Lying about age...?

Okay. I am eighteen years of age, and the OM I just recently got involved with is supposedly twenty-nine. The issue here is that initially he told me that he was 28. My instincts alerted me that he might be lying about that age. So, long story short, he just recently confessed to being 29. However, the thing is... he could possibly still be lying. Should I worry about this? ...seeing that he's already lied? :confused: My guess is that he is slightly self-conscious about his age, although I think that he is quite young. In addition, I keep stressing how open-minded I am. I am open for whatever (in reasonable limits, of course), as long as as my partner is genuine and honest with me.

I would love to hear what you think. Please share your thoughts.

Thanks!

I forgot to mention something else. I do believe that this is the largest age difference he has ever encountered in a relationship. With that being said, I can clearly tell that he can get a little confused at times. Such that, he tends to make age-related comments often, but the next thing you know, we get in-depth with a complex subject or might kiss, etc. When this happens, it is quite evident that the thoughts regarding the existence of our age difference is thrown to the wind. He has even inquired with me about whether or not it it's wrong for him to think of me as a woman (not only in merely a sexual manner). I told him that our ages should not define our relationship -- what role we play in one another's life. We then agreed to disregard any age-related commentary/discussions. Even still, I am realistic enough to know that taking that step is easier said than done.

Would any of the more experienced YW/OM have any advice? As I mentioned, I'm totally okay with the situation, but how can I be a better support system for my OM?

From what I am reading... Do you think he's even older than 29? In that case I would just come out an ask him... Why do you think he's lying?

Well, it struck me as odd that he would lie about a years difference. I mean, really, what's the difference between 28 and 29? :confused:

Lying about age in general confuses me though...I mean, this is a lie that you WILL get caught in if you actually think you're going to be with the person for a while. :rolleyes:

Yeah, I'd just either just ask him if he really is 29, or if he's actually older....maybe try to make a joke out of it. Or, if the opportunity comes up, you could always check out his drivers licence...you know if he gets IDed at dinner or whatever, take a look at the licence.

you can do a search with his name on one of those people searches and it will usually give you the birthday and city/state for free.

Thank you so much everyone! We went out again last night. Although I am just now having a chance to view your responses, I must say that, by chance, I did happen to do everything that you all advised. I made a joke about having to ask him for some ID or something. I also reassured him again that I would not want him to be anything else other than who he actually is. Like I said earlier, I am attracted to him, regardless of age. He seems to be more up front now. Also about the people searches, it's funny that you recommended that, since that has been a priority on my list. All in all, we are in a happy place besides that minor incident. I know that someone asked why he'd lie about a one year difference, when I have wondered the same thing. That is why, in a way, I felt that their might be more of an age difference. On the other hand, I could see that he might have said that just because he was not sure how I was going to take it from the beginning and that he just did not want to stretch out his chances of seeing me...eh, who knows. I'm still waiting to get a glimpse at some ID tho... We'll see.

Thank you so much everyone! :)

You know sometimes even though I'm 30 right now my birthday is in may I sometimes say I'm 31 because it's so close Maybe thats all it is.... I think that even by one year is not really an issue... I think maybe you should just trust him right now... and see where it goes..

If he told you the wrong age but only by a year, it might be possible that he simply said the wrong number. I know hubby has said the wrong age before....after I already knew what his age was and there wasnt any point to lying, he just said the wrong thing.

I triage patients every day and have to ask their age. You wouldn't believe how many people tell me one year off from their age.....either older or younger. It's WEIRD.....I mean, I never once forgot how old I was, but I'm amazed at all the people who do. Probably 10% of the people give me the wrong age, but I will say the majority of them say they are a year older, just because they think of themselves that way if their birthday is coming up within a month or two.

Well, the thing is I know for a fact that he purposely lied about his age. He told me that age at the beginning, and who knows, maybe he forgot at that very moment. However, after feeling that he might have been a little off with that information, I questioned him about his year of birth after he questioned me. He hesitated (alarm that he was lying), and told me to guess. I knew that that was odd, because what would be so hard about guessing the year of birth of someone exactly ten years older than yourself? All that takes is a little commonsense. When I said that year, he looked at me and was like, "That would only make me twenty-eight." I smiled and told him, "Well, that is what you told me." Long story short, he tried to cover it up (acting like... yea, you guessed the right age..I just forgot my own birth year), but I left it alone and just moved on. I asked him that question again on another day, acting as if I'd forgotten the year this time. He paused (could tell he was thinking of how to respond because his response wasn't immediate), and this time he mentioned a birth year that would make him twenty-nine. I immediately asked why he would lie to me about such a minuscule bit of information. He basically said that he could get in denial sometimes about almost being thirty. At this point, I figure that I will just leave things alone. On the same end, I will remain open to any new updates with this age issue, tending to the issue as necessary. And thanks again for that ID peek tip someone mentioned here. ;) I have been patient, awaiting the opportunity to take a peek when available.

My ex lied to me about his age.

He blatently told me he was 47 when we first started dating.

A few months into the relationship...I was got a glimpse at his ID and saw that he was actually 56!!! YIKES!

I think older guys might sometimes feel like they need to lie about their age because they think we won't have anything to do with them.

To me it's definately a red flag though....especially if he lies about it more than once.

Nadine.

Oh, wow! Thanks, Nadine! I hate that some OMs feel that way. I appreciate you telling me your story. Things are going great, and I will be a little hurt to find out if the age factor is involving another lie. :( Nadine, did he end up lying about other things too? I ask because you mentioned it being a red flag, as if other similar circumstances arose.

My ex lied to me about his age.

He blatently told me he was 47 when we first started dating.

A few months into the relationship...I was got a glimpse at his ID and saw that he was actually 56!!! YIKES!

I think older guys might sometimes feel like they need to lie about their age because they think we won't have anything to do with them.

To me it's definately a red flag though....especially if he lies about it more than once.

Nadine.

Well, it doesn't seem all that bad. Yes, he lied, but it sounds like he didn't really think about it, just blurted out the wrong year because he is having issues about his age himself. Anyhow, I'd just keep it in mind and see if he's a habitual lier.

My last ex lied about his age too, sort of. He led me to believe he was in his 30s, when he was in his 40s. We talked about our entire life history as friends before we got together, but at no time ever did he talk about his 30s. It was like the entire decade did not happen. Turned out that he was afraid that I'd split and not give him a chance if I knew his real age.

And yes, in this case, he did turn out to be a bit of a habitual lier. Nothing serious, but it just seemed that he could lie pretty easily and I didn't like it. I also found out that he had a lavalife account the whole time we were together, and had been active on it. Who knows how many other things I don't know about....

Thanks for sharing, CabinFever! I'm glad that you had the opportunity to find out the truth about that incident and the fact that he was an habitual liar. And I will definitely take your advice... I'm hopeful that this is was a one-time incident, and not the beginning to a bounty of them in the future.

Again, thanks! :)

Well, it doesn't seem all that bad. Yes, he lied, but it sounds like he didn't really think about it, just blurted out the wrong year because he is having issues about his age himself. Anyhow, I'd just keep it in mind and see if he's a habitual lier.

My last ex lied about his age too, sort of. He led me to believe he was in his 30s, when he was in his 40s. We talked about our entire life history as friends before we got together, but at no time ever did he talk about his 30s. It was like the entire decade did not happen. Turned out that he was afraid that I'd split and not give him a chance if I knew his real age.

And yes, in this case, he did turn out to be a bit of a habitual lier. Nothing serious, but it just seemed that he could lie pretty easily and I didn't like it. I also found out that he had a lavalife account the whole time we were together, and had been active on it. Who knows how many other things I don't know about....

Oh, wow! Thanks, Nadine! I hate that some OMs feel that way. I appreciate you telling me your story. Things are going great, and I will be a little hurt to find out if the age factor is involving another lie. :( Nadine, did he end up lying about other things too? I ask because you mentioned it being a red flag, as if other similar circumstances arose.

He didn't really lie to me about other things...not that I ever found out about anyways.

But there were other red flags in our relationship that I really didn't see until after I got out. Things like being overly controling and pushing me into things I wasn't totally sure about.

Glad I could help with my story....I hope everything works out for you!!!

Nadine.

Hmmm, I think you really need to ask him why he felt the need to lie about his age. It may have been by accident or on purpose, but I think you need to know. Lies in a relationship are never good.

My ym lied to me about his age to start with, and it was a tricky time for us when I found out. He had told me he was 30 before I met him, and about a month in after his birthday, he admitted he was only 26. I had found a 22 year gap massive, so to then discover it was really a 26 year one was a bit of a shock! It has taken me a while to trust him fully again, but he has since explained why he did it.

I wish you luck. :)

If he told you the wrong age but only by a year, it might be possible that he simply said the wrong number. I know hubby has said the wrong age before....after I already knew what his age was and there wasnt any point to lying, he just said the wrong thing.

I often forget how old I am when people ask. It would be easier if they just asked what year I was born in :p

Probably because I get away with it. :D

I often forget how old I am when people ask. It would be easier if they just asked what year I was born in :p

Hehe....me too Charlotte :D . They years are just going by too fast - I lose track!

Hmm...Nadine, I do believe that we have quite a few things in common. Actually, one of my other concerns that has come to my mind is control issues. However, we'll see.

And thank you! :)

He didn't really lie to me about other things...not that I ever found out about anyways.

But there were other red flags in our relationship that I really didn't see until after I got out. Things like being overly controling and pushing me into things I wasn't totally sure about.

Glad I could help with my story....I hope everything works out for you!!!

Nadine.

Thanks! I do believe that everything has been settled with the age factor now. I really appreciate everyone's assistance. Now, I'm working on other "issues." :rolleyes:

Hmmm, I think you really need to ask him why he felt the need to lie about his age. It may have been by accident or on purpose, but I think you need to know. Lies in a relationship are never good.

My ym lied to me about his age to start with, and it was a tricky time for us when I found out. He had told me he was 30 before I met him, and about a month in after his birthday, he admitted he was only 26. I had found a 22 year gap massive, so to then discover it was really a 26 year one was a bit of a shock! It has taken me a while to trust him fully again, but he has since explained why he did it.

I wish you luck. :)

Hi nstylechica

I am filled with sympathy for your 'older man'. I am now 49 years old and the worst birthday I ever had was my 30st! My 50st will be more of a relief but my 30st was clearly a challenge!

He obviously did not want to look like 'soon 30' in front of an 18 year old woman (or should I say girl?) and therefor he made himself just one year younger.

So what? I do not think that this is a big issue in any way. It is very human. I even do not think he lies more often than other people (and do NOT tell me you NEVER lie ...). Btw, the fact that you could easily see he lied tells you that he is not a habitual liar.

Look at his driver's license one day and you will find out that he is exactly 29 years old now. :)

To jesique: This guy who said he was 47 when he was 56, he must have been good looking! :cool: I'm so sorry, I can't lie about my age, the beard is gray and my hair is starting to turn gray too. :rolleyes:

Oh Lordie, Lordie, could you please
make me younger for at least
a teeny weeny little decade now
and manage with my hair somehow
that it does not get as grey as silk
or snowy-white as good old milk
and put the wrinkles all asides
so I can look for younger brides!

The OM-Blues by

BlueBird

Adulthood is not solely defined by years passed. On more than one occasion, I have run into boys in their thirties and even women/men in their early teens, as many of my associates have as well. Naturally, my preference would be with your former reference to me , as a woman, rather than of your latter reference.

Well, my reasoning to ponder on this issue, is more than surface deep. Of course, I am not truly capable of typing every minuscule detail within the walls of this forum, neither would I prefer to. My instincts are very strong when people fib/lie about matters, especially within the dating scene. And while I do not want to publicly display all of our more personal details in the confines of our relationship, I must say that the age "fib" was merely one of a few other issues that I have secretly wondered about. Like I said, I will not go into details with personal matters, but there have been occasions where I might have been mislead on some details. And of course, I'm sure that we all tell a lie or too. :rolleyes: But I just found it odd, that pretty much the first thing out of his mouth to me was a lie, and then his response to my realization of truth (regarding his actual age) was quite odd, in fact... I won't go into that, but let's just say that those who have a problem of lying typically respond in the way that he did.

Well, regardless of all of that. Things are being worked out... and upon our next meeting, he has made a point to inform me that he needs to tell me quite a few things. Considering how he brought this matter up, he basically made it clear that there are quite a few more serious things that he nees to reveal to me. So, we will just see how that all ends. Either way, BlueBird, I will definitely be sure to stay cool about it. :cool:

My husband lied to me about his age when we met. He made himself a good bit older and it was easy to do because we were online. It took a significant amount of time (and real balls) to come clean to me (about 4 months). He did it because he wanted to get to know me better and he was afraid I wouldn't give him a chance. He was probably right. Did he rob me of my choice by lying? Maybe... maybe not. Luckily for me, I was able to forgive him and accept him. Also luckily for me, he turned out to not be a habitual liar. We have been married for over a year now and I have never been happier in a romantic relationship.

Marcy, that's beautyfull! :)

My husband lied to me about his age when we met. He made himself a good bit older and it was easy to do because we were online. It took a significant amount of time (and real balls) to come clean to me (about 4 months). He did it because he wanted to get to know me better and he was afraid I wouldn't give him a chance. He was probably right. Did he rob me of my choice by lying? Maybe... maybe not. Luckily for me, I was able to forgive him and accept him. Also luckily for me, he turned out to not be a habitual liar. We have been married for over a year now and I have never been happier in a romantic relationship.

To jesique: This guy who said he was 47 when he was 56, he must have been good looking! :cool: I'm so sorry, I can't lie about my age, the beard is gray and my hair is starting to turn gray too. :rolleyes:



I wish! But he had shaved his head which made him look younger...which was how I wasn't able to automatically tell that he was older than he said. :(

Nadine.