One Year Anniversary: "if it's not love, what is it?"

Monday, March 13th, marks the one year anniversary of the above named thread.

I know for me, this thread has offerend me more solace, comfort, and support than I could have ever imagined. I've also experienced tremendous commradarie with a certain Irish physician...(you know who you are!)
I've made two great friends (two other MD's oddly enough!) as a result of this thread who have never posted on it but stay in touch with me as a result of reading it. Whether this thread has run it's course, or will soon (who can know?) I do have to "give it it's due" by honoring it here...

Thanks Intime, for starting it. What a gem it's turned out to be. Not only for those of us who post on it, but those we've comforted unknowingly...for it's received almost 20,000 hits, something I find amazing. I don't know if there's any meaning in that, and I don't know if this thread sets some kind of record in Relationship Support, but I bet it comes close!

Our little thread is a Pisces, influenced by the moon and emotions.

Couldn't be more accurate!

lets raise a toast from ireland !
I have to say this thread has been for me a totally unexpected resource and support for me , i have had such freedom to confide my self , to be honest in a safe place .. like you kat , although i have not noticed the birthday ( when was i ever any good at numbers ! ) i have felt a huge gratitude to intime firstly for starting this thread and for the great title you gave it , i doubt i would have checked it out if it had not been that which caught my eye , it was EXACTLY the question i was asking myself !
Secondlly to all the wonderful people who have both posted and read here , i have gained untold support and kindness , been challenged and stimulated . its unique for me to be able to be open about these issues in a safe forum where i wont hurt myself or others.

Thank you so much everyone , The number of people visiting speaks volumes . and encourages me enormously. there must be more of us out !!


and if its not love , there sure is love on this site . many many thanks .

I was just going to say that I have never seen a thread remain alive on this site for that long. It's been a great thread and hopefully, it will continue even longer.

Couldn't have done it without you guys. Apparently like myself, there are a lot of women that fall into this bewildering category. I too have met wonderful people. Thanks for your never ending support and comfort (and a few wake up calls).

Love to you.

I LOVE the thread.

I read it first, everytime i logon to this site.

All of your writing is wonderful, especially that of roisin.

You all give me strength, and make me proud to be a woman. I look forward to knowing whats going on in your life.

Your honesty and openness is soooo appreciated...as i've said before.

Thanks, J.

yes, i agree, roisin's style is very lyrical...i'm wondering how much of it is HER, and how much of it is her IRISH! my guess is, it's both.

if there's such a thing as "15 minutes of fame" we've hit the jackpot here!

Happy Birthday thread!
XXOO Kat

oh i like that 15 minutes of fame !! I must confess 2 things .. one is that i was very mortified one day to hear ( i think it was you bubblee ?? ) refer to the fact that the thread was a blog .. i was sure you meant a big whinge and i felt like slinking off with my tail between my legs .. i remember , my ears burned and i was too embarrassed to ask too much , but i since asked my children and looked it up and it turned out to be more of a sort of online diary or discussion group . god was i relieved !
second , i have a deep almost shameful desire to write and in an unexpected way , i have been told i can .. from the people on this site and funnily enough from the duty dating ... the men who replied just loved the post and the emails , said they knew they wanted to meet and would like me before seeing me and all of them wanted to meet me again .
if i sound like i am boasting , i am , **** it . for this one day , let me ...
so happy birthday to us all .
i propose the thread contiues
a great friend and i were talking a bout life this weekend and he said you can never know anyone really unless you love them , you can only know bits about them . and he feels love is the greatest thing . but the problem is , knowing love , what is love and what isnt love . and of course that brings us right back where we started ,, if its not love what is it ?!

Coming from a pseudo journalist/children's book writer, I think Roisin that your writing is wonderful.

Just a question, is it love if you leave someone who needs help?

Roisin, I said it before. Your writing is beautiful.....

Intime. What a question! The immediate reaction I would have is 'no' . But then again, depends on circumstances. If in the end you are going to be hurt big time, then I would say 'yes'.

Only knowing a little of your situation, I guess you're talking about the drugs thing? How much help have you given so far, how much energy do you have left, does he love you enough to appreciate it and come thru for you if you needed him?

Phew, feel for you girl, I know you're going through a lot. Thank God for ageless so you can at least share..... ((hugs to intime))

Thanks Japan, and yes, you are right on the money. I love and hate him at the same time.

Yes, I love that thread too.....I find it to be easily the most heartfelt, emotionally honest and endearing ongoing discussion at ageless . Its so refreshing to have somewhere at ageless where people feel safe to express vulnerabilites, and can share support and healing over time.

Cheers to `if its not love, what is it? ' and all the contributers!

Coming from a pseudo journalist/children's book writer, I think Roisin that your writing is wonderful.

Just a question, is it love if you leave someone who needs help?

It is the hardest, deepest love imaginable... Sometimes we have to hit bottom hard before we can turn our lives around.. if there is always someone there waiting with a pillow.. it just won't work.

My good friend from 13 - 30 (off and on) went from being an alcoholoic (I spent my teenage years weekends going to AA meetings with her to support her) to a heroin addict. I sadly can't count the number of times I walked away from her and had to let her become homeless and miserable to get clean. At one point I took her newborn and left her strung out and waiting for her sponsor in NA. I NEVER gave her money and when I even had a suspicion she had started again I would walk away. There was no way I was endangering my daughter by her being around. A needle, some illegal substance, me getting arrested for her drugs (all possibilities I wasn't willing to risk).

As awful as it is to watch them fall... it's worse to see them fall regardless of our efforts and take someone else we love with them. I looked at it like a choice between her and my daughter, somehow it made it easier to walk away.

Intime,

One of the things you learn in Al-Anon is that you can't rescue someone who has an addiction. You just can't.

And the thing you will come to realize if you ever get your a$$ to a meeting (hint, hint) is that the codependent person is every bit as ill as the addict. It wasn't until I healed my own illness of codependency that I healed from 17 years of growing up with an addict and 12 years of being married to an addict.

LOVE YOU!
Kat

Yes, I love that thread too.....I find it to be easily the most heartfelt, emotionally honest and endearing ongoing discussion at ageless . Its so refreshing to have somewhere at ageless where people feel safe to express vulnerabilites, and can share support and healing over time.

Cheers to `if its not love, what is it? ' and all the contributers!

This is very good to hear/know. I hold your thoughts in high regard Bella_D.

me too bella , kind and wise .

He tells me outright, you cannot fix me, don't try to. But, he doesn't want me to leave him. And he's going to start NA meetings. I got him the info off the web and found him a location. Sometimes I've found with 'J' if I get him started, he will follow through. He just needs that extra push.

And you're right, I should consider my son Malani, but he's good to him and would never hurt him.

Yes, I am sick just watching him. I am having such a hard time cutting him loose. I feel like I want him close to me because of MY PAIN. This is terrible. The one thing that can help though is if he moves to Georgia to be near his parents after he graduates (the end of the summer).

Lately, I keep pulling him in and pushing him back out and I'm driving both of us crazy. I've hurt him, I've insulted him. It's strange having things take a turn. I don't mean to, sometimes it's my pain meds talking. But, I don't fear my addiction. When I'm better (I say when, but I guess I'm hopeful) I will tell my doctor to write me RX's with less and less until I'm off. That I can do and the reason I know this is because they put a few pounds on me and I don't like it.

Love you guys,