New here and brokenhearted

Hello,

I broke up with my gf of one year. The relationship was fantastic but of course had it's ups and downs. We both experienced alot of personal growth and were very intimate. I really miss her as I feel that she was my best friend.

The problem is that during the relationship we argued over personal issues and tried to set boundaries but were not able to keep eachother from crossing them. In the end we fought during every conversation.

I'm having difficulty getting over her and I inherently feel that we will eventually get back together. Regardless of what was said I truly believe that we were meant to be.

What should I do to get over her? She was wonderful and helped me grow alot and I did the same from her. But she constantly pushed me, even in the end I tried to make myself be what she wanted.

The other issue is that during the relationship she often told me that she suffered from anxiety but there was an event whereing she exploded. I contacted her mother because I felt that she needed comforting from someone besides me. Her mother informed that she was diagnosed bi-polar and that she has refused to take medications for years. Also that the end of our relatioship was a cycle that she repeated over the last five years.

My damn heart aches so becuase I could see in her eyes that she really loved me. She often told me that she wanted to marry me.

Again, in the in she could only tell me that I am a liar and that I am the worst person that she ever met but onyl after telling me otherwise.

Lovelorn in Sacramento!

when you experience real and true love, the kind where two people share a mutual kindness, respect, and consideration, you will reflect back on this experience and see that persistent pain and anger should never define a relationship. it sounds as if this was the case for you, arguing during every conversation. look for peace, my friend.

I was married to a man with bi-polar disorder who refused to take medications. During the course of the 10 years we had 1 child, and he was in and out of institutions approximately 7 times......

it wears on the relationship, never knowing what each day brings, always trying to tell yourself that tomorrow will be better......some episodes involved abuse, some episodes involved hugh amounts of money spending, some episodes involved violence....always telling myself, he loves me, I love him, for the baby's sake....to only find myself deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit.....

I understand how much you love her, how your heartaches for her, to have the good times again......but remember this, no matter what you do for her, how much you love her, how much you are there for her..........it doesn't change anything within her until she decides to change herself, to take the medication and to work her way onto being a whole person with the help of physicians.......she needs to be healthy for herself.

I feel your sorrow and pray that good things will happen for you.

love,
sora

One of my good friends is a diagnosed bi-polar. This is one of the most difficult things to deal with. One day she's good and the next she is knocking the crap out of me because a good looking man glanced my way or some other silly reason. Then, out of the blue she is your best friend again. I have continued to be her best friend because I know she is ill. I can't imagine being her husband. I think she makes him nuts most of the time. My suggestion is WALK AWAY. As hard as it is in the long run it is the most easiest. Believe me I know. This is a sad disease...I can look at her and tell she is a tormented soul.

in the in she could only tell me that I am a liar Did you lie to her or was this something that she just made up? If she only exploded once, I would not call her bi-polar. What was her relationship with her mother like? :confused:

I am truly sorry that you are hurting. These deep connections are about love, but they are also about our own issues that were not worked out in childhood.

I'm sorry for your pain. Dealing with someone with mental illness is hard enough when you're NOT in an intimate relationship. Add that into the equation, and it becomes a huge challenge. I was in one for over four years, so I speak from experience (depression, but also became hypomanic frequently.)

It was a challenge, and I bit my tongue frequently. I truly loved this person, otherwise I would have never been able to tolerate the mood swings. But it took it's toll on who I was...and that is never a good thing.

It sounds like you benefitted greatly from this relationship. Take that and run! Someone with bipolar disorder who isn't willing to stay on meds is a continual disaster waiting to happen. If I were in your shoes, I'd also start to examine what it is about an unstable person that attracted you.

Hang in there....it will get better.

My best friend's husband was diagnosed as bi-polar (and something else) almost immediately after they were married. Her marriage was a struggle from Day One. After a few years of serious struggling, therapy, medication, etc., it began to improve. Interestingly, less than a year ago, it was determined that the bi-polar diagnosis was incorrect; it was something closer to depression from residual childhood issues.

My two main points being:

1. She loved him and stuck by him and her marriage, and it's 'paying off'. She didn't leave him, although many people encouraged her to do so, including me. I'm a bit bummed by the advice to you to forget her because (according to her mother) she's been diagnosed as bi-polar.

2. Bi-polar disorder is commonly believed to be extremely overdiagnosed and misdiagnosed. (I'm the first to state that I'm not a medical/psychological professiona.) But I'm from 'the camp' that believes that this country expects people to be always happy, or even neutral, most of the time. But unhappy? Moody? Occasionally depressed? These feelings and expressions of these feelings are 'unwanted' by society-at-large. People just don't want to deal with the 'negative' emotions of others. I don't think it's a coincidence that it seems that the increase in this diagnosis seems to correlate with the development of the Me factor in this society.

I know a few people who have been diagnosed as bi-polar and others who believe that because they have ups and downs that they must BE bi-polar. How sad is that, when people feel so powerless in dealing with their struggles that they believe that they must have a mental illness/chemical imbalance. (Yes, I definitely believe that there are legitimate cases.)

Just a sidebar on a section of your post.

I wish you luck in making your decisions about the relationship.