new here please read and tell me what you think

Hello everyone, I am new here and just thought I would explain what is going on and see if others think I am over reacting. I have been seeing this older man since November. He is 55 and I am 39. I have really fallen for this man. We have so many laughs and good times. He lost his wife to a terrible battle with cancer not long before we started dating. It started out as friends and went farther before either of us knew what was going on.
We kept the relationship secret at first for many reasons 1. I felt unconfortable about the age difference, 2 didn't want to hurt his wifes kids which are grown and out of house. and 3. I work with some of his family members and friends of his and his wifes and I didn't want them to think bad of me. I think of others before myself and I know I need to work on this. People started hearing about us after I bought a house and he helped me fix it up. Bob must be embarrassed of me or something cause he is working on his cabin and about 6 friends are coming for a week to help him. He told me he would miss me not seeing me for a week. He said he wouldn't be able to leave to sneak over and of course didn't offer to have me come there to meet some of his friends. I have such a hard time telling him how I feel. I am hurt and wonder why we are even continueing this. Please tell me what you think

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone, I am new here and just thought I would explain what is going on and see if others think I am over reacting. I have been seeing this older man since November. He is 55 and I am 39. I have really fallen for this man. We have so many laughs and good times. He lost his wife to a terrible battle with cancer not long before we started dating. It started out as friends and went farther before either of us knew what was going on.
We kept the relationship secret at first for many reasons 1. I felt unconfortable about the age difference, 2 didn't want to hurt his wifes kids which are grown and out of house. and 3. I work with some of his family members and friends of his and his wifes and I didn't want them to think bad of me. I think of others before myself and I know I need to work on this. People started hearing about us after I bought a house and he helped me fix it up. Bob must be embarrassed of me or something cause he is working on his cabin and about 6 friends are coming for a week to help him. He told me he would miss me not seeing me for a week. He said he wouldn't be able to leave to sneak over and of course didn't offer to have me come there to meet some of his friends. I have such a hard time telling him how I feel. I am hurt and wonder why we are even continueing this. Please tell me what you think

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually, I think you are really freaking yourself out for no reason. A guy goes to his cabin ( that needs some repair work done )with his buddy's and you are wondering why you should even continue the relationship because he didn't ask you, a woman, to join him and all his guy friends?

First of all he might be using this time to talk to his buddy's about you. Geesh, the guy needs some space and it could be a good thing for both of you. You should really look at the bigger picture darlin.

Secondly, I don't understand your statement "I think of others before myself and I know I need to work on this". Thinking of others is a good thing and people need to do it more often. There is enough selfishness in this world and if people thought more about others feelings maybe people would think before they jump into a fire storm. Which is what I think you should have done before you allowed yourself to get involved with a man whose wife you must have known, work with family and friends and ect ect ect. That has bad carma written all over it to me but hey....... your already there so lets move forward with the scenrio.......since your already in the fire you might as well not blow on it and keep the flames up. Jut sit back and relax and see what happens. Stop assuming things. Quit making up stories about what he and others are thinking and doing. Speaking for the guy only though, only he can tell you how he feels and what he is thinking and he will do that on his own time. Don't push. The way you let your imagination run wild, girl! I don't know how you sleep at night. For goodness sake, don't be so freaking willing to throw in the towel so fast. If it is meant to be it will work itself out.

you will see that your age gap is not really a gap compared to some of the relationships here.
Once you and Bob come to terms with the fact that your age gap is OK and once you two get over the stigma that you yourselves are putting on it, you can end up having a great relationship.
Age gap relationships are making the news more and more (perhaps the demi moore/ashton kruthcer thing?) but a true may/december relationship is often described as 25 years difference. At about 15 years, you can see that you and Bob are not that big of a deal.
My partner is 14 years younger than I am. I turn 50 this year. Just had a physical from stem to stern, from pap smear to mammography. I'm in excellent health -- I only take a couple of vitamins; no medicines at all. On the other hand, my partner has allergies, catches the flu several times a year, has hip problems from a car crash, injuries from an accident while in the army, etc.
My point is: there's physical age; chronological age, emotional age. Generally speaking, when a person is 28-31, they are an adult -- period. They pretty well are developed personality wise and everything after that is simply fine tuning and achieving what they already know is in the heart. It's not like an 18 year old and a 40 year old who are in completely different life stages (and yet, as you read here, even some of those relatiionships are doing wonderfully well!).
You and Bob are consenting adults. Treat and honor yourselves as such. HOld your head up; don't feel like you have to 'sneaking' around like a couple of teen-agers, or a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You aren't doing anything wrong. His children should be happy he can find happiness and companionship again.
Good luck and enjoy!