Need advice from the OM's

I have a question for the OM's. What do you guys think of YM's flirting with you and coming on to you in an unagressive manor. I would say I haven't been agressive at all but nothing would happen if I left it all up to him. I don't think he realizes my attraction for him is real...like maybe I'm just joking with him, which we both do a lot of, joking with each other...How can I let him know I'm truly attracted to him without coming off being too bold or agressive...I've never been the pursuer before, this is something new for me...We've been close friends for 3 yrs. and for a while I've been kind of throwing out little hints of my affection for him...I definitely don't want to scare him off...I get the feeling that he may think I'm only infatuated with him and it will pass, but I know that I've had strong feelings for him for about 2 1/2 of the last 3 yrs.
Any advice?

Well, Im not an OM....but I am the proud "owner" of one....(Im kidding).....He was completelyt clueless to my interest in him......When I say clueless I really mean it.... lol

Anyway, it took me three months of every day reminders that he was more to be than a friend.... it finally hit him....(After me constantly telling him that I thought he was very charming and handsome etc.....) That he had the slightest incling that I may have a small interest in him..... (If you can imagine).... We laughed and carried on more (prior to his "brick in the face" incident) than I thought any two people could.

He FINALLY broke the ice when I was getting up to walk away from him and he kissed me..... I just couldnt help myself by backing away and saying "what are you doing?"...lol..... We laughed and continued the kiss.... That was three years ago and we are still going strong.

He too, thought that because of our age gap that I could never be interested in him..... but to his surprise, it was the complete opposite.

Good Luck SusanQ!

C

He sounds like an honorable man. I think you'll probably have to make the first move. Might sound odd, but my suggestion would be to get him alone in a fairly intimate situation, and simply tell him how you feel and take him by the hand. That could be all it takes. If he doesn't pull his hand away, kiss his hand and let nature take it's course.

Wishing the best of luck to a woman in Love! :) TD/Tim

I have a question for the OM's. What do you guys think of YM's flirting with you and coming on to you in an unagressive manor. I would say I haven't been agressive at all but nothing would happen if I left it all up to him. I don't think he realizes my attraction for him is real...like maybe I'm just joking with him, which we both do a lot of, joking with each other...How can I let him know I'm truly attracted to him without coming off being too bold or agressive...I've never been the pursuer before, this is something new for me...We've been close friends for 3 yrs. and for a while I've been kind of throwing out little hints of my affection for him...I definitely don't want to scare him off...I get the feeling that he may think I'm only infatuated with him and it will pass, but I know that I've had strong feelings for him for about 2 1/2 of the last 3 yrs.
Any advice?

Invite him over for a home cooked, (slightly romantic) candle light dinner. (Just don't go overboard with the romantic part.) When he comes over, have a very nice dinner ready for him, and wear something revealing -- not ****ty, but something that will get his attention -- but tasteful. Simply enjoy a nice dinner and enjoy the company and conversation. Don't steer the conversation to how much you like him or anyting like that. Get him to talk about himself. You do more asking and let him do more talkng.

After dinner, visit for a while but make it an early evening. Walk him to your door with a big smile and tell him that you're happy that he could join you for dinner. Do not make any attempt to kiss HIM. If any goodnight kissing is going to occur, let it be him that kisses you. If no kiss, don't worry. Just smile and be very gratious. When he leaves, you want him to be doing some wondering and thinking. Wondering what that was all about.

The key to it is your atire. If you look good in a skirt, wear one and let him see a bit more of of your thighs than he has previously. Also, avoid the old showing cleavage routine. That's way too obvious. Instead of showing cleavage, wear a top that's just ever so slightly see-through -- no bra. And I mean just barely see-through. Let him think that it's just a fluke with the room lighting. (This is predicated on an assumption that this would otherwise become you.)

Anyone can invite a friend over for dinner, but dressing-up and a bit sexy (a little unexpected and out of character), sends both overt and subliminal signals. He's going to be replaying the tapes on that for several days.

Next, let him call you. DO NOT CALL HIM NO MATTER WHAT! If he does not call to at least thank you for the lovely dinner, this will tell you two things: 1. He is rude and lacks social grace, and 2., he doesn't share the same level of interest for you that you feel for him. (On a related note, if he does not accept your invitation for dinner, you'll be fairly certain right then and there that he's not interested in you as a close friend or otherwise.)

In the final analysis, the worse that could result is that you've both enjoyed a nice evening. But hopefully, you will have sent him all the right signals without being forward, obvious or worse of all, aggresive/****ty. If all goes well, he will be thinking about you a lot in the days to come. You will have gotten his full attention -- and it will be up to him to respond or not. Either way, you will have opened the door -- he only need walk through it. If he doesn't -- he doesn't. And that's that. Remain friends but move on emotionally.

P.S. If he asks you why you invited him over for such a nice dinner/evening, simply tell him that you enjoy his company and thought dinner would be a nice way of showing your appreciation of your friendship. But don't go beyond that. DON"T GET DEEP!!

I assume you mean "YW." It would be best if I didn't respond to the idea of YM flirting with this OM.

To the leading question, I think sometimes YW flirt with OM because it's relatively safe. We're not desparate (usually LOL) and driven to get them into bed. I think sometimes YW enjoy that fact a lot and may simply communicate the fact that it feels good to have a relaxed relationship that doesn't HAVE to "go somewhere."

That's "unaggressive flirting." It works because you both know (or think you do) that it's not going anywhere. The YW feels safe; the OM feels complimented.

So, if you want it to go somewhere, you have to do something different, send a different message, make it clear you are interested in it going somewhere.

Personally, I'm not attracted to subtleties, and I think the caution is to make sure you send the right message. Subtle clues are subject to interpretation and suspicion. Us old guys find it a little hard to believe you young hotties are really interested in us, you know! LOL

How about telling him, that could work.

"We've known each other a long time... I have to tell you that the more I know you, the more I like you... you're becoming special and more than a friend... have you sensed that?" (and then let him talk!)

I have a big smile on my face right now, because I remember telling Loripop she was special... wasn't too many days later I told her I "luved" her... and two days later I "loved" her. LOL But I digress.

The point is that the flirting is fun, but relationships aren't about games they are about sharing. So perhaps the best way to ramp things up is to switch from games to sharing.

I have a question for the OM's. What do you guys think of YM's flirting with you and coming on to you in an unagressive manor. I would say I haven't been agressive at all but nothing would happen if I left it all up to him. I don't think he realizes my attraction for him is real...like maybe I'm just joking with him, which we both do a lot of, joking with each other...How can I let him know I'm truly attracted to him without coming off being too bold or agressive...I've never been the pursuer before, this is something new for me...We've been close friends for 3 yrs. and for a while I've been kind of throwing out little hints of my affection for him...I definitely don't want to scare him off...I get the feeling that he may think I'm only infatuated with him and it will pass, but I know that I've had strong feelings for him for about 2 1/2 of the last 3 yrs.
Any advice?


Perhaps this is a radical idea, but why not something simple like discussing your thoughts in a gentle, but open, fashion over coffee or lunch? If you're just attempting to gauge interest, and possibilites, trying a "lite" approach may generate a little less shock factor and a little more reality...just a thought...good luck.

I get all the YM's, YW's, OM's, and such mixed up sometimes....thanks for the correction.....Yes, I meant YW flirting with OM...........Thanks guys for your input...I need all the help I can get with this OM. I know that I need to take it very slow with him or I'll scare him away, I can just tell. As I take things real slow, I think he's coming a little closer. I feel like I may be reeling him in very slowly. This guy is so reserved and shy, it will be very hard for him to believe that a much younger woman is really attracted to him and has more than an infatuation. I agree with your point of why YW enjoy flirting with OM. It is definitely making this OM feel complimented...Keep the advice coming...

I get all the YM's, YW's, OM's, and such mixed up sometimes....thanks for the correction.....Yes, I meant YW flirting with OM...........Thanks guys for your input...I need all the help I can get with this OM. I know that I need to take it very slow with him or I'll scare him away, I can just tell. As I take things real slow, I think he's coming a little closer. I feel like I may be reeling him in very slowly. This guy is so reserved and shy, it will be very hard for him to believe that a much younger woman is really attracted to him and has more than an infatuation. I agree with your point of why YW enjoy flirting with OM. It is definitely making this OM feel complimented...Keep the advice coming...

Flirting will make him suspicious. Men like to think that they are approaching a relationship on their own terms -- they want to believe that they are in control. (We're not, but we like to think we are.) Hence my suggestion for a nice (no pressure dinner). If you make yourself physically attractive to him and feed him a good meal, you have sent him all the information he needs to make a determination regarding your feelings towards him. Remember, he may have insecurities and/or may simply be conservative. That's why you should'nt be overt in your flirting or become forward. He may seem like he's responding favorably to your flirting when you're together, but it's what he thinks to himself later that counts. Let your actions speak louder than words.

There's that old saying, "The fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach." When he realizes how much effort and kindness you put into dinner, he'll know that you care for him. If he can't figure that out, you are probably barking up the wrong tree. I have another "Old Drifter" saying, "If a woman cooks me a lovely dinner AND shows me the goods in a taseful way -- there is no doubt where her interests lay." (Yeah I just made that up but is true nonetheless.) Men know that any woman can simply show the goods -- they do it all the time. But it's very special when a woman opens her home, prepares a great meal AND gives him something to stoke the fire in his belly. (Just keep it tastfull -- that's critical!)

Thanks Drifter for your comments...I'll take what I think I can use...I can see how some of the things you say would fit my situation...If I never flirted with him though, nothing would happen...it's done very tastefully though...I just make little comments sometimes in person sometimes by email...