The ***** Factor

Hi Y'all! I am a 29 year old woman and have been dating a 58 year old man for the last year. I love him deeply. I am Canadian and he's American, we live together but currently I am in Canada visiting relatives. In the last year Tony and I have undergone intense scrutiny, dealt with his physco ex, who's in her forties, calling and harrassing me and my mother! We've dealt with parental and sibling disaproval and endless comments from "oh he must be rich" to the 'trophy girlfriend' thing. I think those that are closest to us realize that there is a deep bond of love between us or else we would not have been able to weather as many storms as we have. While I've been up here Tony tells me he met a couple at a restaurant and started bragging about me to them :) But I guess telling them I was more beautiful than Pam Anderson seemed to really tick the wife off because she told him that I must just be after his money and that if he married me he must have guillable written on his forehead. I never met the woman. I try not to let comments like this bother me, because I think, well they just don't get it. They have a very narrow concept of what love is.
It just gets to me sometimes because I would never set out to hurt someone else like that. Can you ladies give me some hints on how you handle similar situations? I would really appreciate some positivity directed my way by ladies in similar situations. He has been talking seriously of marriage for several months. I just want to feel confident that I can handle being a target for cranky older women, and not to let it affect our relationship.
Thank You! ;)

Hello Jemofthearctic,

I am 32 and my OM is 67. Have been together for 3+ years. I have dealt with many women who say Im the gold digger or Im the mid-life crisis fling..... Well here is my advice........ Im happy, Im health, I enjoy life and no one is going to stand in my way of that.

I love my Om very much. We have created a lot of incredible memories together that I would never have had without him.

I blow off anyone who seems annoyed that my Om and I have such an age difference.......They don't life my life or walk in my shoes (but Im sure the irrational and ignorant comments are because they would like to....)...so with that thought in mind, I smile and walk away.

Don't let others control your happiness in life.

My boyfriend (who is 44) always tells me (I'm 23) that we're not in a relationship with anyone else...so it doesn't matter what they think/feel.

Plus...you said you've already weathered the parental/friend disapproval...thats the hardest part!!! Who cares what strangers think!!! (i know..it's hard not to care) *smile*

I just try to see the humor in the situation because I know that in order to make such a rude comment...that person must not have the best relationship. Because people who are happy in their relationships tend to want to see others in happy relationships. *grin*

Nadine.

My boyfriend (who is 44) always tells me (I'm 23) that we're not in a relationship with anyone else...so it doesn't matter what they think/feel.

Plus...you said you've already weathered the parental/friend disapproval...thats the hardest part!!! Who cares what strangers think!!! (i know..it's hard not to care) *smile*

I just try to see the humor in the situation because I know that in order to make such a rude comment...that person must not have the best relationship. Because people who are happy in their relationships tend to want to see others in happy relationships. *grin*

Nadine.
My husband is 50 and I'm 20, and he tells me the same thing. I really feel sorry for the people who make all the comments, becauses as jesique said, they really must not be in a good relationship or must be just plain miserable people. Either way cant be a good way to live life. When people say things like that, just use it as a reminder of how good life is for you and your guy.

Thank you for your positive comments! It's just encouraging to hear from happy, upbeat people sometimes. I know mostly it's just jealousy and I guess realistically they have lots to be jealous about-haha! :p
I'm glad I checked out this site, you guys are great!
:D

I have to agree with the general theme here... and add the observation that It's possible we bring some of this negativity on ourselves.

I think people sometimes tire of enthusiasm, particularly when it's over something they don't benefit from or appreciate. If we become "obsessed" with something (could be a partner, could be a sports team, could be a cause) it does tend to make others lose interest or become negative.

The reality of human nature is such that most people are more interested in themselves anyway. LOL Some of this negativity is simply their way of turning the attention to themselves.

Please understand that I'm not saying we give people the "right" to be rude, but we may unintentionally contribute to it.

In a somewhat parallel way... look at these forums... the happy posts and the people without problems don't attract much attention. Interesting, isn't it? I'll bet if someone started a thread about how wonderful their partner and relationship is... and kept posting it over and over... eventually... people would start to post, "give it a rest" or "can't be that great." LOL

There are no implied accusations here... merely suggesting that being too happy makes a lot of people miserable. LOL

While I've been up here Tony tells me he met a couple at a restaurant and started bragging about me to them :) But I guess telling them I was more beautiful than Pam Anderson seemed to really tick the wife off because she told him that I must just be after his money and that if he married me he must have guillable written on his forehead.

Hi Jem, and welcome to ageless. I can relate to people giving you attitude. I think most of us have to deal with it at some time.

I think Wally has a really good point here. I can sort of understand the woman's reaction to your BF's bragging....it likely made her feel threatened so she defended herself. I know it doesn't make sense, but such is the nature of human emotions.

Thanks Wally and Cabin Fever (I can relate to that username!). I think that my OM does tend to brag somewhat about our relationship. I know that he feels fortunate to have me in his life but sometimes I think he wants people to feel jealous of him. I'm alot more laid back about this and I don't like to draw too much attention to myself. I'm sure you're right about the fact that people get sick of hearing about it. I feel like since meeting him I'm put in the public eye alot more. I guess I'm just not used to all the attention, both the good and the bad.

....I think that my OM does tend to brag somewhat about our relationship. I know that he feels fortunate to have me in his life but sometimes I think he wants people to feel jealous of him. I'm alot more laid back about this and I don't like to draw too much attention to myself. I'm sure you're right about the fact that people get sick of hearing about it. I feel like since meeting him I'm put in the public eye alot more. I guess I'm just not used to all the attention, both the good and the bad.
I think my OM likes the attention he gets after we walk into a room together and separate. The,"How did you get her, blah, blah". I know he likes it and he brags about our relationship and how good I am too him and although he's not like,"She's 25." He makes sure it gets in there some how. :)

When we go out, the majority of the people that stare are women that are 40ish and boy can that be hostile. I just smile at them and make sure my engagement ring sparkles a little light their way!

Now that Im 7and a half months prego, we really get the works it's like we're in some type of scandal. I can't lie, I get uncomfortable sometimes. I don't care, but so much attention is rude at best.

Oh well, it's just one of those things!

Congradulations LillyFairie! You go girl! :)

Hello,

It sounds like the woman your BF was talking to about you just reacted the way alot of older woman act when they see an older man with a younger woman.
The older women get very defensive about the situation. It seems they start to think that is what the older men wants. They probably question if her OM enjoys her as much as he would a YM, especially with sex.

I hope people like that don't ruin your day and you have a healthy and happy OM.

Sincerely,

Minx