Has anyone had to deal with a stalker before?

Not sure how to start this. But I was wondering if anyone here has had a stalker.No matter how much you don't answer the calls this person does......he still pursues you.I've had this stalker for almost a year now and i just can't figure out why someone would continue to call and do terrible things to someone who wants nothing to do with them.It's not the calls that bother me the most(though they do shake me up alot)He has gone so far as to cut the breakline in my vehicle( of course we can't prove it was him) to a couple of weeks ago a huge fire being set in our pasture not far from the horse/cow barns. It was deternined it was set with kerosene. I've had the police out and the best advice they can give me is not to answer the phone when he calls...Keep letting the answering sevice pick it up.Because even saying or yelling "leave me alone" is a positive sign to a stalker...any communication they can get from the victim is positive.(even if its negative) He's even told me once.......that hes not afraid to die when he did he was taking me with him......He'd just shoot me......The police say theres still not anything they can do...There are no witnesses.
The other advice was if I go out and come home.....and anything doesn't seem right here.....Don't let my mind say I'm being paranoid..He said thats where the vicitim makes the biggest mistake.They've told me to keep my cell phone handy incase the phone wires are cut. Asked if i had a gun(which I don't) and i wouldn't know how to shoot one anyway. So now I keep my porch and inside doors locked 24/7.I've almost turned into a hermit by not going anywhere anymore.I'm not living in crazy fear but staying aware of my surrounding all time...I live way out..Until I leave there isn't anywhere for me to go. neighbors know about what he drives..
.When I feed the horse I do it in daylight hours.I just go no where especially nights.. I guess this morning I'm just a bit nervous. I have 4 windows in my living room/dining room..one of the screens has been pryed from outside window..I'm just afraid if he gets word somehow I'm leaving here something may happen. The last I heard from him...(and he disappears no calls or anything for months and months. then I think hes finally gone...the phone will ring..) was valentines day to say he still loves me and thinks about me...and soon it will be my birthday...well days before my brithday when the fire broke out here.I guess neighbors were banging on door trying to alert me to fire.....I heard nothing!! Until I went to take my dog out.Thats when I noticed this huge fire. the fire dept.and forestry dept said it was set..I guess this morning I'm just a little worried..

Have any of you had a stalker? How did you handle it? I've actually for most part been doing ok with it. (as ok as one can be) It's just somedays it plays on your mind terribly...I just don't get why someone would pursue someone who didn't want anything to do with them. He saw me sitting at our cultural center and from then on I can't get rid of him... :confused:
I know he's a dangerous man. I've seen what lies in his past for felonies. Just trying to keep my sanity this morning..I just don't get it.

There are several of us here who have had stalkers, yes.

I don't have time to share my story right now but, hopefully, someone else will have something to tell about theirs. My stalker was female, not male -- she harrassed me for about four years. I was scared witless and, in the only physical altercation I've ever had in my life, I wound up sending her to the hospital. Toward the end, I was in the tub when she walked right into my home. Thankfully, my neighbors (whom I'd explained things to and asked to watch for anything unusual) saw her let herself in without my permission. This was a key point in the prosecution's case -- if I had let her into my home, I wouldn't have had a legal leg to stand on. I filed a police report but didn't press charges (I don't know why I didn't; I think I was afraid nobody would believe me since she'd been tricking the police for so long). The state's attorney's office took it from there and she had some heavy-duty repercussions to deal with.

Get proactive and do your own PI work -- that helped me feel more empowered. In a weird way, I guess you could say I started stalking her back. Keep a video camera with you at all times and, if possible, borrow a second one from a friend and keep it running in your home. Even if you feel like you are being given the brush off, every time this guy does something, go to the police and file a report and then another and then another. The state's attorney's office reviews those reports and, once they've got something to work with, they will proceed. But the biggest thing I did that helped was that I let her know I wasn't afraid of her. Half of a stalker's game is the charge they get out of terrifying someone and, when I took that away from her, it felt like I won.

That is so frightening. I have no advice, but send out prayers and big hugs to you. ((((((winddancer))))))


~Shan

This guy sounds extremely scary! It sounds like you are being very careful especially at night, just don't let your guard down in the daytime either.

The police are correct that you should not respond to his calls, stalkers do see any type of response as a good thing. I know you would like to know why somebody would do this, that you will probably never get an answer to ... he is mentally off. I would document everything that he has done, however I would not try to stalk him back. He would see this as you showing interest. The last thing you want him to think.

You said you have a poodle that barks if anybody comes down the lane, yet when your neighbors were banging on your door you did not hear them. I would think your dog would have been barking like crazy from the noise they were making. That concerns me.

The police once asked me if I owned a gun. I told them the only gun I had was one I received when my father died, it was a pump shotgun, however I had no clue how to use it. The police said, you don't need to, the next time you hear him in your house, just pump the gun, that sound alone will send most people running.

Is there no one that you know that can stay with you, until you move in three weeks? Even better would be if you could stay someplace else until you move. Stay in a hotel if need be, this is your life that you are talking about, to hell with the fact it is an extra cost. It sounds like you probably have to return each day to feed your horses ... just make sure a male (or two) is with you when you go, day or night time.

This has to be very difficult on you, trying to balance not living in constant fear with having to be 'aware' at all times.

I'm sorry to add to your fears, I think this guy is the type to carry out his threats.

What is keeping you there for the next three weeks? Is it possible for you to move NOW??

Yeah, I feel so sorry for your situation. In the area where I live
people can talk to a court officer about this situation and ask
them to issue an order to keep the person away from you.
There will be also a hearing in court for the order.
(That if he receives the summons), but you can ask for another issue,
for the very reason that you are fearing for your safety.
Maybe you can approach your nearest courthouse and ask
for their advise.

I think their advise is very sensible: to live in a hotel/ somewhere else or
have someone with you while you are sorting things out. It's also best to take photos/ or keep a record/diary of the events that is taking place; for evidence later, on if you can.

Take care.

That is so scary, please be cautious. I have had two stalkers. The first one threatened to kill my cat and said when he was done with her he was coming to find me and would not be responsible for what he did to me unless I went back to him. I was terrified, I went straight to a cop's house who I was friends with and spent the night there. The next morning he took me to the police station to file a report and then to the court house to get a restraining order.

Luckily he obeyed the order and didn't come within the stated distance. But he found other ways to watch me. He sat across from my house every day and watched me. If I had a date he would find the guy the next day and threatened him and tell him to stay away from me. It was a very scary time and although I don't recommend it, he finally stopped after being approached and threatened by someone very dear to me who he was afraid of.

The 2nd one was less scary on a physical level but emotionally much worse. He would call all day and all night (one night I had 26 missed calls on my cell and he called the house phone between every call) He went to every forum I post on and left nasty pm's, he would go where I play an online game and come to the room I was in and say nasty things over the microphone for everyone to hear. The voicemails were the worst though. I know it doesn't sound bad, but while we were together some things happened that I am ashamed of, although I shouldnt be, and he used those things to torment me emotionally.

He started this in November and last contacted me 3 weeks ago with a text message saying "I miss you and still love you." I turned off my cell phone off after that, quit playing my game in January and stopped going to all of the forums.


I stopped responding to anything he said on Christmas Day after he was especially nasty. I know its unbearable and frustrating. Please be safe over the next three weeks and good luck with your move.

Be safe, winddancer..... Scary stuff. I was stalked but it wasn't to this extent. I had a restraining order put on him, and he only broke it once, and ended up hospitalized (he was popping pills on a suicide attempt) :( . I never saw him again.

I hope the next 3 weeks go by fast for you. I'd recommend not changing your routine too much actually unless you are sure you can be physically safe from him, just so he doesn't think that anything is up with you regarding the move. If he found out you were moving, I'd bet he'd try something.

Standard poodles can be really good guard dogs - I'm hoping yours is protective? And they're smart....I'd keep the dog with you at all times.

Can you get anyone to stay with you for the next while? Any family that could come "visit"? Just having someone else around might deter him, since it's you he's after.

Please keep in touch here...

and he's probably still around. I did all the things that ppl being stalked are supposed to do. I had suitcases in the trunk of my car - I left at a moments notice. I also consulted with police psychologists and profilers and personal friends who are shrinks. Changing the phone number was iffy as they concurred that to change the number might anger him and perhaps cause this person to escalate to the "next level" - whatever that meant. After 2 years of dealing with this - I decided I had enuff and switched numbers. I no longer get calls now - but I'm not sure he's gone either.

Back then I called the police repeatedly. I have harassment reports made to two different phone companies - Sprint and Bell South. I have reports established in two counties - with two district sheriff offices. I got lotsa looks of sympathy and extra patrols in my neighborhood but little else. In actuality - there is nothing anyone can do. They all advised me to learn to shoot a gun - something I did do - but don't like. On officer once said to me to make sure I don't just maim him - meaning be prepared to kill him. *shudders to think about*.

Calling someone and harassing them is not a felony or a crime - regardless of what he said to me! So, basically, until he attacks or kills me - no crime has been committed other than being a nuisance. My stalker used to call from various pay phones and therefore we could not block the calls - as the numbers repeatedly changed. There are areas where you cannot trace a call for law enforcement to access - which is required for any judicial hearings - and my town is one of them. Caller ID is NOT recognized as evidence in a court of law btw. There was a system installed by the phone companies that made the caller have to identify themselves - but that was useless for him and a pain for other callers. Most of the time the calls came from different locations in a town 17 miles from me - but then as expected - he changed his MO - they started to come from my home town. Most of the calls originated from a gas station less than 2 miles from my home. It was obvious he was getting closer. One day when I came home from work I noticed the utility box was ripped off the side of my house - but it was the cable TV box - and not anything important. I think he thought it was my phone lines. We couldn't prove he did it, but it didn't just fall off the house and the wires were ripped from their connections. It was always very difficult to pin point the location of the pay phones' locations cuz the phone companies will not give you that information - you must be law enforcement. I have large dogs and they certainly sense when I'm wary or nervous. Every time they barked my heart would stop. Yea - It's a horrible experience - and unless you have dealt with it - it's almost impossible to explain what looking over your shoulder feels like.

Last year, the stress of the repeated awakenings in the night and this whole situation caused my oldest son to lose it totally. He happened to take a call from the stalker one night and started screaming into the phone - surprisingly the man spoke to him. He talked to the stalker and the guy even gave him his name! It was a turning point for us, or so we thought. We turned this information over to the police thinking it would be of benefit. That night my son and the police got into a huge argument. I was almost afraid my kid would be arrested cuz he was that angry with the way the police were handling this. He was nose to nose with one of the officers and they were both screaming at one another. It was obvious that he and the other cops were all frustrated by this. One of them told my son to do what he had to do. We all just stared at one another - nobody spoke and the police walked to their cars and drove off. So...my kid started investigating this guy on his own. Details are too long to explain. But after lotsa searching my kid finally found this guy - called him and they spoke again. My son - in a not too pleased tone - asked him what he wanted. Turns out that this guy had the wrong person. It was a case of mistaken identity! I was NOT her!! At that time the guy was actually apologetic and said he would stop the harassment. Things settled down. I got laxed in taking precautions. The calls stopped. The jumpiness ceased. I still forget to lock my house and I still have the doors and windows open after dark.

Many many months later - around last November - I was awakened by a call at 1:30 am - The caller ID on my phone said "Sprint pay phone-Inverness FL". I cried and shook uncontrollably for an hour - it was obvious that he was back. I reloaded my shotgun that I had pushed to the back of my closet and put it back by my bed. For two subsequent nights I received random calls from different pay phones throughout the night - The next day I changed my phone number. Since my divorce I changed my last name and now my number is different also. I dunno if he's still stalking me or not - cuz I know longer get any calls. But, I'm sick of living in fear. I'm done with being terrorized. I just want my life back. I understand your concern. My heart goes out to you. Not sure if any of this helps - but just please be very very careful cuz bottom line - these are mentally ill ppl and they are totally unpredicatble.

Winddancer, I am wondering if it might be a good idea if you edit your post and remove the name of the state where you currently live, as well as the name of the state to where you are moving. Especially if there is a potential that he has any knowledge of your membership in this forum.

If you need help doing that, I, or any member of the moderation team, can actually take care of that for you, just let us know if you want us to.

Whiterose
Moderator

I cringed a little too when I read your thread Winddancer. Please be aware when you write or speak - especially about saying your future plans, the time frame involved and especially the destination. Not to make you anymore paranoid - cuz I understand believe me!!! - but - always carry your cell phone and make sure it's always charged. It can become your best friend.

Now I feel really stupid for posting certain information. I guess I wasn't thinking.He doesn't even own a computer. Least thats what he told me. I think in between the times I don't get calls,I start thinking hes gone.I mean it can be months..Then the phone will ring and its him..I never pick up for the call.I've installed that call wave...where if the caller isn't identified the call doesnt get put through. The calls are from different payphones also. All prepaid phone cards. Some of the calls are hours and hours away and then it can be not two miles down road at gas station. He's a truck driver that I know. I'm really far out in the country and at night if the dog is out and she barks. My heartr would stop for second and listen. Those times were the barn cats or wild life running by. I've decided when she is out and decides to bark.......I let her..
There hasn't been any calls since before valentines day.. that is until the fire several days before my birthday.
I have a make once over check on my vehicle before getting in and driving. Not sure I would pick up on much if it were done. The mechanic said hardline (break) just doesnt go on a vehicle) For certain not two of them..

I'm actually caring for an older horse who bowed a tendon. It's a serious injury and have been working on her leg for the last month Shes a rescue horse here and was like 300 #'s underweight a couple years back...This week will determine if we end up euthanizing her. So thats been playing on my mind also. Shes been on limited space now.No more 30 something acres to be on....Just her stall and smaller paddock. I remember acouple months ago when she got out to the large pasture..When one of the cows had pushed on a panel of the fencing and it opened wide enough for her to sneak through. I had to search and search for her....Finally found her out about 20 acres back in the woods. As soon as I haltered her and we were walking back.I felt like someone was watching me. Just haven't had to ever live like this before.I would really like to know what goes on in the mind of someone like this.

I don't have anyone close to stay with me. But I'm not changing any of my routine. Just staying aware of my surroundings. There are just somedays when i need to get out of here.The only places I really go are to the store or Dr. Yesterday a trip to walmart was a holiday...I always go early in morning and am back not long after. Nothing is ever done in the dark. I feed the horse at 6:30 am...........and then agaiin put her feed out around 3:00 pm..Her food is prepared at each feeding and soaked in water....She just is so old she can't chew ..Unless its super soft..

Sheesh I think I'm rambling on and on...........sorry. Thanks for all the replies.

there is a sports quote that says "the best offense is a good defense" - loosely translated, that's manspeak for find a tight strategy or some means to fortify and protect your interests and keep yourself from being taken down by the opposing bad guys. There are two pieces of equipment I highly recommend for you - your cell phone and this:


I don't have to tell you that as a woman, you stand very little chance defending yourself in any physical one on one confrontation with a male - unless he's blind, elderly or has brittle bone disease. Okay - now for the hard suggestion but necessary one - I can honestly say I have never been a supporter of the Second Amendment. My kids never even had toy guns growing up - I destested them. Now I consider those times to be BS - no not that BS - this BS - "BEFORE STALKER." It took me 8 months to finally get up the nerve to walk into a gun shop, buy one and take shooting lessons. But trust me - there is something comforting in knowing that I can't outpower a stalker physically - but I certainly have found the best offense around if push comes to shove.

Quote: He's even told me once.......that hes not afraid to die when he did he was taking me with him......He'd just shoot me...... :eek: :eek: This cat has palns for you!! Better get armed!! This ain't a game to him!! Dead set!! Cops pretty much can only help after the fact!! And you don't wanna be that!!! May I suggest the following.... http://www.heckler-koch.de/core.php?dat=Y29tcG9uZW50PWFydGljbGVzJmFjdGlvbj1za G93JnhJRD1wcm9kdWN0QXJ0aWNsZURldGFpbHMmYXJ0aWNsZUl EPTM3MSZjYXRJRD0xMzA1JmxhbmdJRD01JnBhcmVudElEPTcyN CZuYXZpZ2F0aW9uSUQ9NzI5JnVzZUZsYXNoPTE=

I have been there a few times but for not as long as you have.

I am so sorry that you are having to endure this. It wasn't until I borrowed a gun that I had any peace of mind during one situation.

Take good care of yourself...

I had an active stalker for about four years or so. She's still around, floating on the fringes. She'll call my agent every now and then to let her know that she knows where I am and what I'm doing. In my case, in the end, hiding in plain sight proved helpful, but it took me several years and an international restraining order (which are practically unheard of) AND help from interpol to put psycho***** on the fringe and keep her there.

Stalkers, on any level, can be dangerous, but an erotic stalker is, in my opinion, THE most dangerous stalker there is. They love you even if you don't know them and they are willing to die to make you see that love, they're even more willing to kill you to prove their point. If they cannot have you, nobody will.

There are some good sites for stalking support, just be careful if you utilitize them. The forum communities there sometimes work the opposite - providing less support and more stalking BECAUSE stalkers go there knowing their victims will go there.

First and foremost, CUT ANY AND ALL CONTACT. Do not talk to this man. If he emails you, change addresses and let his emails continue to go to the other email, it's paper trail evidence.

File a report every time he does something. Don't take no for an answer because some PD's WILL try to discourage the process. You have the right to file a complaint and build a paper trail and believe me, should you HAVE to get a restraining order on him, you HAVE to have a paper trail in place or they will not take it seriously. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. . .

If this person truly IS a stalker, kiss what you thought you knew to be normal goodbye - at least for a while. With a stalker you have to change your entire way of thinking and your entire way of life. Being aware of your surroundings is a great way to start but do not put yourself in a position where you are ever totally alone. Don't ever put yourself in a position to be followed and if you ARE followed, on foot, don't be afraid to walk up to somebody and ask them to walk you to the nearest security guard/busy area or police station. Always make sure your vehicle is locked and should you be followed while driving, go directly to the police station and lay on the horn.

Like Kelley said, carry a camera - digital or video. Install motion sensor lighting around your home if you live in an independent property, also look into cameras for outside, they can record movement on the property even when you're not home. Make sure your locks are reinforced. If you live in a condo or apartment, make sure your super or association knows what's going on.

Stalkers WANT you to be isolated. They want you to feel sequestered. The hard part here is finding outside support because many times, people don't want to be involved because they fear for their own safety. So, what you have to do, is apprise people of the situation with the disclaimer, "if I disappear, this is who did it". That makes people take notice more than they normally would without having to be totally 'involved'. The people around you, while not exactly 'helping', might be a bit more vigilant because of that.

In one word..YES!! As a YM,I have been stalked as well.It all started after I placed a ad on a local singles board.Filled out the info,and of course I placed "wanted to meet someone older".

After about a month or so,got a message from a local lady,she even lived in the same basic area.She just wanted to talk,and possibly met at some point.We wrote some back and forth over a few weeks.

After about a week something just got to bothering me.Could never place it..it just was a weird feeling.Later found out what had been bothering me.She slipped a said something about a husband.

OUCH!! Thats one thing I dont walk away,I run away.Married women are a big NO..NO!! to me.Carefuly asked her about him,then xplained that Im,dont want to get envoled in a affair,or anything along those lines.She got very angry,and started trying to cutt me down.

She whent on by saying that "She had never been with a YM,and wanted to try it out"."Not this YM,as I've been raised with vaules",I replyed.Then she replyed "That our town isnt that big,and she will find me".

Thankfully..thats been little over 2yrs ago,and she hasn't found me,yet.Based on her profile and description,of herself,I'm pretty sure know who she is.Thankfully,she has never approached me.

Guess it goes to show you,that men,can be stalked as well.LOL,younger men at that.




The Shadow

Hi there. I am deeply sorry to here of your situation. One thing that I have learned is that for a stalker to even hear your voice to leave a message on the machine is adding to the situation.
Do you know where he's calling from? If he calls you can usually find out what the last number to call your line was. From there most phone companies allow you to suscribe to a blocked caller list, it's only a few dollars extra per month, and anyone calling from that number won't be able to get through. I would also suggest leaving an automated voicemail message on your answering machine, so he can't here your voice anymore.
You have to block off all the ways that he's getting access to information about you. How does he know your birthday? I had a guy access that info from the internet one time (so be very careful what you put out there). The more information he has about you, the more of a personal connection he will feel he has with you.
I don't know your financial situation but maybe getting a home alarm would help you feel more secure in your own home. As well, I understand your fear of guns, I have the same fear, but maybe it's time you got over that, took some classes on gun safety and operation. If this man broke into your home and tried to harm you, it may just save your life.
Also tell EVERYONE you can; police, friends, family members, neighbours and even casual acquintances that you have a stalker. Sometimes, all those extra eyes watching out for you could be just the detterent this guy needs to realize that you aren't a vulnerable prime target. As many people have said, fear and intimidation are the major MO of a person like this. Take all the reasonable precautions you can, but DO NOT allow this person to control your life, that's just what the sorry sucker wants. Don't ever give up, and never give in. Stay strong honey! My thoughts are definitely with you.