Laughter on Loan...

I met a wonderful man at work about 5 months ago. He is 24 and I am 34. We have never laughed so much or enjoyed a persons company more than we have together. Our relationship is stricktly monogomous. At times he seems to run from me and when I clam up he is right back to flirting and caressing. Last night when I told him to let me know if he seriously was interested in me he told me that I was his perfect match but that his future was to have children and a family of his own, I already have one. I am soon to be divorced and I have two kids. I do not intend to have anymore. His exact words were "I hope to find someone that looks at me the way you do with your ideals and the whole package that wants to settle down and have a family together" I just politely told him I am sure you will, I switched it up to the sweet motherly mode and gave comfort and reassurement and let him know that I am perfectly fine with all that and that I am a big girl. He said he hates to let something so good like us slip through his hands but that having a family of his own is his lifes goal. But he didnt say it like it was his goal, but rather one that had been rehursed by a parent over and over...I just laughed it off and said well, maybe next time. I feel my laughter has a price I cannot afford. What to do fellow destiny seekers, what to do.....I still have to work with him, I don't want to look bitter or affected, but this is seriously depressing. Tonight will be there first night around him since we split paths...HELP!

Just as he says he wants a child and family, you have stated you have no intentions of having anymore children.

Sounds like you're both being honest with each other and you're both not on the same page of life.

It was just not meant to be.........something good will be around the corner for the both of you......

love,
sora

Well, I figured I would go into work yesterday ignoring him but still being my fun loving self with everyone. He continued to text me and when I wasn't answering back he caught up with me to tell me he was sorry if he hurt me, but that he was trying to be honest. I of course told him I was fine but that he hurt me very much because I am not some silly young girl lookin for a one nighter. He did infact get real truthful in telling me that he thinks he just might be confused about everything but that he really likes me alot and he doesn't want to lose me, so this is what I said to him... I am an old dog laying on the front porch waiting to be fed and petted once in a while and I am not going anywhere. Take your time, figure out what it is that makes you happy and what you want and I will be here. I did remind him that even though I am 34, I CAN still have children...LOL

So it's not a big fat 'get lost, you're dumped' then, is it?

Why don't you 'suck it and see' for want of a better phrase?

I asked my YM about kids, because I definitely won't have any. (Have never wanted any, and as I'm now 40 - I am so not going to change my mind). He said he was 50/50 about having them. He said he'd rather have them at the same age as his dad did - 48. Told him, no worries, perhaps I'll be dead by then and he can find a younger woman to breed for him. Laugh, laugh. Oh. He didn't laugh at all. Looked dead serious and said 'don't say that'.

Thing is, we both know how we stand at the moment. Am not going to stop having a relationship with him - am in too deep to quit now.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

Sounds like you're both being honest with each other and you're both not on the same page of life.


I agree with Sora. And under these conditions, there would be no reason for you to be bitter and/or affected once you get past the initial split. People date and try each other on for fit. We don't always fit.

He did infact get real truthful in telling me that he thinks he just might be confused about everything but that he really likes me alot and he doesn't want to lose me, so this is what I said to him... I am an old dog laying on the front porch waiting to be fed and petted once in a while and I am not going anywhere. Take your time, figure out what it is that makes you happy and what you want and I will be here. I did remind him that even though I am 34, I CAN still have children...LOL


I'm sorry, spaidit, but I cringed a bit at some of your post:

1. You said earlier that you don't want more children but now you're throwing out the child-bearing carrot to him?

2. Yes, you can have children for several more years but did he mean that he's probably not going to be ready to start as soon as you would need to?

3. You basically just invited him to come around whenever he wants to or has time, and you'll let him 'pet' you because you're just going to be sitting there waiting for him. I hope you don't decide to sit on the porch for too long, actually turning into an 'old dog', which you're not even close to that at 34.

4. You're still married at this point, and you seem worried about securing another serious relationship already. Consider giving yourself some room to breath and grow during this transitional phase. Alone for a while is okay.


The YM that I'd been dating for the last few months said similar things to me last week - you know, the 'confusion' thing. This, after he pushed really hard for the relationship. But there's no way that I'm going to sit on the porch and wait around for him. That's how you turn into an 'old dog'.

Well, to get things straight let me state that I don't want to be alone....I love relationships and the accompaniment of a man. The only reason things havent worked out in my marriage is because I choose not to change myself into something I am not. My husband's controlling ways are too choking. 13 years of being miserable and its only getting worse. Yeah sex is great and a warm body beside you at night is even better what what about all the times he is actually awake? No thanks, I was born and raised country, I am an old dog, and proud of it. I am in no rush for serious which is why his decision after all the flirting threw me for a loop. I even told him, Damn Bud, I ain't looking to get hitched just to have a little fun and enjoy life. I am not out there looking for another relationship, I am just enjoying what life has to offer and what the Good Lord puts beside me... While we are onthat note of childbearing, I asked my husband 2 years ago for another child and he told me if I got pregnant again he would leave me...so I had put that idea in the trash, I never expected someone would come into my life and that the possibility of having another child at the age of 30 something would ever come about...

... I am soon to be divorced ...

Okay, first, you are not in any position to be starting another relationship, with anyone. Finish up your business with your husband first.

... I am an old dog laying on the front porch waiting to be fed and petted once in a while and I am not going anywhere. Take your time, figure out what it is that makes you happy and what you want and I will be here...

IMHO, this is just inviting him to use and abuse you. You will get very lonely if you give him the idea that he can just come around when he has nothing better to do.

Follow your first inclination: let him go. Don't pursue, be friendly yet distant with him. There's always the chance that he will decide he doesn't want to lose you and come to terms with the way things are. If so, he'll definitely let you know. If he doesn't, you won't have wasted your time and tears on something that wasn't meant to be.

Well, lets see, where to begin...tonight he showed up to work and it was the usual hum drum of how are things going, blah blah, you know polite conversation. I really didn't feed into it due to the fact that wishy washy is not my gig, besides I had a head ache and my nerves were pretty on edge. No calls, no texting, no nothing, real quiet nite. As I was leaving there was a note in my box at work that said dont open until you walk outside. So I gathered my things and clocked out. As I got to the parking lot I remembered the note and as I opened it to reread it again, ;) my phone rang...It was him, he said "look up...(of course he had left hours ago so I assume he was home or wherever)...see the three stars to the left of the big one by the dipper?" I said yea, I see them. He says, " see the little one in the middle?" Yeah and? "That is ours, our star, everytime you are alone, or down, you remember that we both were looking at the same star at the same time and we grabbed it. It is ours. I am sure this sounds corny but it meant the world to me. So here is my advice to myself. Keep smilin, keep laughing, be at peace with yourself and reach for a star. You never know who might be reaching for the same thing.