I'm new... with a 40 year age difference

Hope you guys don't mind a post, I'm new here.

So, I guess the basic facts go as follows: I'm twenty, an aspiring artist/college student with a less than stable personality, he's just turned sixty, the all-around good guy, never married, who, at this late point in life, has given up any hope for greater achievement, and the two of us, as you have probably already guessed, are in love. Goddamn crazy, no? Well, crazy as it is, it exists, and has for the last two years. I genuinly love him, and yes, I most certianly do know - have learned the hard way, in fact - the difference between love and infatuation. That isn't to say that we haven't had our fits, screaming "you're too young!" "you're too old!" back and forth till we're both hoarse across an apartment; we're certainly not perfect, but we work. You see, I find it amazing that the two of us can sit down, have a passionate conversation - over politics, or art, or even just a movie, and then make the most amazing love. Where the problems kicks in, in my oppinnion, is not actually an internal part of the relationship, it's having friends as a couple, and being accepted by our family and friends, and being able to go out to dinner with out feeling like we're violating some sort of law. There's also, on the more morbid side, what happens to me after he's gone? There is also the silent issue of marrage that looms continually over us.

See my confusion? I'd love anyone's input. Thanks.

Wow...that's tough. I don't really have any advice...just wanted to say hello and welcome to the site. I have an 18 year age gap with my OM....and I have a hard time with that. Enjoy the time you have together. :)

wow 40 years difference, thats amazing.. how on earth did you meet?

:rolleyes:

Hey girl,
I'm a fifty yr old woman and am attracted to younger men. I can't say that I have ever had that wide an age difference, but I can see your dilemma. I know what I would do...as long as my family accepted me, I wouldn't worry about common friends....I have learned that there are no such things as friends...the only ones who will always have your back, is your family. We don't ask to fall in love with the "wrong" people...it just happens...then we have to deal with it. If marriage doesn't bother you, then get married as soon as possible....you have already been together for two years, he should already feel like your other half, make it legal....marriage is in the heart.

Good luck to you.

We met when I was about seventeen, but, don't worry, wasn't romantic till I was legal. I'm just a very talkative person, well to strangers at least, and it get's me into trouble sometimes (didn't quite get the point of all the nifty little sayings like "Stranger-danger" when I was younger I s'ppose). I guess, you know, there's no good reason, it just happened.

Thanks for all your advice, its much appreciated.

What counts is that you two are happy. Once the family sees that, they will eventually accept you. As to being obese, yea, so? It's what's inside that counts.

Hi,

I'm in a pretty similar boat. I'm twenty, a university student. He's 56, divorced. I love him and it's mutual, and we only admitted this to each other just before Christmas, despite having known each other for a year or so, but since then, our relationship has been amazing. I understand completely when you say that the talking, the passion for similar things - arts, politics etc - friends my own ages simply aren't interested in the same things as me. And our relationship simply continued from there. I've never found anyone that i can be so completely open with.

You are completely right about the external being the problem. My family will not accept us, fact, and i think, for me personally, that it's going to make our relationship a lot easier if they don't find out. I'm not immensely close to my parents and so can easily continue to have a relationship with both Chris and my family, but exclusive of each other.

As for friends, I've realised that my true friends are those who accept our relationship and try and understand it, not those who judge it. I still appreciate those friends who judge me, but think of them more as people i know.

As for the greater outside world - the going out for meals, on holidays etc - I say stuff them. They can gossip all they like, think what they like. You're happy in your relationship, as I am, and we shouldn't have to live in fear of what other people think. We are doing nothing wrong. We are simply happy.

Thank you for your post - I'm pleased to know I'm not the only one in this situation.

I think you will get quite a lot of good advice from the people on this site. I once dated a woman who was 18 years older than myself which was fine. I would suggest that you enjoy it but i doubt if it's got much future as the age gap is just too large.

Only a 15 yr age difference with me and mine, and omg have we had the arguments over me being to old or him being to young. But in the end no matter what anyone says, Love is love after all, there is no rhyme and no reason. I told my fiance that when I was praying for the perfect man, that God got everything right, even gave me Handsome beyond words, but he forgot to Id him hhehe. Just remember that life is funny and that will help make it last.

What counts is that you two are happy. Once the family sees that, they will eventually accept you. As to being obese, yea, so? It's what's inside that counts.


Did I miss the obese part? Who? Which one? I didn't read that, maybe I need to re-read.

If you love him, then love him. To hell with what other people think. I know at twenty you don't see it, but...life is truely too short to not be happy. As far as long term if you are in it for the long haul, I guess it will be long term as long as one or both of you live. My blessings. :)

wow its 40! and different thats very good. hope will have good time