Goin' absolutely NUTS

Hey y'all-I gotta get this off my mind NOW, I'm a grad student and have a paper due tomorrow and can't concentrate at ALL, Let me see if I can give y'all the short version-Back in June 2002, I met HER, the absolute most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my 44 (back then-48 now)years! Of course I wasn't looking for anything or anybody, then that night came, (I remember the exact time and date-June 15th 2002 at 7:40 p.m-That we met. She was the new manager of the local Software store I frequented. She was sweet and friendly and fun, and I never even considered that I could possibly have a chance with someone so young(she was 26)-THEN I remembered my best friend telling me he'd recently got married to someone the same age as "T" was (I'll call her T ) and I started thinking...
So I spent more time at her store, having fun and learning a little bit more about her-Eventually I accepted the fact that I was definitely having strong feelings for her, but I was feeling sort of ashamed because I was so much older. It never seemed to bother T though. I asked her out, and she accepted, then later, she told me she was too busy for a friendship right now, which I know was true, since she worked practically every hour the store was open.
I couldn't forget her, I'd go by the store, probably too much, and I began worrying that she thought I was stalking her, I talked to her about it and she reassured me that everything was fine...
We eventually went out, and had our first "battle"- I got mad at her and she was mad at me, because I thought she was going to blow me off, anyway, we eventually got back together. And so it began, a endless cycle over the next 3 years of battling each other, then acting as if nothing happened. She kicked me out of the store at least 2 times, but I always wind up going back, and she acts as if nothing happened, that 'everything's good"
NOW to the issue at hand. I can't figure this out. There are times when I NEVER want to see her again, I stay away form her, ignore her, etc, but always, ALWAYS wind up back with her. I've tried dating other people, no help-My heart is set on T-I have talked to T a dozen times, We both agreed I should move on, but we always wind up back together again. THis is the same exact cycle that's been going on for years.
I have been fighting this for a LONG time. I have finally come to the decision to quit fighting it and accept it, because I'm not getting anywhere by fighting it. She knows I love her, I practically told her once. everybody in the stinkin MALL knows I'm nuts about her. (My gym is in the mall where she works-that's why I'm around the mall so much)
I SO WISH I could get over this, and move on-Just when I think I have, something happens and there she is again, in my life. I've been told by others that she's playing with me, sending me hot and cold signals, I dunno what to do or where to turn.. I Love T, I have never felt so strongly for anyone in my life. There are times when we're fine, other times, we treat each other as strangers, not saying a word. She'll walk by me, or follow me around the mall sometimes, then other times, she sees me and turns around and actually RUNS away from me..I've never ever experienced anything like this..It's like I'm not in control, and something else is controlling us.
I suppose I should just get her alone and talk to her AGAIN, just let it all out. But I know how she'll react, I know exactly what she'll say..After 3 1/2 years ya get pretty good at it..I am surrounded by the most beautiful girls in Atlanta at my gym, but can only think of T, I think of her constantly...
I don't know really what to do or say. I just let things happen, I guess. We just got over another 'battle' and things are excellent again. I guess if I just chill and don't try too hard this time, we won't have any more 'battles' for a while. The battles are sort of "cleansing" for us both..I guess maybe things build up and we both let loose on each other and feel better afterwards, kinda like an ol MARRIED couple..
Anyway, I gotta go. If ya got this far, thanks for reading! I wish I could tell you more of the adventures of me and T, but it would literally fill a book..

She knows I love her, I practically told her once. everybody in the stinkin MALL knows I'm nuts about her. (My gym is in the mall where she works-that's why I'm around the mall so much)
First of all, do you mean to tell me that after all this time you haven't told her you love her? :confused:
As I read your post I cant help but to feel as if a big problem is your inability to accept that she could want and truly love you. Maybe a little insecure? Help me out here. I will be 26 this coming Saturday and my fiancee will be 43 this year. I love him period. We have had our differences (like when I took him to a heavy-metal concert full of gothic people and he made me listen to a double Cd of Chicago :eek: )! God bless him I won't do that to him again! Because we have been able to work through the special problems that come with age-gap relationships, we are free to enjoy our lives. We have a new home and will have a new baby in about 11 weeks! We are happy because we're taking a chance that one could severely hurt the other. You have to do the same thing or you'll never be happy with her and you'll never be happy without her because you know you've never REALLY given your relationship a chance.
Now that's assuming you do feel a little insecure when it comes to her; if not, disregard my post! :)
Good luck

What you have described is a dysfuctional, lop-sided and worthless relationship. You are obsessing over something you want to possess physically, but can't have emotionally. For you two to have been fighting on your firast real date and for her to have had to kick you out of the store 3 times, only serves to prove that there is absolutely nothing going on that is worth worrying about.

I hate to be the bairer of unpleasant news, but you have made an *** out of yourself in the eyes of this young woman and to yourself and anyone else that is a party to this. Just drop it cold.

You have some personal issues to deal with (probably rejection and fear of rejection issues), and nothing will seem easy or comfortable relationship-wise until you get some things sorted out.

Forget women for a while and focus on re-discovering the real you by reconnecting with the child within you that feels the pain and the rejection. You need to do this before you can approach a relationship with clarity and correctness.

This is nutty relationship and useless to pursue.

Why would you waste all these years with someone you fight with? It is NOT true that married couples act like this. Well...perhaps some loons do...but they end up divorced in most cases.


Geez....your 48...move on. Forget about the nonsense of connecting with your "inner child" this was pure parody in 1988...it is just silly in 2006. Grow up...you will be dead before you know it...life is passing you by.

[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Hi,

When reading your thoughts I think that you are just jeolous of her and also insecure because she is young. Do u think this is correct?

You probably like to think you are better than to possess this feelings but maybe that is what you need to address. It could be nerve raking to have your boyfriend have a fit sometimes and not understand what the problem is :confused:

My boyfriend is 50 and I am 30 (but he likes to think he is younger) and tries to have the relationship he has always wanted even though we are 20 yrs apart :(
We add 5 yrs to my age or subtract 5 yrs from his age in order not to feel awkward sometimes. Well good luck and let us now how it goes.

Sincerely,
Minx

No matter how "weird" they may seem, relationships like this are - at some level - "working" and that's why they continue even though others may see them differently.

"Now to the issue at hand. I can't figure this out. There are times when I NEVER want to see her again, I stay away form her, ignore her, etc, but always, ALWAYS wind up back with her..."

and the question is "Why?" The possible answers number at least in the hundreds, but the one answer that's probably "wrong" is that it's because you are in love with her. You may be in love with the IDEA of her, but not her because it sounds to me like you aren't exactly dating much - you've just been hanging out at her store and following her around the mall.

It's easy, isn't it? She's right there, she actually can't get away from you... you're right there too.

See how easy it is to find reasons to be with her?

For some couples fighting is the way it works... as if they need the excitement and tension.

Sometimes these things are pretty simple. You either love her and like the relationship you have together or you don't.

If you don't you either fix it (together) or you don't. If you don't fix it you either get used to things the way they are or you move on.

Just remember: you are the one who walks through the mall and goes to her store. You're feet will go anywhere you want them to take to you.