What do you think?

I am a 23 year old graduate student and I have been involved with a woman who is 39 for several months now. I truly could not ask for a better relationship. We laugh, we love, and I could not imagine my life without her. She has three children and I am only seven years older than the oldest one. I do not have any problems with her being a mother and fully accepted my backseat position to her children from the beginning. People would consider us a glamorous pair and have made comments on how beauitiful our children would be. The fact is, she is not able to have anymore children and I do not want children myself. She feels extremely guilty for this fact despite my reassurances. Also, I can tell that she is constantly worried about me being around women my own age, which I have to be everyday being on a college campus. I try to reassure her on this as well, but it doesn't seem to work. What can I do? Also, my family does not know and her children do not know about us. This has presented a rather peculiar quandry for us because I know my family will react negatively as will her children. I would be most appreciative of any advice.

gopfan22, since my divorce my daughter (now18) had always told me NO dating anyone under 30... I always had a good laugh over this until I realised the only guys asking were in fact under 30 :eek: . So I just dated and figured I wouldnt tell anyone until I had to.
I met someone about a month and a half ago, we talk every day, I see him once or twice a week, we always went out...I decided I wanted him to come over to my house and watch TV one night. I figured I had to face the music eventually because my kids knew I was dating someone just not the details. (not to mention I pay the bills, shouldnt I get to make some of the rules? :confused: hahaha)
He's 22, I was nervous, he was more so...we all stood in the kitchen talking for a while, son went to his room, daughter and her boyfriend went to her room, we went and watched TV...
The big blow out I was expecting NEVER came...the next day I asked daughter what she thought of him, she said he's nice, I like him :rolleyes: ...son never mentioned it at all (hes very opinionated so this shocked me even more).
I guess all this rambling just means you never can tell what people will do...some you think will accept it wont and others who already have taken a dead set against it stand, bend...
I'm happy, they know I'm happy, maybe in the end thats all that really matters.

I am a 23 year old graduate student and I have been involved with a woman who is 39 for several months now. I truly could not ask for a better relationship. We laugh, we love, and I could not imagine my life without her. She has three children and I am only seven years older than the oldest one. I do not have any problems with her being a mother and fully accepted my backseat position to her children from the beginning. People would consider us a glamorous pair and have made comments on how beauitiful our children would be. The fact is, she is not able to have anymore children and I do not want children myself. She feels extremely guilty for this fact despite my reassurances. Also, I can tell that she is constantly worried about me being around women my own age, which I have to be everyday being on a college campus. I try to reassure her on this as well, but it doesn't seem to work. What can I do? Also, my family does not know and her children do not know about us. This has presented a rather peculiar quandry for us because I know my family will react negatively as will her children. I would be most appreciative of any advice.


Hello gopfan22

your relationship sounds good. You sound like a very level headed mature man able to cope with his partner having differing priorities. The only thing I don't get is why you haven't told your family and she hasn't told her children? What is there to hide? Why not just face your fear. So what if the children react negatively to start with (and they just might NOT do that) or the family are surprised. They will get over it.

If this is the person you want to be with then it's about time you made your relationship real. :)

Good luck!

Dusky

Hi there, and welcome to Ageless.

If you're serious about this relationship, this woman, then you have to become legitimate about it. Hiding a relationship from one's family members, esp. children is understandable initially, until you see where it's going....after "several months" (and that means different things to different people...could be 3, could be 11... makes a difference!) I would say it's time to have a conversation about where you really want to go with this relationship.

If it remains a secret, there will be problems, unless you each want it to remain rather unidimensional.

I had a relationship for 4.5 years until very recently with someone younger who would not reveal my existance to his family. It was painful and diminishing for me, and stressful for him to think about. He had me in a little box over in a corner of his life.....he knew my family and some of my friends, but I never knew his family or his significant friends. Ultimately it made the relationship limiting for me. I don't think he cared.

Good luck with your direction...let us know.
Kat