nalittlechevy98 03-24-2006, 10:43 PM I was actually bored and stressing and while searching the net for answers I found this site. I've read over some of the posts and am glad to see this site exists. I recently got involved with an older man, he's 40, I'm 25. I've never dated an older man simply because I never found one I was interested in. I've always dated close to my age and found they weren't on the same page as me so those fell apart eventually. I am shocked to have found myself so caught up in him already. I met him from work, which I keep bouncing back to in my mind, asking myself is that such a good idea in itself. At the same time however I am scared. I've got those thoughts of, why on earth would he want to be with me? and is there something wrong, is he single for a reason? will he be an honest man because he's had his time and is settled now? The questions in my head just don't stop. I don't want to give up though because of the strength of my interest in him. Anyone out there that has gone thru this and could be of some help I'd really appreciate it.
wvdreamer 03-25-2006, 03:08 AM I recently got involved with an older man, he's 40, I'm 25. I've never dated an older man simply because I never found one I was interested in. I've always dated close to my age and found they weren't on the same page as me so those fell apart eventually. I am shocked to have found myself so caught up in him already. I met him from work, which I keep bouncing back to in my mind, asking myself is that such a good idea in itself. At the same time however I am scared. I've got those thoughts of, why on earth would he want to be with me? and is there something wrong, is he single for a reason? will he be an honest man because he's had his time and is settled now? The questions in my head just don't stop. I don't want to give up though because of the strength of my interest in him. Anyone out there that has gone thru this and could be of some help I'd really appreciate it.
First, more people are waiting to get married. I did not get married till I was 40. There were other factors, but I did wait a while. As for the age difference, as long as you both are willing to work the relationship, you will do fine. I would be more concerned about the fact you met him at work...that is something you two need to keep low-key in case there are company policies about dating co-workers.
The questions you have are very legit, and only time will tell where he stands. Just take things slow and don't rush into a commitment you aren't ready to handle.
kilimanjaro 03-26-2006, 12:13 AM Good point WVDreamer. I'm 43 and still single, although I've been dating a younger woman for just under a year now. I've never been married, but I've always been honest. There's a littany of reasons why this man would still be single.
I agree with WVDreamer again on the concern about dating a co-worker. Career is the main reason I've never been totally committed, and we could probably agree and disagree about whether that's a good or bad thing. Without knowing any particulars about this man or your job, I would tread lightly when integrating your work into a relationship, just because of personal feelings, and also because its a good policy in general.
Drifter 03-27-2006, 08:26 PM It seems that you are interested in this OM, AND you are asking yourself all the right questions.
Listen to your instincts. If you have doubts -- don't ingnore instincts. Do some casual dating and learn more about him. Ask him about himself and see if he gives you straight, no nonsense answers. Be nice about it, but you need to find out more about him and determine if he's being consistent with his answers.
If he seems to change the topic or shift the focus back to you, this can be a bad sign. My point is that you will not be able to make an informed decision about this guy until you actually know more about him. Some night over dinner, simply ask him to tell you about himself. Ask him to start with where he grew up, his family etc.
If he asks you why you want to know all that stuff, that would not be a good sign, however, if he does, just tell him that you are interested in who he is and where he's been.
Listen carefully and make mental notes. If he fails to go into adequate or expected detail or specifics and seems to be glossing over his past, just smile and let him go on with about anythhing he wants. That should be the last date. However, if he seems to understand the importance of a young woman knowing more about someone she is considering dating, and spills his guts and looks you in the eye when speakng, I'd say that that is a very good sign (unless he's a pathological lier), and of course, that's a bad thing.
In any case, don't get serious with this guy until you have learned more about him and have developed a good feeling about his honesty and character. If he's short with the answers or evasive, for heavens sake, don't go home and rationalize that he was probably just shy or someting. There are too many fish in the sea for you to be takng risks -- emotionally or physically.
When in doubt -- get out! ;)
Drifter said:
"In any case, don't get serious with this guy until you have learned more about him and have developed a good feeling about his honesty and character. If he's short with the answers or evasive, for heavens sake, don't go home and rationalize that he was probably just shy or someting. There are too many fish in the sea for you to be takng risks -- emotionally or physically.
When in doubt -- get out!"
Hmmm....good point...very good point. I'll keep this in mind as well..never settle..my new motto. *grins* :)
workaholickitty 03-28-2006, 04:44 PM Wow, so funny, I feel very similarly. I am 22, involved with a 42 year old man for just under 2 months now. He and I met where I used to work. I used to chat with him a lot, and then I left the company. We stayed in touch and I asked him out eventually.
I look at him though and wonder what he must see in me. He is so smart and funny; I don't even have one-tenth the personality he does. And he wonders what I could see in an 'old guy' like him. Which is rediculous- he is extremely attractive and kind, in addition to having a wonderful personality.
I guess my guy never met the right one, and I would bet it is the same thing for your guy.
The thing is, I have never been treated with so much courtesy and respect from any guy I have ever dated (including my ex-husband) as with the man I am with currently. He calls when he says he will, doesn't play games with my feelings, and is just all around fair. It is so wonderful, but having never been with a man who is 100% honest with me, I get insecure too. Having dated younger guys who like to play games, it is hard for me to be able to handle the 'maturity' that my man has without assuming that there is some trick behind it.
I'm not sure if I am helping in any way, but I want you to know that you aren't alone. What I do know however, is the more I get to know about this man the more I want to know.
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