her. I saw her a few weeks ago and she completely ignored me out in the town. She was hanging all over some guy. He ended up probably sleeping with her and then she fell for his lines of crap and start talking to me again. Last night though I sent her an e-mail that was a little to harsh and she does not want to talk to me anymore. Oh well she can not handle the truth about herself, then that's her loss. I know what kind of person I am and this is one decision that she should regret, but probably won't.

Last night though I sent her an e-mail that was a little to harsh Why did you send an email after all this time? It sounds like seeing her with another guy bothered you a little.... :confused:

Hey guys sorry for the delay, been doing some Military stuff. Anyway I have pretty much stopped pursuing anything with this lady. A lot of things happened since the last post and we are not even on speaking terms now. Basically all the posts about being leery were correct. She has issues and likes men that belittle her and can not handle it when someone points it out to her. I saw her a few weeks ago and she completely ignored me out in the town. She was hanging all over some guy. He ended up probably sleeping with her and then she fell for his lines of crap and start talking to me again. Last night though I sent her an e-mail that was a little to harsh and she does not want to talk to me anymore. Oh well she can not handle the truth about herself, then that's her loss. I know what kind of person I am and this is one decision that she should regret, but probably won't.

I seem to being ditto-ing everything Yellowrose says!

Honestly. Just forget about her.

There are LOADS of other women around - find one that'll appreciate you rather than treat you like doggy doo...

is what you are doing!!! You appear to be a wonderful, sensitive, insightful, mature (yet impulsive) person (not unlike myself:) and I can say with my insightful intoxication that I am wise....... my friend....be strong...I council my neices and nephews on love and loss and learning and growing on a continual basis:) and I choose my words wisely....LOL,DLR.

I won't lie seeing her all over another man really buggged the crap out of me...but, I did not say anything to her about it. The e-mail I sent her the other night was more of a slap of reality about choices she made, because she said something that offended me. I ended pretty much calling her an alcoholic and saying she uses that to claim ignorance. I also went through and listed how she picks men that use her. I don't understand why she bothers to continue to talk to them.
She took great offense to that said I needed to grow up and if she stopped talking to everyone that made her mad or upset her, she would be like me and have no friends? Anyway she had a lot of issues that took me awhile to realize. She likes attention, she can't handle the truth, and she claims she wants one thing, but wants the opposite. She wants someone to listen to her rant, but not be a friend and offer advice or anything. Where I am from if my friend does something stupid I will tell them no matter how much it might hurt. I wouldn't sit back and let them ruin there lives more without at least saying something.
Thanks for the compliments and listening.