my boyfriend is 19 years old and i am 33!!!!

hi. i am new to this site . i just need a little support with my relationship. it is a happy and fun one but i am truly finding our differences and i dont want to turn into a *****ing bag on the young guy. he is sexy and full of youth but yet mature in most areas to handle this that we are doing. my main concern is how young men play games with older women. please help me to identify or tell me some of the tricks that young men play. he has shown me his loyalty and is not afraid to explore for chance at extending this love. i guess his age and our difference in years is what has me insecure. someone help , thankyou!!!

I'm 19, Daphne is 38. I tell her just be Daphne, that's the lady I fell in love with.

She gets insecure, too, thinks I'll dump her for a younger chick, and I can see where she's coming from. I don't know why I'd do that, but I can see where she thinks I might. I just keep telling her that no chick, my age or hers or any other has anything on her as far as looks, charm, attitude, class, sweetness and love go. It doesn't get any better.

When you got it good, and I do, why should I give it up? For what?

It's totally possible for a relationship with a guy that age to work.

Question is, if he's playing games with you, or not.

If you think he is, why bother? If you don't think he is, why look for trouble?

If he's shown you his loyalty, why do you think he'd be playing tricks on you?

It's normal to have some insecurities, and time is all that can really cure that. Not every guy is a bad one, and age doesn't guarantee a good person. He either is, or he isn't.

Integrity knows no age.

My ym is 19 and I'm 35 and we are coming up on our 1 year wedding anniversary next month.
He has never "played games" of any type with me. Our relationship has been more mature and genuinely loving than all the years I spent married to my ex-husband who was the same age as me.

You say that your ym is sexy and fun and yet you are looking for possible pitfalls in your relationship.....can't you just trust him to be a stand-up guy???

Well the insecurity part you are feeling is normal. I think we all went through that stage and sometimes still have those nagging feelings. And I do remember thinking at the time..oh jeez, what if it is just all about the sex or what have you.

My b/f was 18 when we started dating and I was 32. Now we are 23 and 37, so five years there. I can't remember the last time I actually thought about our age gap. I only really remember it when someone points it out to me.

Over five years time we have discussed everything we could possibly discuss, every possible scenario, and so the big issues like having children or him leaving for a younger woman just don't come up anymore. We have the same kind of issues other couples who maintain a household have (money, raising children, etc).

My mom told me once that J loved me so much, he would never even notice me aging. At the time I thought what a crock....but 20 pounds, multiple wrinkles and five years later, he doesn't really seem to look at me any different.

It does get better...it's just a stage you have to work through. Promise.

hi. i am new to this site . i just need a little support with my relationship. it is a happy and fun one but i am truly finding our differences and i dont want to turn into a *****ing bag on the young guy. he is sexy and full of youth but yet mature in most areas to handle this that we are doing. my main concern is how young men play games with older women. please help me to identify or tell me some of the tricks that young men play. he has shown me his loyalty and is not afraid to explore for chance at extending this love. i guess his age and our difference in years is what has me insecure. someone help , thankyou!!!


I've been through this insecure stage too and also without any genuine evidence of wrong doing. Basically I agree with what someone else posted here.. don't go looking for trouble if there isn't any. Just try to enjoy all the lovely happy and fun moments.

Dusky

my main concern is how young men play games with older women. please help me to identify or tell me some of the tricks that young men play.

I think sometimes in a relationship with ym it can be hard to remember that ym are still ym, when in some areas of life they seem to come across extremely mature and capable, but the reality is in some areas of life they really are still ym looking and seeking out answers for things in life that they are still growing in.

At times their unsureness can be unsettling and I think this unsureness or seemingly tricks can make us ow a little jumpy and nervy and our imaginations can run wild with all sorts of scenarios and possibilites that have the power to cut us to the very core even though they may not be happening and probably in all likelyhood never will.

I have found it necessary for my own sanity to really get to know my ym. Get to know what he thinks about anything and everything, how he reacts to issues and find out for sure the areas in life he struggles with and is still growing in. So when he is doing something that makes my nerves strain with tension, I can be aware that how he is dealing with things is not because of me, not because he is having doubts about me, not because he is feeling attracted to another younger woman because I am "old", not because he is hiding something behind his back or is trying to play games but that there might actually be a legitimate reason he is a little different than normal.

Our ym need our love, encouragement and support, they need our faith in them that we will be by their side even though they maybe struggling with something and if we jump to conclusions about something before we fully understand what is really going on we can create mountains out of molehills and drive our ym away from us which in the end will only create opportunites for them to seek refuge somewhere else and even start playing those games we dread they might be.

My advice on ym games and tricks are, get to know your man intimately, foster an atmosphere of trust where he can share absolutely anything with you, ask him questions and sit there and listen and ask untill you can really understand how he thinks and reacts to things. Dont fight, dont interupt, dont create an issue of something if you disagree with him, just create a place where he can go and be totally honest with you without fear or worry of condemnation or rejection. And soon you will be able to see thru the thin veneers of masks that we all wear to protect ourselves and you will start to see who he really is and you will recognise the love and joy he has with and for you but also the unique characteristics that are peculiar to him that may make you wonder if he is playing games or tricks with you.

Loving a ym is a thrilling vocation in life I reckon and is something I have come to treasure, with all the wonderful ups and even those horrible scary downs that have come across our lives together. But trust in each other is powerfull and can make us strong and if you can foster trust between you both then you have something wonderful to work with, but if your inclinations are on the negative then you maybe inclined to filter everything he does through distrust and wait for him to stuff up. But if you can trust him out of knowledge of who he is and filter things with the positive then I am sure you would be living a rich and happy life encouraging and supportiing him to be the best person he can be....which for you can only bring amazing dividends of his unwavering love and devotion.

all the best for you both
Treis* :D

a couple in any relationship are going to have their differences, you just may be going through a certain stage in yours. if you are having fun, and things are going well for the most part stick with it and see what happens. my first relationship with an older woman was when i was 20 and she was 31, so very similar to the gap that you have. She too at times worried that i was playing games with her (or worried, in general, that a younger guy would). What I explained to her was that the reason why i was in the relationship with her was not just for sex, but that i needed to connect with someone on a more mature level emotionally as well. She would totally understand if she were to be at Michigan State on a weekend, and to see how some of the girls my age acted. It's rediculous haha. And when a younger guy who is attracted to an older woman, and finally get's a chance to be in a relationship with her; he will try to do anything he can to make it work, and not play games with her.

I think sometimes in a relationship with ym it can be hard to remember that ym are still ym, when in some areas of life they seem to come across extremely mature and capable, but the reality is in some areas of life they really are still ym looking and seeking out answers for things in life that they are still growing in.

At times their unsureness can be unsettling and I think this unsureness or seemingly tricks can make us ow a little jumpy and nervy and our imaginations can run wild with all sorts of scenarios and possibilites that have the power to cut us to the very core even though they may not be happening and probably in all likelyhood never will.

I have found it necessary for my own sanity to really get to know my ym. Get to know what he thinks about anything and everything, how he reacts to issues and find out for sure the areas in life he struggles with and is still growing in. So when he is doing something that makes my nerves strain with tension, I can be aware that how he is dealing with things is not because of me, not because he is having doubts about me, not because he is feeling attracted to another younger woman because I am "old", not because he is hiding something behind his back or is trying to play games but that there might actually be a legitimate reason he is a little different than normal.

Our ym need our love, encouragement and support, they need our faith in them that we will be by their side even though they maybe struggling with something and if we jump to conclusions about something before we fully understand what is really going on we can create mountains out of molehills and drive our ym away from us which in the end will only create opportunites for them to seek refuge somewhere else and even start playing those games we dread they might be.

My advice on ym games and tricks are, get to know your man intimately, foster an atmosphere of trust where he can share absolutely anything with you, ask him questions and sit there and listen and ask untill you can really understand how he thinks and reacts to things. Dont fight, dont interupt, dont create an issue of something if you disagree with him, just create a place where he can go and be totally honest with you without fear or worry of condemnation or rejection. And soon you will be able to see thru the thin veneers of masks that we all wear to protect ourselves and you will start to see who he really is and you will recognise the love and joy he has with and for you but also the unique characteristics that are peculiar to him that may make you wonder if he is playing games or tricks with you.

Loving a ym is a thrilling vocation in life I reckon and is something I have come to treasure, with all the wonderful ups and even those horrible scary downs that have come across our lives together. But trust in each other is powerfull and can make us strong and if you can foster trust between you both then you have something wonderful to work with, but if your inclinations are on the negative then you maybe inclined to filter everything he does through distrust and wait for him to stuff up. But if you can trust him out of knowledge of who he is and filter things with the positive then I am sure you would be living a rich and happy life encouraging and supportiing him to be the best person he can be....which for you can only bring amazing dividends of his unwavering love and devotion.

all the best for you both
Treis* :D

Fanatastic post, mate. Reinforces a lot of stuff for me, too.