Advice needed

Hey there,

This is my first post, I found this place via google...so here goes!!

I have been dating an older woman for around a month now (I am 33 and she is 40). I haven't felt this close to another person in quite some time and I really adore her and have told her so.

The issue is that she has been burnt really bad in a past relationship by a younger guy who basically told her nothing but lies.

While she doesn't associate younger guys with lies (thank god) she is very nervous about our relationship and can shut down all emotions from time to time as a way to protect herself.

I am perfectly alright with allowing her time to get over the demons of her past, as I really like this woman. I really hope that she is in my life for quite some time as we get along as though we have known each other for years.

Basically, what can I do to help her with something like this? Other than giving it time, is there anything I can do to maybe help her? She knows that she involuntary shuts down her feelings as a defense mechanism as she is really worried about being hurt.

Thanks for any insight into this...I am really wanting to help her get through this rough patch and don't want to screw it up!! :)

Thanks guys and gals,
Blz

well the upside of getting burnt is learning to take your time when it comes to getting to know a potential partner.

its only a month, develop intimacy threw communication. the most personal moments are not spent in the bedroom, those come after emotions are in place.

you are in the developmental stage, dont rush it. get to know eachother.

...the information you gave was very vague, so the answers you get will probably lean that way too. I think you are on the right track with giving her time and patience. If you truly care about her, just be available and no matter how small it is DO NOT LIE TO HER. This last part is very important, because if she catches you in a lie it will negatively color everything you have ever done or will ever do. Good luck and welcome to Ageless.

she is very nervous about our relationship and can shut down all emotions from time to time as a way to protect herself.

I call those PAUSES and have them myself from time to time. They seem to come right before new things happen in our relationship. I also am fully aware I do it, I pull away, talk less, need to "think", I even warned him about them.

He has been incredibly sweet and understanding during my pauses. He just reassures me that he loves me and that he is there for me whether I need help or just a shoulder. He listens about all the stupid things bothering me (when I say stupid, i mean some of the things that bother me even I can't believe :p ).

Basically just be there and let her know you care, whatever you do... don't lie, don't promise things you can't give and don't ever punish her for things that happened in previous relationships.

My boyfriend had issues with his ex and it took him a while to build trust with me. I knew this and gave him the time he needed and feel we are building our relationship on a solid foundation.

Good luck hun.