Im 52; he's 19

He cant stop writing me letters. He believes in God and believes we were meant to be together. Society is really going to frown on us, should i accept his offer for me to spend our lives together. We know what each other looks like. I love him back but am being cautious. Any thoughts?

Is this someone you met online? Maybe you can add a little more history?





He cant stop writing me letters. He believes in God and believes we were meant to be together. Society is really going to frown on us, should i accept his offer for me to spend our lives together. We know what each other looks like. I love him back but am being cautious. Any thoughts?

I may be able to add a little insight (~stated with some reservation~) if you provide a bit of background. I can relate to your fears, having a similar age gap with a very YM. Write again! Meanwhile, take a deep breath and realize few decisions must be made instantaneously...Have a better day.

annie,
I understand the amazing feeling this ym has awakened in you...but he is 19. Honey, I would take it very slowly, and cautiously from here. A teenager is still in a state of major "flux" emotionally and hormonally. He is sincere, I'm sure, but sincerity is not enough to make something real. I just don't want you to get hurt by investing your heart and soul into this very young man. The attention and affection is intoxicating, I know I've been there....but just be careful, please.

If God truly meant you to be together, then waiting until he was 23 or 24, wouldn't matter at all. Rushing = hormones..... waiting = wisdom.

Best,
Karen

Do I understand that you have never met this person in the flesh? I know that you are caught up in the excitement here, but meeting a person and spending real time with them makes a lot of difference. Also, the age gap is a big one, he's rather young and I would take it very slow. At 19, though you make think God has the answers, this YM doesn't know yet which end is up.

Do you live near eachother? Would there be relocating involved? Factor in these things.

I can only tell you a quick story from my own catalog of encounters. I met a man years ago before the Internet and we hit it off so wonderfully. We spend nine hours on the phone one evening and only paused to hit the head. When we finally met in person, he was not at all what I was looking for and I the same for him. There was no spark.

Take your time with this one. And please don't jump into anything if you are lonely. Can you give us some more info?

should i accept his offer for me to spend our lives together. You have not spent any time together. :eek: Why would he be so desperate to hook you in, unless there was something else going on with him? He is living in romance "la-la land".

Surely you are not that desperate that you would agree to this? We take the romance FEELINGS, as our given fate, when it is simple infatuation and hormones that are driving the deal.

Sometimes it is simply two lonely people trying to connect. Slow the YM down or he will fall harder than need be.

I used to fall for guys that were quick to try to get me to hook up with them. Finally, I learned my lesson. Act in haste, repent at leisure.

I would take it slowly. If you haven't met then that should be the first thing you consider, not spending the rest of your lives with each other. My YM and I had a wonderful first meeting full of so much chemistry it was intoxicating to be around each other. But we would not have known this if we hadn't met each other.

I know it's frightening to actually meet your loved one. The feeling of a long distance relationship, having the attention paid on you is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I know I was afraid that once we met in person that special spark wouldn't be there and I'd lose out on something before it began. But your YM is younger than mine and he still has a lot of growing up to do. You really need to take it slowly. In a few years he could change his mind because of his age.

we met during an online game called everquest. put out by Sony. anyway, we have exchanged pictures; he knows i have kids older than him. im pretty smart and know all about 19 year olds and their hormones and on and on. He had to grow up fast because of a not so pleasant upbringing. he's going to law school. we will be spending 3 days together in a couple of weeks. and i am taking it slow. you know, except for one guy, all of you think the worst things about this relationship. He's more mature than some 40 year olds i know! And if he wants me who's to say whats good or bad. yes, in a few years things could change. but i know couples who've been married 2, 10, 50 years and get divorced and i mean some real nasty ones. but thanks for your comments.

Law school at 19? Must not be in the U.S.A. since to go to an accredited ABA law school, requirements are rather harsh. You must have at least a 4 yrs college degree (or many yrs of working in a law firm) and take the LSAT text prior to admission. So he is either a genius or you may not be getting the right story or he is just pre-law or he may be in an internet law school. No requirements needed....

So don't know how he could be in law school at such an age.

Hey sorry I got off the topic but it just gave me a red flag and I wanted it to share it with you...

Good luck to you!

im 52; he's 19

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we met during an online game called everquest. put out by Sony. anyway, we have exchanged pictures; he knows i have kids older than him. im pretty smart and know all about 19 year olds and their hormones and on and on. He had to grow up fast because of a not so pleasant upbringing. he's going to law school. we will be spending 3 days together in a couple of weeks. and i am taking it slow. you know, except for one guy, all of you think the worst things about this relationship. He's more mature than some 40 year olds i know! And if he wants me who's to say whats good or bad. yes, in a few years things could change. but i know couples who've been married 2, 10, 50 years and get divorced and i mean some real nasty ones. but thanks for your comments.

Well, Annie, you did ask us for input. It sounds like you have made up your mind to pursue this situation with a 19 year old who, I guarantee you, can not be as mature as a 40 year old :rolleyes: . And Alt is right....no law school at 19; prelaw at 19 is even doubtful, since he has all of his general education requirements to conquer in his first two years of college before he can start taking anything seriously in his major. He's either just not being honest to impress you, or there are some major red flags here with a scam in progress.

Be careful.

people always look different in person than in pictures...
the idea of being in love etc., with someone you have never seen...well, it's a product of the internet.
to me it goes outside the laws of nature: 1. you see someone and are attracted... 2. you get to know each other... 3. a relationship develops...
of course there are variations on this theme...
i don't know why we do this, well...yes i do, loneliness.
if you meet him...and there isn't any chemistry for him, for you or both (i hope that is not the case) will you be hurt?
do you even want to go there?
you say you are pretty...perhaps you could wait for other options??
i don't know, i'm pretty old fashioned with regard to these types of situations so take what i say with a grain of salt.
i hope it works out for you.

Stay with us, Annie! The age difference is not a reason to avoid the relationship, but someone professing to love you doesn't mean that it's true BECAUSE there is a large age difference either. ;)

Don't deny that the feelings could be real, but don't assume that they are either. If you decide to pursue this relationship, don't throw caution to the wind until you've taken steps to try to avoid problems and prepared for negative consequences if they occur.

Please don't be put off because we aren't all saying, "Go for it," and, although you may not be believe it yet, trust me, we really do care about you!

well, i drove to Texas from Chicago. I now live with him. its been about a month. he loves me so much. he finally told his parents about me, mom cried but dad was sort of supportive. it seems to be working quite well. i cannot believe how mature he really is. we're happy.

I was calmly reading this thread, and all the great words of caution, and then BOOM! Your entry that says I drove from Chicago to Texas and am living with him and it's great!

I laughed out loud!

I know because I am 48 trying it with a 22 year old for a year and a half now, that there are alot of unexpecteds with YM. But I know that there is a lot of joy, too. I have a feeling you and I have a certain spirit in common. I also went for it, immediately, and started a whole new career in my YM's country, just to have an excuse to be near him, and it has been one of the best decisions of my life. The new business has gone amazingly, I have fallen in love with his country and his family, and I know that even if he and I don't last, my relationships with his family will, and that his country will one day be my country. Life leads us down amazing paths, and sometimes we are only able to see the blessings in retrospect.

I know that I am preaching to the choir with you, Annie, but I can honestly say that most if not all of the most amazing experiences of my life started with me taking a chance. I think, if we look at what ultimately caused the pain, it wasn't our willingness to jump, to take the risk. That part was good, rewarding, even liberating. It was what happened afterward, when the ingrained fears, and internal mixed messages, and childhood confused patterns set in. Doubt is infectious, and first one side starts to doubt the possibilities, and infects the other side, which reinforces the doubts of the first side, which amplifies the fears for both, and the next thing you know it, one of you has the foot out the door, with the other crying inside, "come back! can't we find a way to turn back the clock?" what we have forgotten at that moment is that we are both the same people who had that blissful beginning, who jumped into the water feet first holding hands with smiles on our faces. And what we haven't realized in that moment is that we are now living out our fears. It is like a movie that we have begun to play in our heads, which is made up of all the most vivid losses and disappointments from our past, all strung together into a projection of the future. It is very tough to change that movie, especially when it is buried in our subconscious, which it so often is.

I am "afraid" that I will always tend to counsel someone to take the risk, to allow the possibility of being hurt. I have been face down on the floor plenty of times in my life, and may very well be again. But whenever I ask myself, would I rather not have experienced these highs, in order to avoid the lows that followed? I always have to answer, NO WAY. Because for ever risk that ended in failure, there were another half dozen or more that ended in enrichment. And even the down times have enriched me immeasurably. Besides, if I don't allow some down time, how am I going to go deep enough in there to learn what needs to change and evolve?

So I would say expect some really tough times ahead. Nineteen is nineteen. But you have not denied yourself a really wonderful present, and these great times could last for years and years. I definitely know that we are only as old and as limited as we allow ourselves to be.

I shared this on another thread, but after I met my YM, I became motivated to look younger (big surprise, right?). I am tall, but I ended up losing 50 pounds from exercise, cleansings, vitamins, eating healthier, being happier.... I let some friends take me to their hairdresser to try highlights for the first time. I stopped buying only the grays and browns and old lady clothes, and started enjoying wearing things that show my figure. My goal was to be able to be seen with my YM, and have strangers see us as a couple. It happened after 3 months or so. We were driving away from the beach, and some lady stopped us to talk us into one of those time share tours. She asked our names, then asked us if we were over 25. I looked at him for a pregnant moment while he nodded, and she immediately said, well of course you are, but you look so young. Then she said, and you are a couple, of course, checking it off on her list, and complimented us on how nice our names went together. We just smiled, especially me inside, because I knew that the miracle had happened. I had taken 20 years off my visual age! (Looks don't matter much to me, but with a 26 year gap, I wanted back then to eliminate any perceived obstacles between us. I didn't want to hide our relationship. Now I tell people I am involved with a 22 year old without embarrassment. Let it be their problem!

Anyway, I have only one final thought: Believe in the possibilities! There is a saying they say at my church: What you can believe and conceive you will achieve.

And as someone said to me last week, Dream Big!

well, i drove to Texas from Chicago. I now live with him. its been about a month. he loves me so much. he finally told his parents about me, mom cried but dad was sort of supportive. it seems to be working quite well. i cannot believe how mature he really is. we're happy.
I hope everything works out for you! We're here if you need us.

I know it seems weird to have received so many words of caution at a site that supports and almost celebrates age gap relationships - but remember - many of these ladies have "been there/done that" and are only trying to make sure that you proceed with your eyes open and can benefit from their experiences. I wouldn't take what they say lightly - especially from those experienced with such young guys.

It DOES work - there are happy women here who have long-term relationships with guys in the 18-21 range. But they will be the first to tell you that it was not without bumps and ruts.

So don't get defensive - just take the advice you can get - you'll appreciate it later! :)