What AM I doing???

For months I've worked with this man who is 23 to my 42, he is very attractive. Like a magnet. He feels the same way about me, for months now. We went out last night with a couple people from work, we all came to my house after shooting pool and when they left and he didn't.

We made out til early morning, not any further. We went to breakfast. I took him home. I cannot stop thinking about him.

I have teen kids for gosh sakes and he isnt much older than them!

OMG he is so tempting. I can't believe I did this and want to finish it too.


AND there is the whole work place issue

And ..... ??????

and, I'm scared. He generates a huge amount of feeling from me. I am not used to that. I'm worried about my kids being upset with me if I continue with this. I'm concerned that after last night, his looks to me will make work gossip hit 100mph at 8 seconds.

There was already talk just because of the way we talk and laugh.

My gf and I were the same ages when we met... that was two years ago, almost to the day, and we're still together and very, very happy right now. This is despite various people (her family!) having reservations. Granted her daughter isn't really close to my age, although she is closer to mine than I am to my gf's (she's 9), but she doesn't mind in the slightest. If your kids were younger, would it bother you so much?

Don't let your kids rule your life! If he is a decent man than I say go for it. After all, one day your kids will leave the nest and make their own lives. And where will you be? Alone if you don't follow your heart.

Oh.....No.......

That 'work' thing.....!!!

I was in a similar circumstance once.....I just couldn't manage to stop myself....

However.....it was rather hard working together at first.....but then I just got used to it.....Ive never done something like that before, and dont think I ever will again....

I wouldn't worry about the childs......just enjoy it, I guess........and at work....just be really discrete......no 'seks in the toilets' kind of thing.,...

Early days yet.....you never know what will happen.....;)

The work thing is big. Carefully consider what you're doing here. Consider your ym's maturity level. Make sure BOTH of you can handle the repercussions if it doesn't work out.

I recently had a disastrous and extremely short relationship with a coworker - he simply stopped calling, etc. Just stopped all contact. Now, at the office, he acts like I am invisible. He doesn't acknowledge me in any way, unless forced to by work issues. It makes things rather uncomfortable, because I know I did nothing to deserve such treatment.

Your mileage may vary.

Yes, I think the work issue is the only issue you have right now. If he were someone you didn't work with, I would say, "Go for it!"

BUT, with working together, I have always said that is a "Recipe for Disaster." If you want to pursue it, then I think the two of you should set some ground rules about the workplace up front and stick to them.

One other thing you might want to consider: You don't want to get into a situation where he could claim, at a later date if things went sour, that you sexually harassed him. Most companies are very in tune to that today and you certainly woudn't want to put your job in jeopardy.

It may be a moot point anyway. Sigh....... No phone call from him.

I have been looking back at this whole thing and I realized that I pushed for this in little ways. I think I'd better cool it. It is all just heat anyway. A LOT of heat! Overwhelming.

I'm uncomfortable with being overwhelmed and I don't enjoy wishing someone would call me. Flash back to my teens ick lol

I have a somewhat similar situation. If we even go to lunch together there is all this talk. They give him so much flack for it as well. Also, when I'm not there, they try to start trouble by talking crap about me to him. And it's all speculation because they really don't know anything. It's made our situation very difficult. We both say we don't care what they say and that it makes no difference in how we feel. But it does have a huge effect at the work place. Just try to be as low key as possible. All the women seem extremely immature and are very jealous. The guys are all o.k. with it.

Hey, Tinkabell!!! Good to see you!!!!
_______________________

I'm sorry if he doesn't call, WhatAM, but the work thing may have been too complicating. If this relationship doesn't work out, you might think of it as the door opening a crack so you can see a whole new world that's open to you! Whether it's to get some info to use with this relationship or the next one, please stay around and read the posts - you'll be glad you did. One member recently posted some advice based on her experience that addresses some of your concerns:http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?p=384179#post384179

And feeling like a teenager??? People say that those feelings are the same whether your 16 or 90! Since you are NOT a teenager anymore, it can be fun!

HUGS

Thanx Chats........:)<---------



Hey Whats....Im sorry that its turned out to be this......'not calling' thing......and I so know what you mean about it taking you back to your teens......

Nevertheless.....In this case, I think its probably just a sign that he wants to discontinue the 'intelude', because you guys work together, and he just cannot handle it.....Fair enough.....

Of course there will be initial feelings of rejection, and the like, but its probably for the best,.....perhaps after a little while you can go back to being just comfortable with each other, and chalk it down to.....just something that happened in the past.......


;)

I want to thank you all for your replies. This is a great site. I have never been in this kind of situation before and it is so wonderful to have a safe welcoming place to come to talk it through.

A little about work, blue collar manufacturing plant. I am not his boss, just a fellow worker. Gossip happens as anywhere. I would find it unappealing but it would in no way affect my position.

Well, the last couple of days have been very interesting. He has been flirting but been discreet. He is wearing too much cologne, and wearing nicer clothes all of a sudden and he is driving quite crazy in a good way. He has asked permission to call me tonight, in such a wonderful old fashioned way.

I plan on having an extremely frank chat with him tonight. I would welcome any advice on this talk. I DO want to see him again and I want to set boundries and such right off the bat.

I tried to remember the last time I went out with a man who kissed and hugged me all night without trying to get further than I wanted to. I could not think of one other time like that night. Yep, I want to see him again, and OMG what a kiss he packs!

I plan on having an extremely frank chat with him tonight. I would welcome any advice on this talk. I DO want to see him again and I want to set boundries and such right off the bat.

Talks are all good and well....and so are boundaries, .....but when it comes to affairs of the heart......you just cannot compartmentalise.....

I think 'talks' this early in the phase, are probably a waste of time, because everything changes......and things change.....and you can just keep talking and talking....but what is the point of talking about something that hasn't even happened yet....

Its a matter of talking as issues come up, and just keeping the mode of communication open.....if you both feel like this is a worthwhile type of scenaio....then I guess you will both try and make it work....Its like any relationship I suppose......

As long as you can handle the 'working together' thing, but even that.....you wont really know until you just do it!!!!

I don't think you should stress about it to much, and take it for what it is.....If he is treating you well, and respecting you, then just see what happens.....But be prepared for 'disaster'......

.......Its always good to be prepared ;)

I think 'talks' this early in the phase, are probably a waste of time, because everything changes......and things change.....and you can just keep talking and talking....but what is the point of talking about something that hasn't even happened yet....

Sure you can talk about something that hasn't happened! And the point is to keep it from happening.


Its a matter of talking as issues come up, and just keeping the mode of communication open.....if you both feel like this is a worthwhile type of scenaio....then I guess you will both try and make it work....Its like any relationship I suppose......

I agree that in a successful relationship you must keep the communication lines always open. It's the only way the relationship is going to survive.


As long as you can handle the 'working together' thing, but even that.....you wont really know until you just do it!!!!

This where a part of the preliminary talk comes in. You must set boundaries regarding on-the-job behavior and off-the-job behavior.


I don't think you should stress about it to much, and take it for what it is.....If he is treating you well, and respecting you, then just see what happens.....But be prepared for 'disaster'....

I don't think it necessarily has to end in disaster. Even tho I wouldn't want to go there . . . a relationship with a co-worker . . . I do believe it can be done successfully if both parties are on the same page.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with two people who are contemplating a relationship having an honest, candid talk about what their expectations are and setting parameters of what they will and will not accept. If more relationships began this way, there might not be so many failed relationships.



:)

We have been cool at work and have been talking on the phone. He is so amazing, a gentleman, and so very fine to look upon (not that that is a needful thing, just a bonus)

Anyway tomorrow night we are going to a movie and a late night picnic in the park. I'm absolutely looking forward to tomorrow!

Oh yes,

and some random thoughts if y'all don't mind. I've been thinking the older younger thing to death. Reading threads here and there about older younger yada yada yada and I have come to a personal realization you could replace older younger with black white, brown white rich poor infinity... there will always be people who don't like other people connecting. Those people suck and should spend more time finding their connection so they can mind their business. ;)

It doesn't matter what people think or say. It only matters that you and another person have connected in a beautiful way. I'm reminded of a Jimi Hendrix quote “I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to”

The work thing is big. Carefully consider what you're doing here. Consider your ym's maturity level. Make sure BOTH of you can handle the repercussions if it doesn't work out.

I recently had a disastrous and extremely short relationship with a coworker - he simply stopped calling, etc. Just stopped all contact. Now, at the office, he acts like I am invisible. He doesn't acknowledge me in any way, unless forced to by work issues. It makes things rather uncomfortable, because I know I did nothing to deserve such treatment.


I agree with Peachy, Ginger, et al., regarding the working together issue. I've held a hard and fast rule about dating people I work with, including anyone on a project team from other firms (that might be working on a project with my firm's team). The closest I ever came was a few dates with a guy who was an accountant for one of my large clients. The hardest part was me giving him the brush-off since I had to handle it with a lot of tact and diplomacy, lest the guy turn out to be even more weird than I thought (hard to imagine that).

It sounds like things are going nice and slow, WhatAM. My suggestion is to just keep on eye on things and make some really conscious decisions before taking each and every step.

Ginger: I'm sorry that he not only pulled some rude sh*t on you but now he's just being an @ss. Shrug that jerk off your shoulders, if you haven't done so already.

I've dated two men at work in the last 15 years. Both were just for a few months and were enjoyable. Both men broke up with me to go back to their ex's, which was just WEIRD, and in one case, she worked at the same institution. I had to see them periodically, but I got over it quickly, and in retrospect, I'd do it again, but it's not something I generally recommend. In my case, I work somewhere that employs 3000 people, so it's pretty easy to avoid someone if you don't want to see them.

late night picnic in the park This sounds like a lot of fun, but isn't that asking for more than you might be ready for at this point?

We have (had) kept it cool and slow for a month now. He has met my kids a couple of times. They are ok with him (so far) but they don't know much yet. Work is fine but he looks at me often and people see it no doubt.

Last night tho Oh My! We had a beautiful date and a most amazing night together. He is strong, he works hard, he is a gentleman, my over protective great dane adors him, he is a sweet kind loving man. He finds me beautiful scars and all. I am having the time of my life and I must say, it is about time!

Thank you for this site, you can't believe how much it has helped me.

We have (had) kept it cool and slow for a month now. He has met my kids a couple of times. They are ok with him (so far) but they don't know much yet. Work is fine but he looks at me often and people see it no doubt.

Last night tho Oh My! We had a beautiful date and a most amazing night together. He is strong, he works hard, he is a gentleman, my over protective great dane adors him, he is a sweet kind loving man. He finds me beautiful scars and all. I am having the time of my life and I must say, it is about time!

Thank you for this site, you can't believe how much it has helped me.


You are having the time of your life so enjoy it. :D Enjoy every moment of it all. :D

Dusky
x

Guess what? My kids are saying to me so what about the age diff? Old men date younger women all the time. I have been seeing him every Friday night and would not call him my boyfriend. My kids are the ones who said just call him what he is! Your boyfriend!

He is closer and closer to my heart every day. He did something that shocked me Saturday morning, he was looking at my books and asked to borrow The Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich. I just about screamed YES! Yes! you can have it! I could not believe he was as interested in history as I am.

He is so beautiful. I think I'm in love with him. I think I need to let him into my life more than just Friday nights, but I'm terrified. That has nothing to do with his age anymore. It is me. I was not looking to love anyone.

Does he want to be in your life more? I would let him set the pace.

The only suggestion is to not have him be in your children's life yet. It is still too early and kids get attached and then get hurt when things do not work out. I would wait at least 10 months to a year to make certain that things are great past the "romantic/infatuation" stage.

I am really happy that you are having a wonderful time. That is terrific! :)