A world of Fantasy

In advance, I apologize this for being so long, but it cannot be put in any shorter manner, I think. Leaving out details is leaving out things that are important.

Hello, I'm quite new here, and I have sort of a problem I am dealing with with my OW. I am currently 19 years of age, and my OW is 46, my family loves her, by the way. We started dating June 25th last year, after knowing one another for 3 months previously, and from that point, things have hit off great. We didn't live so far from one another when the relationship start, about a 25-30 minute drive depending on traffic. Shortly after our 6 months together, I moved away 2 hours further from where I previously was.

I have always been distant from my family, and since I was 9, I have been writing stories, and the ones that I loved most are of the Fantasy genre. Since I was 14, I started taking up the online hobby of "Role Playing", now, I'll be brave enough to admit, when I was role playing then, yes, I cybered. But because of the role playing, I found another creative output while I was stuck on a story. Since I started dating my OW, the few times I role played, since I had no internet and had to go to a public library, I didn't cyber, but I would keep my character, (Whom I took from my stories and applied him into role play), and would have him married.

This entire ordeal was fine, until when first speaking to my OW, about 2-3 months of being together, when I told her some people cyber, and that some people have feelings for each other through their characters, it has made her nervous. So I would try to hold things down by keeping my character from being married or dating. Now, by relieving him of his marital status, other female characters would flock hmi like a bird, so I would talk to a friend, and arrange a marriage between the characters to keep this from happening.

This, however, even though I tried to avoid a problem, I seemed to still created one. The situation is now, since I have moved so far away, and then had niternet access from my own home, we had a stage where it was passable, where I would pause in responses because it is difficult for me to talk and type at the same time. To help the situation, when she called after 9, since she doesn't have free minutes, I would get off the computer to speak to her with my attention undivided. The trouble was furthermore when my, just acquired job, needed me to work late shifts and learn to close the business, so I would get home, and hope to hear from her, and for three days, nothing.

I could not endure it anymore, so I called her instead, and she said that it felt as if we were more distant. I took the responsibility of calling her after work, and using my nights for her, speaking until whenever, and if I had enough energy to be awake, role play a little. I had created a community for Role Players to join, and the entire community was based off my story, so it was important my needing to be there. Now, whenever she would find out about my character being engaged, I would tell her because I could not keep things from her (Honesty can be a curse at times), it would just be so terrible for her, afraid that someone might develope feelings for me, and that it might happen otherwise.

I grew up on my own with nothing but books, so I know the (forgive for being so generic) behavior and abuse of many men, so I had the knowledge I gained from my books, and the wisdom that I have embraced from them, and from those around me to raise myself to be a unique individual. I can spot everything that is going wrong, you can even say I have developed a Woman's intuition. I know when something is wrong, and unless there were clues that are pointing to it, I would know what it was about. Recently, my character, whom hasn't been married in all this time, was holding a contest for being married.

I was down there because my mother needed to do business down there, I have no way of getting a ride, I just recoeved my birth certificate so I am more limited than I should be for being 19 years old. I told her yesterday about my character holding the contest for a bride, and she fell into tears. I don't need to tole play all the time, an arranged marriage would keep my character from being flocked, and my role playing is a way of me getting unstuck from my story, (I get ideas by doing something creative as long as I am not thinking on what to do next in my story).

I need a creative output, so I decided to join a website where it was Role Playing, but not by chatting, it was actually going to a website and posting a story, multiple people would work together to co-create stories, handling them from only their character's point of view. I hoped that this would solve the problem, but she tells me that in one way or another, it still involves romance. I love her with all my dear heart, and the last thing I want to do is lose her.

If I give up all sorts of role play, I will not be able to work on my story as much, and I will have no dream to pursue if I can barely write my story. I have a focusing problem, which is why story-writing is so difficult. I am willing to block and delete all the Role Players on my MSN Contact List, delete the Comm, and disappear without a word or a trace, all for her, but she doesn't want me to give up what I love doing, thing is, I don't want to lose her because of doing it!

I found this community just today, as a way of trying to prove her that our relationship wasn't as uncommon as she thought, and now we're thrilled of BOTH being a part of it, (You'll know who she is if she posts). Now I need help, the person to get me into reading and writing as a kid was an Author, Cliff Gardner, I knew him 11 months before he died of cancer august of 1997 at 64. I found out he had cancer 2 weeks after he died, so I always swore on writing everything in his name.

I love Cliff, I love writing, and I LOVE my OW, and I just don't know what to do. I have tried to survive on my own wisdom as long as I could. I thought posting stories up would be different but it bothers her nevertheless. I don't want her to have any uncomfort over anything. I don't want her to suspect me cheating on her, even though it's online we both would consider cybering and e-dating cheating, and I don't want her to worry about me being torn from her through someone online.

Also, on a personal note: I do not what people find appealing of liking someone through their character, because even though my character somewhat portrays me, he is not. My character is a total bad-***, to say the least, and I am a passive feminine, open-minded, too intelligent/wise for my own good, cognitive kind of guy. So there is nothing on that subject to worry about, but I still don't want her to be troubled by this.

Role playing, by the way, is a very GOOD output for me and my creativity, because when you role play, it's like making a story but only on your character's side, the other people get to do whatever right there and then, so you have to think fast and react with your character however they would behave.

I do NOT want to give up my OW, and I am willing to give up role playing, but the fact of the matter is that it will impale my being able to generate ideas and negate writer's block until it returns. I don't know WHAT to do, or HOW to do it, I mention possibilities but I have no idea of the outcome. I really need help with this because it's a matter of love Vs. the dream of becoming a writer. I have no idea of how to be able to find a win-win situation, so if anyone can please offer me suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. I know it may not be AS important as other topics, but it is very important to me.

I believe in soulmates, and my OW and I are completely in touch in ALL levels of our relationship, we've never had an arguement, we love each other dearly, share the same life values and we even have the same perception and understanding of life, politics, religion, and even on simple things such as morals and human nature. What I have with her is too special for me to lose over something so equal in many ways. My writing is my write, but I know that love without life is no life at all! PLEASE help us!

Once again, I apologize for writing so much, but being a writer, I believe detail is necessary.

Sorry, I wrote my last line incorrectly, it's my first post here, and I'm a bit nervous, especially because of the length ot it! This is how my last line in the bottom paragraph, exlucind the very bottom line by itself, should look:

My writing is my LIFE, but I know that LIFE without LOVE is no life at all! PLEASE help us!

Hi PRwrite,

I really enjoyed reading your post; I can definately see that you have a talent for writing and expressing deeper thoughts....it was a nice read.

I guess I don't know much about role playing online. However I find it difficult to understand how it could be essential to have romantic relationships with other women in these games through the roles you play. My fiance used to be a devoted gamer, but he didn't have to have such relationships. I guess he liked action roles more than that romantic stuff.

Maybe some of the other gamers could speak up here, but surely you can find a game that doesn't involve cybering/virtual marriage/ courtship etc?

My question is ... what is the difference in using your creative mind (role play in your head) and write in a word document instead of on these different sites?

Editing: I read your last post that you are leaving your role playing games (which I don't know anything about) and you have decided to 'face' the real world with your lady.

It just shocks me that it took coming here for you to decided that a person in the flesh was more important to you then your role playing.

Maybe your lady should read this thread. As it would sure make me wonder if you were mature enough to be in a real life relationship.

Well, the thing is, I write my story on Microsoft word, but when I'm stuck on it, rather than be just me with myself being creative, I role play on the sites, where I play as a character, and someone else can interact with the character, so it's sort of like working on a story, but other people are taking part. This way, if I'm stuck on a story, I won't lose my touch and style over time. So while I'm working on the story, I work solely on that, but if I'm stuck, with role playing, rather than waiting and doing anything else, I keep practicing my creativity, so I won't get rusty with writing, if anything, I'll get better at it. Here's the simplest sample of Role play. (Pretend I'm writing as Red and someone else is writing as Blue, and this usually happens in chat)


Red leans back into his lounge chair, his eyes fixed on the dancing flames, a dim glow illuminating the room.

Blue walked forth from within the shadows, his eyes glancing to the flames before narrowing on Red as he walked around the lounge chair in which he sat. "To think you, being the essence of darkness that you are, obsess with light."

Red remained still for a few seconds before his lips parted and he spoke just loud enough for him to hear, "There would be neither darkness nor light without each other."


Basically, it's like writing, but you have to quickly respond to the people around you. It helps with being creative, because everyone can write better or worser than you, and they can imply a difficult situation at hand, though over-drama is disliked, there is always drama afloat. Anyways, it brings me to a pretty interesting way of constructing my writing skills, rather than abondoning it by playing video games from dawn to dusk.

I'm a little confused. Has she actually asked you to stop role playing? Or are you considering it yourself?

I've never role played either, so it's difficult for me to understand the dynamics, but if she supports your role playing, which is what I read from something you wrote in your original post, then I don't understand the issue.

Seems like you both have many options. One would be that she join the game and become your partner online. Another would be that you stop role playing altogether and work on finding ways to enhance your creative ability without using the role play. But, I think it's still going to be a decision that you two will have to make as partners. So, maybe list all the options and you both weigh in on the pros and cons of each together.

We have several couples here who actually met their partners while role playing, so maybe they will come forward and offer more advice. Marcy is a member here who met her husband while role playing. She is older than him. So, you might PM her in case she doesn't see this thread.

C'mon guy. I'm a major big time gamer, as is my guy. In fact we met and married in game before we met in real life.

In a short sentence. Cut the BS. You can rpg quite well and have lots of fun without the relationship crap going on. I happen to know that for a fact as we still both game. Neither one of us gets involved with other people other than as friends. And yes, we're both approached. We respond exactly as we do in life, "I'm sorry, but I'm already with someone." That's all you have to say.

You can be the big tough antisocial male who doesn't "do" the marriage bit.

It's kind of a slice of life in there. If she can't trust you ingame, she sure ain't gonna be able to trust you in life.

If you love her, knock off the gaming relationships and keep it in your stories.

One other thing, you aren't playing around with computer pixels there, you're playing around with real live people sitting behind their monitors. Trust me, most of the girls you're playing with are guys like you. David rpgs women most of the time.

Stop it. This holding a marriage contest is nothing but stroking your own ego at the expense of your lady, and if David did something like that, his power cord would be out the window. I happen to remember how we started out, and I'm not stupid. Please don't assume your lady friend is.

Your relationship can work out, you have the same age difference as we do. In fact we have a year on you.

But quit kidding yourself that you're powerless there, and please don't try to kid anyone else, cause any other gamer's going to call you on it.

One more thing, how you deal with relationships on the computer shows her how you'd deal with the same temptation in real life.

If your idea of dealing with women "flocking" to you is to hold a marriage contest, that doesn't bode well for how you'd deal with a real live girl pursuing you, and that's what the real threat to your relationship is, not your gaming.

You're going to have to prove to her that you are mature enough to turn aside advances properly for her to trust you.

By the way, my guy is only 22, I had him read your post, to get his response. He helped me answer. So it's not just coming from an older woman place, it's coming from a peer as well, who happens to be sitting across the room crafting in EQII.

Bella... I was thinking the exact same thing when I read this thread...

To me it sounds as if you are minimizing your online life by calling it "roleplaying" for the sake of a book. Cybering, romance, and intimacy (believe me just cuz you call it make-believe doesn't make it any less of an intimate experience for you or your roleplaying partner) are a real part of the online experience. I am a big-time gamer and so is my husband. We met online in a "roleplaying"game. We fell in love online. We dated online. We met and married in real life. Online romance does transition to the real world often and it can happen to you or someone you know. If you love your OW then you should be concerned about how this is affecting her. Can she join you online? Can she be part of your community? Can you limit your online interest to her? Why can't you stop romantic interests with others?

I had a robust online life before I met Devon. I had romantic relationships online that I would never have considered real or transition out of game. However, once I met Devon this all stopped for me. I still game. I still have a robust online life, but it includes my partner and doesn't expand past a friendship with anyone else.

Maybe you should examine what these online relationships are giving you that you are not getting from your current real life one... and I'd leave this book out of the analysis.

Let me know if you want to talk to either Devon or I in chat. We'd be happy to try and help you.

PRWriter, I can see how rpg can stimulate you creatively. It's a good outlet for reaching into your imagination. But I have a question. Are you playing the old text based rpg where you create the story or do you follow a games preset storyline? If the story is player created, why not create a story with a plot and action? So far, you've only describe gaming romance. What you described doesn't sound exactly like any mmorpg that I've played.

I play mmorpg, have for years and still do. It doesn't sound like that's what you play because even though relationships, real or virtual happen, it isn't a vital aspect of a game. If you role play like you say you do, your character doesn't have to be available. Hey, maybe he's too obsessed with conquering an enemy maybe he's searching for a lost love during his journey, etc. And Bella is right, most of the female characters you talk to are guys. I played a guy ingame at one time -- I picked him because he looked cool, although I'm female and if no one asked me if I was male or female in real life, I didn't feel a need to tell them. Plus, most games are goal oriented. Endgame is all lately, achieving ingame power and loot for your character, not romance. Although the social aspect is fun too. Don't get carried away with that, whether it's texted-based or pixels.

Like I said earlier, if your game relies on the players creating the story, it doesn't have to be relationship oriented. As a writer, seems like you would want to incorporate a plot and some action in your stories.

Okay, thank you gyus for all your support, and I know that a lot of the online stuff may transition to the real thing, but it's not a game, it's just going into a chat room with a fictional character, and playing out the role as that character. The action that currently exists so far, is trying to hunt down 3 other characters that I knew in the past to kill them. No one fights me, because I'm much too good or they're on my side. In the past month I've fought twice, before that I haven't fought in years, but I won both times without working myself too hard. There is no cybering or romance or any type of intimacy going on, the contest was to avoid the whole process because I believed that me ruling the place alone is unnecessary, bring in an Empress. I'm not trying to blow off some of the advice some of you are giving me, but I wanted to clear that up first.

I have tried to bring her into role play, try and get her to participate AS the character that falls in love with mine in the story (Which I've based off her). She is uncomfortable with trying to role play with me, she doesn't really doesn't know how to react, so that option's cancelled out. I am trying to get her to do the story based one, where we post things up on a website, so it's sort of like a forum where only stories are being placed, characters interractnig with each other, which is harder, and takes longer since I could post ten paragraphs then have to wait for the other person to post. She is more comfortable with this one, but she doesn't want me to continue with the story I started on there. Because most stories, by one manner or another, contain romance.

So, I will destroy the contest, I'l go ahead and make a character apart from my own, have them both fight, and my character will win, but I'll have him go completely insane and evil, (He has a weak spot I can get to). That way Ill cancel out the contest, and he'll remain a big dark creature all alone, sheesh, I wouldn't want that to happen in my story! ^-^

Okay, I know what to do with the chatting one, it's where I'l fight and such and make my character too cold to care about it. But what about the posting one? It's literally co-writing a story.

Well all games are not goal oriented... I've played several that are completely relationship based and have no goals.

PR... your interests are dangerous to a commited romantic relationship. I hope you think about that and about whether you want a commited romantic relationship...

You want to write... so write... why is it necessary to act your novels out with other real life people in this way? Why not put your novel to play and have actors?

I do, which is why I'm willing to drop everything in a second for her, but she doesn't want me to give anything up for her.
I honestly love her more than anything, that is why I am seeking help here.

I get it now. It's not gaming. It's interactive storytelling and since most stories involve romance along with the plot, I think I see what you are doing. I'm definitely not the best person to give out relationship advice (which is why i joined this forum btw), so I won't. But the other people here seem to have alot of insight into it. All I can say is maybe try to explain how you're trying to make the story evolve in your mind to her, sorta like you would if it were a book you were writing with how you are trying to develop the characters, theme, plot and how the romance/cyber or whatever plays into if, if this makes any sense to you.

One more question. Who guides the storyline? Does it just evolve as players add stuff to it or is there a preset storyline that someone creates and everyone follows?

The storyline usually evolves throughout the response of other characters, but sometimes they are set down, I just prefer to improvise, so I never set something specific. And another thing, I had stopped cybering long ago prior to meeting my OW, it just didn't appeal to me anymore, so it's just the "marital status" of my character that is the problem. I try having something arranged between the typist and myself so that they will understand the entire ordeal, so it's just a title and the Empire in which my character rules over isn't just under his command.

There are counsel members assigned, but there is a difference between following the command of someone in the counsil when the emperor is not around, and following an Empress' commands. And as far as leaving the chat rp, if I DO leave, I'm taking my community with me, because it's all based off of my story, on a planet far away, and yeah. No one can imagine what I am trying to create, no one can possibly have the vision I do for it, so if I DO leave role play, I'm taking all traces of my story with me. I will not leave anything behind to be tainted and altered by someone else when only I know how everything is and how it is supposed to be.

I agree with bella 100%. Most of these onliner gamers men and women are married or have a significant other. Its all boils down to one thing...It's cheating..You are roleplaying with another person......just not in the physical.I believe you don't have ot be in the physical to be intimate with someone. I don't know how many times I've heard the story about someone whos still with their husband/wife,boyfriend or girlfriend they love.blah blah blah.......but come on here and meet up with women/man and get into some roleplay. It's not just a story line you are communicating with a live person here. If you were soul mates I don't think you'd need another woman or women to help you through your fantasy. It would be her. One thing I will give you credit for is being honest with her about it. Most people aren't. I can tell you alot of roleplayers start off online and move onto offline life also.It maybe only once or twice a year they meet up but they do. then go home to their SO like nothing has happened.
Sheesh I don't understand the new way of thinking.Do you think famous writers had the internet to click onto to get their next story? No they had really talented creative minds. look what your doing in my mind is BS and cheating.
Sorry if I sound harsh....if you are real good at what you do....you don't need the roleplay..

PR, why do you not just create a female character controlled by you to marry your male character

I know famous writers didn't need anything, I knew a writer that took 7 years to finish her story, Christine Kling, (I met her personally for Senior Groundhog Shadowing Day, spent an entire day with her last year). After the first book, it's supposed to be easier, but I'm rewriting my first book from scratch because I didn't give it my all the first time. And as far as the role play goes, I interact with other people beyond the limits of their character. Sure, if they need me to alter a picture for them or something of those sorts, I'll interact with the person behind the character, but otherwise I will keep things strictly character-to-character. I have disciplined myself much too well to let things crash, and I'm trying to find the solution. That is why the marriages are arranged so that nothing will be going on to influence anything. It's also the reason why my character doesn't have any children outside the Non-Playable Characters which I've brought in from my story. I tried keeping this as shut out as possible, but even so it is still causing problems. Should I keep role playing but completely shut out anything related to relationships, even if arranged, for my character? And actually, Larryness, that is a really good idea. I don't know why I have not thought about that. Okay, he's something Poll-ish. Here are my options.

For the Chat RP:
A) Leave the chat-rp entirely.
B) Falsify a fight and keep my character to come out of it tainted to keep him from having anything with anyone.
C) Marry my own character in role play
D) Role Play with my OW and marry HER, (Which she has no interest in, but she might if the votes are high enough.)

For the web Post-based story RP:
1) Leave it entirely
2) Leave the story with the one other person and just work on one with my OW
3) Work on my current story on there AND work on one with my OW

Maybe this will make things easier, because so many people have their own input, and I appreciate it, but it's hard to choose which advice to take...

because everyone can write better or worser than you...

not to be vicious, but this jumped out at me and made me laugh.... (you might want to look "worser" up in the dictionary...oh wait, it's not IN the dictionary...)

your whole story is b.s. in my opinion...you may consider yourself an aspiring writer, but i don't think hemingway or james joyce needed a gaming room to inspire their writing...you've got a moderate talent, but guess what? you only get ONE LIFE....

get off the computer and start living it. if you value this woman at all, you'll remove yourself from this fantasy crap and start reconnecting like a real human being, to the earth and people. you're lost in a world that ISN'T REAL. i think you're in a space where you can barely recognize the fact that you've crossed the line.

you made some comment about your activities being better than gaming all day long....since when is that acceptable behavior for a productive human being?

try taking a hiatus for a week and see how your life looks. if you can't stand being away from the computer, you've got an addiction problem that you need to address.

I do, which is why I'm willing to drop everything in a second for her, but she doesn't want me to give anything up for her.


And it keeps confusing me. You said she doesn't want you to give up anything for her, so what is the issue? Is she wanting to end your relationship? If so, I must have missed that part. Is she unhappy with the fact that you are in role playing games? If so, then what does she want you to do if she does not want you to stop playing? And if she doesn't want you to do anything, then why do you feel compelled to do so?

Partners in a healthy relationship do not try to control or change the other person. If she loves you, and trusts you, then I don't see the big deal about you playing a role playing game.

If she tells you that she doesn't want you to stop, but yet is still insecure, then she has work she needs to do on her insecurities.

Lol -- I gotta put my disclaimer up. I'm not really good with relationship advice, so listen to what the others have to say, because they usually put a lot of thought into what they're saying because it makes alot of sense. You know your own intentions. So, if you see any of yourself in what they are saying, listen.

...And as far as leaving the chat rp, if I DO leave, I'm taking my community with me, because it's all based off of my story, on a planet far away, and yeah. No one can imagine what I am trying to create, no one can possibly have the vision I do for it, so if I DO leave role play, I'm taking all traces of my story with me. I will not leave anything behind to be tainted and altered by someone else when only I know how everything is and how it is supposed to be.

On the other hand, you sound like a lot of the small rpg game studios. They create a game, complete with storyline and when it grows usually a producer will want to change it to make more money, they bail, usually leaving their game behind, artistic integrity i guess. The creator of the game usually has the vision that attracted people in the first place. I like how you are devoted to your craft, but you also sound devoted to your lady. Try to make her understand where you at with this. If she still feels threatened find a way to include her, like constantly letting her know about every liittle development, unless you can find some other way of involving her. If your sincere to both as you say you are, maybe you can still have both. This is just my opinion. Remember I put up a disclaimer. :D

You should speak with your ow and see how she feels about your being apart of web post-based story RP's. Perhaps she would be intrested in writing a story with you?

My yw and I role play togther in a web post-based story RP and enjoy the time we spend together creating a story that flows from our hearts and minds.

I have been teaching literature for 27 years now, and I have a pretty good idea of what constitutes "good/adequate/trite" writing and what constitutes "exceptional" writing... and by this I mean writing that has lasted through the ages. And except for a few authors that I know of, most of these "outstanding" artists got their ideas from LIVING LIFE and NOT due to computer role playing. I am sorry, but to me, you have not even touched the surface of that as you stated you began this "role playing" at age 14; and to me that would be a big hindrance into living a real life.

All of what I just said reminds me of a chapter entitled "The Teacher" from Winesburg, Ohio that I teach to my juniors. This is the scene between Kate Swift and her former student, George Willard who wants to be a writer:
The school teacher tried to bring home to the mind of the boy some conception of the difficulties he would have to face as a writer. "You will have to know life," she declared, and her voice trembled with earnestness. She took hold of George Willard's shoulders and turned him about so that she could look into his eyes. A passer-by might have thought them about to embrace. "If you are to become a writer you'll have to stop fooling with words," she explained. "It would be better to give up the notion of writing until you are better prepared. Now it's time to be living. I don't want to frighten you, but I would like to make you understand the import of what you think of attempting. You must not become a mere peddler of words. The thing to learn is to know what people are thinking about, not what they say."

And this is my point... you have not done this yet.... and I think you need to, as in this "fantasy world" you are not living a real existence...yes the problems may be similar in a far fetched manner, but you are not in control of the outcomes; you do not make all the decisions; hence, it sounds like you are honing your skills on the thoughts and ideas of others! And I also have to say (and I am not trying to be mean) but for some reason, I am getting weird vibes about you and your SO... call me crazy, but I just get the impression that she too, is part of this "fantasy" life that you have created...maybe because I have never run into someone as "intense/dramatic" as you are at your age? Yes, I know that circumstances often make us mature faster, and I know nothing about you...but that is just my observation...and like I said, my 2 cents!

PS. You had mentioned you have known "famous" writers, but again, just because one is famous, does not necessarily mean he/she is an exceptional author. I mean, I hate to lambast the prolific romance authors of this century, as they HAVE gotten people to read, but I tried to read one once, and could not get through it... it was too hokey, trite and the writing skills missed the mark on so many levels...but at least my eyes got some exercise, as I kept rolling them thinking "I can't believe she just said that!" :D

Okay, quite a few posts since I looked at it last.

not to be vicious, but this jumped out at me and made me laugh.... (you might want to look "worser" up in the dictionary...oh wait, it's not IN the dictionary...)

your whole story is b.s. in my opinion...you may consider yourself an aspiring writer, but i don't think hemingway or james joyce needed a gaming room to inspire their writing...you've got a moderate talent, but guess what? you only get ONE LIFE....

get off the computer and start living it. if you value this woman at all, you'll remove yourself from this fantasy crap and start reconnecting like a real human being, to the earth and people. you're lost in a world that ISN'T REAL. i think you're in a space where you can barely recognize the fact that you've crossed the line.

you made some comment about your activities being better than gaming all day long....since when is that acceptable behavior for a productive human being?

try taking a hiatus for a week and see how your life looks. if you can't stand being away from the computer, you've got an addiction problem that you need to address.

Quite honestly, and with all due respect, I don't look to believed, I want the help to get past this, so I can be happily with my OW. I don't want anything in the way, because small problems may grow within time as the relationship may grow, but once they get big enoughm they will keep the relationship from growing. Also, when I typed that it was early in the morning last night, and I was trying to post quickly so I could talk to my OW on the phone.

And it keeps confusing me. You said she doesn't want you to give up anything for her, so what is the issue? Is she wanting to end your relationship? If so, I must have missed that part. Is she unhappy with the fact that you are in role playing games? If so, then what does she want you to do if she does not want you to stop playing? And if she doesn't want you to do anything, then why do you feel compelled to do so?

Partners in a healthy relationship do not try to control or change the other person. If she loves you, and trusts you, then I don't see the big deal about you playing a role playing game.

If she tells you that she doesn't want you to stop, but yet is still insecure, then she has work she needs to do on her insecurities.

I know it's a looping conflict, but I have to act. I know how a relationship involves sacrifces. Just this morning, what kept me from responding each of the posts earlier, was the fact that I went into the chat, and I created another character to fight my own. I did something so my character is practicaly dead, he's still alive, but insane to the point where it would be harmful if I brought him back to role play with anyone, this will give me the time

I need to choose whether to leave role play or return but with a limit. The contest is off, so that will no longer take place, and he will be alone, if I do bring him back, he will not be the same, and I will continue to role play, but it shall be with him either remaining alone, or marrying my OW, I shall discuss it with her. Or, I could just stop role playing, and leave it at that, so right now the status is perfectly fit for me to do what I desire for when the time comes in which I make my choice.

And this is my point... you have not done this yet.... and I think you need to, as in this "fantasy world" you are not living a real existence...yes the problems may be similar in a far fetched manner, but you are not in control of the outcomes; you do not make all the decisions; hence, it sounds like you are honing your skills on the thoughts and ideas of others! And I also have to say (and I am not trying to be mean) but for some reason, I am getting weird vibes about you and your SO... call me crazy, but I just get the impression that she too, is part of this "fantasy" life that you have created...maybe because I have never run into someone as "intense/dramatic" as you are at your age? Yes, I know that circumstances often make us mature faster, and I know nothing about you...but that is just my observation...and like I said, my 2 cents!

Thank you for this, and I would like to say that I have been in my own fantasy world a little, I practically raised myseklf with my books and stories, and I just want for it to be my own personal success. I feel that I owe it to myself and Cliff, god rest his soul, so it is a great passion of mine. The whole purpose of role playing, however, is to get my mind off my story.

By playing as my character, which by the way, where I am with my character is after all the several sequal ideas that I have which I applied to role play, is distinctively to keep me from getting any ideas from the role play. I'm in the first story, since I am rewriting it from scratch, and so I am past the 4th book in my rp, after the 4th, I will disconitnue writing about this character and work on other stories, for after the 4th, it is a happily ever after type thing.

And I role play when I am stuck on my story, because with role playing, I continue to practice my writing skills, but it is in nothing related to the very first book, and it is not revolving around the same type of scene, which is why I do not put any specific storylines when I role play with other people. My mind is off my story entirely, I work better on my character's behavior, and I continue to practice my writing skills while I'm not working on my story.

All of these factors help me get ideas quicker, because if I continue to write, or attempt to write my story, my mind will be blank because of the writer's block. If I am role playing, usually I get an idea, stop talking to people, and jump back on my story. I could either do that, or wait until an idea hits me, or just take a shower for hours since random ideas and thoughts come to mind there. I could be role playing as little 5 minutes or as long as 4 hours until an idea hits me, and it is the only output I can think of that can help me with my story so much.


Also: Here's an update: My OW got online after coming back from church, and she read basically all of this thread including all of these sugestions. So she is willing now to role play with me as my character's wife, which I shall adapt so it shall be the character I based off of her in my story, so that we she and I shall role play together, but MAYBE. She said she seemed completely closed to the idea but because she's shy about approaching it. Thank you for all your help, it's been really great, and if you have anymore suggestions, please feel free to share them. I will keep you updated...

Though I agree with people calling you on your bull**** regarding the supreme importance you place on rpgs in respect ot being a writer etc.. (and all the other bull**** calling for that matter) I do think you honestly want to deal with this problem that has arisen between you and your partner. That is good. I think if you keep communicating and if your partner is reading these discussions that is all very positive and hopefully you will both find some common ground in the fantasy world and what it's place is *in your relationship*.

You have built a full online life for yourself as a single person. Now you are no longer single and things will have to change. This is no different than if you were a mad sports fan who spent every waking minute watching and playing sports and you ended up with a girlfriend who's interest in it was only moderate. Interests change when another person becomes very important in your life, they are no longer the most important thing in your world. Sometimes there is an adjustment period and it sounds like you are facing that now. I hope your transition goes well :)

I have been reading this whole thread thinking to myself.. How can you describe in detail the smells, colors, sounds of this world in order to write, when you are locking yourself indoors.

Then I thought.. why is the role playing thing so important, honestly to me you seem to be way more concerned with giving that up than you do about your girlfriend. I understand its an addiction and addicts never wanna admit when they have a problem and tend to make excuse after excuse about it.

You are lucky really, she must care alot for you if she is willing to settle for sharing you during gaming experience.

Maybe you could try driving the two hours to spend some time with her, maybe you'll unblock your mind while you are driving. Possible pass by a field so wild and beautiful that it inspires you. See a child running into the arms of her daddy with tears in her eyes because she has just learned to ride her bike. I dunno... try not to take this as critism (I know it sounds that way).

I guess I am selfish, because I, too, date a gamer and he knows I will never come second to his RPG and thankfully has never put me second. I know he loves me with everything in his heart, he shows me with his actions and I can see it in his eyes everytime he looks at me. We live six hours apart and still manage to see each other 3 weekends a month, usually more. All I am saying is while I understand you have a dream, if you also want to have a relationship you need to work just as hard at that as you do you dream.

Good Luck, I hope you find the balance you need to have both.

Ok, I just skimmed through here, and I just have a minute to throw in my two cents worth. I was heavily into writing up until I was overwhelmed with my coursework and paying the bills. I hope to one day pick it up again. I do write technical documents and nonfiction though.

So I have a few insights - nothing really new and all very random. My grade 12 English teacher thought I was very gifted and encouraged me to write...much of what she saw was my real life experience. I grew up very quickly as a child and had been through a lot of drama by the time I was 16. THIS is what I wrote about.....things that people can feel and relate to. Experiences that touch them. The only way to really be able to express these things in a way that comes across as real, is to really have felt the pain and experienced the joy...or whatever it is you are writing about.

So you can have the greatest skill with words....and I imagine that if you have been reading your whole life, you are good with words....but the experiences need to be there. I remember my 1st year Creative Writing prof (poet Patrick Lane) tell us in class that no good writer has a normal life. If you are happy, content, and well-adjusted, chances are you aren't going to be a good writer. I don't really agree with this, but I do think that the more drama in your life, the more content you have to write about.

And, from my own experience, your brain DOES need a chance to stop....you really do need to give it a break in order to keep the creativity flowing. Exercise works wonderfully for this...I get stuck when I'm writing and out the door I go and muck around with the dogs, run down the trail, or go people-watching.

Anyhow, I hope you get it all sorted out and I commend you for coming here looking for help. :)

You are either being very naive or delusional (or both) if you think that a RPG is going to help your writing career.

As CabinFever (and others) said, writing is about *experience*. You will do more for your writing holding your girlfriend's hand and deeply meditating on the moment. Your creativity will shoot through the roof just by immersing yourself in life. Staring at a computer screen does not do much for your creativity.

I, myself, am an aspiring writer. My former professor (now friend) who is also an editor was the one to push me and encourage me. He believes I am very gifted and says that my soul needs this. I have read much, yes, but most of all: I have lived much (for my 21 years). My life has been extremely unusual and quite difficult ever since I was born. I would not even say that I have read much more than your average University student. Though, every book that I *do* read, I immerse myself in it deeply. I read it with my brain, heart, and soul. I live with my brain, heart, soul.

I *love* to just observe people. I could spend the whole day sitting on a bench, looking at people pass by, and I would feel like it was the best day I have ever had. Sitting outside looking at an elderly woman crossing the street is so beautiful to me, and I would not trade those 5 minutes for 5 minutes at the computer screen! Heart-wrenching poetry comes from life, not from a fantasy world.

Honestly, I know each individual has their own way of triggering their creativity, but good writing comes only from having experienced life.

Kissing your girlfriend will do more for your writing than sitting at the computer.

The lasts three posts prior to my writing this, I mut thank you. Starting with you, Malani. Your response hit me with a tender warmth that crawled through my body, and I remembered that feeling. When I first met my YW, I was months long, stuck on my story. The moment our lips first met: I went home, and within that first month I went from page 12 to page 68 on Microsoft word. Before the other two posted after you, I was thinking hard on what to do. I decided, to leave the comfort of my fantasy.

CabinFever, and TheRomantic, I thank you two. If I were not reminded of the reality that creates fantasy, I would be wondering what to do as of now, though I have lived through too much than I should have, which is why I am on the computer so obsessively.

The result of this thread, thank you all for helping me ever so dearly: I am leaving my fantasy world. I'm going to leave the Chat role play and the post Role Play. I thought long and hard tonight, and realized: My fantasy was to comfort me, was to embrace me during my hard times, but ever since I met my OW, I realized just now that I don't need fantasy anymore: I have her.

She is my inspiration, and she is my full devotion from this moment forth. I will even stop writing my fantasy novel, for I think it is keeping me from achieving what I am meant to do. Deep in thought tonight, I think I may have just found my purpose, my destiny. If I remain in fantasy, then I cannot fulfill my purpose, for a writing project I shared with my OW, can influence the world, and I may help mankind by sharing my thoughts and outlook on life. This is my goal: Be forever spoiling and loving my OW, and to work with my OW to help the world with my idea. I may succeed and I may fail, but point is: I will try, and let no foe, large or small, stop me.

Once again, I thank you all very much for your concern and your advice, and I believe that coming here was the step that I had to take to continue my life, and now, I am to move on to the next step. Once again, I thank you all so very much.

I'm going to dissent from the normal responses you've gotten. Why? Because I RP in a post based manner. There are a tremendous amount of incredible writers that I RP with that aspire to write professionally. I write with some young people that positively blow me away with their skill. I am not an exceptional writer, but they come to me for advise many times because they enjoy my writing and the reason is because of my experience. I use my own life experiences to write.

I'm actually surprised by some responses that negate the creativity that is involved in RPing. I think it is an incredible hobby that should be encouraged. It requires much more creativity and brain power than the typical game. Our RP based community is also highly involved in Nanowrimo, which involves writing an original manuscript in the month of November. (40,000 words) The encouragement and the creativity that stems from this community is amazing.

I met my YM through RPing and yes, we were romantic in the storyline, which led to our real life romance. However, I have also RP'd romantic storylines with other characters that had zero relativity to the real world. My friends, but certainly not my lovers. We ended up writing my YM's character out of the storyline because life had gotten too busy for him, but we did so in a way that he can come back if time and life ever permits. My character continues on yet still carries a torch for my YM's character. He is the love of her life and she'll never get over him. It's a great opportunity for angst. ;) Btw, our site is PG-13, so no cyber invovled.

Now, if your girlfriend is uncomfortable with your character having romantic storylines with others then you need to start concentrating on other aspects of your character. To me it's rather simple and it continues to give you a creative outlet. I don't do chat based RP, I can't think quickly enough and I find it to be a time waster, but post based RPs are a different story. You write and then you leave it alone for a few days. It's a good creative outlet, but it doesn't consume you.

I have seen many RPers become entirely too invovled and it saps all their time away. I do, have to agree with the others that say you're too centered on it. I've gone through stages where I've been that way as well. I would catch myself talking about what my character was doing rather than what was going on in my life. You need to find a healthy balance though I feel like your post based RPing is a nice creative outlet.

If your girlfriend ever needs someone to talk to let me know. I'd be glad to chat with her and help ease her concerns.

Good luck to you.

Shan

I'm actually surprised by some responses that negate the creativity that is involved in RPing. I think it is an incredible hobby that should be encouraged. It requires much more creativity and brain power than the typical game. Our RP based community is also highly involved in Nanowrimo, which involves writing an original manuscript in the month of November. (40,000 words) The encouragement and the creativity that stems from this community is amazing.




I'd just like to stress that I don't negate that role playing stimulates creativity in some way. I do not discourage it as a hobby. I just believe that it plays quite a minor role in becoming a successful writer. It seems to me PRWriter was placing an enormous importance on something that is quite peripheral to becoming an exceptional writer.

CabinFever, and TheRomantic, I thank you two. If I were not reminded of the reality that creates fantasy, I would be wondering what to do as of now, though I have lived through too much than I should have, which is why I am on the computer so obsessively.




Believe me, I very much understand.

In any case, I wish you all the best with your girlfriend, as well as with your writing. You seem like a reflective, thoughtful guy so I think you will manage just fine with both.

I haven't read this whole string, no time today, but, speaking as a published author? Role playing, while yet another creative tool, bears little weight in creative production. I know literally hundreds of authors personally with a plethora of best sellers with some of THE coolest storylines and none of them have ever considered role playing to be the right tool for them. (Personally, I'd LOVE to see a certain author do something like this but it's just not up her alley...)

Creativity for the written page comes from within the soul, what's there is played out in print. Role playing seems to be more of an escape mechanism, for lack of a better description. I would suppose one might get a handle on character development by trying to be part of the storyline, but, if one knows what they're doing? They're ALREADY part of the storyline. Writing a book comes from within the soul, you cry, you scream, you bleed, you do everything mentally that your characters do. One doesn't need role play to totally exhaust themselves in a character. Writing a good storyline does that for you. ;)

Creativity for the written page comes from within the soul, what's there is played out in print.


Exactly.

A very good friend of mine is a published author (my professor introduced me to him) who has published over ten books. If he writes the word "bleed" he bleeds, if he writes the word "laugh" he laughs --- he feels each single word that transfers from his soul and onto the page. Sometimes, for me, I am literally so overcome with emotion when I write that tears will start rolling down my face right then and there.

Leaving the heart vulnerable and exposed. That is what it is all about.

If I had a hundred bucks for every time I cried my eyes out while writing I'd have financial security!!

This, to me, seems little more than an excuse to indulge in an activity, using the writing as an excuse. Believe me, I've been a card carrying member of RWA for over a decade now, have been to meetings in different regions, never mind conferences and serving in office, I've heard just about every excuse made NOT to write, NOT to finish the WIP, and every excuse using the writing AS an excuse to either get away with something or get out of doing something, this whole role playing thing seems to fall into the latter category. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by PRWriter
because everyone can write better or worser than you...
not to be vicious, but this jumped out at me and made me laugh.... (you might want to look "worser" up in the dictionary...oh wait, it's not IN the dictionary...)

your whole story is b.s. in my opinion...you may consider yourself an aspiring writer, but i don't think hemingway or james joyce needed a gaming room to inspire their writing...you've got a moderate talent, but guess what? you only get ONE LIFE....

get off the computer and start living it. if you value this woman at all, you'll remove yourself from this fantasy crap and start reconnecting like a real human being, to the earth and people. you're lost in a world that ISN'T REAL. i think you're in a space where you can barely recognize the fact that you've crossed the line.

you made some comment about your activities being better than gaming all day long....since when is that acceptable behavior for a productive human being?

try taking a hiatus for a week and see how your life looks. if you can't stand being away from the computer, you've got an addiction problem that you need to address.

Thank you, Kat (suicideblonde and Malani too), for your straight-shooting wisdom, as always!.....sheesh, I was beginning to wonder why no one else thought that a 19 year old, living at home, can't drive, who has an all-consuming online role-playing fantasy life could even remotely be ready/intellectually/emotionally mature enough to have an adult relationship with a 46 year old woman (or a woman of any age). I don't mean to sound harsh at all, I honestly am worried for the OP. He sounds like his whole life centers around cyber-fantasy :( .

Get off the computer, and into real life as soon as possible, PRWriter.

Not to sound mean, but my best friend's ex-husband has played Everquest for TWELVE years. Other than going to work, that's all he does. There is more to life than role playing games and one does not need them to be creative.

Writers use all sorts of means - true, most of them visceral on certain levels - but role playing was not, nor has it ever been, one of the main sources of inspiration. Music seems to play the largest role that influences the creative process. By and large almost every writer I know - published and unpublished - can tell you exactly what they were listening to the moment they wrote THE climax scene, or THE sex scene, or THE scene to end all scenes. . .heck, I can tell you what was playing the first major scene I ever wrote and THAT was a LONG time ago. . .so, it's just my opinion, but music plays a larger part in the creative process than role playing ever could, in my opinion. . .

In my opinion, it's perhaps true that role playing may not make one a great writer - just as publishing does not make one a good author or authority on writing modalities.

Since I have varied thoughts on this subject as a whole, and because this appears to be a multifocal discussion, I would like to just address the issue of role playing as inspiration for this aspiring writer.

A few months ago I was privileged to witness a role playing scenario between my friend - an extremely adroit writer - and another male. Neither man had met prior to this role playing encounter. Unless you have watched this type of event, it would be difficult to believe that others have such amazing talent and are capable of thinking and writing brilliant, clever and instantaneous scenarios without wavering . Serious role playing - such as done on this particular site - is truly only for the gifted and extremely talented writer. It requires right brain skills most ppl do not possess. Like many who have responded here, I too would have been skeptical that someone could become inspired by role playing had I not witnessed such imagination and creativity in action - and I gotta tell ya - it was awesome to watch these men! Perhaps if Joyce and Hemingway were alive today they would enjoy participating online with some of these brillant young writers.

It's been a while since this thread, so I decided to pass by and drop and update. Things between my OW and myself are great. I quit the chat-based role play, and did the post-based role play for a little bit to sort of help me cut back a little, my OW surpervising, and about 2 weeks ago, I quit role play all together! As far as what I'm doing to help me with evetrything, well, I'm excercising everyday so I get to go out and think then, come back to a warm shower where I think some more, then go into my room and speak to my OW. She is my inspiration, and I can't believe I almost lost that for a second there. On my MSN Messenger list, which had about 160 contacts, I cut off until I had about 7, all family (those that don't role play). Oh, and my OW is there as well, of course! So, I am happy I left it, I mean, I will admit it was hard letting go, but once seeing that the conflict WAS more about letting it go than with my OW, I had to let it go. And for the "spectacular purpose I had found myself to fulfill", well, let's just say it isn't time yet... XP

It's wonderful to hear from you again and it's especially nice to hear that you have chosen this woman over anything else in your life! She's a lucky woman. And you sir - You've learned at a remarkably early age how easy it can be let the true treasurers in your life slip away in lieu of fantasies and elusive dreams - illusions so powerfully constructed that they become "factual" in ones' mind.

So, perhaps now PRwriter, drawing from genuine adventures, real life experience and best of all - real loving hearts - this will most certainly enhance your already creative nature. You're gonna do great! Stick around and let us know how things work out for you two.

I am so glad things are going well.. this brought a big smile to my face. :)

Wow! I am really impressed. You exercised a maturity that is usually lacking in some 40 year old men. I wish you and your lady all the happiness in the world. :)

RPWRiter, your post interested me because I met my YM in a rp'ing game as well. There are sooo many parts to your story that I want to address, I don't even know where to begin. I think the strongest thing I have to say is DON'T UNDERESTIMATE the emotional investment that occurs in such a setting. The people are REAL, the feelings are REAL; the situations you create may be fantasy, but the the desire for such a fantastic, magical existence isn't! Important RL friendships can be made and nurtured, but I am now not so sure that this can happen without some collision between RL and fantasy life.

BE CAREFUL how you treat other people in the game. If what you are doing in the game would cause trouble if you did the same in RL, then it will cause trouble in the game! This marriage contest thing sounds like trouble, and unfortunately, you have no way of knowing how emotionally healthy your game friends are. They are essentially strangers. Remember lawsuits have been filed against Sony over the suicides of disgruntled and broken players who didn't have your ability to separate the fantasy from reality. Unfortunately, we don't yet understand the psychology of these games yet.

To those who are not of a creative bent and have not played these games, don't knock the effect that they have on our creative juices. I am a watercolorist and glass artist and the work of Yoshitaka Amano, the character creator of many of the Final Fantasy characters really starts my fire! Wander through one of these games, listen to the music.....like going to a foreign land without ever leaving your living room. Granted, I don't think there are publishers lurking and ready to jump on anyone's "superb" writing skills; playing these games clearly pulls time away from perfecting your craft in the place where it wil REALLY get noticed, i.e. the real world. But waste of time, they are not!

Bottom line, keep the games in their place. Nothing beats a wonderful RL relationship in my eyes! Having said that, somewhere deep in the recesses of my heart, my YM will always be my powerful, brave, and protective black mage! :)