Feeling Old......

Hello.
Here is my story. Sounds the same as a lot of yours. My husband died last May from a heart attack. He was in the hospital for 2 months, but just couldn't pull through. He was 49. I am 42 and have two children, ages 9 and 14. Well, recently my kids had a friend they met at church. He is 28. He started hanging out with them (strange at first). Why would a 28 year old man want to hang out with kids.....Oh well, that's how I met him. Now, we are seeing each other. He is the one who initiated it. It is definitely a strange situation. I think the fact that he is 28 is what is strange. Maybe just different. He is really nice and I like him a lot. I guess that is all that matters. He says that he doesn't need to have children of his own, so that is not a problem. I am definitely having no more kids. No way. Sometimes I feel like he is better than me and I think it is just the fact that he is 28. Where does he get off being 28. Ha Ha. That about sums it up. I am definitely afraid of the future. I feel old......

Hello.
Here is my story. Sounds the same as a lot of yours. My husband died last May from a heart attack. He was in the hospital for 2 months, but just couldn't pull through. He was 49. I am 42 and have two children, ages 9 and 14. Well, recently my kids had a friend they met at church. He is 28. He started hanging out with them (strange at first). Why would a 28 year old man want to hang out with kids.....Oh well, that's how I met him. Now, we are seeing each other. He is the one who initiated it. It is definitely a strange situation. I think the fact that he is 28 is what is strange. Maybe just different. He is really nice and I like him a lot. I guess that is all that matters. He says that he doesn't need to have children of his own, so that is not a problem. I am definitely having no more kids. No way. Sometimes I feel like he is better than me and I think it is just the fact that he is 28. Where does he get off being 28. Ha Ha. That about sums it up. I am definitely afraid of the future. I feel old......

I know this will probably go down like a ton of poo but I do feel I must at least bring it up. This is ONLY a comment to keep in mind. Hanging out with kids when you are an adult and then approaching the mom, well that is classic pedophile predatory behavior. I have seen this a few times, sadly. "I am surprised he seems to like me, and he is sooo great with the kids!". Okay, I just think it is worth keeping in mind. These things happen in church plenty, predators know that people in church are often more trusting about someone they met there. Predators can spend months and years grooming a family. They look for vulnerable people and having had the loss your family has had and being now a single parent who might be feeling afraid she will end up alone makes you vulnerable.

Please don't be offended and I sincerely hope this is all as far off base as possible. But those are the thoughts I had reading your post and it would have bothered me not to mention this possibility.

Do a criminal background check on the guy, that may help you out. But, go with your gut reaction. Trust your instincts and then take it from there...

Good luck to you!

I think the fact that he is 28 is what is strange. Maybe just different..... Sometimes I feel like he is better than me and I think it is just the fact that he is 28. Where does he get off being 28. Ha Ha. That about sums it up. I am definitely afraid of the future. I feel old......

I am 54. The love of my life is 28. I love him for the man he is, regardless of his age.

HOWEVER...Don't let yourself get caught up in worrying about this young man's age. Instead, carefully read the posts above...they're giving you good warnings to be cautious about him for other reasons.

Here's my take on your situation, and I hope you'll forgive me for being frank...

This is not the time to get involved in a new relationship. It's been less than a year since your husband died. Although I've never lost a husband, I have gone through the loss of my mother, my father, and my dearest best friend. I went to grief support groups to make it through those losses. The most important thing I learned, from myself and from others, is this... at the one-year anniversary you will go through terrible and often confusing feelings all over again. Especially if there was prolonged suffering, hospital, etc.... the pain is felt all over again when the one-year mark rolls around.

You said your husband was in the hospital for 2 months before he died last May. That means now you're going through the one-year mark for the beginning of his dying. Your children may be feeling this, too.

As I said, this is not the time to get involved in a new relationship. Let yourself go through this one-year cycle of grieving and loss. I think that's the real source of your feeling of being "old." You'll get through it, and then you can move forward to discover whatever life holds for you. I assure you, 42 is not old.

xo Faith

Hey Frianne,
Don't feel old. Take your time and learn more about eachother. It's always fun to do that. He could be saying he doesn't want kids because maybe he's been afraid to all his life and being friendly with your kids reminds him that he likes to be around them.